How do you seduce a Virgo man?
they think it's totally normal to be critical, distant, unaffectionate so of course when we ask them "what the heck???" they say "I just want to be happy". That means they like things just the way they are. Sorry, I'm just venting (I am serious though). I'm working on developing a new way of doing things when I'm in need of affection. Going to him with my needs backfires every time. I will find a solution (I'm a Cap, that's what we do ha ha...
Well I literally was on IM with my guy for the past hour, sitting here darning kid's socks and i made a crack about how "maybe I should have gone out tonight, huh" (cause it seems so lame to be sitting home darning socks on a Saturday night) and poof just like that, Virgo guy gets bent and says, "I don't know, maybe you should have" and next thing I get is "nite". ARGH!!
God help us ladies, we must be crazy trying to figure these guys out. Seriously, I'm a Cancer - the emotional landmine of the zodiac, but at least I have a sense of humor.....He's just so unpredictably sensitive over the most minute things.....I'm sorry, but ARGH again!
Bluewatermamma - when you get that strategy figured out you let the rest of us here in on your plan. If anyone can figure it out a Cappy can! You go girl!)
Jenever I'm working on it actively now...will get back to you and the rest of the poor women who are linked up to one of these charming dudes.
Bluewatermama - I find myself in strange new territory with my Virgo and I wondered if you have any insights to share. There have been several jealous outbursts with him over the past two months. Compleeetly unfounded if you ask me. The latest was Christmas eve when he went into a twit because I was having dinner at my ex's house simply so that I could be there when the kids opened gifts (we went big this year and shared in the cost). This caught me so off guard and so hurt me because of the distrust it reveals. Agh, if I were going to find a different man, it sure isn't going to be my ex!
Did I mention that my Virgo is married? (I'm the thread "The heart of a virgo man"). I don't care how loveless and impotent his marriage is, the fact is that he lives his life with another woman and asks me to trust him in spite of it. I deal with it, so I can't figure out where in the world this is coming from and wondered if it were something that was really there all along, and maybe now that we've been involved for a longer time some things are starting to come to the surface. I've heard that Virgo men are deeply insecure as a result of their ridiculously high, perfectionist standards that even they can't meet. Any experience with jealousy? I dont' know what to do with this one, because I KNOW I've done nothing to provoke him, I don't play those kind of games, and I have no clue how to make him feel more secure about my position with him. I spell out exactly how I feel about him and keep no secrets. It's crazy. I welcome your thoughts on this one.
I read all your comments in this thread and must say I'm amazed at how all of them describe these Virgo men so accurately. I didn't really believe in the zodiac stuff, but am starting to think there is something true in all this.
My situatation is a bit funny.
First of all, I'm an Aries, and from what I've read until now, Virgo and Aries aren't really compatible. I wonder if such a relationship could ever be possible. But as an Aries sign, I'm more than ready to take the challenge and give it a try.
Now comes the funny part.
I've known this Virgo man for about 15 years now, but only through correspondence. (We live quite far apart (different continents :)) and we've never spent time face to face together) He has been always very kind, sending me gifts, writing really great, motivating, encouraging, full of compliments letters. (I must add, that I've recently found out that's his way of talking to all people...not only to me) Lately, we've started communicating more often, actually almost daily, through emails and facebook, and I've somehow fallen in love with him, although he is older and we have almost 2 decades age difference.
I know this sounds crazy, but I have no idea how this happened. I like his looks, his playful eyes, and he's just soo intelligent and funny, expresses himself always perfectly, as well, paying attention to the smallest details
I guess I made the mistake of telling him I've fallen in love with him in an email, which quite scared him I think, and I got a reply which wasn't what I actually expected. He said he wants us to be just friends and nothing more.
He says he doesn't like chatting (he needs time to form his nice, perfect sentences and chatting is too much pressure or something) or talking on the phone. He needs much space and time for himself.
Some days ago I was trying to convince him to talk to me on the phone and having not read all your comments here, started telling him (in an email) how excited I was and expressing feelings, just like Aries do, I guess...his answer was, it tires him out just reading the transcript of my mainstream. I got only this one sentence, which sounded to me so cold, harsh and detached. Yeah, another thing, he mentioned on a couple of times that he has a detachment policy or something. I can write him emails, he is interested in whatever I have to say, but I should not expect him to write back, he doesn't like it when people expect things of him, he doesn't owe anyone anything and such stuff (which sounds somehow very defensive to me)...what the heck? So I decided to follow his wishes and have been writing almost every day for about a week, without getting any replies, except for New Years Eve, when I actually had great time reading his funny emails, which motivated me once again and gave me some hopes, that he might actually like me. (I must mention though, that we've been exchanging short messages in facebook almost every day, so that could be a reason for his not responding to my long emails :); he had mentioned at one point, that he has been provoked and will respond eventually...we'll see, how slow are these guys actually? do I have to wait years to get a reply to a couple of emails? this means we'll never get anywhere, right? As an aries, I see myself already happily living with him, while he still has probably no idea if he likes me at all, my god :))
So, it's really like one girl here said. He drives me totally crazy. Just when I decide to give up and go on with my life, when I start thinking that he's not worth all the efforts, he says something really nice in an email or does something, like sending me a gift, be it a virtual or a real one and I get totally confused, not knowing what he feels about me.
Does anyone know how I can at least find out if he has feelings for me? Or is it that he doesn't know himself and needs much time to figure that out?
I've suggested that he came to visit me, but he refused saying he had to straighten up his life and financially it wasn't the best time, but if the invitation was open, he'd consider it another time. I don't know if this is just being polite or if he means it.
I also suggested I visited him this year and we go on a trip together somewhere. The answer to this was somewhat vague, involving he needs peace and relaxation and traveling is maybe not what he wants, as he wouldn't even drive to his parents for Christmas...are these all excuses? Do Virgo men ever give precise answers???
I don't know, all this sounds so strange to me. All the answers to my questions are not specific. He always has a lot of thinking to do, as he says; everything is sooo slow with him, while my thoughts are really racing ahead.
Is it really worth it all the effort? I'm crazy about him, can't stop thinking of him, and especially this, that I cannot have him, challenges my aries personality even more and I'm trying to find a way somehow to make this happen. Sometimes, when I stop my thoughts for a second, I see the real picture, though, and think all this might be totally crazy and I should just get me someone who's nearer, younger and knows what he wants.
Sounds reasonable, doesn't it? Only my emotions or feelings deny it and push me again in his direction.
Any thoughts or ideas on my "problem" will be highly appreciated
Thank you for all your advice and I will try to follow it, if I happen to talk to him on the phone this week. What was it once again? Working a lot, cleaning (lol, that's funny, cause he's mentioned in several emails that he's cleaning his house, so that I had to reply with a joke, not believing that men can be interested in cleaning that much; after reading your comments, though, I know better :)) and asking him about the productive things he's done during the day. Hope he likes it, hehe
ohh the virgos and bedroom...I was in a 8 year relationship with Virgo guy, i'm a Gem, during this relationship the bedroom was a huge issue for us...well for me really. He hardly ever had desire for some action and always had excuse that he is worried, tired, he doesn't feel like it, in the cases when he was up for it, it was aways on his terms...this was torturing me and left me with a bruised self esteem for awhile. At the time i was young, in love and naive and didn't understand his behavior at all.This guys sister (a Sag) was also dating a Virgo guy who she married and then divorced. At some point in the last years of my relationship with her brother she told me that she has the same problems when it comes to bedroom with her Virgo guy and she thought that they are just not interested in s.e.x as much as other men although they boost about it all the time when in public. My ex has told me as well that s.e.x isn't important to him....i'm not sure though whether he was honest or it was just an excuse.
I think Virgo men are very practical and even i'd say materialistic. They also like being center of attention and usually are very entertaining, my guy always made me laugh a lot. You'd think they are wild in the that department but i must say Virgo guy is the poorest experience till now his libido was incredibly low and i think was part of his character. Probably this wasn't of any help but i just thought sharing my experience will help for some insight....Good luck with your guy tho
Got to love those Virgo men. Virgos like things to be neat and CLEAN. Do make sure that everything about your physical right down to your toe-nails are clean, trimmed (well groomed) Also make sure the linens are always clean and smelling fresh. They have a thing about pristine so white everything is great, (under garments, nightgown, clothing) Dirty talk with your Virgo...YES! However, they object to everyday common use of it. The Virgo man likes his lady to act like a lady. They also tend to like being the teacher...so get your imagination going and figure out how you can put that knowledge to work for you The Virgo erogenous area of interest is the (tummy) Good luck to you and yours,
Bluewatermamma, hows the pregnancy? hope all is well...xoxo
Vanilla skies, I've been married to a Virgo for the last 13 years and I had to LOL, when you said they tend to like to be the teacher...They are happiest when they are (The Teacher)...The teachings extend to myself and our children... Nothings makes my husband happier than for me to ask him... to help me, show me or teach me something, He literally has a Board & Markers.. he actually writes out lessons for our youngest daughter, (I love it cause she does need the help in math)... He turns into a different man he is so happy, and on his teaching nights, if the house is sparkling, and he's fed good, I can almost see the twinkle in his eye...telling me that he is gonna get me that night LOL...
My husband I've learned..Is very mental...I bought an erotic book that had several different stories and I'd read to him at night, Guaranteed Winner!, Something else that seems to get him going, is when I tell him something seductively sexy, and a bit naughty that we are going to do that evening, a few hours before bed give him time to think about it and run it around in his head, by the time he comes to bed he is ready to go!! Everybody seems to know this one but If you really want him to act right... put on something provocative while cleaning up...Oh Boy that one drives him wild...
Peace and Blessings,
Scorpio with a Virgo moon...
Aries9986, I just read your post and I have to agree, it sounds as if you have quite a dilema there...
Have you asked him...if He is Married?...I think before you fall any deeper you need to find out if he is or not, because that would answer if he is being a typical emotionally neurotic Virgo, or if he's exhibiting Unfaithful Spouse characteristics... If he's not married or in some other type of committed relationship, just skeptical..You might have a good chance at reeling him in.. You said he sends you gifts, so he obviously cares about you.....There are really great post on this site about Virgo Men, and I've found them to be truly on the Mark!
Appeal to his sense of service.
@ HealingWater: thank you very much for your reply. No, he is not married, but he is just getting out of a relationship (having spent the last several years living with a woman), moving to a new place, looking for a new job and actually looking for another woman...he has mentioned once being on dating sites and even meeting a couple of times someone, but he is, I guess, the typical Virgo...without much self confidence, having doubts all the time, kind of pessimistic sounding, who doesn't have faith and doesn't trust/believe anyone.
I'm a little bit confused, though, as he seems to be rather romantic, likes flowers, trees, nature, in other words has more feminine characteristics...and all I've read in this thread is, that Virgo is actually a very practical type of man. On the other hand, he does say he has thousands of things to do and is always keeping himself busy with something-- cleaning, as it seems, having the highest priority on his list. :)))
It's also kind of strange to me, that he sometimes answers my emails and sometimes just ignores them.
and @virgotarot: I have noticed that he's open to giving advice and have been using this even before I read all the comments on this thread. But it doesn't always work. If I say it's something really important, he even comes to chat with me, as much as he doesn't like it. But otherwise, unless it's a matter of life or death, as he called it once, he just ignores the emails, and in such occasions I start thinking he doesn't like me and feel bad about myself for being that pushy or something.
Is there such a thing as being too pushy with a Virgo man? Or should I just persist and hope that he'll eventually... I don't know...what's the least that one can expect from a Virgo man?
I wonder how those who are married to Virgo men here in the forum got married to them in the first place.
I'll be moving next year to the USA, and I was already thinking of looking for a job maybe in the city where he lives, so that we can be at least near each other and see each other, but I'm afraid to tell him this, so that I don't scare him away or something. I don't know how to approach the subject.
Virgo men love massage at least the three i have dated being a virgo myself let just say the relationship became all one side his a,m the out loud thinker and he would just stuff it in till it makes you nuts so good luck in getting him in the mood also show up clean out of the shower naked it would work and why do most of these guys have eyes that just eat you alive
oh, and one more question:
Should I be showing my emotions/feelings toward him or should I rather play cool and not disturb him? Just leave him alone and wait patiently that he expresses the desire to contact me? Or should I talk the way he talks...what appears kind of cold to me...no emotions, nothing?
Because I started calling him sweet names and put his picture on my desktop as wallpaper and when I asked him if he was annoyed by the names I gave him, he said he doesn't care what people call him, and that he responds to any name as long as people leave him alone and don't try to take advantage of him....whatever that means...I can't tell if it's general or concerning me and expressing a wish to leave him alone.
As for the wallpaper with his picture, which I sent him, to make him happy, actually...he hasn't said a thing about it. I have no idea if it was wrong of me to show it to him.
It's only that Virgos are a bit detached. Not that they don't love you and whatever you do for them, they internalize EVERYTHING . So they do all the bell whistling, jumping up and down on the inside. Just be who you are,because that's who they love! If it's something they don't like...YOU WOULD BE THE FIRST TO KNOW!
The comment he made was general.
I'm a Virgo and my boyfriend's(Scorpio) biggest complaint is my appearance of being rather cold and detached. He's right,but it's all in an effort to protect myself...just habitual. I'm working on that and probably is too.
@virgotarot: thank you for your answer. What are you Virgos protecting yourselves from? :))) It's as if someone wants to do you harm. Why should someone tell you he loves you and lie to you? Unless you're a millionaire and he wants your money...
Or is it that you're afraid of emotions? Because you feel as if you have to control everything? I'm just trying to understand it better...
"He doesn't want to talk about his feeeelings......." Hallo! He's a MAN!
@ienvan: thank you for your comment. This is a very good point. I'll try keeping it in mind. Does that also mean, I shouldn't show any feelings towards him? Where will this lead if no one shows feelings in a relationship? Isn't this then just a friendship? I would like being more than mere friends with this guy. Do you have any more specific suggestions as to how to approach the subject and tell him I'd like to move to his city and live near him, because I love him...in a way that wouldn't scare him, but rather make him happy?
Hi Aries9986, I'd like to try to answer the question you put to Virgotarot, ( and I could be wrong)What are they protecting themselves from? THEMSELVES....They seems cold an detached, true most I know including my husband Seems this way...but I believe that they are extremely emotional and as someone else put it, they are so Service Oriented, that they internalize their emotions in order to work, service or accomplish whatever it is they are working on at the time, My husbands emotions run Deep, but he doesn't allow himself to show them, They Must Save Face, so to speak...I've found them to be Sincerily Shy & Polite people, until you really get to know them, I don't believe Virgo's of either sex Will initiate intimate conversations, they need a little boost.
I had to LOL at your question how do you Marry a Virgo in the first place, well I tell you My Husband has so much Scorpio in his chart and I have a Lot of Virgo so I don't know if that helps us, but both of us tend to be a bit Standoffish, and Loners which works out well for the both of us... To answer your question..I Don't think you should talk about your emotions too much with him...At least not until you are certain of where you Stand with Him, and perhaps not too much even then...I've learned that I shouldn't talk about the emotional stuff to much with my husband, His feelings are... He shows me he loves me in his Deeds he doesn't want to talk it to Death.
Let me share what I said to him after about three months of knowing ea other (in every sense of the word) We were sitting at my kitchen table....I told him that I wanted him..his time, love, trust, money, babies, everything he had to give, I Wanted It..I told him that if he wanted the same things that he needed to let me know so we could move forward, (thinking back I was kinda bold)..well I didn't hear from him for about a week, maybe a lil longer...and then he called me on the tele, and told me he wanted the same things from me..we committed to ea other not in a lovey dovey manner or overly emotional way, we didn't even talk about it too much, ....I will add my husband did have to fight for me...my ex didn't want to let go..I think this is true of most guys... (until you have them for certain)... If they care about you, but believe there is a Rival somewhere in the picture, it's a little extra incentive for them to make you Theirs.......
aries9986 - I've had so many questions similar to yours swirling around in my head for the past year, one thing you need to think about here - do not lose yourself to your Virgo. You are in dangerous waters if he starts to think that you would give up too much for him, or change yourself to please him. This is hard to explain, but if your man is like mine (and much that you have said is familiar with mine as well) there may come a point when he will find fault with your "neediness" or your willingness to give up too much for him.
I had a "crisis" where my guy was convinced that my desire to communicate with him more was somehow "clingy". I talked to him only a couple of times a week, but asking for more made him defensive and paranoid. He has issues with feeling "controlled", doesn't want anyone telling him what to do, and like your man, requires more personal "space" to be comfortable than the average person. Anyway, my Virgo adores a self-sufficient woman who meets all of the thousand other lesser requirements on his list of "perfection". He is a pain in the rear really when I seriously think about what he expects in others, but doesn't feel like he needs to reciprocate. He doesn't seem to think that he has to maintain any particular standards of conduct himself, because he already seems to accept that he is generally flawed and will probably end up alone someday anyway. These guys can be content alone like nobody I've ever known. Anyway, suffice to say, that I convinced him that I was generally getting along just fine without "needing" him every second of the day, lol, so why was HE going off the deep end when I just asked for a little more contact?
Anyway Aries, no matter what a man's sign is, it's never a good thing to bend so far that you live your life to please him. Realize that when you met Virgo man he liked you for who you were. Remember who you are and don't let him change that. I can tell you that I've had my share of struggle with this. It is human nature, and so much more so with woman I think, to try to make relationships work the way we envision them and we can get caught up in doing whatever it takes to keep things in a happy state. This is not always a healthy state and no relationship will feel right if you are the one who has to do all the compromise and giving. I eventually had to just say, "to heck with you" in my relationship with my Virgo. He was driving me crazy with all of his uncertainty that left the whole relationship in a haze of uncertainty. It still makes me crazy up to a point, and I really do have to make an effort to bring myself back into perspective. So I no longer watch what I say, I do whatever it was I did before I met him, and with the same attitude, I don't withold the things my heart feels about him - worrying that I might scare him away. I finally figured that if being myself was too scary for him, then our relationship is destined to end anyway.
Frankly, if you read my posts, I've been surprised to see a jealous streak emerge with my Virgo. Now I figured I could go out of my way to try to console his delicate ego and assure him that he was the only one, or, I could tell him the truth, that I was insulted by his jealousy and that it hurts me that he doesn't trust me. I opted for the truth, told him the way I really felt and just let the chips fall where they would. He apologized and I believe that hearing the truth was more assuring than if I'd coddled him with false affection. The surprise though, was that I could affect him so deeply. Like you, I thought that I was the one who emotional about our relationship and that he was cool and indifferent. I was wrong. However, this has not changed his general demeanor, which I'm starting to believe will always be cool and indifferent on the surface. Is this lack of open affection acceptable? I'm not sure yet because our relationship is unusual. But as with all things, time will tell, and let me tell you...he will take his time. I wish I could tell you that your man's snail's pace will change, but based on my experience it won't. Nope, everything has to be thought through and weighed out and analyzed.
I'm not saying any of this is easy. I adore my Virgo, I love him to the bottom of my soul, it's easy to want to try to please him, but I can't "manage" my feelings and my actions just to suit him. It's too much work and eventually leads to resentment, not loving feelings. Not sure I can wait him out either. There often come times where I feel that the whole world is so alive and full of adventure and I may be short-changing myself because of my stick-in-the-mud Virgo. Oh sure, he's an adorable stick-in-the-mud, but he can be a drag on me emotionally as well.
I don't know if any of this is helpful at all, but it seemed like something you needed to hear. I will tell you that since I decided I'd had enough of wondering about how my interactions were going to go with my Virgo, and trying to anticipate outcomes or what was going on in his mind, and just went back to just being myself and not worrying about the consequences he actually seems more relaxed, more attentive and respects me all the more. Get your gumption up and try it. You want to write him, call him, text him, whatever, go ahead and do it. Don't get upset when he doesn't respond though. But realize as well, that if he minded, he wouldn't be involved with you at all. I believe this with all my heart. As cold as it sounds, my Virgo would rather be alone than waste time on anyone he doesn't have a serious interest in. I mean anyone. My final bit of wisdom gained through experience is that my guy takes more emotionally from others than he knows how to give back. I don't think he's selfish, just that he is truly so uncomfortable/insecure with his emotions that he is scared to give back. He's also given his love and been burned, so now trust is a huge issue. When I asked what is so scarey about accepting your loving feelings and sharing them he said simply, the possibility of finding only hurt and disappointment. Building a wall is safe and predictable.
It's not that our Virgo guys want to be alone, or want us to leave them alone, they just are alone. They are natural loners and content in that. It's very frustrating, but it is what it is. It's like the only way to coexist with them is to not ask for too much and give them lots of space. If it seems like they have little to give, I believe that it's because compared to others, they really are giving it all they have. If you can appreciate that for what it is, then it's a lovely thing. But depending on what you need in a relationship, it may not be enough. Do you know what I mean?
Anyway, don't get discouraged Aries but don't go changing yourself for this man either, because you deserve to be just who you are. I think the word to ponder with these men is "acceptance". Can they accept you and can you accept them? Think on that for a while.
sigh i just argued with my lovely virgo again ... argh this man really make ppl crazy
but still love him a lot ... all he wants is his space space space and i cannot even can ask for his 10 mins time ... he told me he will know when to spend time for me ... It is like he expect that at the time he can spend for me and i am there for him ?? lolx ..
@aries9986, umm to aries, my advice for u is don't put so much love for this guy. If can just get yourself out of him. What u see now is a shell of them, so cool, polite, perfect, caring, charming ... Once you get into relationship with them, they will show u their evil side. which is soooo evil. If u wanted a try, u must 1st to understand them and to read them like an open book, appreciate whatever they did for you. If you don't, they will said u take them for granted. They are always the right one. if u can stand this.