New situation, scared witless, need advice



  • My best friend, my boyfriend, and I, decided to try and give being in one "bigger" relationship a try. I trust them both with my heart, and love them both dearly, which is why (even though I'm normally a very jealous and possessive person) I allowed this to happen. I feel that she can bring a new level to my relationship with him, and help teach us things we can take with us when we go. This isn't my reason for allowing it to happen, but it's just a feeling.

    I'm terrified that this can fail in so many horrible ways, and I need some advice on where to go from here. I could never live my life without these two people, which prompts me to ask.

    Thank you in advance, whoever you are.



  • Danashae,

    Personally I would not go into a situation like this. Not for being a prude or anything, but because this can go wrong in so many ways and you could not only lose your boyfriend but your best friend as well.

    Please rethink this.



  • You say "take with us when we go" go where? If you are a possessive and jealous person then I don't see this working. How long have you been boyfriend and girlfriend? I had a friend and her husband do the same thing. The friend of my friend fell in love with her and caused tremendous amount of heartache to the husband and my friend. Now the jealousy factor is always on his mind. Which one have you had longer in your life? Your best friend or your boyfriend? Will he do it with her better, will she do it better with you than he can? Be ready to answer those questions before you test this water out.



  • not a very good idea, someone is going to get very hurt here, sorry wish that i could tell you something different, but it sounds like a big no no



  • In the old days a servent would bear a child for a king and queen, if they could not have children. I can recall the story as this the king fell in love with the slave girl and the queen wanted her dead because of jealousy. The king secretly sent her on her way w/child and never saw her again. It was a tragedy.

    In your situation and the story I told, 3's a crowd. If you have already engaged in this situation and allowed it to happen, it's a little too late. Someone is bound to get hurt here. If you have not engaged in it yet, is it because your boyfriend and best friend suggested it? Who initiated this, there intentions are not very pure whomever did.

    Now if it was you whom initiated this kind of relationship, then you will have to face whatever consequence comes with it. I am very soory for your situation, but if you allowed this to happen and you have doubts it's not going to turn out very good!

    It's too late to stop what has been started and whatever the outcome, you'll have to accept it. We all make out own choices weather it good or bad, we all make our own paths for our own destiny. You have to ask yourself is this the right path for me?

    I wish the best in your choice, I hope it works out for the best

    Sweet Sag-



  • yes i definately think 3 is a crowd , if yr boyfriend truly loved you babe he wouldnt want another , and as for yr friend , i have a sneaky suspicion that she may be out to get yr man ! whos idea was this ? someone is going to be very hurt here and ive a feeling its gonna be you babe , id seriously rethink this situation , if you are a jelous person by nature it wont be long before this situation starts to eat away at yr self esteem every time he pays her any attention , i would also choose my friends more wisely !!!



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  • Danashae,

    It takes a very evolved soul to get a healthy lesson out of a 3 some. To most folks it's dangerous and wrong for them. If you are already "terrified" it can fail, then I suspect it was someone else's idea? I don't judge you but I encourage you to look at your motives. If these 2 people are really dear to you you must be open with your feelings, talk about your experience,most of all what you require from each other and most importantly where your boundaries are and what is healthy for each of you.



  • like pfee said danashae im not judging , this is not a one of 3 sum he is suggesting but basically it boils down to having both you and yr friend !!! i would be sick at the thought of my boyfriend sleeping with my best friend i seriously think you are being manipulated hun , dont be , you wouldnt be putting comments on this forum if you were comfortable with the situation , would you ? if he was mine id have his balls on a skewer by now !! please wake up hun , hope it works out for you xx



  • Everyone is right that this is a bad idea. Guys begin to take notice of how the two of you relate and begins to appreciate qualities in the friend that you like. Then, the road takes a nasty twist, and then you find yourself on the outside looking in.

    Keep your personal life with your boyfriend separate from your friendship with this friend. No matter how much you may trust them, separately, the three together may turn into a time bomb.

    Just a word of caution is needed here. Use your brain, trust your gut and then deal with it as if you've already been burned. You may save yourself from needless heartache down the road.



  • i can see exactly what will happen here !!! you and yr friend will end up at loggerheads fighting over him ,while he sits back and enjoys all the attention ,what man wouldnt !!! it will all end in one almighty bust up with you losing yr friend and him , n do you no what hell end up with neither of you with his pride intact , hell probably end up with another girl , n i bet you n yr friend wont speak for years , this is a totally bad idea , but i would find out who is pulling whos strings here babe xx



  • guys' point of view here: this is unfortunate. danashae, i don't know your boyfriend or your best friend, so i'll shoot from the hip. you're already insecure, and that is a relationship killer. it puts all the power and all the emotional work in your boyfriends' hands to keep you comfortable, confident, and happy in your new relationship, which this is. the old situation is gone, you can't undo the memories. jealousy is also no good; he gets the power, and you get the work. if you don't love your friend mentally, emotionally and very likely physically, there is no balance here. i am compelled to ask, what if the relationship was two guys to the one of you, was that even a thought or possibility? and how would that have worked? what if you put opening the relationship thusly on the table, what is your boyfriends' answer. you can't guess here, you should be brave and ask and live with the answer. if he says that ends it, it wasn't there to begin with. as to your friend, i can't speak to her motives, but i also suggest a good hard painfully honest think about it and talk to her, then think on her responses some more. i just got a flash: she wasn't in a relationship at the time, was she? and think about her recent and long-term histories regarding relationships. i am truly sorry.

    danashae, find your strength and pride, don't worry about dignity. there is a saying, g-d never gives us more than we can handle. trust in yourself, and the blessings of the divine. for what it's worth, i believe in you.


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