I am in a whole lot of emotional turmoil right now. My husband left after 15 years of marriage, we had been having some problems but I discovered he has been cheating for a while. I thought this is what I wanted (him leaving), only to now discover that I am now a complete wreck and I still love him so much. I am also angry because he now says he loves and respects me but is not in love with me anymore. How can you love and respect someone and still cheat and refuse to accept any responsibilty for said action. This probably makes no sense which is really how my life feels right about now but can anyone help. Is there anything showing in the cards for me at all.
its very difficult to know what your husband is really thinking, but from what i have just read i would say that he has love for you in another way, it hurts i know and it is a night mare to go thru a marraige breakup after 15 years, exspecially when you are the one who is hurting so very much, its a process that you are going thru, and it takes time to get back to a place where one feels comfortable, i would suggest that you seek some spiritual healing and guidance and some councelling, to assist you in your recovery of strength, beleive me its the best way for you right now, get ontop of the situation,think about yourself, you dont like feeling this way so you goota do something to aliviate the pain and the stress, i have been their myself and it is not nice, sometimes readings at a time like this can cause more harm than good,allow the process and trust your intuition at all times, you need to get settled down as he is obviously not to concerned about you otherwise he would be their,once you accept then you will start the process of healing and beleive me life will get one whole lot better,hope this is some comfort for you and help
I am very sorry to hear about this. It must be tough, but I am you can get through this. I would like to say that as much as you love him, if he can not take responsibility for his actions, he probably can't keep a story straight. Actions speak louder than words and as you said, how can he love and respect you while doing those things still? He may still have love for you even if it is not romantic, but the fact is, he had more love for his desires, for what he wanted to do. Which is not that respectful. The best thing to do right now is to care for you and don't worry about the inconsistencies in what he says. As much as the feeling of love won't disappear overnight, when you focus on yourself more and how you feel you deserve to be treated, you can start to treat yourself well. That is the only person you need to treat you well. It will be painful at times and maybe even lonely without him, but he needs to sort his own problems out. I don't have my deck on me right now, maybe when I get home I can pull a card. But what does come to mind is the Hermit. As dotthorey said, now is probably the best time for inner spiritual healing. Using the Hermits guiding light to guide yourself out of this time. Try meditating on him/her and ask for help in guidance and what you can do to make dealing with this better. It may take a few tries, but listen to your inner self and you may get some answers. I wish you the best.
Well, I just endured a divorce after 30 years of marriage. It is very very hard to get through the first month or so. In fact I attempted suicide because I just couldn't bear it. Thankfully, I am still around. I moved to NM (away from everyone but less expensive to live here). I got a settlement (not much but enough) so I purchased a mobile home on a lot and am still in the process of unpacking boxes. Does it get better? well I can't tell you that it will on it's own, but with some work and good friends you can move on. I take one day at a time. I spend more time on ME than I have in the last 40 years. My biggest problem has been self esteem and depression. I am on medication for the depression and I have been working on self esteem.
If you have to have contact with him because of kids or other things, make sure you keep your distance emotionally and don't be afraid to tell him that you can't talk to him right then if you are emotionally unstable at the moment. Pick your time to talk, rather than him. Keep busy - I find that I have way too many things on my plate some days but it does take my mind off things.
One other thing - don't get yourself fired up about something that you can't control. Him for instance - you can't control his actions, only yours. Let yourself feel the emotions but don't let them control you. I'm still working on that one. I've had all the same reactions you have and more, the same thoughts too since my ex has been unfaithful before the divorce (I forgave him) and again which was the cause of the divorce - he wanted to play the field I guess. Since I will soon be 55, I have a lot of regrets to add to my pile. If I had divorced him the first time I would have had time to get into a career for instance. Now I am thinking I'll be lucky to get a Walmart job - but that's ok too. I don't need much, and I can survive on what he sends me every month if I have to. It sure beats living a lie.
Painful as it is, I believe things happen in order to move us on to something better or something we were meant to do. Since I survived my suicide attempt, I believe I am still on this earth for a reason. So I am searching for that reason while I continue to work on my self esteem and other issues. You too, may have something in store for you that will make your life more meaningful.
Many thanks all for your wonderful advice.....I will seek help for myself and also because my three boys need me.
I am grateful to you all.
it is normal to feel so much pain and probably lose confidence when you are betrayed after so long believing in those that betray you.
all these experiences are meant to be experienced for you to learn from it and overcome the challenges. I feel that you know the lesson here, that it takes two to start the relationship and two to make it last. you still love him, at least you said so, but he doesn't love you the way he used to. so it' time to move forward now.
try your best to stay positive and keep a positive outlook on things including in the future. the universe will sends you back the positive energies you have sent out and you will get help and support through your struggle. refrain from negativities or dwelling in the past that will only delay you from moving forward for the universe will send you back the negativities and make your life more miserable.
I have never been betrayed in marriage. but I have been betrayed before quite a few times when I was younger. I was just young and saw the world through rose colored glasses, which was why the universe sent me these manipulative cheaters etc to show me that I have to see life and people in their true forms, not in the way they wanted me to see. Now you have seen his true colors, it is your choice whether you want to move forward without him or not.
It has now been six months since my husband left and at last I am getting stronger, feeling happier and calmer within myself. The thing that still hurts the most is that he still ignores me and has lied to anyone who will listen to him about me. I did nothing in this marriage that was so awful that I get to be treated this way but I am trying really hard to deal with this the best way I can. Why are some people so evil (maybe evil is a bit strong) but it is how it feels.....