Reading request for Chris1962
Would you tell me what you see in this situation, please? My long-distance boyfriend, after opening his heart to me in September, has become more and more distant. Some background: when we met, I was married, but had no romantic relatiionship with my husband, and we intended to divorce amicably. After I wrote my boyfriend that my divorce was final, he wrote me several intense love letters, describing how much I mean to him, and said he loved me and would love me forever (the first time he expressed this directly). He continiued to write that regularly for about a month -- and then, although he kept in close e-mail contact, he stopped writing that he loved me -- only that he misses me. Now, his e-mails are over a week apart, and say simply "Hope you are well, I have received your mails, thank you". I don't know what to think, or how to respond. Several Tarot readers (personal friends of mine) have told me that there is a huge disjunct between his feelings and his behavior -- that is, not to conclude that he doesn;t care about me because of his lack of expression / attention. They have said that he loves me passionately but is overwhelmed with the stresses of his life. And, his life is EXTREMELY stressful; work, and he is in the midst of a very messy divorce, and has two small children whom he loves dearly (he and his wife had decided to divorce long before he and I met -- they were trying to stay in the same house for the sake of the children, for 2 more years -- but have decided that is impossible) . I find it difficult not to interpret his tone as cold and distancing. Can you offer any insight into why he has stopped expressing love for me? What would be the best appraoch for me to take in my response? I have not answered his last mail, from Ftriday. Thank you so much for your time and attention. FJasmine
Excuse me, I misspelled your name, Cris1962
Your situation regarding the separation between yourself and your husband sounds like a carbon copy of my own, so how freaky is that?
Anyhoo, this man's feelings for you have been discovered by someone and he's now feeling like he's being watched every time he writes something. The someone would be his soon to be ex and she's using every trick in the book to make him feel threatened. She's using the kids as trump cards, his so-called "betrayal" with you as a way of lowering his self esteem and all sorts of things. I truly don't get that this woman is what you'd call a decent person really. Her true colours are coming to the fore with the pressure being exerted on their marriage. Your poor fella is feeling like a puppet being pulled by this string and that. He really needs to get out of there, but he doesn't want to leave the kids with her. I get that he may try for full custody of them, so no wonder his romantic emails have tapered off lately. The poor guy. He probably doesn't even feel like he can text you either, and I don't get that his work allows him a chance to get on a computer much or at all (is he some sort of builder or some other thing where he works outside?)
Patience is the key word for you here. Patience, compassion and stoicism. Just keep waiting and keep the faith. This fellow is totally nuts about you as was proved by him laying himself out for you in September. He just needs to somehow get rid of this chain around his neck (the current wife) but I can't see how things'll go with his children. He might have to consider a 50/50 arrangement rather than full custody. Gee, I tell you, I don't like the energy I get from his ex-to-be much at all!
Hope this helps
By the way, the proper spelling of my name is Chris, so don't worry about misspelling it!
Thank you so much! I just found your reply so please excuse my delay.
You are exactly right about his work: he owns a renovation / plumbing / painting company, and only gets to his computer in the evenings. He works very very very long hours, sleeps little, and eats less. And you are also right in what you see about his soon-to-be ex-wife -- she has made his life a living hell.
Your reading has reassured me greatly. Thank you again!
P.S. Concerning my ex-husband, our divorce was quite traumatic for many of our friends, who had imagined us the perfect couple.
Oh yes -- he has always told me that his wife is a wonderful mother and that he admires her in that respect, but that they have had great problems between the two of them since even before the first one was born (5 years ago), Both children were planned and he loves them above all, but I can't see him trying to get full custody. I do know that access to the children is extremely important to him, and he did tell me in early October that she yells at him constantly, and that he is sfraid she is trying to provoke him to hit her to ensure exclusive rights to the children for herself. At this point, he and his wife are not even able to speak civilly to one another.
He has not told me not to write him -- do you see it as dangerous for me to send e-mails? i have not in over a week. I also want to be as supportive as possible, as I think this is most likely the most stressful time of his life so far.
You're right: she is trying to provoke him as that'd make things so much easier for her in the custody stakes. This certainly is the most stressful time of his life so far, but it isn't easy for you either. Being "silently" supportive is very frustrating indeed, as you long to speak to him, but feel you can't. You might need to set up a meeting with him somehow and work out some sort of "code" thing where you can contact him by email (with a yahoo or hotmail address - something where she doesn't have access) or text during his work hours or something, so that he knows of your support by seeing messages from you rather than just "feeling" it. Gonna be challenging I know, but you'll work it out. And one thing I'll mention here: the ex wife is not an entirely bad person either; she adores the kids and feels she's the best one to parent them. That's her biggest problem at the moment as she sees your fella as a thorn in her side and has for quite some time, probably due to his continued unavailability because of long work hours (which he's done for her and the kids, but obviously that backfired on him). She's using all her manipulative powers at the moment to get what she wants. But one of those kids will grow up to resent her and there will be her karmic lesson from this current behaviour.
Just lay low, be a bit clever here, and you'll be able to contact him to show your support. He knows you care, but as said above, it's good to be able to see and hear how a person cares, rather than rely on feeling it or even guessing
Thank you very much.