Help me with this Cancer man!!

  • leoscorpion>>what planets he has on his brith chart and his family upbringing

    hope for the best!

    Sandran>>I have a Cancer Sun~ Pisces Moon~Cancer Rising.I have a few planets in Cancer.So I have alot of water in my chart

  • so what do you girls think about the way he acting?

  • personally I think if someone is in a relationship they shouldn't have another

    if he is just there because she has brain surgery, well the surgery is over, he has to make a decision it's you or her.

    I was in a relationship when I met hubby. I really liked him almost instantly, but I didn't act on it, since I and the other guy planned to marry and settle down. I did tell hubby that I am in a relationship, but if this relationship ever ends, I would go for him.

    Then the guy I was with (Scorp) somehow disappeared, no communication whatsoever. So I ended up with my hubby after all, who is a Cap. Till this date I never received communication from the Scorp so I suppose hubby and I were meant to be.

    Wicked, this is your life, your decision. I think you do the right thing by letting him go, because he has to make up his mind. you or her. but then again that's just me.

  • I was talking to my brother who is also a cancer and he said that this guy feels something for me, but is being there to help her and that is something to be respected. We were not in a "relationship" so to say. He developed feelings for me that he did not expect and he is having a hard time dealing with being there for her and wanting me. I told my brother that I let it go again, and that he will probably start acting all crazy again. My brother said if he does, I need to go to him and ask what he really wants. I am very flattered to have a guy like me a lot, but if we are not together, I do not need someone hovering over me so to say. I have not expressed a desire to see him other than sex and I think that makes this all the more complicated too, b/c now for some reason that is probably only in my head, I think he will say "no" most likely b/c of her, and the way cancer men seem to be. But, his very strong non-verbal communication, chasing me around, texting me indicates he wants more with me.

  • I don't see why he has to be there for his ex. I know it sounds respected, but 'being' there for a sick person doesn't mean he can't be in a relationship with you. this is what I don't get. if it's really over between them, calling her his 'ex' then it shouldn't matter for him to have a relationship with you. don't you think? Anyway good luck for you two.

  • I know leoscorpion, I know.

    It is complicated, and not a huge deal that he is with her to me b/c I am not ready to be tied down in a relationship. It just confuses the hell out of me to watch a man act the way he does! I have a lot on my plate now, and since all this got started and stopped and back and forth, it has done a number on me! I am in college, working nights, and raising a teenager, plus everything else going on with advancing at my job, and so forth. I do know that if this ever really ends with him, HELL no to anymore cancer men!!

  • yeah that sure sounds too much for you with your workload already.

    You did say you have let him go many times so it's clear you are not ready for relationship, especially not one like this. You do the right thing. Take care now.

  • Wickedmoon:

    I totally understand how you feel...i am in some kind of complicated situation with my cancer guy too..and i promised my self...thas it ...STAY AWAY FROM CANCER MEN!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • saranee>>STAY AWAY FROM CANCER MEN!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Sandran>>I would want to meet a Cancer man just for the challenge.Because of how everyone on the board feels about a Cancer disappearing.I am one that would tell him I won't stand for it.Either make up your damn mind or move on.I want to be the poster boy for venting on Cancer men..LOL

  • I have read a few discussion forums and the people in this one, I have good vibes and actually makes sense and give alright advice and great sense of humour! So here I am...

    Wickedmoon - you asked how you'd know if a cancer is in love. Well from my experience with Cancer female (my mum) and Cancer male (my boyfriend also German)... they will love and make you happy till to the end of their days and yours unless you really screw them over and then I'd run the opposite direction (latter part applies to cancer women more like my mum. Never scorn a Cancer woman!!!) They can be quite nasty or big sulks when they get hurt, depending on their mood, situation and the moon...

    This moon thing is so true about them. I've observed both my mum and boyfriend and they go a bit weird during the waning moon it's whan they get stressed, worried, sensitive, unsure. New moon is when they're open to ideas and become excited, creative, buzzing. Full moon that's when you can see how they are in love!

    If you know there's a full moon coming up, soonish, take advantage and romance him, he will give it back and observe how he acts. My cancer boyfriend, our first date was a full moon on the cruise ship (we met a couple of months ago when I went on a cruise to the Sth Pacific and he was/is the Fitness Instructor on the ship - I won't go into much detail about my love story seeing as this is not about me...). Basically, he was in his full glory and he was open and honest, timid, soft, sweet and just beautiful. You will get to see your cancer man in his true light, remember Full moon!

    Another way to know when they're in love....He will dote on you and the girls here on this forum are right another sign they're in love is when they do things to make you feel special. For example, my cancer man, seeing as he works on the ship, we see each other once every week and a half average and only for 4hrs if we're lucky an hour and half sometimes =( But he will email me twice a day every day, no fail. On his lunchbreak, just to say he's read my email or a one liner because he only has a couple of mins here and there. He will then email me at night to tell me how his day was and what emotions he's feeling. If he can't write, he'll text just to say he can't email, and misses me or thinking of me. When we're together he gives me all the attention, will do whatever I want, no complains and will be happy to do it. I've never paid in our date... (personal thing though nothing to do with his sign, just him) Cancer trait, He's very affectionate. Loves to hug and kiss. He will tell me I'm beautiful and will come up with the nicest, sincerest compliments, not just on looks but my inside. In my experience, they make you feel appreciated and loved, most important they will tell you that they love you... and this will not be easy for them because they are cautious and guarded. But when they are in love and they know for sure, like 200% they love and want to be with you - they will tell you and they'll be gentle about it because it's coming from their heart...

    Sure they will have their insecurities, especially with Cancer men. When they get hurt, they hold onto it, like with their female counterparts and they don't forget. It's their fears and insecurities that will hinder them from taking the plunge. You will need to re-assure them a lot, be honest with your own fears and doubts but assure him that no matter what you'll still be there (they love when you understand them, so always say 'I understand your feelings, what you're saying and then go from there) and this should be vice versa so let him know as well you need assurance too and please, do not criticise or tell them they are wrong or threaten them, they don't like that much, they're too sensitive for it, even if it's a joke, they can get hurt easy. So, don't go there. It's a challenge for me, believe me because, I'm a Virgo, but I learned and how I've approached him is just to tell him what would be a better way for him to do it. I've already told my Cancer Man if I ever hurt his feelings or offended him, whatever, for him to tell me and be open about it, not sulk or pull away. So far he has done it, told me he found one of my email offensive, and we sorted it out. My point, instead of criticising, teach. Teach them and they will respond. Because when they are in love, when they love you they will want to and be willing to do whatever it is to make you happy.

    Another way to know when they're in love... He will include you in his future plans or talk of the future with you in it. That's another sign. For example my Cancer Man asked me 'When will my girlfriend learn German so she can have a conversation with my mum and dad. He's also asked me to attend his friends wedding in Germany and that's not till April! He's thinking about how I'll get along with his friends and family. So little things like that. For them it's a big stem especially the meeting mom, because they do love their moms a lot, even if they're not close, they have total respect for their mum. So when they start talking future with you in it, definately a sign the're in love and see you as the one!!!

    Cancer men are romantic by nature, they search the world for their soulmate and actually believe in it and in 'the one'. I remember in the beginning I wrote an email to my Cancer saying I need to be strong and not get carried away by these emotions and I'll be a friend and nothing more at that time, because I didn't want to expect. He took it the wrong way, got very hurt. He said in his email back, that he was upset with my email and with himself and he's lost his 'optimism of ever being married and finding the one'... True Cancer man is all I can say. And I was just being a True Virgo woman 😃

    I hope what I wrote is helpful. Sorry, it's quite long!!! Assurance (need to give a lot), Patience (have a lot) and Understanding (loads) very important words, the key words for these men! Add it in the vocabulary if you're serious about them 😃

  • Virgo>>Never scorn a Cancer woman!!!)

    Sandran>>back in the day my son's father knew not to cross me..I was sooo nasty.And the temmperrr I carried..I was wicked.I am not like that anymore.But, I could find subtle ways to get my point across.

  • Thank you Virgo for the reply!! I'm not totally sure that he is in love with me, but he has "acted" like my boyfriend ever since we started this thing. He has been protective in some situations, watched over me, told me things about himself, very very personal things that I'm not sure why, watched me talk to other guys, ran to me on Mondays, when we get back to work, about broke his neck to get to look at me, stares at me, always there for me whenever I need something, never disiplines me, always texts me back within a minute, I could go on and on...

    We have been on and off for the last 4 months, but he will not let me go! I am very attracted to him, love the way he makes me feel when were together, and got over our bad spell we had.

    He never likes for me to leave when I am talking with him in his office, and if we both leave, he makes me walk the way he is going. The timing is not right for "us" right now is what I am thinking, and we work together and that is a minor problem, but it drives him crazy when I ignore him and try so hard to let it go. He just text me last Tuesday and it said "I am here for you in any and all ways" what do you think that means?

    I text him and told him since he is with her that I am not after sex with him. But, I get this feeling that he is not happy about that. You should just see the way the man looks at me!! How he chases me around, gotta know if I'm there, what I'm doing.....

    If it's not love, then it's infatuation or something. I also noticed when we were together and it was supposed to just be a sexual thing with us, no relationship, that he would kiss me on the nose, and forehead,things like that. I just think that he was after a relationship to begin with and there are many more reasons that I could give you, and I wasn't and he fell a little harder than he thought he would or maybe even wanted to. I just don't know what he thinking or what he wants for sure.

  • Sandran712 - That's it. My mom!!! She's the best mother!!! of course. And she's devoted, loving and my best friend. Unfortunately she does get that odd cancer psycho behaviour once in a while, but I let it go because I know she'll be back to her loving mommy ways. There's this saying "If someone throws a brick at you throw bread back or if someone slaps you on the face, give the other cheek' The other day my mom said, "If someone throws a stone at me, I'll throw them a brick baack and if someone slapped me, I'll break their face!!!' That's how she gets. Hahaha. She's hilarious. =D

    Wickedmoon. I really feel you and your confusion bordering frustration and slight pain. It is very difficult to love a confused man. What you have to do is 'trust'... trust in him that he will do right by you and trust in yourself.

    If you're feeling this way there has to be a reason and yes we can ask so many questions, analyse (my Virgo fave thing to do) disect and pick on every little thing to decipher the code, guess and then assume. It is fun when you're with the girlfriends over a couple of bottles especially in the beginning but yes after a while it does get tiring.

    I think and my instinct says that he cares deeply for you, hence the "I am here for you in any and all ways"... he just sounds like he still needs time. You just have to be there for him, if it's him that you want. I think that they actually put you through certain situations/tests conciously or sub conciously to see if you are for real and you mean well, that you won't hurt them. Imagine a real crab... they are gentle creature and they hide in their burrows afraid to come out but if they see it's ok, they do.

    Have you tried asking him those questions and being very open and vulnerable? Cancer men love that. Ask him... in the nicest sincerest way, no tone, just softly with a smile, like you're flirting

    So, what did you mean when you said.. "I am here for you in any and all ways"...

    How do you see me?... and pause. Wait for his reply always and observe his facial expression.

    Do you think/feel that what we have is special?...

    Are you happy?... or What will make you happy?...

    And you have to give it too. Say I think you're special and what we have is special. It would be nice if we can take it further or say what is in your heart, what you truly want...

    I know it sounds corny and cheesy, but, this is how you talk to Cancer men, emotions and feelings. They live it and breathe it.

    Assure him that if he needed space, he can have as much as he wants and you will still be there when he's ready but request for him not to pull away because that will hurt you. If indeed this cancer man of yours really care or is borderline/close to being in love. He will not want you to be hurt and will remedy the situation immediately. After saying that, again, trust, and then relax and act normal. Contact him if you want to, just short and sweet messages, but do it as if you don't expect anything. He will feel that.

    Cancer men remember feelings and that's how they remember and file things. The feeling that they have when they are with you. Not what you looked like or what you're wearing. So to be in his mind always give him the feeling. Make him feel special. Be happy and he'll be happy with you. Feel confident and he will feel confident with you. Make him feel that he can trust you. Make him feel that you're the only woman in the world that can give him those feelings...

    You see maybe because I'm a Virgo, I show less emotions and I just do my own thing. I'm learning with my Cancer man, very slowly but I also tell him this. I act normal with him always. I don't expect I just write him an email everyday too, like he's my diary. I don't put pressure on him, I just say and be open about what I like and want and I ask him as well. For eample I always tell him that I love it when he text me or email me saying, he loves me, misses me or thinks of me because it makes me feel special and I appreciate it... so he does. My point, just tell him what you would like from him in the nicest way and ask him what he'd want and like from you instead of us guessing... because assumptions are killers, we could be way out of the ball park. I hope we're not.

    Wickedmoon, you will figure this out. Trust yourself...

    Cancer men are looking for a happily ever after. I know this because my Cancer man told me so. He specifically said he wants a happily ever after... who'd figure =D

  • Wickedmoon,

    I have not had a chance to read all of this yet, but from what I've read so far I'll give you a short reply.

    If this Cancer man feels there are a lot of obstacles (the girlfriend whom just had surgery especially) then he can not give you the relationship you deserve until he gets the timing right.

    Cancers do play by timing, the cut people off when they can do it without too much worry or bothersome lingering issues. It seems this is what he is attempting to do. Cancers adore stubborn bulls, because Cancers like to chase better than being chased, your attentions are not overdone and it keeps you exciting. If he is chasing you, than without a doubt he can't get you off his mind and will try to arrange these obstacles for there to be a chance for the two of you. It will take some time, patience, but I do think he would adore a relationship with you as the outcome.

  • cutting people off meaning his current relationship, that I think he still feels he has to see it through to the end without causing too much trouble to her.

  • I am learning so much about cancer men, thanks. Sounds lovely when they are in love with you.

    So how do you get them to fall in love with you?

  • By the way, Wickedmoon, I saw another forum, quite interesting the topic is "Why is it difficult to date a Cancer" much reccommended. You may find something else there to help you. And take the three people I mentioned below, what they say because it's very worthwhile.

    Sandran - you are fantastic. I love the way you communicate, give your insight, and advice

    Keldjoran (cancer male) and Astrodame - great too with their input.

    All of three of them; great sense of humour but most importantly give very sincere advice and insight.

    These forums have been enlightning and entertaining!!! But you need to keep in mind at the end of the day, you just got to do what you got to do. You have to make your own decisions and follow your own heart and instincts, we here giving the advice and opinion can only do just that. Each to their own including the Cancer males we all love and adore...

  • wicked>>>Hi, I have a situation that is driving me insane,literally INSANE..

    Sandran>>I have a situation.Not driving me insane.Because I won't let it.But, here goes...I met a Cancer classmate of mine on wants me to post my story on my profile.Which really doesn't seem to be a big deal.But, I am not for one to post my life where the whole universe could see it.I am a private person.But, turn he hasn't made an effort to post his story out there either.Hmm..See the mirror image we are giving off to each other.??..I am not willing to budge an inch to post my story unless I write him in an email for his eyes only..I am not familiar with a Cancer man.But, from where I am sitting this is getting on my last nerve and a real BIG pain in my ass.What is up with not using the email.If he makes a point for anyone to know his email..Seems you would want to reciprocate with it.What a big dumbass...

  • Virgicookie-Thanks for responding! I see what your saying that if he cares for me and thinks that he has hurt me than he will remedy the situation quickly. This is exactly what he did when he did kinda hurt me a few months ago. He was constantly coming around me, seemed to be everywhere I was, breaking his neck to look at me, you wouldn't believe some ways he acted. When I confronted on him and had gotten myself through it, he was very abinent about that I wasn't a mastake, and then he kissed me by flying over his desk!! I am going to take your advice, and just go with the flow for now and let him work through what he's doing and I'm working on things too. I believe that it's not over and that in the way he is with me, that he's saying that.

  • Wickedmoon, I am so glad that I was able to get you to step back and look at the situation in a different light... If you feel and believe it is not over, then it is not over. He does care for you, he just needs time.. And yes the best thing is for you, is to keep busy and like I said act normal, just be you, no expectation, no pressure, just you being happy constantly with or without him (that's how you'll make him think anyways) eventhough you're as emotionally drained and confused as hell.

    With my cancer man, maybe this will answer Luazinha's question. I did not chase him, never have and never will, not in my nature. I told him that. When we first met, I liked him a lot, but Virgo's tend to be aloof and detached, we hardly show emotions. I was just cool about it, I flirted with him, smiled a lot and then on the second last night of the cruise I just casually asked him, like how would a friend to come out and socialise with my friends and I. (Cancer men, hardly, I don't think they will ever make the first correct me if my statement is incorrect) He didn't show and I was like ok. Fine by me. I didn't go to his gym class in the morning, I slept in and had breakfast. Lastday of the cruise I got a note under my cabin door saying he was sorry he fell asleep and he wanted to have dinner with me. I wrote him a note back to say 'yes' and he called me to confirm. We had a great time.

    Now, he's told me he loves me and he wants to get married in Germany and wants a happily ever after with me. Planning my trip to Germany to meet his friends and family and attend a couple of his friends wedding. Who'd have thought. I never expected this, I thought he'd be a holiday romance and that was it.

    And this whole time. I've not been anything but me. I haven't played games, acted in a certain way. I just did what I like and was willing to do. How I see it, is if they really want to be with you, they will try and fit, squeeze themselves in your life. He knows I'm independent and I spend a lot of time with family and friends. I always have something on. But I never made him feel less important. I constantly email him. He wants a long email. I'll give him a long email. He wants me to come and see him, I'll wake up 6am just to be there when he arrives. Bottom line is it's all about not losing yourself and communicating to each other what you like and want in the beginning. Game playing. Pffp. I can't be asked. If he really likes you and you really like him, what's the point of game playing, why not just build trust and honesty straight away. Plus make them feel that you're not afraid to lose them, but it would be their biggest loss if they lost you.

    Up to now my cancer, still tells me not to forget him because he'll be away for 14 days. Keep em on their toes. Make them feel that they have to work for you. At the same time, show vulnurability and make them feel special. And always sound and act as if they don't affect you, not their moods behaviour or anything (even though inside you're pulling your hair!) But also pull em up for it, afterwards, not during and do it subtlely in a casual non threatening way. I know that my cancer man, fell in love with my confidence, independence, views on life and people, how I approach things. He thinks I'm always happy and positive and he likes that. He likes to be around me because of how I am and how I make him feel 😃

    But this is just my experience with cancer. Everyone is different with our experiences and what makes us fall in love. So this should not be taken as a set in stone rule. Just my own personal insight. Plus all men are different even if they share the same sun sign.

    Sandran, what I noticed with Cancer male, well my one, is DOUBLE STANDARDS!! I'm not a fan. And yes very annoying. But I don't stand for it. I actually tell my cancer man, I'm going to do what I want whenever I want, with a huge smile on my face =D

    f I were you don't budge and tell him the reason. Then ask him to do it first! but that doesn't mean you'll do it too. =D

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