Can't Help Myself

  • Good Morning Everyone. I'm still fairly to new and slowly working my way around the forums I'm drawn to. This one brings me here today because my intuition tells me I need outside help on my love life. My gifts work wonders for everyone else, but as they say, you really aren't meant to use them for your own benefit.

    Lately I've been feeling like a passing fancy to the guys I meet. I don't go looking and I let life place them on my path as He sees fit, so I do not believe it's me looking for love in all the wrong places. I've been through enough to know to take everything in the first month or two with a grain of salt, but I'm wondering if there will be a guy soon who really does mean "Where have you been all my life?" and "You are wonderful and amazing." I know there is a lesson to be learned with every failed attempt at love, but I'm wondering what I still have to learn that I have to go through the EXACT same thing the last 3 tries I've made......we meet, there are sparks, he says all the right things, and magically 1-2 mths later, he disappears with not even so much as a text or call. I feel like a shiny new toy being given to a 1st grader with the attention span of a fruitfly. Any psychics or intuitives out there who wouldn't mind offering some insight into what I might need to learn or do in order to break this hurtful cycle? Any help would be greatly appreciated.

  • Hmm lil' pisces, I dont know what happens when you are dating someone. It could be an age thing and the guys are just playing the field. Are you in your early 20s because thats when its tricky, at least it was for me because most guys arent looking for a relationship, they are looking for instant gratification if you know what Im saying. It could be that you are getting too wrapped up in these men when the relationship is too new. You may be giving off a vibe that you want a relationship badly. How "friendly" are you getting with these guys that are giving you attention? You are wanting guys to tell you all the things you want to hear but are you paying attention to their actions? You must like the charming types that move fast. Try dating a guy that doesnt put it all out there right away. Maybe a guy that takes longer to open up how he feels about you. It sounds like the guys you are dating are players.

  • Lovinmylife: I'm 29. I think you may be right that I give off a vibe that I want a relationship. I do my best to hide it, but I guess I wear my emotions on my sleeve. I do have to say that I'm up front and honest about what I'm looking for so they may be feeding off of that....and I never get "friendly" because I certainly know that the right one is going to stick around for more than that. Their actions tend to match their words for awhile. I see now (thanks to you) that when they figure out they are not going to get "friendliness", they move on. I don't really have a type. They last 2 I met were set up by other people who felt these were good guys. Even though I get lonely sometimes, I'm comfortable being alone. I think right now, I may be going through a lonely phase...otherwise these deadbeats wouldn't get me down so much! haha I guess after years of being out of the dating circuit, things have changed a lot. Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to help! I hope to return the favor.

  • Lil pisces we are the same age. I know its tough out there. There are alot of dogs. Good for you beig smart about your bondries, at least you have saved yourself the grief of finding out the hard way. I was married for 7 yrs I married when I was 19 yrs old. So getting back into the dating scence is very difficult and the lonliness gets to be a bit much at times. Guess that why I hang out on this forum eveyrday looking for people to talk to that are like minded. In january I will be going back to finish school and get my R.N. I think educating yourself fills a giant need for other things. I attempted school a few times in the past and it was an instant boost to my self esteem. Made me feel less alone too. You will meet someone special like you. best of luck

  • i don't have a lot of advice but i totally commisserate with being unable to use my own "gifts" for my own benefit.

    i can read the thoughts of everyone else BUT the one person that i seriously need to read of course.

  • well I wish you guys could help me then cuz I have been perplexed over my love life for a very olong time expecially over one guy in particular. i have asked for advice before and I think no one really knows because they just tell me to stay positive in the moment or focues more on myself and so on. Im sick of myself I want LOVE from a man. Not that im unhappy or anything but its not wrong to want something that I thought was very natural and normal. So if you no some answers I would be open to hearing them.

  • Well like I said lovinmylife....I can do for others where I can't do for myself. haha Sometimes I get a flood of information where I can't shut up, other times it comes in spurts. It's all about decifering what comes through. I do get the feeling that if we keep communicating, we'll find a lot in common when it comes to the love situation. Your statement about being sick of yourself and wanting LOVE from a man....I've said that a time or two! It wouldn't be an on again off again thing you are going through would it? That's what I've had for 11 years and just when I think it's over for good, he's trying to come back. I have also thrown myself into community activities and doing things with my daughter, only because I'm not financially able to consider going back to school. It's been nagging at me to go back to study some form of counciling. I admire you for getting back into school. Well, I hope we can stay in touch. The more I get to know you as a person, the more in tune the information becomes.

    I know what you mean Taiana. Some people are open books where their thoughts drip off of them. I'm thinking that not being able to read people for your own personal gain could be considered a good thing though. Some people out there would abuse that privilage that SHOULD be used only to understand and help yourself heal. It would be nice if we were all filled with good intent.

  • Thats cool, about info coming through like that. Thats what happens with me too. I also have a hard time reading people that are really close to me, its like if you are too close to the situation you can tsee it for what it is, and yes mine has been on and off for many many years. Started as a friendship, then it grew into love at least for me it did. As far as his feelings go Im unsure at this point. We stay in contact, and I always know when hes gonna sho up cuz i knew when he s calling or I dream about it first and we finish each others sentences and have the same sense of humor. I would always know if we were in the same place before seeing him too because I can feel his presence. Just wish I knew why we dont stick. Its an awful pattern. I guess if youve been in love with someone for 11 yrs that would explain why no one else is working because you havent really moved on. I date casually for fun knowing they wont last because I love someone else. I have kids too 3 of them and they do keep me busy, I also work. But I need school like we need oxygen, not for everyone I know. Just saying what has helped me. Nice to talk to ya lil picses

  • Hi Lil Pisces, I am also a female Pisces, 39 years old and had many long term relationships (1-5 years) that never ended in marriage. I felt the same way you are feeling. knowing I always give my all in a relationship couldn't figure out why? My first real relationship at 17 lasted for 5 years (with another Pisces ironically) and I think it was more the fact that we were able to connect on so many spiritual levels and had so much the same points of view that kept it going that long. Even after we separated the friendship continued another 15 years when we fell out of touch. Just got married (first time at 36) 3 years ago to another Pisces (talk about can't help myself lol) and he is 16 years my junior (not my norm I am not a typical "cougar" lol). He is faithful a good stepfather to my 9 year old and as most Pisces mature beyond his earth years (most of the time). Before I married I literally spent 6-1/2 years devoting all to my son and was not looking when I found my husband either. There is hope and love for you. As a Pisces of 29 I am sure you know nothing ever really comes easy to us except raw emotion (heart on the sleeve I get that all the time) and great intuition and advice (for others) for all it's worth thought I would share. There are plenty of fish in the sea lol, but there is only one you so take your time and you will find all you seek.

  • Nice to meet you Rikku226. Your story does give me hope. It's always great to hear about a success story in this sea of frustrating relationships! In the back of my mind, I know it's coming. I have to surrender to the fact that things are not meant to go on MY time line. Patience is a virtue that I have to strive for daily. haha I'm struggling now with my daughter's father. He knows how to tug at a Pisces heartstrings. He's a Leo and in true form, our personalities do not mesh well. Where I am emotional (increased by inherited gifts of an empath...but that's another story, lol), he's shut off and a Leo to a T. This time, I'm sticking to my guns and leaving that door closed.....doesn't keep him from knocking though. Even an emotional Pisces can have a breaking point!

  • So with you on the breaking point thing (and everything else lol) lil Pisces. When I am done, and you have hurt my tender soft spots too many times it's finito baby! Have always had nothing but trouble with my Son's father (Virgo, never had luck with Virgos much ), exploits my good nature repeatedly and has done some real dastardly deeds to me let me tell you!! I swear you sound so much like me it's spooky, every post I see of yours opens a little bit more of us having something in common, hmmm lol it is Halloween

  • Well Rikku226, it's like I first posted....something told me that it was time to make a post..I felt like there was something to help with or someone to and lovinmylife seem almost we could write a book together...but it's a great thing because I've always found it hard to find someone who TRULY GETS what my inner thoughts try to spit out....i'm glad to meet you and connect!

  • Back at ya Lil Pisces!! I actually had an almost identical thought earlier. At least things are starting to look up just feeling like I can talk to some others who get me too. Had a terrible thing happen today. So I am pretty lost and in major shock right now. Maybe there will be be some light, I sure hope so.

  • I said those exact same words a year ago in June when my grandfather was murdered. I usually don't divulge that information because I don't want people to think I'm trying for undue sympathy or (my mind can't get the right wording here, but I'm sure you get what I'm thinking). I'm sharing it with you (and whoever may be reading too) because I know major loss and shock in more ways than I can express and the uphill battle you face when your faith is shaken. You don't have to share the situation, but my thoughts are with you.

  • TY so much Lil Pisces. Nothing major as that, but it still is an ongoing situation that I feel I have to constantly re-act to. I like to be the one active in where my life is going and I have a bad person in my life trying to come between me and my child again!! I thank you for sharing and I am so sorry you lost your Grandad in a violent manner and you deserve that sentiment no worries , we all do when we are feeling sad or lonely, missing someone or something we can't see or have around right now. Things we can't change ahhhh their a real bummer and then some. I am shaken and just trying to figure out why when sometimes the only why is because there are bad people in this world just like there are good people in this world. I need to learn to stop letting the bad in and making excuses for or thinking the best (Pisces curse)of them. I thank you again and I hope to speak with you again soon. Blessed be to you. My thoughts are with you too

  • Thank you Rikku226. It means a lot to meet someone who understands that sometimes we need that extra comfort in times of loss. It's quite a coincidence that you'd mention learning to stop letting the bad in. I too; for the past year, have been trying to embrace the attitude to accept things for the way they are when they are bad and adjusting to how I react to them. I tend to care and want to fix everything. Sometimes it gets frustrating because no matter how nice you try to be in a situation and meet in the middle, you still end up meeting with people taking that mile from the inch you give them. True to Pisces form we give the benefit of the doubt. But being a mother myself, I know you have it in you to fight tooth and nail for your child. All Pisces compassion flies out the window.

  • i understand how you feel. You could easily just be picking chronic losers and you havent noticed yet. For one thing, dont go into anything (or just meet any guy off the bat) and be thinking about: "hey what if i was in some kind of a relationship with this man" You are deffinatly setting yourself up for failure and appearing strange with weird motives towards the opposite sex. You need to practice not thinking about love and just flow with life. Anything that crosses your path is not automatically deemed worthy. Set the bar a little higher and be a little pickier to get exactly what your looking for because people with constant heart ache need to adjust their dating/flirting skills. Everyone's different. Good Luck [=

  • Thank you CancerLeo. I hope that I didn't give the impression in my first entry that I actively pursue love with any man that crosses my path. I don't encounter many that I experience that spark of interest for. I do however, tend to go with the "hey what if I was in some kind of relationship with this man" (to quote you) when I do finally find myself liking someone after a few conversations or dates. It's a trait of mine that I am struggling to change, because I HATE it. My expectations tend to let me down. I've done a lot of self reflection on how I'm coming across and your advice to just flow with life is how I'm working with it. I know people come in and out of your life with different lessons to take from it....not everyone is meant to stay. I've decided to enjoy being alone and happy with myself. I thought maybe this way I wouldn't put so much stock in someone else to make my life feel complete. It's a pretty good life even when it gets a tad lonely. : ) Thank you for taking the time. You were pretty accurate.

  • This post is deleted!

  • this story is soooo familiar I am now 49 and I have never had that love feeling. i did at 16. My first love and he burned me bad. From that time on I have never felt my heart ache like that again. I wish I could find someone who is sincere to the heart. When I get close they back off and I let it go. I was stalked for 8 years by my ex and I know how it feels to be bothered by someone who likes me and I don't feel the same. So once they let go I do too no matter how bad it hurts.

Log in to reply