Why it is difficult to date a cancer?



  • Hi ladies

    I've posted on another thread about my cancer guy, but I'm not getting many responses. Lindieloo, you are the one with the Indian guy that got married? You are 20 years older? I am 15 years older than my cancer, in fact i was friends with his father and that was how I met him.

    What I posted on the other thread is that cancers seem to have a completely different concept of time. While we are waiting for weeks to hear from them, for them it's as if no time has passed. I met my cancer 14 years ago, when he was only 19. he wanted to hook up and I rejected him because he was so young and I was also friends with his father. I guess I hurt him deeply, he never forgot. I moved to Asia from Brazil. he stayed in Brazil, which is on the opposite side of the world. He shows up at my doorstep (literally found my flat!) 13 years later and saids he wanted to talk because of the last time we saw eachother we didn't part on friendly terms. After 13 years! he talks as if it had only been a few weeks....

    Somehow this "closure" he wanted turned into passion I had never experienced before...he charmed me..he grew up over the last 13 years, but still wanted to be with me. he had moved to Asia, although a different country..we've seen each other a few times over the last few months. It goes from passionate texts to suddenly nothing...he was supposed to come visit end of Oct but his company canceled his leave. He saids he can't text me as much because he is so busy..and now can't come until January.

    Sandran, thanks for your insights to cancer psychlogy..trust issues...I bet it's even more difficullt for my cancer guy to trust me since I rejected him once. He took it really personally. It wasn't personal, I had also just broken up with another younger guy-an immature 20 year old aquarius and I didn't want to deal with another young guy, and it was awkward because I was good friends with his father. But looking at the situation logically, I think he is really busy to some extent, but also afraid of getting to involved..

    Why do they disappear? Good question. Why do they run when you show too much interest? I thought if I show interest he would be assured that this time I will not reject him, but when I get too close he backs off! When i ignore him he calls me. So I decided to play his game and not act like I care unless he shows it first. i stopped telling him that I miss him or that I am thinking of him.



  • luazinha:

    I agree with you about different concept of time. same thing happened to me too...maybe sometimes they live in a different world.

    last time we saw each other was 11th oct. have not seen him since...and we probably talk few times in between. before i joined this forum i was lost..i had no clue why he disappear? why he stop answering or returning my calls. but i learned a lot in past couple weeks. and there are some wonderful people here who have been very helpful with their suggestions.

    But i dont want to play his game. So i desided to avoid him and i have this feeling he will call me back..if he does i will tell him its over. even if he does not it is over too.

    learned my lesson in a hardway...STAY AWAY FROM CANCER LOL!!!!!!!!!



  • hey Astro:

    good to hear from you. yea i always believe that all the people we meet in our life there is a purpose behind that..sometimes they leave behind good memories sometimes they dont. Its only to teach us something we need to learn.

    But i learned my lesson with cancer and i can promise i wont let it happen again.

    lessons learned: STAY AWAY FROM CANCERS !!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL



  • Saranee. Luazinha . Yes i'm the one who is thinking my india fella has got marrried ,but I dont know that for sure yet as he still has not contacted me since the 24 th Oct .He said he would be in India for 3 weeks but i have a funny feeling he is back in the uk , cause when i logged into messenger he logged in as invisible again and also into another sight which i know he cant get in India . ssooo watch this space . If he's still in India i expect him home around the 12th or 13th Nov. But I'm not getting in touch with him . If he ever had any feelings for me at all he will call me and tell me if he's married or not and put me out of my misery. I will keep you posted you two take care, and thank you both , you have taken the time to talk to me and helped me . Thank you xxxxxx



  • Astrodame. Thank you so much for your concern ,and i am trying to keep my mind of him . I am now in contact with another guy i met on line over a year ago , We used to chat often , He seperated with his wife and we sort of lossed touch as I diden't want to interfere He comes from Irelad as do I,, to cut a long story short i contacted him 2 weeks ago as i knew he was in Dubai working , He replied last week and now we chat nearly every night internet permitting. But guess what ??? He is also a Cancer . Ohhh No you are saying lol .He is coming back home to Ireland for xmas and wants to meet me then ,What u think ? I am thinking of emailing my Indian b/f tell its over between us and tell him about my new fella .... Do you think he might be gealous or not ? But I wont do it just yet just incase he contacts me ... plz keep in touch and i will keep you posted and I hope we can become friends . People on here are so nice xx



  • Luaz>>will not reject him, but when I get too close he backs off! When i ignore him he calls me. So I decided to play his game and not act like I care unless he shows it first. i stopped telling him that I miss him or that I am thinking of him.

    Sandran>>Cancer's are afraid to get too close in relationships.We leave and disappear often because...we are in fear of rejection.If we stay away it protects us from being hurt.And if you show interest in us.And we feel the same way you do we come around.If not, they stay away longer means that they have other obligations.I cannot stress enough that Cancer cannot handle long distance relationships.We see this and we give up sooner.Because in order to feel for you we have to have constant contact.Without it.. a Cancer just quits and moves on.We see it as a hopeless cause to keep something going with no end in sight.Cancers needs in your face contact with alot of physical involvement always being there.Kinda like being next door /neighborhood sense.If the attraction is there we would jump on it.At the same time we need space to think and decide if what we are doing is a right move to make.So we think alot.



  • lindieloo>>He replied last week and now we chat nearly every night internet permitting. But guess what ??? He is also a Cancer .

    Sandran>>But, you mentioned he is separated.He is still legally married.It is a good idea to tell the India guy about this other one you found.But,I have a question out here.Why can't anyone find someone without all the baggage with a man that is still legally attached to someone else.??I mean..Is this all there is out there??My son's father passed away in 2002.And all I find are men that have been either newly divorced or separated.Now..if the guy were divorced for say...a few years or more.I may attempt it.And even then I may back off.People wonder what makes a Cancer run..We can't trust relationships with people who have been married numerous times.If a guy took 3 times to get married what makes him think he won't change his mind about you.

    so before anyone starts bashing on us Cancer's remember this...There are other signs messing up just as bad as a Cancer would.We just are slow and take precautions so we don't get hurt.



  • I've wondered if cancer men are a little different from cancer women, I'm a cancer and I too have experianced the difficulty of dealing with a cancer guy, cancers are suppose to be nurturing, I think under the right circumstances thats very true, but if negative emotions get in the way, then it seems to affect that a lot. The giving nature is defintly there with me, I am patient too, but I do have a temper that sometimes suprises people, even me. I think cancers in general might hold on too long to people, places, etc. but not put that into words,probably confuses people who are trying to get to know them, or deal with them.



  • @llindieloo --- Hmmm...trying to make a 'cancer' 'J' ... BAD IDEA !!! Cancers shy away from 'competition' in the relationship department and feel it's a waste of time chasing someone who already may be gone to someone else before they know it...and I feel it'd be fruitless esp. in ur case since he can't even see you 'physically' with ur new guy!! I'd say Just hang on and see what's up ur old 'cancers' sleeve and meanwhile DO meet this new 'cancer' too BUT just for some fun. The less expectations you have, more fun it'll be and it'd help you get get ur mind off ur old one too...which is all thats required in ur situation as of now... :):)



  • astro>>Cancers shy away from 'competition' in the relationship department and feel it's a waste of time chasing someone who already may be gone to someone else before they know it..

    Sandran>>Yes,I do all the time.If I see a man I may feel an interest for.As soon as he walks up to another woman I am gone.I do not attempt it.They were probably taken in the first place.And we don't like sharing our time with another.Which is probably my biggest downfall.Because I know it is not wrong to date others.But, if the man I like was seeing another I automatically see it as a commitment.I was lucky back in the day.My son's father came to me,unattached no children by another.No baggage with relationships.I think he was a virgin..LOL



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  • Cancers have their own sense of satisfaction. They do not trust very easily & they protect their home & family!



  • I agree with that. sometimes i felt like times stops for them. He called me after a week and he does not sound even like it already been a whole week. he said sorry we didnt talk last 2 days ...lol



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  • Keldjoran:

    Its been 6 days since i last talk to him. the last text he send me saying " i have lot going on, dont be mad at me" and thats it. do you think i should just send a casual text..?



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  • Keldjoran:

    he send that text last wednesday. actually he called me that same night too but i was with my friend so i said can i call you back in a little while and he said fine. so i called him back in 30 mins or so he didnt answer and he never call me back. so that was the last time...yes you are right i have this feeling he is playing a game..hate it...



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  • saranee>>>I agree with that. sometimes i felt like times stops for them. He called me after a week and he does not sound even like it already been a whole week. he said sorry we didnt talk last 2 days ...lol

    Sandran>>Yep! That's a Cancer.I do the same thing.But, only because I really did forget what day it was..LOL..Us Cancer's just know how to occupy our time.We are not afraid of being alone.Sorta like spring cleaning in the garage or basement and your mind is on a task. You look up and just found out it's dark outside..Then we jump on the phone or whatnot realizing the time you spent on yourself someone may be trying to call you.



  • Keldjoran:

    I am taking all your advise :)...i did text him this afternoon..i just said "Hey J, whats up?" havent heard from him yet lol.. there were times when he text me as soon as he wake up in the morning...and finally we talk before go to bed and say good night..and now he doesnt bother to text me for a week...but you are right...i have been thinking past few days does this worth it? why am i spending lot of my time and energy thinking about him. I seriously need to find a solution either stick with him...keep playing games or move on...

    Sandran:

    How do you maintain balance in your life? if you are not consistent of what you are doing?

    Never bump into a cancer before lol


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