How to make a choice if you don't feel strongly about either option?



  • I wasn't sure where to post this so aplogies if it seems irrelevant here...

    I should first say that I don't want to sound as if I am complaining. This is actually quite a hopeful post and I feel incredibly lucky to have such wonderful opportunities but I am having a very difficult time making a decision and feel almost paralyzed by the idea of making this choice.

    I gave up my job and life abroad a couple years ago to come home. I was only planning on staying for a year and was getting ready to leave again when I met someone. We dated for a while and it didn't work out. I was getting ready to move on again and accept another job abroad when a family member got sick and needed me to help while they recovered. I was happy to do this and felt priviledged to spend this time with someone I love and who has helped me so much in the past. This person is doing better now and I feel pretty good about moving on again.

    I have a chance to move abroad AGAIN for a new job in a few months. Such a wonderful opportunity but to be honest, while the expat life does sound appealing, I really don't feel a strong pull to move overseas again. However, I want to make sure I live life to the fullest possible and don't want to miss out on a great experience. For some reason, I feel as though i am not really living unless I am putting myself in foreign situations and struggling. I do have the luxury to stew over this decision as my family has graciously said they would support me for the year in return for the fact that I gave up my job to help them. In fact, they are pretty insistant upon this. They believe I should take my time and explore the possibility of going back to school for further education or a possible career change. Honestly, as I type this, I'm embarrassed. My "problem" sounds so petty and I'm really spoiled with choices. I realize and am thankful that I have all these great options but I can't decide which would the best for long term. I'm also wondering if first the relationship and then the sick relative were signs that I am supposed to stay put in my home country? It sounds really silly but another consideration is that I have acquired two cats since I've been back and love them so much. I feel anxious at the thought of leaving them behind for family to care for. I couldn't take them with me....they would be too traumatized by the long flight and stay in quarantine.

    I don't know if i'm just transferring my fears about moving to my cats. Or, is this all kind of a hint from the universe that i need to stay put? Outside of the fact that my heart would break to leave my pets, I don't feel a strong pull in either direction. Life at home is easy and safe. Life abroad is challenging but exciting. I've never had so much trouble making a decision like this before. every other time I have taken a job or moved overseas, I've always been absolutely 100% certain of my decision and never felt a moment of anxiety. Of course, all these other times, i wasn't faced with two equally good options. I HAD to get a job and work to survive and the overseas pay was great so it was a no brainer. A friend advised that while I feel uncertain, I should not make any decision and this is all a sign that i am meant to stay where I am and work some things out. I don't really know what those things would be though. i could be stuck here in the land of indecision for a long time. It's as if I'm straddling two sides of a fence and not really making a life anywhere at this time. Nothing seems very clear.

    Any words of wisdom? What would you do? Do you always wait to feel sure when you make choices? If neither sounds like the perfect choice, do you just pick one out of a hat and dive in feet first or wait until something else comes up? What if nothing else does come up??



  • I would stay put as long as you are happy at home. Take a break and do some soul searching maybe take some classes and let it ride for awhile as long as you can stand it. If you get miserable or have a change of heart then go. Maybe the Cat's were a subconsious way of being grounded in your own country. Everything happens for a reason. What a blessing to be able to make choices good for you.



  • Thanks poetic. i think you are right. I am living under the fear that if I don't make a decision and take action soon, i'll lose all my chances and get struck in a holding pattern. That is just anxiety though. Thank you so much for your response.



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  • Hi, My mom is a Libra and she has a hard time making decisions and choices. You'll be happiest if you go with what you like to do. I don't know why your family encourages you to go overseas--is it schooling. You may be wrestling with feelings of insecurity, maybe even self esteem. If you are, don't second guess yourself. Do what you feel is right for you. Remember, our lives are created by us and how we utilize what's at hand. Although we all make mistakes, what you do in the next 10 yrs will determine alot. Your laying the groundwork for the future--that's how I see it.



  • hi stoneyeye! libra's do find it really hard sometimes to make decisions lol its because we can always see both sides. i dont know about signs or fate, i dont think you're supposed to pick one particular option, i think sometimes you make choices and work with the outcome. if you dont feel strongly about either option you could try looking at things logically, write down the pros and cons and outcome for each choice and see whats the most sensible or appealing. in saying that though I think your friend has a good point in that if your really not sure what to do, dont do anything, you dont know what the winds gonna blow in the oportunity to work abroad may present itself again in the future 🙂



  • Thank you all for your response!

    Soapmaker, I will definitely try your technique. I tried earlier but had a difficult time concentrating so will try again when things around here are more calm. Thank you so much for your suggestion.

    Hi Dalia, Yes, I didn't even think about the fact that I am a Libra and having a tough time making a decision. How typical of me! My family aren't encouraging me to go abroad. they actually want me to stay and pursue more higher education. i am the one who keeps putting pressure on myself to go abraid again. Not sure why. When I say, "ok, I'm going to stay where I am" I get a little claustrophobic feeling. BUT, when I say "ok, I'll go abroad" I feel sort of ambivalent. Not sure what my problem is. Actually, I think I do know. I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself because I am mid-30's, not married and no children and feel that I should be working towards that . For some reason, I don't feel that would happen if I move overseas. Yet, there are no assurances that will happen if I stay either. I'm just confused and feel pressure to make the "right decision" for my future. I do agree with the statement that it is what we make of our decisions or situation is what really that counts. That's a good thing for me to remember. Thanks again for your reply.

    Hi Roseydaisy, A fellow libra! Yes, I guess it's true that we libras find it difficut to decide. I've been totally weighing pros and cons until I get so flustered that I can't think straight. Ug. I agree with what you said. You never know what will happen in the future and maybe if I stay here another opportunity will present itself that seems more "right". I haven't ever written the pros and cons though so I will have to try that. Thank you so much for your suggestion and thoughts! x


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