Need some guidance .. can someone please help!
I’m presently living a new and very scary situation in life … I’ll give some background so you can understand my issue. About 4 months ago I ended a 7 year relationship with a man and it ended in the worst possible way, with aggression towards me, police at the door, and a formal complaint of domestic violence. For all those 7 years, and I realize that now, he kept me in an invisible cage by being very controlling and even worst is that he did that control by being manipulative … and he always succeeded !! He always made me thing that I was the one doing all the choices …. Another issue that we always had against me was the fact that I was the main and major financial contributor of the house. I thing he always felt diminished as a man cause I’ve always earned more than he did, almost 3x more.
Well, I did end up leaving, he got aggressive trying to stop me from leaving of course, and now I ended up with having to build a new life from zero. Everything I had stayed with him … the house, the furniture’s, the appliances, he only let me bring what was already mine before we had a relation!! … And most of what we bought together was in fact paid by me …
Well but that’s just junk and my happiness is far more important than that so that’s why I left everything!!!
Now I’m rebuilding my life and trying to be happy again … in that path I recently came across a man, a Taurus man, and I’m starting to have some deep feelings for him. We get along very well and he really makes me feel good, something that I thought it wouldn’t happen in the nearest times due to what I went by. But obviously I’m very scared and I don’t know if I should let myself get more involved or if I should put a stop to it. On top of that he doesn’t send me clear messages that are capable of erase all my doubts, cause one day he is the sweetest man and the other he gets all cold and distant … and another thing that is spinning in my mind (and I believe in his too) is the fact that he is 10 years younger than me :S
On one side I’m afraid I’ll get hurt again, on the other hand I’m afraid of losing a big love opportunity, maybe the one meant for me, just because I’m afraid of getting hurt … and I’ll end up hurting by that!
Should I put my fears aside and invest in this potential relationship or just forget about it and move on. So PLEASEEEEE can anyone help me with some guidance on this ….
OH! I forgot to say, I was born on January 22nd 1973 (Aquarius with ascendant in Taurus) and he was born on May 1st 1983 (Taurus and don’t know is ascendant).
Sorry for the long text …
Hi again ... is there anyone that could do a reading fo me regarding the above subject PLEASEEEEEE .... i feel so lost ....
Can you just take it slow? Have some fun without having too many expectations? He's a bit young for anything serious, but it doesn't have to be all or nothing does it? Or is your heart too fragile right now to risk getting involved? I personally think that after a long term relationship ends, that it's a good idea to play the field a little bit. Not to jump into another serious situation if you can help it.
Thanks for your reply and your advices ... you did mentioned my biggest problem: my heart is to fragile right now to risk getting involved !! and that's why I fell lost ...
On one hand the way he makes me feel is too damn good, especially after being mistreated for some time in my previous relation ... on the other hand I’m afraid of getting so involved in those feelings that I’ll end up by falling in love with him. And that’s what really scares me, to grow deep feelings for him and just end up by smashing my face on the ground again.
And don’t misunderstand me, I do want to take it slow and I don’t want to jump into a serious situation just yet … my biggest doubt is about “take it” at all !!! I question myself if is it worth it to grow deepest feelings for him or if I should just let it go now and put a stop to it.
I did “ignore” him for some time when I first started to have feelings for him, when I felt I was starting just to like him, and we weren’t together for 3 weeks … but he didn’t gave up and he was very sad because I didn’t want to see him anymore. I did explain the reasons for stepping away and told him about my fears. He kept on wanting to be with me and we started to go out again. But now I believe he feels insecure also and, as I said previously, he sometimes is the sweetest mans and others he just gets cold and distant.
Most of the times my mind says that it’s better to let go, stop seeing him and just forget about it all … but then when were together everything feels too damn right and my feelings just take over my mind !!!!!
Even so my protection instinct is telling me that the best thing to do is to forget about him and just end it right now.
Oh well!! As you can see my mind is really mixed up !!! My call for help here on the forum was really an attempt to find some peace of mind and heart and some guidance … I do know that everything happens in our lives for a reason and all this situation was so unwanted and so unexpected, even the way we met was so awkward, that makes me wonder about it all. So I was just hoping that someone here could “see” more of it than I’m presently capable of.
Opss… sorry for the long text again …. Too much on my mind ….
Dear Rosas. Where and what ime were you born please and I'll do your chart. Also where was your Taurean born?Plus date , when and where was your ex born? ...all that seems intrusive but will be very illuminating for the whole picture. Peace and love...I know how alone and vulnerable you must be feeling right now.
Hi Rosas -
I definitely can understand why you feel so lost. I ended a 7-year relationship early last year that left me completely confused, lost and unsure of where to turn. I will tell you, that I think it's best to wait at least a year before jumping into another relationship. I did not take that advice for myself initially and ended up extremely hurt by someone I dearly and deeply loved. It wasn't until that relationship ended (and it's been almost six months now) that I realized a lot of the issues I had with my first relationship, I was bringing into the second. And to really love someone, we must love ourselves and invest in ourselves, first.
I think it's natural to "fall" for a younger man after the ending of a long-term relationship. They are exuberant and energized and bring into th picture a youthful vitality that I think can be very cleansing and healing. But, there also are other complications that arise from those types of relationships and I think a lot of perspective is needed in any relationship with such a wide age gap.
I do think you should spend some time on your own. It can be very healing and cathartic. In my long-term relationship, I also was the primary breadwinner and, because of that and because I was aware of his insecurities about it, I had all the power, but gave him the control. It's not a good thing to do. I really am having to understand why I did that, and in some ways, take my own personal control back, which is what I did by leaving and is what I believe you're trying to do as well.
I think you could have a relationship with this young man, just tread careully and keep it light, at least for a little while, so you can do your own emotional healing as well.
Thank you for your offer and it's not intrusive at all the information your asking after all it's just because you’re willing to help me and for that I truly thank you.
So here's everything you've asked.
Me: born january 22nd 1973 at 12.47 p.m. in Alcochete, Portugal
Him: born May 1st 1983 at 12.00 p.m in Guarda, Portugal
My ex: born August 23rd at 9.40 a.m in Lisboa, Portugal
If you need anything else please let me know.
And once again thank you very very much.
(Sorry for the English, but I’m Portuguese ... )
Thanks for sharing your similar situation; it’s somewhat comforting to know that someone understands how we feel.
I agree with you that it’s dangerous to have a serious relation with someone without healing ourselves first and believe me I did most of mine already … just not when it comes to trust and the fright of giving my heart again. I always get the impression that “men” only what to hurt me somehow.
First thing I did after being on my won was to take care of me and to start loving me again, cause all my ex used to do was to try and almost convince me that I was worthless … today I already know what’s my worth, what I’m capable of (and I discovered that it is a lot!!!) and I do love myself very much … maybe because of that I’m more cautious now with sentimental things and I only willing to commit myself to someone who is worthy of me. And I believe that’s why I’m having so many doubts about this man. In one hand he seems worthy but on the other hand .. He is still a man …. If you know what I mean!
I spite of having already some feelings for him, I don’t intent to start a serious relation with him just yet, not wile I still have those trust issues to resolve, but I feel the need to know, at this time, if is for the best to bet on a future relation with him and to let my feelings for him to grow into something more…
And funny as it might seem the thing I most like about him is not is youth exuberance and energy but the internal maturity he shows and that he seems to have … in spite of his young age, he already went through a lot in life and that made him grow faster so he is “boy” with his head on his shoulders and his feet in the ground. And I do what to keeps things light between us, my head tells me so, but I also know that I will easily fall for him if I decide to keep seeing him and allow us to get more intimate and more involved.
Oh well … life would be much simpler if we didn’t complicate it this much ….
Dear Rosas. Could I have your ex's year of birth please?. Right here goeswith the 2 of you!.
YOU: Do you work in the financial, or retail sector?. Your are successful ambitious and work hard, having an early Aquarian Sun conjunct Mercury in the 10th house. You may not seek to be ambitious, but you get on in the world anyway and always seem to be in the right place at the right time. You have a 1% Taurean Ascendant (as you mentioned), which makes you very aware of the price of relationships and the paraphernalia and trappings of everyday life (the fabric of society). However, you hardly seem to have led a charmed life as a child, rather your childhood seems to have been rather empty and bleak...divorced , or absent parent/s perhaps? Were you bought up by grandparents perhaps, or away at school? Your adult life, on the contrary has been go, go, go all the way as you set out to achieve your goals one-by-one. Mars in Sagittarius gives you a love of travel, whilea conjunction with Neptune lends you glamour (and sometimes a foggy outlook). Howver, being so 'earthed', practical and organised, you might also become too stubborn and unwilling to make changes, (even when the rest of the world sees them as inevitable), because of your Taurean Ascendant,.
By Christmas next year, your life will change, as a powerful Plutonian influence takes hold of it (a Scorpio perhaps?) and you look set to relocate/move job, house; either, or both.. Your current boyfriend has no Scorpionic tendencies incidentally, but your Ascenddant sits on his Sun, so the heat of passion is there and you implicitly understand each other. Your Sun however, is on his Descendant, so despite the heat of passion in your sexual relationship, you make him feel inadequate even when you have done and said nothing.
BOYFRIEND: Where has he come form? ...his childhood is almost completely empty..., as all the planets below his horizon..(his Ascendant , which is Leo)...are retrograde (going backwards). Was he brought up in a home, or by grandparents,,or just left to his own devices? Never mind, because he is a 'self-made' man; charismatic, good-looking.... and ambitious for success....at any price. He has more drive that the average Taurean, as his 10th house Sun is conjunct fiery Mars in Taurus, Stubborn and fixed, he will neither let you go, nor give up on you and could be just as controlling as your ex (but I sill have to do his chart), or on the plus side, will be loyal to the end of time. In fact your Taurean has already changed his life for you...and .he cannot see why you don't recognise this? Even if you did split up, he would make a good friend, but I cannot see him leaving you any time soon.
I'll finish the picture when I have your ex's birthe year. Peace and love.
walking away from a toxic relationship must have been the hardest thing to do! You will not be the same yet it takes time to process what you've learned from that relationship. Don't rush, no matter how needy you feel at times because if you don't give yourself time to set new boundries you will only find yourself in the same jam again. Part of your higher self knows this and that explains your mixed feelings. You must close the gap between head and heart in a more balanced way. You must take time to really get past all the hurt and emotions attached to your failed relationship so you can use your head to really see where and when you gave permission to this man to cross boundries he should have never been allowed to cross. You need to love and respect yourself in a way you've never done before--this core of higher love will be the energy that attracts a man who can match that. Take time to be best friends with yourself. When you let another person dominate your life it really leaves you with little of yourself left. Another abuser will sniff this out like the wolf he is so you are right on about feeling protective of yourself. Protect yourself this time---keep your finances in your own best interest--this is not being selfish in a bad way. Not being selfish enough is why you have been left with nothing. If you were your own daughter--what would you advise--would you be more protective? The worst thing you can do is be needy now. Take time to rebuild your life and get to know yourself again before you consider a true mate. Otherwise, enjoy this new mans company but go HOME to your own life were you own it. If he is right for you he will not ask for more but will appreciate your honesty and your company. Let the past go but learn from it and take time to acknowledge the little warning signs you missed. Make a list of boundries that keep you safe and don't negotiate!
Hi, I'm Nahasha
I'm a true aquruis, I been there with controlling men as well. Have you ever stop to think that since you just been through hell in that cage that a man who's more your speed is what you should look for? Your already hurt, no since of trying to keep up with a man who may not know where he want to go in his own life. I know it get's lonely and after going through Abuse you just want to be rescued from all the painful feeling to boost your self esteem. Word of advice, the pain will alway's remained but you can rebuild your spirit one day at a time!!!!!
Dear Rosa, I read your post, so I did a reading for you. Your first card indicates that you are still "stuck" so to speak.you need to allow yourself time to let the past go and cleanse your spirit.Take the time you need and deserve to heal,relax, get to reconnect with yourself again.Do not settle for anything less than you truly want or deserve. You are your own best friend first, trust your instincts. Your next card shows you are at the beginning of a new cycle. One which will enable you to move forward, to gain control of your life and your priorities. again, trust your instincts, meditate, find what it is that you really want/need/expect from life and those around you. Do not feel guilty for expecting respect, trust and honesty from others. It is required to fulfill yourself. Your third card, and the last for this three card reading, is this.It indicates your need for understanding of your purpose and place in this life. To thine ownself be true.Take care of your needs first,for you can not give and share if you have not for yourself taken the time/care you need to become whole and satisfied. Giving is a wonderful thing if you have of yourself to give, but remember this, there are boundaries to set. Good luck and Blessed Be.
Thank you for the chart, i'll comment on your questions but now i dont have the time... this one is just to give you my ex birth year, wich is the same as i 1973.
Dear highpriestess3 once again i thank you for your help and for doing the charts.
Now responding to your questions I don’t work in financial or retail, I’m a consultant in IT project management and recently I do have been giving consultancy to Banks. I am very passionate about what I do and I believe that’s why I’m successful at it. What you said about being in the right place at the right time is 100% true because it has been like that trough out my life!!!!! It’s also true that I didn’t had a very charmed childhood, not that I haven’t been loved but my mother had me at a late age and she wasn’t the most patient person to deal with a child … also she was busy driving the family and the business cause she was the main figure in the house and in the business, my father always stood more in the shadow helping but not making decisions or giving orders… she definitely wore the trousers in our family!!! So I kind of brought myself up that is I got used to take care of my things, make my decisions, being independent since very young … I was even the one attending my own “parents” school meetings instead of my mother/father!!!!
I didn’t quite understand this bit “Mars in Sagittarius gives you a love of travel, while a conjunction with Neptune lends you glamour (and sometimes a foggy outlook).” Could you explain it a little better please?
What you said about “…you implicitly understand each other” is what gives me the headaches cause I fell that and that’s what’s been getting me so confused and why I know I’ll easily fall in love with him if I keep on seeing him.
This statement “…you make him feel inadequate even when you have done and said nothing.” I do believe it’s very true and I believe that’s why sometimes he gets cold and distant. I think he feels that not only because is younger than I but also because I have more studies and a better professional position … but I always say that’s irrelevant cause he is still building is future .. Well I started at his age and I got to where I am today!!! But I know by fact that it’s difficult for a man to feel inferior to the woman (been there in all my relations) …
Now about him, I believe he was brought up by his grandparents until some point in life and then he went to the army at a really young age and he stay a military until last year when he joined the police (that’s what he does today). As I already said before he is a self-made man, your right about that!!! And he is very mature for his age, very focused and responsible. He really is very stubborn but has never been controlling with me trough out the time we’ve been together… maybe he hasn’t demonstrate it yet since we have no “fixed” relation.
I have to say now that I liked this statement: “Even if you did split up, he would make a good friend, but I cannot see him leaving you any time soon” … At least I know that besides of what might happen I will have a good friend, cause for now that’s one of the things we have and I most appreciate: our friendship !
Once again Highpriestess3 thank you from the bottom of my heart, what you wrote was somehow enlightening. I’ll wait now for the rest to try and take some conclusions …
Hi Blmoon and Nahasha
Thank you very much for your replies and your advices, they are very meaningful to me.
Thanks’ for doing the reading and I will reflect on everything you wrote.
It's been very comforting for me to see that so many of you took the time to read my post and to try and help me … bless you all for your kind hearts.
All my love for you all
Glad you found my input something to think about and I noticed RohondaF's reading echoed my insights as well--how cosmic! Despite any doubts you are having there is always an energy of goodwill guiding you.
Dear Rosas. Thanks for your reply which was very illuminatng. Now the trouble with your ex is that he loves his mother too much, or in fact that should be the other way round...she has nnever let him go-.he feels that if he is too nice to you, he somehow betrays her. He is not a bd person, but susceptible to 'unbalanced' mood swings, with a finely balanced Libran Ascendant that will swing up or down at a moment's notice. You cannot change him. He is however, exciting and arty and that is what you miss with your Taurean. Do you want the steadiness of Taurus ((what you see is what you get), or the emotional rollercoaster that was you life and which you mistook for 'love'.. Can you have children with that sort of potential violence in the air. I wouldn't like to risk it,,,,but this you know. If you want a familyy, then a Taurean is a safer bet, I know you are worried about age, but the Taurus is older than yourself in outlook. What more can he give? He is not into empty words. Your ex however, has Pluto (ruler of Scorpio) on his Ascendant...controlling, chrismatic and as cold as ice when bent on revenge and considering what I said in the earlier post, I am nto sure wheher or not you will return to him!. His Mars is after all on your Ascendant...you feel confident when around him and 'flat' without him!
The future Your ex has Saturn siting on his Ascendant and hence the law has curtailed his power over you ...he does regret his actions, but can he change? Only if he can disentangle you from the stifling control of his parenting.
Hi highpriestess! I have never had a chart done before, would you be willing to do one for me, my son and his father? I am very curious about it! maybe if you like I could do a tarot reading for you in return?
Me: December 5th 1985
My son: April 22nd 2009
His Father: Febuary 1st 1982
All 3 born in Fort worth Texas USA.
Dear Karmacoma....yep, a tarot reading would be great...I am English/Scottish and live near Cambridge, UK.
Could I have some times on those dates please, as I won't be able to get your Ascendants without them. Peace and love.
Ahh! sorry I cant believe I forgot! lol
son 1:45 pm
do you havea specific question for me?