NEED A HOUSE ... SOON :)
Hey, I'll still be popping in! And ta for the healing, but make sure you protect yourself m'dear as there seems to be so much negative energy around me at the moment it might infect you Don' worry if you don't get to it either. Nurofen I don't have at the moment, but good old aspro, a heat pack and tiger balm should hopefully do the trick. Have also done NOTHING today. No trees, no anything; not even housework. Just lyin around reading. Very weird, but very nice in its own way except for the pain when I turn my head! Thanx again :))
Don't you worry, I get good help with the protection! I will do yourself and another healing I'm overdue on tonight, it's all good. Often I feel really energised after doing a healing, so I'm looking forward to that too.
You sound like you are having a lovely, relaxing day which is just about you, not what you should be doing. God knows, you deserve it. No need to feel guilty, just enjoy it, another way of pampering yourself. I would love to be home right now, reading my book and having a little nap in between, sounds like heaven!
Sure is, and doesn't happen very often even for us stay at home farm gals
Good for you I am glad to see you caring for yourself. You deserve it! Life is gonna get pretty busy for you real quick. Enjoy it while you can.
Thanks...well all I can do is pray about it and keep on living...trying to do my best...right now I feel overwhelmed with everything....it seems like people just don't care anymore...you know..that bothers me alot...it shouldn't but it does...I am hoping I don't get over looked...or pushed to the back of the line and oh yeh guess what...by the way you are not getting yours..you know thats my biggest fear....I really need to find something soon...
I feel the same way you do my friend. I think we get tired of not havng these caring friends right in front of us. Writing to one another like we do thru Tarot is a great thing and there are lots of understanding, caring people on here, but it's not quite the same as having someone in the flesh, willingly listening to what you have to say is it?
And again like you, I get worried that (as usual) my needs will get sent to the back of the line while others receive what I've been after for ages. And that I'll wish them well and wonder why on earth I'm still standing in that bleedin line empty handed ...
We both need to believe we deserve the best, that we deserve what is for our greater good, that we deserve a b l o o d y roof for heaven's sake ... and something will turn up :))
You keep hanging in there and so will I. Our situations may not be exactly similar, but I think there is definitely a correlation between them. And hopefully you might take comfort in the fact that you're not the only one who's feeling beaten down and hopeless at the moment.
My soon to be ex just nicely requested I don't attend a work function with him (which is on in two weeks) as he's worried about feeling awkward and me feeling the same. In all practicality, I don't think I'd have wanted to go anyway considering the circumstances at present, but to be given a choice would've been nice. And this is after he tells me that there's no need for ME to feel awkward around his work mates and their spouses!!?? But suddenly HE would feel awkward if I attend this event with him like I have for the last three years. And after mention is made of an event I went to alone months ago after we'd spent the day arguing. I wonder if this is some sort of get even thing. It begs the question, but really, I see this is all part of letting go and as much as it hurts to be the wallflower when everyone else is partying, I have to sit in faith that my own fun will happen some other time. I don't deserve misery, but enough of it is raining down on me too at the moment, so let's both take a deep breath and try to do the best we can.
ALL GOOD THINGS WILL COME FOR US REAL SOON; YOU TELL ME IF I'M WRONG IN A FEW WEEKS :)) Good luck my poor, sad friend. xoxoxoxoxoxoxxo
hump ... er sorry ... BUMP ...
I apologize if I am intruding but I was reading this thread and felt compelled by something to tell you this; you have given much and much will be given to you. I just feel that a great deal of good is very near to you and the very understandable emotional "stuff" around you is the only barrier between you and the good you so richly deserve.
Its almost like you're in a transparent bubble, a very thin field made up of your worries, stress, etc that is clouding around you so you can't sense the good that is just beyond it. You DO deserve it. You have given such hope and healing and light to others...it is meant for you. Clear the cobwebs away so you can see it and be assured too.
I honestly have NO clue where all that just came from. I hope it helps or means something to you.
I will be praying for you with my whole heart. Don't cry.
Out of love and gratitude I have tried to exert my feeble powers for you And do a 3 card tarot spread for your near future!:)
Guess what ?The first card was the Sun card ,so I hope to see you haapier and sunnier very soon, maybe actually lazing in the sun, and maybe you will hear good news about your child.The second card was death so maybe a total and complete break from the past as in house,people and past feelings.The third was eight of wands reversed so some delay in communication or travel plans or moving house.
Hugs and kisses,negative energy shooo away!
Thank you all! Yes, negative energy has been very prevalent around me recently. It doesn't help that my (ex) husband hurt his back and I hurt my neck early in the week so we've been wondering around like a pair of crocks, which doesn't do much for positive feelings. Plus we've been suffering a fair bit of excessive heat this week too. Since yesterday, I have been trying to bat away fears and negativity and allow some good stuff to come in instead. Will keep working on this as I do feel I've been letting doubt and fear take over ...
Blessings back to you; especially hisbablove - you aren't intruding and I took great comfort in your reading. Who cares where "it" came from? That's what readings are about, so keep at it :))
And suramya, thanks so much for your reading also. I like the comment about "feeble powers". This is how we all start; with "feeble powers". It is more like our own faith in what we get that makes them "feeble" to start with. This is where this Site is great; you can type away, going with what comes and not worry about the look of possible consternation on the face of your client while you go with it So I'd say your powers will increase in strength the more you use them, like anything: practise makes perfect. And I appreciate what you've said here also; it makes loads of sense.
AGain, thanks all. Guess something will turn up when the time's right. I think both me and my ex have had to sort out alot of emotional issues before we can let go properly and retain the friendship. A tall order, but one we're determined to stick to. Divorce doesn't always have to be nasty.
Love you all!! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxo
I am so very touched you took the time to respond and extremely grateful that something came through to help you. You have been very much on my mind all week. I will continue trying to be open and clear as to what is coming to me when I am thinking of you. I'm not psychic...probably not really anything, but there ARE times I feel something so strong I feel overtaken and, my shy nature aside, I start babbling. All I know is that it isn't coming from me and I can't stop it from being expressed.
You are so very loved. I feel that extremely strongly. I also get very teary whenever I am writing to you or thinking of you. I don't know why.
By the way, I don't feel like this negative energy is outside of you, honey. I feel like sadness keeps welling up WITHIN you. If not sadness, then just a welling up of mushy?
You will be fine when you get a handle on that. I promise you will make it.
Love and much Love
Thanks again hisbablove
The sadness does come from within me over a few things:
The ending of my 23 year marriage. Never easy to do, even if you know it is the right thing to do. I still care very much about my husband and always will. But we both deserve more than keeping up a pretense and I'm praying that our friendship always remains strong.
The recent death of my best friend's husband. I think of him alot and it is coming up to a month that I last saw him alive this week, so I've been extra mushy about it. I'm just glad that the last words I said to him were positive. I hadn't seen these friends of mine for five years and two days after I arrived in Hobart to see them, Lenard died suddenly in his sleep two days shy of his 41st birthday. I miss them a great deal and wish to get back over there, but things don't look promising for that right now.
The possible loss of a soulmate through events I couldn't control; this is also not easy (that's not to say there was an affair happening because I don't do that, but a friendship was growing). I try to rationalise it though, as focusing on its loss makes it worse and harder to bear. Still, I come back to the old adage: what will be, will be. A recent reading tells me I haven't lost him at all and that he'll be back sooner than I think. But I am not ending my marriage because of this, nor will I be running to him. Things don't work that way in my book :)) Just have to wait and see what happens ...
So that could be what you're picking up on that makes you want to cry, because tears have been flowing in my private moments alot this week.
Thankyou again my friend. I do appreciate your kindness and generosity of spirit; it flows out of you like honey ... :))
You are wonderful:) I have less than zero faith in myself and I hesitate to say anything but, its overwhelming me, so I have to trust, shut myself up, and let the God speak.
The soulmate...you are not finished with him. Your resistance to the situation, for whatever reason, sent him away but you and he haven't done what you were supposed to do and since his leaving was premature, his return is necessary because, if he IS a soulmate, you have work to do together that hasn't been done.
Cris, dear girl, things were meant to go their own way not the way they go in our books. I can't believe I'm saying this, but you sometimes have to accept what the universe is giving to you, even if the timing or circumstance goes against your personal rules or desires...even your standards. I don't mean you should haveleapt into an affair, but that while you should have shut that door at the time, you needed toleave a window wide open from which the fresh breezes ofthe future could have flown in and helped clear out thedust of the past and present pains until you could open the doors and tear down the walls between you and your tomorrow.
I thought all the difficulties you had been facing were the reason for your sadness, but each time I reach in and say, "all these feelings are normal because of ....(those things you mentioned)" I get a stronger feeling that says NO. I think, while those are a lot of achingly sad things, your sadness goes deeper. Its more about YOU. You are sad and confused inside beyond all those truly difficult things. You are sad for you. That really is it. Its ok to be sad for you, to feel empty handed and untethered and it IS ok for you to feel that its all so very unfair. Don't put a happy face on and say "yes, I'm going through a heartbreak, a loss, a divorce, regrets and I'm sad. I'm going to be good and strong though. I'm not going to dwell on it."
Cris, you need to accept that your sadness is about YOU first and all the other things after that. Your heart is sad. This doesn't mean wallow in self pity(even though you are FAR more prone to chastise yourself for anything like self pity) it means sit down and put ALL those other things aside for a moment and think of CRIS. And know that its ok and necessary for you to embrace you hurt inside you, comfort YOU first. You don't have to feel guilty for allowing this. You don't have a duty to be sunshine to the world when you need to be warmth to yourlself. This sounds jumbled because its pouring out me...I'm sorry.
What you need to do is allow yourself to feel for yourself without feeling guilty and trying to say its because of this or that and we all go through sorrows...I'll be fine and now I'll be positive. Itis NOT negative to accept your sadness and embrace what it means and the opportunity to grow from it.
You grieve for your friend's husband, your friend...how wonderful it is that you love so much! aching because you have lost is more evidence of the depth and capacity of your loving soul. That soul hurts in that spot right now. You grieve for your friend AND for your own loss.
ABout getting back there, if you know that for his wife and you to help and heal, if you wish to put your arms around one another and love Lenard, his legacy, his part in your lives, than you don't wish to get back, YOU MUST and DESERVE to go. It doesn't look promising to you, but give it the validation it deserves and it will happen.
You are ending a 23 year marriage. OF COURSE your sad and feel set adrift. The fairytale isn't supposed to end this way! The little girl in you who believed in fairytales and the young girl who married him 23 years ago grieve even IF the strong, HONEST woman is standing there telling them that this was not the story they were thinking of or ending they imagined and its time to face it without all this fussing and drama. They are a part of you and they are grieving. Let them. Be nice and don't try to push them past it just because the grown up you knows better.
I wanted to tell you earlier, but Ihave tostruggle against the doubt that inhibits me...You and husband are both physically stalled because you haven't really taken the time to mourn together. You have had the brakes applied toyour running away from it so two can get to it. Sit down, say your goodbyes. Don't be swallowed by the formality of a couple who has decided to seperate and suddenly become polite guests at a house party. You shared a life and its intimacy is necessary now for you both to draw upon and let each other go. You have to go back to intimate friends, the comforting lovers (not sexually, obviously..LOL) that can hold each other and hurt and question and rail....so you can finally let goin peace. He has a lot to say too.I feel like he looks at you from a distance trying to figure out how this can get done and his reticence is really awkwardness and discomfiture.
I know this was VERY long and I know you feel like you've been hit by truck...I really DO know. I am here my sweet friend. I am right here...along with so many, many others who love you.
I couldn't have said that better myself! That was very well said, beautifully written with the perfect message for Chris. What a lovely, sweet soul you are.
Hisbablove is right. Acknowledge your feelings, let yourself go with them, you don't need to keep your chin up and prove anything to anyone. Let yourself go with it, allow yourself to experience your grief and when you ready to take the first steps forward, know that they will be in the right direction.
Allow yourself to cry, I didn't for a long time, I kept it all bottled up until it went around and around and around in my head and then the extra crap that happened along the way was added in there until I got to the point of depression, thinking I was going mad and having suicidal thoughts. I don't know when, but I finally cried, and I cried for it all, for everything. For what was, what was no longer, what I thought would be and what i'd tried to live up to. It was such a relief. Let it out, it's good to let it out, acknowledge the hurt and let your tears cleanse your soul.
For someone as good a person as you are, as giving and generous and sharing and compassionate and loving, the universe has so much good in store for you.....when you are ready. And we will all be here cheering you on.......and offering our love, support and encouragement.
I was reading what you said about your friend passing away....I did a reading on here on 10-11-09 and I wrote "the name Leonard just popped into my head". (I spelled it differently), I don't know if this pertained to the person that I was reading for, and now wonder if I somehow picked up something for you? I don't know why this would happen though, it's just not that common a name (here anyway) so I wonder?
By the way I mean October 11th. I know in some they reverse the numbers.
Wenchie, Bless you for your sweet words and kind thoughts! You actually DID say it better and much less rambled than I did. Thank you for the validating words. I struggle so much to get it all out>
You're so sweet and BRIGHT!
I honestly don't know what to say to this. It was so very sweetly long and a real joy to read and so much of it sat well on m shoulders. You are so very right with all you've written here. I did push my soulmate away subconsciously as I didn't feel the timing was right to encourage anything. I've always beleived that when you are with a partner, you should be loyal; to a fault if need be. But with that special part always missing in me for so many years, this hasn't been easy to stick to.
Yes, inside me has always cried as it's never felt free and able to be out there for all to see. Every time I'd get so far, I'd get reined back in either by my family, my husband or others who seemed to have my "best interests" at heart. But I think they were made uncomfortable by what they saw in me and wanted me to conform to those things they were familiar with. And I let that happen as I thought maybe I was a bit nuts?? I see now how wrong all that was.
My friend whose husband died? Well, she is the most special friend I've had in this world, followed by this soulmate of mine even if I haven't been able to spend much time with him. She understood and loved who I was and me her. We never judged each other, always helped each other out and made time to spend even when we were both busy as little bees. I used to take her older boys to their football matches on the weekend as she had other sporting commitments with her younger son and daughter and that's how I got to know my foster son. Pete lived with us from 2004 until late last year when he got an apprenticeship and had to move away, but he still is my boy and always will be. My daughter always loved these Saturdays and I didn't know how much until she and hubby came over to Hobart for Lenard's funeral. It appears there is a very strong connection between her and Vickie's younger son Jayden and I'm doing my best to quietly foster it. 14 and 15 they may be (she's the older), but they were in each other's pockets five years ago and with this recent reconnection; well how can I ignore it when I've recognised my own soulmate?
I will change my thinking about gettin back over to be with Vickie and the kids and this will include taking my daughter with me. I can't go there without her; I promised her that and I will stick to it. She deserves another spell with Jayden and the rest of the family, so instead of wishing, I'll just believe it to BE.
I thank you from the bottom of my heart and soul for these kind and uplifting words. You have managed to identify and probably help solve the crux of my own difficulties and that is worth more than all the counselling in the world my friend. I think you have a tremendous gift there that you haven't acknowledged, and it is more in the line of spiritual counselling and/or grief counselling. Please consider doing more with it. The world needs counsellors like you as you are able to get to the heart and soul of a person's problems. I wish you well on this path - or any you choose to take - as you are the same sort of soul that you've described me as being.
Well you know where I come from my friend. We're both in the same boat along with a few newbies methinks We'll all come out better for it and will make it to the west (in the words of Lord of the Rings) one day. Keep smiling and hoping. He's coming back ... the silly boy. He could've saved so much wasted time if not for that darned ego of his ...
You aren't far off the mark here. Lenard died on the 18 October, a week after the date you received. So this part of the reading you were doing could well have been meant for me. After all, I did a reading for LibrasLair that I didn't realise was meant for me!!
I'm now feeling a bit like an ego-maniac ... it's not all about me, surely?!
Ah well. Onwards and upwards and we, none of us, will ever give up on our dreams again. They mean something, otherwise we wouldn't be aware of them and the effect they have on us.
Love is no fictitious thing only for books and movies. After all, where did the creators of these books/movies get their ideas from in the first place? But then, that leaves a whole can of worms open and wrigglin, don't it? That means that Lord of the Rings must be real too ... and The Exorcist and Jeepers Creepers and Saw and all that stuff ... omg think I might ban tv and movies in my house for the rest of my life ... :)))
BLESS YOU ALL. How lucky for me to stumble across this Site those few months ago. I'd never have met you lot.
xoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooooxoxoxxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxooxoxoxoxxo breath xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox sore fingies oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox wrists goin now xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo shite, gotta get back to the vacuumin ... :))))))
I'm here Cris, my dear. Give me a few minutes to recoup and regroup. I feel like we are both needed to catch our breath:) Grabbing my mop...I will be back in just a few minutes. If you have anything to share with me, anything that's coming through to you regarding my soulmate and love, throw it at me. I'm as lost as the rest, only more gabby:) I feel lighter right now. I hope that its YOU I'm feeling!
Love Love LOVE to ALL of you!
hi chris..wow great insight for you...I kinda sorta have good news I hope..but I won't know for sure until next week...so hope for some positive and good energy...I wil let you know if the answer is definite...I am just letting it stay there...it just seemed that people were selfish..its understandable and I prayed about it and let it go..I try not live in too much negativity if I can help it...always gotta keep looking for the bright side of life...no matter how down I feel...blessings to you also...I feel exhausted sometimes...like I have way too much to do and never enough time to do really anything...I have these projects to do...and then there are people with their needs too..sooo all in all it gets overwhelming...and there are times of not doing anything at all..although you know you should...I hope for the best for you.