Lenght of time for inner healing



  • I have been doing alot of inner healing work for almost a year and I am sick of this process. I thought that in a year, I would be in good shape. Instead, it has been almost a year and a half and still I am not in a relationship yet. My money situation is improving, I am back in school and I am taking the steps needed to be happy and yet I feel that God is purposely denying me a relationship. I see women who have not even done any inner work getting married and I am still alone. WHy is this happening? I am tired of this healing process and I can't be alone just because I am healing. Why I trying so hard to heal and yet the one thing I want is not happening. This is a year 2 for me and everything says that I am ready for a relationship.I see women with self-esteem worse than mine and yet they are in not to bad relationships. What is happening?



  • I don't believe that God would purposely deny you a relationship. It sounds as if you are on the right track. Your currently in school and your finacial situation is getting better. I don't think God wants you to be alone. It sounds like you have alot going for you right now. Keep up the good work. Love will find you when you least expect it. The other women you talk about with low self-esteem in relationships are most likely in shallow relationships. Sometimes people get into a relationship for the wrong reasons. Perhaps that is why it is taking longer for you to find a good relationship. God wants to make sure that it is the right relationship for you and doesn't want you to suffer any hardships. lol



  • Thank you for your advice. I promised myself six months of healing and I extended it to a year. I am just frustrated because I meet people and yet it is not working. I just want to make sure I am doing the right thing. Thank you very much.



  • I am so sorry that you feel like it is a lost cause for you. What will happen is that when you least expect it things will all fall into place. I know because it happened to me and I thought things would never heal for me. My husband died unexpectedly and he was my rock for 55 years. My whole world tumbled and it has been two and a half years. I have been in a relationship for eight months now and it has been rocky at times but i finally came to the realization that all i have to do is to relax and things will fall into place and they have. Just remember that God is still looking out for you even when you think He isnt. He holds you in the palm of his hand at all times. Always remember that. I wish you all the luck in the world. When things finally fall into place you will wonder what all the fuss was about and why you wasted energy worrying about it.



  • The healing process is a lifetime process. Although you still might receive a husband whom is right for you while in the process. What you mean is perhaps a healing process from a particular past experience since you expected it to last only a year. No, the healing of us humans are lifelong and we are still not perfect when we die. Even if we and other human beings feel so.

    Just you let go of that feeling that God is punishing you or denying you what you want. No, God is not the one denying it. It would then be something inside of you that has not made him arrive into your life. It could be that there is a pattern of expectations that is preventing you from receiving him into your life. If you complain about your situation, it would be like praying for the situation to continue. So that does not help. When you do that, that is called poverty concienceness.

    When you focus on the fact that you dont have, that is what is going to continue. When you focus on the fact that you have or you just do NOT focus on the fact that you do not have, then there is nothing inside of you that is preventing that husband to arrive into your life.

    Continue to be receptive for inner change in trust that God is with you.



  • This is so true Hanged Woman. Learning to focus isn't easy but is essence of everything. You draw negativity if your thoughts go that way and visa versa.

    Someone once told me to take a walk to a area that has water (river, lake) and voice aloud what you would like to come your way and let the wind take those words away. If it's for you it will come your way.



  • how do you know she has not done any inner work? she might say so, but how do you know for sure? the universe might send her someone to teach her a lesson that will require her do some inner work if she hasn't already. when will this happen? only the universe knows. And just because someone has low self esteem doesn't mean they can't have a good relationship. in fact the universe might send them just the right person to improve their self esteem.

    I didn't have high self esteem either when I got married. since I never had the luxury of great boyfriends and great paying jobs. Hubby on the other hand, always have money, always get his hands on great paying jobs, not just jobs to make a living. he always knows what to do when people cheat on him, relationship or job. I knew what to do, but not always successful at it. We were chatting for 8 months and now married for almost 9 yrs. He certainly is not a spiritual person, but he is one that is my complete opposite in many ways that we can fulfill in each other what we are lacking in ourselves.

    If you are trying so hard to heal, then you will not be healed completely. Even a physical wound takes time to heal. Trying to speed a healing process will cause another problem to arise. Same with psyche. Until the universe sees that you are ready for another relationship, it will not send you the right person your way. The universe knows you to the core, it knows the right person for you even if you don't see him that way or you don't see him yet.

    Healing process is different time and process for each person. You can't say you will heal in 6 months, a year etc. The universe doesn't bow to 24/7 rule because it is human definition of time. It will know when you are healed which means you are ready for a new relationship. How or when you are ready, it's your choice.

    I would suggest keeping positive thoughts and sending only them out. Impatience, worry, fear, anger, they are all negative energies. The universe sends you back all the energies you sent out. If you are sending negativities, you will feel even more miserable and will add more injury that will take longer to heal. There is time for everything. I don't know what you have done for inner healing, but it doesn't seem you are healed yet, at least not completely. You might want to try meditation, it will help bring peace into your mind.



  • Namaste Ctibaaga. Was the purpose of your healing to find a mate? Was it to heal what needed to be healed, for its own sake? or something else? What caused you to begin a process of self healing and personal enrichment?

    If you ask for a mate now you will receive the mate you can have now. Your frustration isn't so much based on the lack of mate, it is the perception that things aren't working the way you want them to work, with an end result you expect. If you turn your focus to the process of healing and let that be okay, you're process will accelerate, and you'll ulitmately be dumped on the shore, fresh and clean and happy to be picking seaweed from your hair.

    If you insist upon anything, you'll find that G-d balks. If you focus on the task at hand, and say, Yo, big G, let's bust on this I can handle it, you'll get to the warm sand much more quickly. And He may throw you a clean beach towel, too. : )

    Also, note what you're working on and how much. You may be over focused on healing and need to incorporate a 'break' for yourself to play, flirt, watch a movie, or sleep twelve hours on a Saturday.

    Trust your own process; trust to know when you're done.

    You may find that what you are asking for is Silver, when what G-d desires for you is Gold.

    love and light,

    Ahliyah



  • let the thought go of what you want so that the universe can deliver it to you, you are hanging onto your wish, see a beautiful colored ballon with your wish for a loving beautiful relationship in that balloon, watch it rise to the universe let the string go, trust that your wish will come and say well thats that organised, now where was i, you will get this you just gotta let go



  • Hey Ctibaaga, These is so much good advise up there... Listen with your heart not your mind! My Dr. told me it is "stinkin thinkin" which keeps one in the "doubt" mode or not the healing mode. It is so easy to fall back into our old form of thinking "poor me" and it stops anything that you truly (deep down in your heart) desire. Patience is a key word... KNOW it will happen at the RIGHT time. AND when it does, it might not be a FOREVER thing, but something to help you get to know who you truly are. I say this only becasue I have / am still there.

    All the above information is to guide you to your inner self healing. I am sure we all reaching out to guide your feeling. Check youself and your thinking... Law of Attraction... Blessings, Love and Lots and Lots of Light



  • Thank you everyone for all of your advise. The truth is I don't believe in being passive about anything. If you want a job, you look for one, you want money you find one. I don't have a lifetime to be sitting up here trying to heal, at one point you have to move on from one phase to another. It is not natural for a woman my age to be single. I know society tries to make it seem that it is okay, but it is not, it is against nature. Quite frankly sitting up trying to wait for it to happen is being passive. I meditate, work out and do journal work. I meditate up to an hour each day. I have done this for almost two years. I am done with it. How do I resolve this issue in my life?



  • Well I don't think healing is a passive action. but if you feel like that, then go ahead try start a relationship with someone. I really don't see it as a passive action, since just because you don't see obvious proof doesn't mean there is nothing going on with the psyche.

    While I was healing, I was still working and making friends. I never let relationship or any kind of problems stopped me from living my life. Because it's mine anyway. I didn't court anybody until probably 6 months after I was betrayed. By then, I had changed. I had more friends than I used to. I was happier because I was free of emotional baggage from the past. Then, I met my hubby. We courted 6-8 months got married for almost 9 yrs now. no regret.

    His last relationship was probably 3-5 yrs and he had done all the healing needed. he didn't even remember what his exes done anymore. So it was the right timing, we were both ready for our future together, nothing and no one from the past can get in the way.

    Nobody says that if you are still healing, you can't get out and have fun or join dating sites if you want to. of course you can, but not necessarily you will find the right man you are looking for. you want active, well then be active looking for whoever you desire. as long as you remember that if he is not meant to be yours, nobody and nothing can make him. the universe will send you the right man you desire when you are ready. doesn't mean literally send to your door like a mail package, but could be among your friends now or if you join clubs, he is member in one of these clubs.

    I am 34, married at 25. It's my first marriage and it's working great. There are people my age that haven't found happiness, and there are others older that haven't either. I'm sure their time will come. It's not like I never went through pain myself, so I understand that everything goes according to the universe timing, not ours. I tried to speed it up, but all I got was more lies and cancelled marriage with my ex bf prior to meeting my hubby now. So there was a reason why I went through all that, because I was meant to marry the right man at 25, not 24 or younger. All of my friends are married at 20 at least, some lasted, some ended in 2 or 5 yrs the max. I wouldn't want to hurry and marry at 20 only to lose it at 25. I'd rather marry at 25 and not losing it until death do us part.

    Anyway I don't mean to sound harsh. Just sharing my opinion and story. I hope you understand.

    Bye now and hope you get some better solutions



  • inner healing is a lifetime process, we are continually learning, life throws challenges at us, as we journey thru this earth school, we are spirit, but are also in the human existance which i have been told the lowest existance, when we reach to our true spiritual self that is when we can see the bigger picture of what lifes journey is all about, we bring thru stuff from past life existance that has to be dealt with, if it has not been settled in past life issues, for some of us that is, i am still going thru my lessons and will always be journeying and learning,( to rise higher to the higher self the true spirit,) because we have our ego and suffer because of that it is hard to overcome some obsticles in our lifes, and we keep on making the same mistakes until we learn, then we clear that block and move onto the next learning challange,the ego can be a positive in a spiritual sense as it tells us where we are going wrong, the journey does not finish when the body dies it continues on and on as the universe is endless, just when you feel that your getting their another learning pops up, how interesting, obove all we can still enjoy life if we chooose to, it comes back to choice, we do or we dont.



  • May I suggest getting out of your head. Accept how things are this instant and move on from there. Get into your life. Like others have said healing is a process if you grasp at trying to get there you are resisting what is. Let it go. What is meant to be will be. There is nothing wrong w/ being single, be kind to yourself judging your situation, the half empty cup, simply put, needs to shift to half full, seeing progress. If you can meditate an hour a day you have clearly made progress!! We all have "things" we desire it is part of life. Frustrations come and go. If being "done with it" means letting go that may be what you need. Comparing yourself to others is just the ego doing what it does. But I urge you to be careful because what you attract to yourself when angry is not always best for us. I speak from experience. Trust things unfold as they should.



  • I too wonder how some people get over things and how long it takes to move on.

    I have found that when I write thigs down , no matter what it is , then go back and reread what I wrote it helps me see how much further I have gotten. Hopefully this will help you.



  • Hi, You really don't need healing for an inner desire to love and be loved. But to find the right love takes time sometime. I think those who long for love (like me) are nurturing. But love isn't all about being in a relationship. Just being in school is a very positive thing. But you have to love what you are doing. There's a basic pyramid of human needs they say--shelter, food, accomplishment and love. Even though you may not have somebody, you can still experience love. Going to school will impact your world so maybe you can look at life thru that perspective. I think you'll be ok when you realize that you have a lot of power just in yourself.



  • Start doing things to attract more attention, maybe wear colors that brighten your skin tone or bring out your eyes. put on a little make up and dont be afraid to try a new look or a new scent. Next time you see a cute guy make eye contact with him and hold it for a few seconds and smile. Strike up a conversation about a moview you would like to see and so on. A friend told me once that I was single because I was being too picky. She was right I didnt give anyone a chance because I thought it wouldnt work. Other times I really did enjoy being single and not having the stress of worrying about another person or having to answer for myself so that I could focus on other things I was wanting in life.



  • hi I would just like to encourage you in your healing journey...everybody shared some great advice...I have been in healing process for awhile now..more like 8 years and it is a lifetime process..I don't believe that I could probably heal everything in my life time but I do what I can..I enjoy movies, shopping, flirting(love that) smiling at strangers, etc etc..just that my life is busy with a lot of activites..exercising...and guess what guys are now coming up to me and asking to be a part of my life but I am cautious of course. But it is an exciting period of my life..I lost everything a couple of months ago..but I kept moving on with my life..I try to live it fully and like its the last day of my life and the motto we only live once so go for it and try not to regret too much and be forgiving and love yourself before you can truly love someone else. Well I think its finally happening and I am enjoying it. The time I had was for myself and I experienced it fully, that isn't to say that there were times I missed being in a relationship but I felt like I wasn't ready for it til now. so hang in there it will come eventually. I am so grateful for my alone time and I feel like I can now share my life with that someone special.



  • true sapphire

    we can't heal everything at once. the psyche will know what needs to be healed as we start the process. It will start with the most important, and once this is done, we will feel lighter because the most important, the main injury is healed. the rest of the healing process will continue on the course of our life and by then we have to continuously support the healing process by keeping positive attitude and nurture both psyche and physical regularly.

    loving yourself is a very positive attitude, unfortunately not everyone understands how much this contributes to all relationships we have. I sometimes get snorted at when I say this. But how can we love others if we don't know how to love ourselves? How can we attract postive things to happen to us, if we are not exuding positivity ourselves? The universe only returns to us what we send out, if we send out impatience and rush into things, that will be what we get in return.

    it's nice to know you are finally there. If you stay positive and nurture yourself, the universe will see to it that you find what you are looking for. Grats.



  • Such good true advice. I only married the first time at 36 (3 years ago and going) I was alone for 6-1/2 years (ouch) because I felt I needed to focus on my son and that when it was time for me to find love it would happen. It did, while I wasn't looking & where I wasn't expecting. Healing, learning, I agree all lifetime projects. After losing everything a few years ago and struggling even still with plenty of hardship, I have been trying to live every day as it is is the best day ever. I even have my son saying it now. Today is the best day ever because it is what we have now and good bad ugly etc it is a learning experience. I wish you love and happiness and hope you find what you seek.

    Hey LS I missed you have been taking care of some things on the home front trying to stay positive to actuate some positivity in my life. Hope you are well