What do i do?
So basically Im in a part of my life that is very frustrating and confusing(but who isnt). I feel at times that noone wants me around I feel completely useless. Im lonley and feel like im the only one who understands me. It sucks! Im tired of feeling like I cant trust anyone or be around anyone. Im also dealing with a past relationship but I feel ive handled that right. It feels like im constantly being back stabbed or talked badly about, even though im not. It feels like I dont even know myself sometimes. I second guess everything and need some guidence or insight on what may be the cause. Thanks
There is a hopelessness that seems to want to take over. You have chosen a hard life that when acomplished will see much reward but not without a real test of faith to leap through the dark times. You are dealing with both nature and nurture. You carry a lot of baggage from your childhood and also by nature you need space from people because you can be a sponge absorbing too much "stuff" from other people. You want to be close and you have a huge heart yet a protective part of you knows that sometimes people just drain you and confuse you. It is no wonder you feel pulled apart and at war with yourself. Your childhood was confusing and complicated--like you were different planets--- someone crossed your boundries without a clue--someone left you feeling invisible, someone didn't respect how sensitive you are. They taught you to be too hard on yourself. That is why you imagine slights from others that don't exhist---it like your wearing childhood glasses out of focus and distorting your vision still. You have a dominating voice in your head that is out of balance with a counter voice that loves yourself for just being. You need to nurture that voice in your head that loves unconditionaly. Someone in your childhood was not honest and forced you to question yourself for seeing the truth. You loved them and it was easier to fault your own perception. You learned not to trust yourself. Everytime you fail or make a mistake you beat yourself up and give that dominate voice more power. Truth is a healthy knowing that protects your right to move ahead believing there are no mistakes but opportunities for growth and wisdom. Some mistakes are meant to be seen as blessings at another time--when things go wrong it is not because you are a screw up but it's just another chance to rise above it and learn something that will further you along in your journy this life time. The fact that you already recognize your perceptions are not always true is a good sign! It means you don't have to be ruled by those old glasses but you can take a step back and be kind to yourself--do something you know feeds your spirit and jump out of that dark place. Also, you are different, you should not feel guilty. Being with others is harder sometimes. You're need to withdraw doesn't have to be a lonely thing. You need regular breaks from people to keep a true perspective. Be kind to your sensitive side--the side most ignored and trampled on as a child. Once you find a balance in yourself between the side that is soft and the side that protects you will feel more at ease in every part of your life and will attract more people in your life who are more like you--a little different and more receptive to validating your real truth.
Your just about spot on blmoon! I needed to hear this. Thank you so much for your insight. Your a very gifted person