Help me with this Cancer man!!
Sandra>> I used to talk to a guy a long time ago that was a Cancer.I met him on the internet..He drove me nuts..LOL..He was trying to read my mind.It was freaky.He said are you in pain?I said no.A few days later I fell outside and twisted my ankle.I could swear he made me twist it..LOL..<<
Bwaahaha. Hilarious! Sounds like a commercial for pain relief "ARE YOU IN PAIN?" haha. Well according to Freud you actually attract these bad omens to you when you think of them. So yes, the Cancer mind reader, got you thinking, you're gonna be in pain. Lo and Behold, you go twist your ankle! See, just prove to show. Have you tried going to a diffrent church... maybe you'll meet him there
@Wicked - You are strong, You are invincible, You are W-O-M-A-N... Love that song. Ain't that funny about love and how it teaches you. You should chat with Lindie, she needs a bit of what you have at the moment... poor cheeky, is in bits... she has her forum too "Have I lost my cancer b/f for good'
virgincookie ; Thank you again. Yes i would love to chat with wicked. Ihope she contacts me ?xoxox
Virgo>>Have you tried going to a diffrent church... maybe you'll meet him there
Sandran712>My luck I would get married to a preacher.Just something tells me.Because you know how people need strength and maturity for growth.I'd marry a bible thumper like Aunt Esther on Sanford & Son.I'll keep you posted on my social life.I'd really peee myself if this really happened..LOL..I've always wanted to teach a man of the cloth new tricks...LOL
llindieloo> I have a lot I wish I could put out there. I 'm going to try to say what I mean without trying to offend you in any way. I do not know if you are older than me, younger than me...
I 've been reading your post about your indian cancer man that I know has broken your heart.
I am a Taurus, and very strong-willed, we are known for that, I'm not saying we are the best of the signs in being this way, and not being taken advantage of, I have had to learn the hard way about so many things in my life.
I want to add that no psychic on here or anywhere can be 100% accurate about everything, including how things will pan out in your life or how one feels for another. I believe that they can be pretty close though. I have seen a very good psychic the past 3 years, whom I mainily consult about once a year for yearly readings, things to look forward to, ect... she has told me about my cancer man both good and bad. I asked her from the start if this would be a fling with him, and she told me that it could turn out to be more than I expected. I think she is right in a lot of ways, and whose to say that down the road it won't? Or it could never go any further than what it is now. We are a good match sign wise, and our numbers match great too, which make us magnets to eachother. There have been things happen between us that are a little more than coinsidences, and that's probably has a little to do with it. We are more than signs, we are people, we are all unique. There are couples out there that are complete opposites signs to be a good match that have been together for years... the signs do help, God knows that I have figured out a lot about this cancer man by reading about cancers and people who have been with them. It is not a coinsidence that so many have almost identical stories.
I think your cancer man has feelings for you, was honest with you about the "marriage" situation, but in some ways used you to get what he needed. Like the money, ect... Maybe he isn't married, maybe he is. Maybe he just has so much going on with his family, how he feels for you, what he should do, schooling, what he really wants, and your not going to get this out of him most likely. A lot of people do things they feel they should do, and regret it for years. Personally, I do not agree with prearranged marriages, but that is my belief, just for the simple reasoning of what is going on with him. It's not what he really wanted, but unless he ran from it, he most likely did it. It's his culture, his families beliefs, and that is something you can never change. I think that you need to slowly do other things to get him off your mind, and just see what happens, if in deed it's meant for you two to be together, the universe will bring you two together. It makes me wonder a lot about him being online, and then getting off quickly, and going invisible. I think that he does not want to face what he has done, nor tell you everything. Most cancers are like that. My cancer is like that too. I feel for you, I hurt for you b/c I have been dealing with a cancer man, a man in general that has been toiling with my mind for a while now.
I deal with him all week, in fact.
I also want you to think about what you wrote in him probably returning to India next Sept, and that you accepted that. I don't think you really did accept that. You wanted this man more than anything in this world and would have walked through fire for him. But, he took part of you away. You lost a part of yourself, which is not a good thing. The reason I ask this is, if he returned to India, were you going to have a very long distance relationship with him, probably seeing him a couple times a year at best? Or did you think you would move to his country and adapt to his beliefs? or what if when he returned, it would have been over?It doesn't seem that a real life long relationship was possible. I do know that we can not control our emotions, sometimes. We love who we love. We fall when we try so hard no to, we give and give. You are not in the wrong! You should ask God everyday to help you with this, and relieve you of this inner turmoil. Over time, it will work. He will contact you, if and when he wants. But, I would question anything from him at this point, wouldn't you? Why is he always after money? I would not doubt if you would get back together if it wouldn't go back to you giving everything you have to him, and ending up with nothing but meaningless words, and losing in the end. You deserve better, your worth more than that!!! I know that a lot of cancers run like this, avoid, and all that. I had my cancer man do that ONE time to me, and I told him off, and he has not done that crap again. I know that may be their instinct to do that, to think whatever, but it is immaturity as well. And if you want my time, I will not take that. He has probably done that all his life, with all his girls, with the girl he is with now, but he does not do that with me. If I act like he's not around, for my own heart's sake of not falling for him, than he goes nuts, and does whatever to let me knows he is around me. As far as the texting, he never ignores, never has, and he always texts me back. Once again, that's what I expect, that's what I get.
This guy has had ample oppurtunities to completely end this with me, not answer my texts and very valid reasons to do so. We work together, he is above me, he could lay down the law, and not a damn thing I could do about it. He won't. It's almost like he is at my mercy no matter what I need or want from him, he will make it happen. I am not talking about just sex either.
He tells me things about his life, when he don't have to, and I don't pry, he tells me. He watches out for me, and some guys that have really bothered me are no longer a problem, they now act like they worship the ground I walk on. He must have put the fear of God in them! It's funny!
I could go on, and on. I am not letting this guy control me or anything I want to do in my life. I do care for him, but I do not love him. I have plenty of reasons as well, that indicate that he is more serious about me than a fuck. But, time will only tell.
Take care of YOU!! let him go for now, what are you controlling anyway? nothing.
You deserve the best and by holding on to this, you are blocking the good that is surely waiting for you. (((HUGS)))
wickedmoon; First I would like to thank you so much for takig the time to read my forum , and replying to it . You are so kind, i'm sure i am older than you. I am 56 and should have more sence than worrying about my fella who is much younger . To be honest i dont know why I became involved with him in the first place , it was just one of those things . We just started talking sent each other pic's , webcam and constant phone calls and texting even at 3and 4 o'clock in the morning , and when we met that was it , connected instantly suppose we had gotten to know each other pretty well through chatting previously. It was always , I love you from My heart .I will never leave you , I am always thinking of you , your in my mind 24/7 . when I go back to india I will take you with me etc , etc .... Even when he did go to India on holiday in july he brought me a present back , so when I said to him " when do i get my pressie , he kept saying soon " so the last time i mention it which was a few days prior to him going back there again he told me he had misplaced it and coulde't find it nowhere , well you can imagine my reply which was ...... well if I bought you a present back from Ireland i would certainly look after it until i gave to you in person . He apologised an said he would bring me back another one this time for sure . (doubt it ) Wicked i just want to know why thats all . How he could of said all the things he said and all the promises he made then just dump me like that without any explaination what so ever , cause i love him so much and I miss talking to him cause he could be very witty and when i was down he always managed to cheer me up . On our first meeting he bought me a lovely watch and took a bangle of his wrist and gave it to me , next time it was a t-shirt with my name lindie-loo written across the front of it . I know i'm blabbling on so i quit now . But I do know what you saying and I will try my best to just get on with it , I know its going to be hard ,What else can I do ? I'm just taking each day at a time and if he does contact me then I dont know what i will do, but I certainly wont ever give him money thats for sure and i doubt he would have thre gaul to ask . I will keep you informed if he does not holdinhg up any hopes though. People say you met someone for a reason , Mine must of been to help him achieve things i dont know but its done now . Once again thank you for you kind words but then again maby you should of told me off good and proper ., knock some sence into me lol . Everyone had been so nice to me on here and my forum , cant believe it the responses iv'e had all genuinely concerned and sympatetic . I love you all . Please keep in touch XOXOX
kindaries. I just cannot believe what you said about cancer's holding on to past relationships , Well I doubt if my cancer fella will do that as his parents have a rranged a mariage for him and since he went back to India on holiday 5 weeks ago i havent heard from him now that he is back home . Chatted up till him going home then nothing just dumped like that , Do you think he will contact me to explain himself ? I think not
lindieloo>>>I just cannot believe what you said about cancer's holding on to past relationships
Sandran712>> This is really true.A Cancer will go back in the past.We are for living in the past..Comfort zone.We hate moving on.We do not handle change very well.But,I have to reassure you that because this guy could come back We don't live on a time-table.Cancers have the tendancy for staying away for so long.I have done this myself and gotten my heart broken lots of times because all the boyfriends I ever had are dead.When we wait it proves to be disappointing..Who is to say that you may find someone closer and this guy would be history anyway.But, with a Cancer the communication always has to be there or there is nothing for us to feel anything for you.It has to be constant.Maybe every so often without sending yourself into a nervous breakdown just casually call this guy and just say hi.That is all it takes.It is still up to him.But, at least him hearing your voice is enough.But, are you for sure you want to put yourself through all of this?I really can't see his parents setting him up for an arranged marriage.That is alot of pressure.Someone telling you you have to marry someone.I can see the rebellion.
It's quite amazing how long a cancer would hold on to a relationship or someone from the past. My cancer came back after 13 years and he talked about the last time we were together as if it was a few weeks ago...so much could happen in 13 years, I could have gotten married, had children. It was just chance that I hadn't had any serious relationships in the past 13 years...
So Lindieloo, this guy can come back,, but keep your hope alive may just break your heart even more.
so do you girls think that this cancer man will hang onto me for awhile? even if he has other girls? something tells me that he could have many girls, or not.
I feel that he is trying to make sure that I am taken care of. He never asks for things for himself, he is all into me, which makes me feel good. Anything I need or want, he will do.
But, I always keep in my mind that he is not serious, and therefore I am not, just top protect myself. I like him, I feed into his emotions, and I know that I make him feel good in sort of way. I think he does not know what to do, b/c I keep control to an extent. I think that she must not be fulfilling something that he is wanting. b/c any man that I have been with express that when they are happy, there is no need to cheat.
wicked>>I think that she must not be fulfilling something that he is wanting. b/c any man that I have been with express that when they are happy, there is no need to cheat.
Sandran>>This is not true.
Cancer are moody.We get hurt we run off.So whoever is there first will be the one we run to.Remember I said earlier.(maybe another post).I mentioned I would get stupid back in the day.Run back and Forth.I have been with guys I knew were not meant for me to be with.I got bored and tired of the same thing.Cancers get selective in relationships.This is why we run to and from.We are not one to just run to the first thing that comes along.But, with someone that is easy to trust in a hurry.It explains the going back in the past.It's different for me now because everyone I ran to when I was hurt have all passed away.So I find other ways of hiding when I hurt.
Sandran712>what do you mean by being selective? I do possess many qualities that I believe make him insecure to be in a relationship with me. I get a lot of attention at work b/c of my looks, my personality (I am a people oriented person and people are drawn to me naturally, always have been this way), and my success at my job. which I think makes him a little nervous with trying to control me, and control his jealousy too. He has shown jealousy several times over me, but discreetly, so I would know. I think he is drawn to me for the way I carry myself, with confidence, I 'm in school and have goals, I am mature, he has already been able to confide in me, and I have Cancer rising in me and I can handle the moodiness, I am moody myself.
I think he wants freedom, I know he has goals that he wants to reach and he can not work on them right now and it is bothering him, I do not believe he is really happy with his life right now, and that's b/c he has been talking to me about things. I in a lot of ways have things in my life that he wants in his. We are very attracted to eachother, we are not able to just let it go. for some reason. This may never go any further than it is now, but I know that he wanted more when we started this but I did not and that is a big reason we are where we are. We are together very spontanious, he never knows when it is going to happen, b/c I keep it that way, I do not feel that he runs to me to get his needs met. I do not believe that this relationship with her was fulfilling before all this recently. He has been after me going on 9 months now.
How do you cancers find meaningful relationships if you are always acting this way? It seems that nomatter what, you (cancers) are never happy. Which seems to be miserable.
how is that fair to string people along that end up caring for you, but can never completely have you? How is that fair for you to care for someone and then keep running, looking for the next best thing?
what does he want?
why when I asked him " so I'm not supposed to care about you?" did he reply " I never said that"
I think he wants me to care for him. maybe to always be able to have me especially for the excitement that I give to him. or for whatever...
please let me know what you think about this and what he may want or be feeling.
@Wicked> That's a toughie! I think you're right tho. He's with you because of what you bring to the table. He's attracted to your confidence, your intilligence, your take on life, your bravado and your attitude. You hold your ground and Cancer men find this attractive (most men do). With my cancer I'm his complete opposite. I'm spontaneous, he's careful. He seems to think a lot about things and worry a lot. I mean I worry, but I don't dwell, my cancer seems to dwell. Also, what I find annoying is how they can be sure one minute and in the same time/email towards the end unsure. It's not surprising. They are exactly like their crustacean counterpart.
It's also challenging to deal with them, since you don't know what approach to take. You can be tough and tell him how it is and you can pull away (as part of reverse psychology technique), thinking he'll run after you and then they retreat and hide back in their shell and then you're stuffed and you chase them back! Or you can do the 'mother' approach make em feel loved and secure and they still pull back, becuase they need the space and their alone time and what happens you step back and then you're running after them, again!
I'm finding that I need to tread careful with my crab, to not hurt his feelings, keep him re-assured. But at the same time, keep him on his toes by staying strong, not losing myself. Keeps you from going mental! insane! It's got to be give and take and most importantly - TO MEET HALF WAY. I always tell my crab, I'm not going the distance, you gotta meet me half way (remember the new black eyed peas song! love it!) If we can get that combo right, it seems to work, thus far, for me anyways...
Virgo> Thanks for your input. maybe a cancer will chime in here and tell me about what I asked. I am not really looking for a serious thing with him b/c I think the relationship will be too hard, and life is too short. But, I do think we have the potential to have a great thing, or become really close. He got attached to me really quick that really surprised me! why confide in someone so fast? why tell them things that they really don't need to know.
apart of me thinks that he is scared of himself in a relationship with me, and he is wanting to protect me as a part of that. Like he doesn't trust himself to be faithful, not hurt me emotionally, or whatever. I think he thinks about us, I think he has dreamed about me. But, he is insecure.
wicked>>Sandran712>what do you mean by being selective?
Sorry for not getting back to you..My son went to group home this weekend.Was run to hospital by ambulance because of his seizures.
Cancer is selective by who they can trust.Not necessarily for looks.If you have real good trust with this Cancer you may not have any problems.Now..if this Cancer was with an ex for a period of time.And she cheated over and over.They probably could not trust that person again.Not that it couldn't be done.But, it would take a long time to build up the trust.And.then may not be close as they once were.I meant Cancers are selective by strong feelings and trust.I did not want you thinking this guy did not care.
Sndran> I am very sorry to hear that about your son. I hope that things get better with him.
Why won't he end it with me or when I end, just let it be? Maybe he has not had anyone play him at his own game...
why does he keep risking getting me pregnant? He does not know that I can't, but it was brought up before. do you think that in these ways that he is showing me his feelings for me? it's a little hard to believe that he is just using me for sex. He may be, but there are indications that it is heavier than that.
He even said "your going to make me lose my job"
that used to be serious, but now it's like he can't help it.
please let me know what you think.
Wicked>>He does not know that I can't, but it was brought up before. do you think that in these ways that he is showing me his feelings for me? it's a little hard to believe that he is just using me for
Sandran>>Now..You are speaking of the Cancer guy in the workplace?Risking his job?
Sorry..But, I been bombarded for help on here...lol.He is still pursueing you?.Sometimes when someone plays along it may come to bite you.But, I have heard that when someone won't leave you alone you would usually play right back.They don't like the attention..Get bored and quit.Now..Don't you have feelings for him or are you ignoring him??.This seems to be a little ongoing.What about showing the loss of interest?Tell him you are already in a relationship.I have had guys come to my rescue to make another guy back off.I sure hoped those old prospects I shooed away didn't prove to be fruitful.Because all my old boyfriends died.Except for this pain in my azz Cappy...LOL.
I don't understand what you said. We have been seeing eachother here and there for 5 months. I have played the ignoring game and it drives him crazy. He just absolutly risks everything when we are together. He won't let it end in some way or another. I feel that he has feelings for me and wondering if this is how he is showing it?
Moonbeauty- I would like to know if you could elaborate for me what you meant to my personal story, put my man in it and tell me more specifically, please. what you think he is doing.
I am sorry not to post sooner but I have had some serious Scorpio issues --lol-- I am such a sap.
I have been reading your post and I have to say that I will probably get slapped for this but-- I think he likes you-- a lot!
Ok as a cancer I hate rejection. I even hate it if somebody says my socks are an ugly color --lol-- I take everything personal. Bad trait but a trait it is. All the Cancers I know are the same-- even the guys.
This is what I think-- You have got to get him out on a real date. I know, I know the work thing-- i understand-- but you two need a date like a cake needs frosting!
You need him to have fun with you-- without sex-- or work-- and then-- I think-- you will get what you want out of him. Be carful though, once we get our claws into somebody we hate to let go --lol--
I dont know where you live or what your into but what i would do is ask him to meet you somewhere out of the ordinary. Make it someplace you can talk. I would text/call/email whatever and tell him you need help/advice with something.
Tell him that your really in a pickle and need an "unbiased" opinion. When he askes what it's about-- tell him-- "too long to get into it all half a**ed" -- "I really need some advice, will you help me?" Most likely he will. Give him a place to meet you. If he suggests his house/your house steer him clear. You need a public place.
Go looking good-- but not dressed to kill, it's not a date it's an advice session and you want him to be relaxed.
Now-- do you have anything-- even small you ned help with?
Once you get the "advice issue" out of the way-- over dinner? Starbucks? You can thank him and ask him to go somewhere.
For example: "thanks "chirs" for the advice I knew you were the right person to ask". "Hey Chris are you busy now? Can you take me somewhere?" Now this is where HOPEFULY he says "sure where?" and you say (if at dinner) I am dying for a Starbucks Chi Latte-- I am going to die right here if I don't have one --lol--" or maybe if at Starbucks "do you have anywhere to be right now?" again hopefuly he says "no, where do you want to go?" Then I would say "are you in a rush?" and again hopefuly he says "no, why? where do you want to go?" and I would say something like " I really want to go to _______ Barns and nobel, Starbucks, a museum for a particular exibit, anything just not home. (not shopping-- men hate it-- especially this time of year).
After you go to wherever-- drive yourself home. Make sure he meets you out. Do not agree to get picked up. Then you go back to your car-- and say "thanks, it was nice of you to help me like that-- see ya at work tomorrow" AND GO STRAIGHT HOME-- ALONE --lol--.
I think if he starts having fun with you outside his work world you two may just blend into something with out his even noticing.
What do you think? I hope it was not too sappy for you.
wicked>>I don't understand what you said. We have been seeing eachother here and there for 5 months. I have played the ignoring game and it drives him crazy. He just absolutly risks everything when we are together. He won't let it end in some way or another. I feel that he has feelings for me and wondering if this is how he is showing it?
Sandran>>I am sorry I got your story wrong.There is just too many ppl on here seeing a Cancer..
Ohhhhh ok now I understand. I was under the impression that you have feelings for him and are unsure of his feelings for you.
I think he wont let you go because he likes you.
But what exactly do you want from him?