Why it is difficult to date a cancer?



  • hi moon beauty can u tell me more abt cancer females. how to differentiate whether tjey r in love or its just friendship. i m a capricmale



  • Hi mascara...been awhile.Is your Cancer Lady playing with your mind again...lol



  • hey guys..whats going on with everybody? Sorry i was not around last few days...school is getting crazy... 😞

    Hope all is well 🙂



  • Hello! I posted this in another thread but I'll try it here too, I hope someone can help me...

    My cancer man and I (a scorpio woman) met about 10 months ago. The chemistry was immediate and within a couple days we were inseparable, head over heels, both feeling like we were incredibly lucky to have found each other. We stayed this way for six months or so, getting closer and closer every day, he told me he loved me more and more everyday...

    Then one day something happened. He had this pain in his neck that wouldn't go away, we went to the doctor, but they found nothing. Then he started waking up in the middle of the night with what turned out to be panic attacks. He started to fall into depression and slowly withdraw from what he used to be. He stopped talking to his friends, stopped leaving the house, and didn't seem to want to do anything but lay down. I tried to help, I tried to understand, but we started fighting and eventually, about a month ago, we had a huge argument and he told me he need a break. He needed to be alone for awhile.

    I was devastated. He wouldn't talk to me, couldn't tell me if he loved me or not, couldn't tell me if he wanted to break up or not, he didn't want to talk about anything serious. I sent him a long message telling him i realized he was sick, depressed, and that I would wait for him to come out of it. That I loved him and I knew he wasn't himself.

    A week later we met again, he looked terrible but came around by the end of our conversation, but still would say nothing about being together. I waited and waited but I was feeling worse and worse, like he had control of my emotions and there was nothing I could do to help myself. So I made a rash decision, I went to visit an old boyfriend of mine in the city where he lives for five days. I bought my ticket, and felt confident about my decision.

    Then he called and seemed to be his old self again, telling me I was an angel and of course we would be back together. We met the next day and ended up spending the next two days together, talking about how things could be different. But I went on the trip anyway, still needing to do something for myself. When I came back we met, but something was different, there was a wall between us. I told him I was in love with him and he said he could never feel that strongly about anyone, so I left him.

    A week later we met again (at his request) and I told him everything. About where I had been and how I felt, and he told me how he had been scared throughout our whole relationship because he thought I still loved this other man. I didn't. I loved my cancer, truly. This felt like the first time we were both completely open and honest about how we felt, we spent the night together, but the next morning both felt terrible and he left me.

    I sent him a message the next day telling him that I didn't want to break up. I wanted to work on things and build a more open and understanding relationship than we had before. He called tonight and seemed willing to talk about it. So we did, I told him everything about how I felt, but he is skeptical about this guy (though he says he trusts me now) but says that he has a bad feeling about getting back together. He doesn't think its the right thing to do. While I'm sitting here imagining that we could be so much closer after all this.

    I'm so sad, really. I love him so much. I don't know what to do. I feel like he doesn't believe that I really care, I don't know. Please, someone help? Should I wait longer? Should I contact him again? Or is he trying to gently get away from me? I'm so confused, thanks ahead of time and so sorry about the length.



  • baa9192>> feel like he doesn't believe that I really care, I don't know. Please, someone help? Should I wait longer?

    Sandran712>>If a Cancer says there is nothing wrong.when there is... means they don't trust you enough to tell you anything,Cancer' are very moody.We sway back and forth with our emotions.Cancer has very good intuition and it's good you told him about the other guy.Because he knew it without you telling him.But,,it's the telling him he learns to build your trust.He' probably testing you on the other stuff like leaving not leaving stuff,I am glad I am not dealing with a Cancer male.I can't handle a Cancer male.We feel a person's behavior.Maybe you are sending him bad signals.He wants to tell you and he feels like he can then..He gets a feeling come over him that makes him stop and wait.And doesn't follow through.This is our intuition kicking in.It's defense that protect us from getting hurt.as for waiting...You can...He knows where you are if he wants to come back.Most times Cancers come right back



  • baa9192:

    I am not the expart one here but i feel like he probably likes you but something holding him back. at the begining looks like he was worried about his health..then this other guy..but he did wanted to see you too...maybe you will give him some more time..



  • thanks to both of you. its difficult to balance when I know that he's hurting, I want to prove that I'm here for him, but at the same time he has made me suffer so much, part of me really needs to let him know how much I've been suffering. The problem is when I tell him, he seems to pull away further. I need to distance myself for now I suppose, I can't force someone to love me, but I wish he could crawl inside my head and understand that he has nothing to be worried about. I don't know how to show him anymore than I already have.



  • by the way, I'm very new to this online posting and discussion, but its wonderful 🙂 Its so good to finally be able to share these things with people who can understand...hope I can help you all as well



  • baa9192- From all I've learned about cancer men the last few months, as well as my own experience with my cancer guy I am going through, cancer men need alot of space when they have problems, is suffering etc. They go into their shell and need to figure things out on their own, and sometimes this takes a very long time. My cancer guy told me when he went into depression he couldn't eat or sleep and wouldn't even leave the house for nearly 2 years. Not that this means you'll have to wait 2 years, just give him lots of space, lots of time. If he likes you he'll come back. Time is different for cancers. Last year I didn't hear from my cancer guy for nearly a month and nothing was even wrong. he also waited 13 years to tell me I hurt him, and spoke of it as if it was only a few weeks.

    "but I wish he could crawl inside my head and understand that he has nothing to be worried about"

    I totally understand that, I wish my cancer would do that too, cuz he's cautious because I hurt him 14 years ago, but loving a cancer means having patience and giving him all the time and space that he needs. He'll come back whe he's ready. If you can handle that, that is. I keep hearing that it is all worth it in the end, but may take longer than your heart can bear to wait.



  • Luazinha, "Last year I didn't hear from my cancer guy for nearly a month and nothing was even wrong" how do you handle this? do you trust that there is nothing else going on? I have read on so many of these threats about cancer men cheating and lying, which I find hard to believe about my cancer men but after all this the past few weeks I'm having trouble trusting anything.

    also, how do you manage when they need space? no contact at all? can i send him a message to let him know im thinking about him from time to time or does that make it worse?



  • Luazinha, "Last year I didn't hear from my cancer guy for nearly a month and nothing was even wrong" how do you handle this? do you trust that there is nothing else going on? I have read on so many of these threats about cancer men cheating and lying, which I find hard to believe about my cancer men but after all this the past few weeks I'm having trouble trusting anything.

    also, how do you manage when they need space? no contact at all? can i send him a message to let him know im thinking about him from time to time or does that make it worse?

    **Thats typical, and no I would NOT trust that. Does he text ALOT? Cancers are prone to cheating, they love to flirt, and yes they DO lie. Everyone needs space but there is a thing called too much space especially when they do not contact you AT ALL for an extended period of time. If youre with this guy and he hasnt contacted you in lets say a week then you need to man up and tell him that this is completely unacceptable.



  • Thank Luazinha, I know I need to protect myself as well. He was in only one serious relationship before me which ended when he found out she had been cheating on him for a year...I know this has affected our relationship in some ways. That said, because of that he has been very up front with me about what he wants. He hasn't been with a lot of women because he does want a committed, serious relationship. She was still trying to get him back when our relationship started and I know (through emails that he showed me) that he ended it with no strings attached, explaining to her that he was in a new relationship, didnt want to be dishonest with me, and didn't love her anymore. I know he's alone now, he has shut himself in his house and is hardly even meeting with friends (he is a painter, so his work is at home). I do trust this, he has been honest in the past, he's an honorable man if perhaps a bit confusing.

    I guess I'm more concerned about what I should do during this time. If I should contact and let him know I'm thinking about him, or cut communication completely. I want him to know I still care and haven't given up, but I don't want to smother him and push him away either...



  • jukalocka>>If youre with this guy and he hasnt contacted you in lets say a week then you need to man up and tell him that this is completely unacceptable.

    Sandran712>>That's a problem..A week is nothing to a Cancer.If you can't handle something later than a week you need to move on.Even I would not tolerate someone coming to me and giving me an ultimatium about what I do with My Time.I am a female Cancer..I am very busy person.I would say a good portion of Cancers are very busy.That is why we go AWOL on everyone.I do not feel I have to explain myself what I am doing with my time.We are nice ... we know and have enough sense to tell our friends we've been busy.



  • baa>>I guess I'm more concerned about what I should do during this time. If I should contact and let him know I'm thinking about him, or cut communication completely. I want him to know I still care and haven't given up, but I don't want to smother him and push him away either...

    Sandran712>>>Most women need a hobby besides a man as a hobby.Because if you are occupied with something other than him .You won't be so smothering.I do needlework as a hobby.I have times chose the needlework over a man.Sometimes I took the needlework with me while I am with a man..In this case my kid's dad at the time..He even used to help buy my thread for my projects.



  • Thank you Sandran? I am teaching and doing my Master's, so my man isn't really the only thing on my mind...

    that said, the past month or so Ive been communicating with him about once a week, either meeting or just sending a message to let him know Im thinking about him. I'm not sure if I should continue like this or just wait for him to contact me. I'm not calling or sending messages every day by any means, but is once every week or two too much? is it better to let him go?



  • baa9192-well, in my case it is a bit different since I am having a long distance thing with my cancer. We even live in 2 different countries. That one month with no contact was right after we hooked up again after 13 years, and I didn't know where it was going or if I was going to see him again so I really didn't care, and since I am not into chasing men I didn't contact him at all until he contacted me. Lately it's usually 5 days or so in between e-mails. He used to text or call but he hasn't been doing that much-but it's international and he also is an international pilot so he's flying most of the time, but I saw him last week and he's been under so much stress lately I am starting to understand that just because he doesn't contact me does not mean he's not thinking of me. As for cheating and lying, etc I'm sure some cancers do that but I saw how much he was stressed and thinking of work all the time, he doesn't have the time or energy to cheat..

    "also, how do you manage when they need space? no contact at all? can i send him a message to let him know im thinking about him from time to time or does that make it worse? "

    I think it's easier for me. before him I didn't date at all for 11 years. I had given up on men completely and I got very used to being alone, and I am very used to living my own life and doing my own thing so I am not really thinkiing about him all the time. I go out with friends and do my thing. When I hear from him I respond. When I am with him I am totally into him. If I don't hear from him for a week or so I usually e-mail h8im and say hello.

    "I know I need to protect myself as well. He was in only one serious relationship before me which ended when he found out she had been cheating on him for a year...I know this has affected our relationship in some ways. "

    Cancers get very hurt, much more so than other signs when something like this happens, and it is very hard for them to trust again. So yes, this would affect your relationship because he would be cautious. In my case, my cancer has never been in a serious relationship and acts like he never wants to. But I was the one that rejected him and hurt him 14 years ago so he is very very cautious with me. He built a wall around his heart because of me and I hope I can be the one to break it but I have to be very patient with him.

    "I know he's alone now, he has shut himself in his house and is hardly even meeting with friends" <--yes, cancers do that, they go into their shell

    In your case, what I would do is to wait about a week, then send him a casual text or e-mail saying something like "Hi, how are you" something casual so it won't overwhelm him but still let him know you are thinking about him. Don't say anything about missing him, etc. Just be casual and see if he responds back. He will eventually. But it may take time. meanwhile, get busy with your life, go out with friends, do something fun, try to get your mind off of him. I've been seeing a pattern on these threads. It's always when you start to let go when they come back.



  • thanks luazinha 🙂 i'm feeling better already, just need to get used to the situation



  • Sandran posted while I was writing. I agree with her, a week is nothing to a cancer, and I think once a week contacting him and saying hi is okay but keep it casual. Yeah, cancers are busy. I know that my cancer guy slowed down cantact when his work got busier and he started flying more. He showed no sign of life for two days and I stalked him and checked his flight status and it turns out he had a 6 hour delay in his flight from Shanghai..I know this upset him-he gets crabby and withdrawls when stuff like this happens. Nothing to do with cheating or lying or with me.



  • To be honest, the more I'm thinking about it, the more I feel like I need to try to forget him for awhile. If its meant to be it will, I hate being in a position of chasing after a man, which is where he has put me. Thank you both for your advice



  • baa>>not sure if I should continue like this or just wait for him to contact me. I'm not calling or sending messages every day by any means, but is once every week or two too much? is it better to let him go?

    Sandran712>>being a Cancer is hard to live with.We tend to go long periods without a response.And most of it is not intentional.We sometimes have to apologize for being away for so long.You can email or text a few days at a time with maybe a smiley face or thinking of you ..you ok?..Because we lose perception of time.We need reminded.Cannot use words that show alot of emotion..It's overwhelming.words I miss you ,I love you anything stuffy Like you'd see in these gawdy greeting cards...LOL.It is going to be overwhelming this month because it's Valentines Day.The words Love ,Sweet,Miss tend to feel alot of emotion.And we feel alot! We are caring towards them We just can't stand to hear them.


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