Why it is difficult to date a cancer?



  • saranee: well, i'm glad i didn't miss out on any updates. i guess the only thing you can do is wait now and see what happens. i'm really interested, so keep us posted about it.

    update from my side: my cancer has to be very 'weak' according to what i read around here generally. after his last new year's eve text, that i haven't answered and after 2 days of me not contacting him at all, he sent me an e-mail today. i was really surprised, since i didn't expect him to contact me, at least not so fast. i'm starting to see the pattern keldjoran and sandran were talking about...

    anyways nothing special in the content of his mail. looks very much like only an excuse to contact me... i guess it is the trick of seeing what's up with me, whether im still hanging on the string... he said thanks for the calendar i gave him for xmas (which he thanked btw already more times) and told he is happy i had a good ny's party and that he meant to come to see me, he didn't think i would leave so early and that 'see you eventually'.

    well he should not think i'm gonna answer him fast. maybe tomorrow, defenitely not today. and i'll try to stay very casual when writing him... since i have the trust issues with him right now, it doesn't even seem hard to keep myself back... i'm now in, just for the sake of curiosity what else he can wipe out of his sleeves. 🙂



  • luazinha>>Leo likes attention so my life goes on.

    Sandran712>>I had a neighbor friend that was a leo.I liked her at first.But, she was a drama queen.I was not bothered by it as us Cancers are moody too.She had alot of friends.I really had to thank her for one of them.I used to pay him to cut my grass.And I was friends with a couple guys she introduced me to.But, there was no feelings there.Funny thing was..I had more in common with the guy's father than I did him.He was about 70.He looked good for 70..LOL.He was/is a funeral director out of state .Had a hard time holding onto a relationship because of his work schedule.And this is an example about the maturity level.The guy my age I had no interest in.And found more in common with a guy 2 times my age..Maybe the age is not a factor.But, the youngest guy was about 37.His priorities were not on the same page as mine,



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  • keldjoran:

    thanks for the nice words.

    the relationship is only going on for 2 months, which is probably ridiculous for some people here. from this two months 3 weeks were absolutely dreamlike, then the crap came.

    since the problems are on, i tried a lot of things: asking what the matter was, telling that i miss him, giving out all my heart. he was sad (at least looked like that) sometimes when i was sad about not meeting that much, but still didnt change anything...

    so i went through shock, confusion, heartache in this order. then came feeling disappointed and angry. then i arrived accidently to this forum... and it changed me a lot. i am still hurt, but far not so feeling it anymore. since you helped me so much to see the actions much clearer...

    so first when i read these topics here, i got very much down and thought no way im playing with and im gonna just quit. now i feel strong and i think, there is no person in the world who will make me run. i withdrawn my deep feelings for him and will only give it back when he deserves it again (cause we are always talking here about that cancers have to gain trust, well i and other signs/people too). but definitely i am up for the game and i'm very enduring if my feelings are not in it so deep anymore, i find it kind of entertaining...

    btw. you as a cancer man (or Sandran as a cancer woman), how do cancers act if they feel/being told that the partner does not trust them? i mean do you want the person to trust you all the way, while you are consciously giving him/her a hard time and do all the twisted behavior? or when you feel they dont have trust in you, you WANT TO and work for getting the other person's trust?

    again, thanx a lot for the help. you have no idea how easier you make my life/days. 🙂



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  • keldjoran: thanks again for the answer, im learning more and more. 🙂

    from the question i asked you about trust, i just wanted to know whether it is really worth for me to trust him. you know, if i am quite sure of him just testing me and the end result will be (if im doing good) to actually he giving me trust, im fine with it. i dealt already with several difficult guys, so i really have patience when it is worth. i just dont want (even i know most of things in life are risks) that i give him trust, endure all the twisted stuff and meanwhile he is dating around other girls and just keeps me hanging for the kick of it.... i hope you understand the difference. if he really likes me a lot and he only gives his trust hard, i dont mind. im here and stay here for him.

    one other question that came into my mind (and sorry for just blowing all the questions to you): does a cancer man really make it clear if he is not interested anymore? so until he is going away and coming back it is not over? i WILL DEFINITELY feel when it is over?

    what do you mean you are dealing with the same thing yourself? if i can ask... cause you are all time helping but i have never read anything about your story...



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  • keldjoran: wow, ok that was again a lot of info. thanks for telling me where i find your topics, im gonna read them, easier that way. 🙂

    about seeing other people... now probably you tell me i made a really bad move (did i?), but earlier (cause i knew before me he dated like 3 girls the same time) i asked him whether after getting together with me, will he still date other girls too. and he asked me back: "what do you want?" and i told honestly (not demanding) that i would prefer if he would not. he said ok, then he wont. i guess now that was a lie... wasnt it? or if you say you wont, you really wont? (cause you said you dont break our trust, but if you say something and then act differently that is kind of breaking the trust...)

    and later on when he talked about a girl in some context, he immediately told, "dont worry, im not dating her, we are just friends exchanging music online" and i told him i didnt worry. and he said "yes, but i know you are jeolous". when he wanted to go to a gig but later decided not to go and spend time with me instead, i told him "come on, if you want you should go, you are a free man" and he told me: "no, im not." were those all bullsh.t too?



  • keldjoran: When a Cancer really likes you, you'll know, we will shower you with attention and thoughtful gifts and be very helpful

    katie: sorry one more thing that came into my mind... so you only shower someone with your attention and little gifts etc. if you really like that person?

    he did buy me stuff already before we got together. he picked up my favourite magazine when he knew i dont have it yet. after getting together, when i slept at him, in the morning while i was preparing he hid chocolates in my bag, in my coatpocket. eating in a restaurant while me going into the bathroom, hid little papers with smileys into my coat pocket... i just cant believe all that was a game and he didnt do it cause he really likes me...



  • keldjoran>>Cancers generally do not trust people to begin with, in order to earn our trust, we will give "him/her a hard time and do all the twisted behavior" to make sure you are worthy of our trust (I know, it's very egotistical of us..

    Sandran712>>I never realized I was doing this.But,I did this with my Aries.I used to ride his nerves.Purposely to get rid of him.I was so mean to him.And he came back every time.Until he died and that is when it hits you hard.You know they are not coming back.But, he played games with me too.He was not a complete angel either...LOL



  • katie>>. so you only shower someone with your attention and little gifts etc..if you really like that person?

    Sandran712>>Yes...and No...Yes we have feelings we will do nice things.And no...If they have something to hide and to keep you from gaining curiosity we will do nice things to let you think you are the only one..



  • Sandran712>>Yes...and No...Yes we have feelings we will do nice things.And no...If they have something to hide and to keep you from gaining curiosity we will do nice things to let you think you are the only one..

    katie: thanks for the answer, it does not make me know for more sure where mine stands at but appreciate the honesty. actually when he was doing all the nice stuff, i am very sure he wasnt dating anyone, cause we were hanging together all the time almost. since he stepped back i got the thought maybe he started dating someone else too.

    another small story that came into my mind too. about the misunderstanding we had (and from that moment on he stepped back). we got together and from that moment every weekend i was sleeping over at him. the 4th weekend coming till thursday we didnt even mention me going over that weekend. so i asked in a mail: "do you have plans with me this weekend or do i have to make my own plans?" and he answered: "choice sounds tempting. make your own plans." from that i thought ok, he has something else to do. friday he sends me a text telling: "i miss you a lot, but hope your plans work out fine." i got confused... i thought he had other plans, i wanted to be with him. and i answered "you told me to do other plans." after this he ignored me for two days. then i went to his flat. he was very distant, then he started to argue with me telling that he didnt say he didnt wanna be with me that weekend. and if he had other plans, he would have told me... and if he wanted to meet other girls, he could do that whenever im not around, but there is NOONE ELSE... does this mean he just tried to cover it up and there was another one? or did i hurt him so much with not taking (without agreeing on it) granted that he wants to spend every weekend with me? can this misunderstanding be sooo huge that makes him behave how he does for over a month?



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  • keldjoran: I didn't realize that you had already discussed being exclusive, if he said he wanted to, then you have to take him at his word.

    katie: well if this means discussing it? i simply asked "will you see other girls too, while you are with me?" and he said "if you don't want me, i won't."

    keldjoran: This was a test, I'm actually rethinking what I told you earlier with this new information, he actually might really like you he's starting to do the really really hardcore tests now. Be prepared lol he will hurt you like nobody's business. He will push you away hard and fast, he wants to make sure you can handle him at his worst before he decides to take you anymore seriously.

    katie: well, if it helps anything, as i told earlier he knew me "as friends" for half year already when we got together. we talked a lot about emotions (mostly i talked LOL), and he expressed more times that he thinks i'm quite special. now i know you cancers play a lot of games, but i think generally i judge people quite good, and i would stick to believing he really knows i am a very good person (no arrogance, but i really endure a lot, am very honest, caring, loving and understanding, really patient too). and as i told i believe a lot in non-verbal actions. even if you cancers are big players, in certain moments when holding someone, looking at someone, im not sure you can act that without feeling anything.

    keldjoran: This was a test, he actually might really like you he's starting to do the really really hardcore tests now. Be prepared lol he will hurt you like nobody's business. He will push you away hard and fast, he wants to make sure you can handle him at his worst before he decides to take you anymore seriously.

    katie: ok, so if the hardcore test starts, im up for it. but could you give me some overall hints how to behave. i mean how to react on his tests to win him over? what is the most appealing for him? e.g. today he wrote the mail, i havent answered yet and im determined to do so only tomorrow... is that okay? and stay casual not too warm? how long to pretend not caring too much? where is the line where it will put him off already?

    keldjoran: About the sleeping over every weekend, he might have started to feel al ittle suffocated, always always always ask if you can stay over. A cancer's home is his palace, never take for granted that you can just stay over every weekend.

    katie: i DID NOT take it granted. i also thought it might be too much for him, exactly that is why i simply asked him whether he wants to be with me on that certain weekend again or not... god help i did not want to suffocate him... 🙂



  • Katie and keldjordon. Reading these ;lasts posts have been very informative.

    katie-you did catch on fast. As for the gifts, my cancer guy kept giving me litle gifts. He lives in a different country, he mailed me 2 packages, since no other guy I dated gave me little gifts I thought he must like me but the last time I was with him he was checking his e-mail and I just happened to glance over and saw an e-mail from a woman that said "Hi, I miss you so much! Thanks for the package!" That's all I saw and I'm sure it was someone in brazil since it was in Portuguese. So there went my confidence that I was the only one he was sending packages to...so now I don't see his gifts as a sign that I'm all that special to him.

    So you are ready for his tests? Wow good luck. You mentioned in an earlier post that when he first went cold you asked him what was wrong, told him you missed him etc. Everything I am reading saids that is the wrong thing to do. I did the same thing. I am reading a book called "Why men Love Bitches" it's supposed to apply to all men but some of the suggestions definitely apply to cancer. Basically it saids that being "too nice", caring, loving sends men running the other direction, and acting disinterested brings them to chase you instead.

    Keldjordon-so if we start dating other people we should let him subtley know? Because I did, although the Leo I was with pulled a total cancer thing on me so I think that was the end to that. I got the feeling that he has been seeing other women last time I saw him. What he said came out sounding like complaining about Chinese women, but he said "His colleage" went out with this Chinese woman and...etc etc etc" but I get the feeling he was the one that went out with her. Would a cancer do that? Talk about other people they went out with but say it was someone else that did? My intuition tells me he may be seeing other women-we were apart for nearly 4 months and he didn't seem too excited to see me. He was overworked, tired and stressed so I'm not sure.

    katie said "how long to pretend not caring too much? where is the line where it will put him off already?" I would like to know this too. So what are hardcore tests like? I don't think I've even reached that point yet.



  • Luazinha:

    I was in a relationship with a Leo once..i guess he was cancer and leo..that was my worst relationship lol...glad i am out of there. i have a cousin who is Leo..but i get along with him fine..its funny though that my cousin never get along with the leo guy i dated lol

    I am leaving home in couple days..so a little sad:(...are you suppose to meet you cancer guy in Jan?



  • saranee-read my post "Leo guy-why do men have to lie" for details. I am a Leo, and I get along with Leos, males and females as friends. My best friends from pre-school, grade school, highschool and college were all Leos. But this Leo guy was always secretive, disppeared for long periods, only answered my calls when he felt like it, etc. now I see a lot of cancer in him-I should find out his ascendent. I've ignored him since New Years and i've gotton 2 short e-mails from him acting like nothing has happened. This guy doesn't text-he doesn't even have a cell phone so people can't get ahold of him, and he's not old, he's 36. I can understand my 74 year old mother not having a cell phone but sho doesn't these days? So what happened in your relationship with the Leo?

    Yes, I'm supposed to see my cancer guy at the end of jan. He texted me last on New Years Eve, he had to fly at 6 am on the 1st. He said he may be in Manila for an extra day but he's supposed to get back to me so I can arrange the dates. I hope he acts more excited to see me next time, last time he didn't seem so thrilled but he was sick so I can't tell. I heard cancers get crabby when they are sick. I posted before but my cats were more excited to see me back after being gone a week than he was after nearly 4 months. The Libra guy disappeared...hmm I called him and texted him-no reply...haha I wonder if he's a cancer rising too..



  • Just got another e-mail from the Leo. That's 3 in 2 days-more than he's ever e-mailed me in a week! This ignoring thing I thought only worked on Cancers and working for this Leo. maybe all men hate to be ignored.



  • Luazinha: katie-you did catch on fast. So you are ready for his tests? Wow good luck.

    Katie: thanks for wishing me good luck. since for 6 weeks or so i didn't get too much else from him just C.R.A.P, i'm not afraid. i mean the getting hurt process already happened, i'm already on the healing one i think... but i'll let you know what's gonna happen.

    Luazinha: last time I was with him he was checking his e-mail and I just happened to glance over and saw an e-mail from a woman that said "Hi, I miss you so much! Thanks for the package!"

    Katie: now that is really ugly. for that i tell what keldjoran told me yesterday. always think you are not that special, and that you are not the only one. actually i started to do that earlier on already, i mean as a self protection mechanism. i always think of him the worst in connection with me. so whatever good comes up, is just a surprise. but i'm really sorry you had to get to know it like that. must have been a really bad feeling... 😞

    Luazinha: I am reading a book called "Why men Love ****"... it saids that being "too nice", caring, loving sends men running the other direction, and acting disinterested brings them to chase you instead.

    Katie: yes, i will never understand that. men are always 'whining' for great women, that that are so terrible women and oh they wish they had a nice one. they get one and get bored soon... i really hate to treat someone bad just to keep him.... but we'll see. 🙂


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