Help me with this Cancer man!!

  • Wicked-from what your are writing it seems like you feel more thatn lust for him. You may not be in love with him but you care about him alot. maybe he said he'll give you a roller coaster ride because he is aware that he has done that to other people he has been involved with. I don't like emotional roller coaster rides. I hope my cancer turns out to be more stable.

    So your cancer is younger too? It seems common on these cancer boards that the cancer man is younger. I know Lindieloo's was much younger, so is mine. Is that a common thing for cancer men to go for older women?

    In fact, my timing issue had to do with the fact that 13 years ago, or even 9 years ago I felt that my cancer was too young and immature so I didn't want to get involved. In a sense I waited for him to grow up.

  • I have heard that most cancer men do go after older women. I hope you have better luck with yours too!

  • @Luazinha --- Yes I do feel cancer men like older women better 🙂 Mine told me once (yes, am older by good 5 yrs) that he thinks he gets along with me coz I make him feel secure! Well, I feel its their craving for safety and security that makes them fall for older women. Besides, we older women aren't as high maintainence when compared to girls their age...haha.

    @wickedmoon --- I'm gonna ask you exactly what sandran asked!! What when he goes into navy??? Scary for me...know a few navy/army boys' girlfriends and wives and boy how they suffer!!! Sounds selfish on my part but being a practical person I personally wouldn't go in for such an alliance!!!

  • Mine is actually 15 years younger. He was 19 and I was 34. I thought it was some fantasy adolescent crush on an older woman.

  • Hi gorgeous women!! Don't you sometimes feel like we're kinda like the girls in s ex in the city. Except we're in a forum talking about cancer men! LOL

    Funny you guys said that about cancer liking older women. I'm older than my cancer, well only by nine months. So when I was two or three weeks he was being made in the factory. Hahaha. it may well be.

    As Astrodame says it could definitely be because they do like the security and safety (gosh we're making ourselves sound like a family car. Lol. just add rear spoilers) and also they like being mothered so they go for older women.

    But nowaday, there is no such word as 'old' especially in womens vocabulary. I mean you got Ashton and Demi... then there was Cameron and Justin... they paved the way.

  • He may not be going in, he said he was looking into it back in June. I did express to him not to do that. He gave me the weirdest look like he wanted to know why I would care.

    I think he needs a change, and he doesn't quite no what change he needs.

  • @astrodame, virgocookie spot on girl they want us as mother figures,

  • wicked-he may not be going in at all. I read on one of these threads that cancer men like to test us by saying things like that just to see our reaction. This may be one of these tests.

    lindie, virgo-the mother figure thing is interesting. I guess it's cancer trait for men to be close to their mothers. Mine actually feels a lot of resentment towards his, because she abandoned him and his brother and moved in with a man when he was a teenager. I wonder how this plays into his abandonment issues and caution about getting involved in a relationship. He's 33 but he hasn't been in a serious relationship yet. He said it was because of me but I think it's because of his mother.

  • Luazinha. Just a thought My fella was always talking to his mum on the phone or he would say ... ' I have to call my Mum.' But i see your point as well . Its definately not you. He does seem to resent his mother and no wonder , being abandoned at such a young age I'm sure that must have an effected him , Then again he should be over the moon having with such a lovely person like you in his life .

  • @Wicked - Luaz is right. Cancer men do put you in a test. I think it was June28th who wrote that in the other Cancer column. He's probably testing your reaction, to see if he can get any.

    No matter what tho, in respect to our crabs mums. Eventho the relationship was good or bad, they still have a bond with them. I read it somewhere. And I did ask my cancer subtlely how close he is with his mum and he said not that close but he still loves her and talks about her with respect. So Luaz, maybe eventho that happened to you crab, maybe he longs for a woman unlike his mother, doesn't mean that he loved her any less too. No matter what the relationship was their mothers can still influence them. For us, we just hope that it is a good influence 😃

  • why do men act one way, but say the opposite???? when it comes to the person they are obviosely interested in? and when he says it, it is in a questioning, thinking form. not in a direct statement.

    to me this means, he is not sure of what he is saying, or he would not be saying it with hesitation!

  • Have you heard of the saying "Don't believe what a man says and watch what he does". My cancer man does that too. He would say something as a question like their interested in your opinion, and they probably are. I always tell him to "Walk the Talk" and "Don't say anything unless you mean it and you will follow through". Since then he's been a bit more careful about what he says and thinks about it first. Maybe you should just ask your cancer fella, if he wanted you to answer or if it was rhetorical.

  • Hey gals...Whats everyone up to? Well, I agree with yall once again :):) Mine's not very close to his mother either and its probably coz she's always been working full-time. But he does have tremendous respect for her. Yes, I am the one he'd call up at all kinda odd hours...3 a.m. 5 a.m. and especially when he felt lonely or let down. Come to think of it in a way I've been mothering him too. It's been an emotional bonding more than anything else. And thats what I dread letting go of! He's the first man I felt close to, mentally and emotionally. But then I never had a water male before! It was mostly Aries/Sag or Gem/Libra I attracted. I so wanted to experience a pisces male...but no luck so far :):)

  • Hi gals

    astrodame, I also realized that I was mostly attractied to either air signs or fire signs before. This is my first water.

    Virgo-yeah I sometimes think he's looking for the affection he didn't get from his mother.

    I am reading a book called "Why Men Marry Bi-t-ches". I wanted to get the first book called "why men love bi-t-ches" but it was sold out. It's not really about bi-t-ches but more about why men chase you when you act like you don't really care. Very interesting, applies to cancer but I guess to all men! When you appear too eager he backs off, etc. I am so bad, I am planning on using some of these techniques when I see my fella on Sunday!! I am going to manipulate him, haha, to see if some of this works!! And NOT feeling needy and clingy is very empowering ladies!

    It's already working. I sent him a very straight forward e-mail , nothing lovely dovey saying "Call me when you arrive. in case I can't activate my cell phone , I'll leave a message at your hotel" nothing about how much I missed him or how excited to see him, haha. He wrote back right away saying ok, but he really wanted me to come over that night. That's because he arrives around midnight and I told him before I'll just see him in the morning because I was tired. According to the book , if you act like you are just having fun but not NEEDing him, he will chase you. I'll keep you updated on how this works out!!

  • luazinha>>>If you act like you are just having fun but not NEEDing him, he will chase you. I'll keep you updated on how this works out!!

    Sandran712>>This sounds interesting..I don't know how to play.I never needed a man..They are just fun to play with and ride their nerves.LOL

  • Well we better teach you how to play Sandran... But as Luaz said. It's not about playing mean, it's playing nice. And you already know a few things about playing nice...

    Totally agree with Luaz's plan of action. That's how I was with my cancer in the beginning. I remember I asked him what made him fall in love. And his reply was because I invited him to dinner, him thinking it was a date but it was with a group of people. So he got curious. He didn't show up and I didn't bother asking why or looking for him. That night I got a note asking me to go to dinner (apparently he got curious about the fact that if I liked him, why I didn't want him all to myself! so he wanted to find out if I did) and we had a great night and then I disappeared the next day. No note, email nothing. He said he was shocked that I just disappeared after that wonderful evening and he tried to reach me, but he couldn't. I sent him an email four days later very casual with our picture. He emailed back straight away saying he wanted to see me when they port next in Sydney. After that I just played it cool and casual, never fully committing to anything he suggested - Virgo's are usually detached and aloof anyways so it was easy - Also main thing was I laid down the beginning what I wanted and needed, so he knew straight away not to mess with me. I changed gear when he said he loved me. And stepped up my sweet, affectionate nature a notch. I had to dig deep though because I'm not mushy at all. Slowly, slowly but surely...

    Maybe it heps since my Venus is in Leo and my Mars is in Cancer. Apparently I'm hard to figure out because of the Fire/Water thing. I'm a walking contradiction! 😃

  • Well, I can't say I really ever NEEDED a man, I mean I've spent nearly 13 years without one, but i felt a little too attached, or wanting him more so i'm letting go. I am even starting to feel it inside, I'm also going to see an old friend from highschool I haven't seen in 30 years and I'm starting to feel more excited about seeing her!

    Virgo-your description sounds spot on from what the book I am reading is describing! I just need to hide the book when I see him, I don't want him to find out I'm manipulating him! I will play nice if he falls for me. Right now I'm not sure yet. He still calls me his "friend". I can be extremely mushy, but right now he seems to pull back when I get mushy so I'm going to be miss independent leo who's going to see her boy toy and see how it goes.

  • A very good way of handling a cancer. We misunderstand too much affection, we don't trust it and decide it could be given too freely, therefore not genuine, we'd rather see 'hints' of a possible affection and try to 'discover' it for ourselves, that's when we'd chase you. It's cat and mouse. Keep it up, it's the way to not only win our interest, make yourself extra thrilling with the mystery, but also wins our hearts.

  • I have very personal experience with CANCER men. I am married to my second one now for 6yrs. Cancer men are VERY MOODY, are withdrawn and will NOT open up to you unless they are really comfortable with you. They are not the cheating kind and they are as loyal as the day is long. They like to have control over every situation that the feel threatened by (not in the usual control freak way). They also have a difficult time letting go of past relationships and tend to want to hang on to them for as long as possible, even if it is just "as friends". I think you should just give him some time and space and if you really want to be with him, things will work out. If you would rather just be friends you must tell him and stand by your decision with strong (not rude) actions and he will get the point, after he POUTS for a while he will move on.

    Good luck! I must say I love my Cancer (I am Pisces), and they are the most loyal of all men I have ever met......VERY FAMILY AND "RELATIONSHIP " oriented.

  • delight1974>>I have very personal experience with CANCER men. I am married to my second one now for 6yrs. Cancer men are VERY MOODY

    Sandran712>>What about Cancer men who do not respond to an email?.I have this Cancer man I went to school with.He wrote to ask me about myself.But,won't return the favor.Me being a Cancer myself could understand the waiting period.But the not writing at all.We haven't talked in almost 30 years from grade school.So,it's not that I killed his dog or anything drastic..LOL

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