Another Cancer man gone MIA. Help!
I'm an Aquarius. Met this most wonderful specimen of a man by chance and fate while I was going through a divorce. He was my lifeboat and I thought... my soulmate. I had never felt this way about anyone. We had so much in common it was scary. I was not interested at first because of the divorce and then all a sudden I was crazy about him. It got physical fast... didn't mean for it to because Im not that kinda girl. By the way... this was long distance. At first he was more interested than I was. Becuase of the divorce, we only saw each other once or twice every six weeks. I never called him and gave him a lot of space. He is a farmer and his job is very demanding. We talked once or twice a week. Everything was going great. The sex was incredible. I never said I loved him or anything like that. he said I made him very happy. He also told me I was the longest relationship he had since he was 25. I met his family and that was great. He wanted to meet my boys and that went great. My parents and I went on a weekend in the town where he lives and he set everything up for them as far as entertainment. We spent the holidays together. He got me jewelry for Christmas and a watch for my birthday. Then... something went a stray. I got snowed in at his house one weekend with my children...it was an awkard night. The next weekend I saw him... I made the mistake of talking to him about the relationship... I just wanted to know where we were with each other... he didnt respond and in that same weekend he said that I cut into his work week when I stay later than the weekend... not finished but im getting cut off... finish in a minute.
Im finishing the story... So I left abruptly. He told me not to leave. I did anyway. He called that next week and apologized profusely... I acted like a hard ass. That next weekend... he did notknow I was coming and coincidentally called me. He asked where I was staying. I told him a friends house... he acted like his feelings were hurt...in actuality... I was trying to play hard to get because of what had happened the weekend before. he explained that some people had quit at work which made his job triple of what it was. He was stressed. I did see him for about an hour on that Sunday before I left. I went on vacation. He called me and told me he missed me. I acted aloof. I got home and we could never coordinate to see each other. When we did... he had clients in from outta town...we saw each other at a social gathering and he came over kissed me on both my cheeks... acknowleged me at least and then I acted like he wasnt there... left without saying goodbye....didnt talk to him for the rest of the weekend until Sunday night. Again... no plans... hang up. Then I called him back and said I needed to talk to him... So I drove out and we sat down and talked...I asked him what was going on. He said he was having a hard time balancing me with work and that he needed "time and space" I asked him if this was the end. he said "no" I asked him about exclusivity... he said he was not seeing anyone else but that if I needed to it would break his heart but hed get over it. He also threw in that he wished that I would pick up the phone and call himm everyonce in awhile... what? We talked on the phone after that... him calling me of course... because of the time and space comment. We had plans at the end of the month to go to a social event. He called me five days before and let me let him off the hook. from going... he told me it wasnt like werent going to see each other anymore.... SO.... I took one of my guy friends... that was 5 wks ago and I havent heard from him. I sent him 1 email to let him know I was thinking about him and that I hoped he was doing well... nothing... nada... gone... vanished... What the hell is going on with this guy. Ive probably left alot of info out to keep this from being a book... we dated for 10 months... he's older. Never been married... works all the time...always treated me with respect... Will he come back around?
birdiebee>> hi there, i'm an aquarius too. and i did suffer through a cancer man. it is the same over and over again. i mean stories that appear here...
i wouldn't even go into it, but i could suggest you to come over to the ASCLAC 3 thread, there you have 2 cancers (Moonbeauty and Kelcrab), they might be able to help. oh and there are like 3 other women with crab problems... just a suggestion.
oh and he probably will come back around... but might just does later the same 'need time and space' thing... over and over again. so it depends on you, can you/will you handle it?
good luck to you!
Thank the spirits that I found you guys... Im so depressed about the whole thing. I didn't know what to do. I usually don't want to burden anyone with my problems but this had had an effect on me big time... thanks, Katie.. I ve been reading your posts. Does it ever get better... I thought I did everything right... didn't crowd him... let him make the next move...etc.
birdiebee>> you've been reading my posts? you mean on other threads about my problem? well i can tell you in a nutshell (or try)....
before we got together he was totally flattering. when we got together he was still very flattering and honest, straight for a while. i dont mean that now he is not honest anymore, but earlier he spoke out things, lately not really.
we were together fine for one month, then came a small misunderstanding (im pretty sure it was only an excuse for him) and he closed me out of his life pretty much. i mean he kept up regular convo, but never had time to meet etc.
i almost got over him when in February he came back full power. since then till middle of May we were dating regularly. he spoke out himself that i am his girlfriend and we are a couple... but some things were weird that i would rather not write down here.
once i just mentioned him shortly that i'm sad we dont meet more often, and morover not on the weekends. and he went silent on me... that was a month ago more or less (3 weeks). since then i havent seen him and havent talked to him.
i did write him two mails, in which i didnt ask him to come back or anyhting just wrote down my feelings towards him...
for me we are over, for him i dont know. i have a feeling that for them it is never really over, and im quite sure he will be back in some form...
next move? it's not good to ask me, cause im pretty much lost faith, so i would just say run fastest you can, until it is possible, but i won't do so. please paste your story on ASCLAC part 3 and you might get better advice and analysis.
till then, good luck.
ps. one thing i realized... i know you have millions of questions in your head... stop asking them, stop obsessing about them, cause you alone wont find the answers, just gonna drive yourself crazy.
one more ps. a lot of times it is not that you have done something wrong... it is just them, that is how they are. so stop thinking what you've done wrong.
I stumbled on this post via the front page that sends emails.
Firstly I am astounded at how its all his fault?
Why? quote "He was stressed." "I was trying to play hard to get "he came over kissed me on both my cheeks... acknowleged me at least and then I acted like he wasnt there... left without saying goodbye" "He also threw in that he wished that I would pick up the phone and call himm everyonce in awhile... what? We talked on the phone after that... him calling me of course... because of the time and space comment.
First I am just commenting without astrology just common dating sense.....Can a man not get stressed? Can a man feel overwhelmed by other things besides a woman? If a man goes up to you and kisses you why do you leave? What message does that send him....what would you do if you went up to him like that and he just acted unresponsive and left? I am based on the information you posted and it looks to me like an outsider that you have left him more impressions of non interest hot/cold/hot/cold/cold/cold/hot than he has given you.
I take it you really like this guy alot, or you would not be writing here or posting so I am going to ask you to ponder something. Reflection about how you have acted with him, if you watched this on the big screen acted out would you based on your version of the story blame him entirely? Or what? think about this.
If you want honesty, integrity, disclosure, unconditional love "soulmate" type stuff is this coming through loud and clear to him? I don't think so.
If you would like to salvage what is left admit you were scared about disclosing too much too soon. I can understand with a divorce this is hard to let someone new in and perhaps it's not the right time. I am not saying it meant nothing, sometimes we meet kinred souls whose function is to help us see we are worthy of great love, even if we don't believe it at first.
As for the future the best thing you can do at this point is to start putting out to the universe you are going to be authentic no matter how someone reacts to you. If they don't like it they are not your soulmate. If you remain steadfast to hold true what is in your heart and can articulate genuine warmth without "were are we headed" involved you will be farther along.
Just like you plant seeds in the ground for say an rare orchid, it will grow at it's own pace no slower or faster than it needs to. This orchid will not flower the second week , third week or fourth week, even if you pull up the stock and rub it like a genie lamp. It will flower when it's ready. Love and relationships follow a natural order .... don't push for results let go and trust the universe is working in the backround.
Please try to avoid making astrological influences a make or break with relationships. As someone who has studied quite a bit on this and I am very intuitive, every Cancer is not the same as another, different times of birth, year of birth and where the person was born give the best blueprint of the type of person, but no one should be picked based on a sign or shunned.
All Signs have mixtures eg. Cancer Sun sign, Aquarius Moon sign, Gemini Rising sign, Venus in Leo, Mars in Libra. yes this is possible so many astrological influences are possible. If you want to know what his is search "Astrodienst " plug in his information and viola carry on.
Sending you warm wishes,
oh, sweetie... Im so sorry... I have one question for you that I didn't get in your story... when he disappeared the first time, how long did he go MIA? and you say that you havent talked to him in three weeks? Well... WE shall conquer this together... Im usually the kind that NOTHING gets to me...I would have been so much better off if he would have said,"Hey this is just not working for me." They say men never burn bridges. They know themselves to well...they become disinterested and then can become interested again... WTF?
WOF... thankful for your holding up the mirror to me. I thought about that and I know it was wrong in hind site... I DID, after leaving without seeing him (the reason being that I looked around and he was gone... I motioned to his sister that I was leaving.) I DID, when I got in the car, call and leave a voicemail that I was sorry I didn't get to say goodbye. Believe me... I have stewed over all this going over it and over it. The question I have now is HOW do I proceed. I know I cant call him because I'll just mess it all up and Im afraid of him not wanting to hear from me. He always loved it when I wrote to him...so maybe a letter? Do I apologize? WHat? Im drowning here.
Sure write him a letter, however men don't "read between the lines" so make it as cut and dry as you can factually. The rest of the letter will be whatever feels right in your heart but before sending read it through and ask your self does this message promote too much emotion?
I have a strong inkling that you sort of scare him with your strong emotional responses to him.
Relationships must have a strong foundation of friendship and some shared deep rooted affinity. If you want him to come out of his shell you need to be less emotionally needy. What about laughter and joking around, lightheartedness? This will go far with this guy! I see him as very hardworking, very stoic and very kind. He is not perfect or a god and should not be treated with worship, he is a compliment a man.
If you sent him a funny card with a maybe "lets go out for coffee" something light not heavy I think you may get a response from him. Remember everyone has free will and there are no absolute guarantees about anything going forward.
Don't worry and fret if you don't get a response from him within a week, my sources are telling me he is concentrating on work right now. He needs some lightness in his life and he is looking for an oasis of sorts from a woman. Does this make sense to you?
You need to concentrate on things that make you feel this "lightness" music, a massage treatment whatever. When you start to feel this light alot of good things come your way.
If you would like to salvage what is left admit you were scared about disclosing too much too soon.
WOF... I started writing him a letter... would you mind if I let you read it before I send it? It would make me feel better. Is there anything that could cure my push pull feeling. In the past... my mind has always overruled my heart hence, my missing out on some opportunities... this feels different. Thank you whoever you are. I love clarity... and there has been so much negative energy around me telling me to forget him....
birdiebee>> im sorry if the negative energy was me. first of all i should not talk much these days, cause im in a bad situation myself now.
sorry if i ever suggested that you should not pursue whatever you wanna pursue. i never wanted you to feel that he is a lost case. i just told my own experience. but every person and so every story is different.
please, of course do write him/talk to him if you feel you should do that. you must give yourself and him a chance. explain yourself if it is needed.
i just know that in my case i tried a lot and it failed. maybe it was his fault, maybe it was mine, maybe both or maybe it was just not meant to be.
sorry that i didnt answer your question here. i thought if you talk to me, you'll do it on the other thread. i dont think my story would help you, as im much further in as you are. you just started something and got faced with an obstacle but maybe with you making an honest step, things will clear out and he'll be back and everything will be fine.
i wish you good luck and please let us know how it goes.
Katie... no way... you were just trying to help... I meant the neg energy has been from people around me...my parents mostly... that think I shouldnt have to fight for anything like Im some friggin' prima donna "kiss the ring" type BS... Im sick of it...I ve always tried to please everyone else... this time... Im just adding up all the clues adn something doesn't make sense here. My only fear is... this thing where I ve heard a thousand times...."IF HES INTERESTED, HE WOULD FOLLOW YOU OFF A CLIFF...so Ive alwalys sat back and let men come to me...this time with him being a crab... I think Im dealing with a little different situation...AND HE IS SO worth fightIing for....
I hate it Katie that you are sad...cliche but I feel your pain... I have never been this sad before... EVER... my personality just doesn't let me get this way. SO it has been a real struggle. I cry every day...its pathetic! So my good karma goes out to you... Im sending you as many good thoughts as I can....When you feel bad... feel free to join my "Summer of Discontent" Peace to ya, sista! Remember you are beautiful!
birdiebee>> im glad im not the negative energy. im kind of trying to keep myself away from active participation in the threads these days.
even if i said that you should not go after him would be only from fear that you get hurt. but that is stupid from me. i did get hurt but this last time, i told all i felt to him. he did not come back to me (yet) and i dont know whether he will and IF then how...
but im trying to play less and less with the IFs, cause they just drove me crazy in the past.
if you feel that you made a mistake and you can correct it, go for it. we live once and what i always tell is, that it cant be worse anyore. you either live in the 'unknown', not being sure whether only your initiation of contact would help, or he is gone forever... that is bad... cause you are holding on to something that is floating in the air... you dont know what it is.
better open up, tell him whatever you have to tell him and see what his response will be. if he is gone for good, you know it at least and you also know you did everything you could. but if your little letter/call etc. will bring everything back to normal, then why waste time crying and crying? act woman!
and oh, dont hate that i am sad. being sad means to me that he meant/means to me a lot and that the last half year was not a lie. sadness is just a natural course of event in this situation.
oh birdiebee: read your horoscope forecast for June, it says beautiful things. www.astrologyzone.com
take care and let me know!
I would be happy to help you with that!
My name is Teri
Went to get my head shrunk today. She has seen me through the whole Journey with this man. She thinks I have been sending him mixed signals and confused him. She, too, thinks I need to put the pen to paper. He has always kept my writings on his desk...something I noticed early on. Thanks, Katie and WOF...Im so nervous... Ive never done this before. Give me some time to compose... I'll post it for critique.
WOF and Katie... I took a plunge and called him. He didn't answer... I had already prepared myself for that. I just told him to send up a smoke signal and let me know he was alright... I said< I care aboutcha, babydoll and wanna know your okay...hopefully I'll talk to ya soon."
Im falling to pieces right now... I think to protect myself that Im going to start the process of getting over him... I thought if he picked up the phone Id have hope... not so much now. Oh,well...this is gonna hurt like h e l l.
Sorry to hear that but just because he didn't answer right then doesn't mean he won't return your call once he's had time to think about it. I asked you in another thread but you never answered.... What part of Kentucky are you from? I'm from Kentucky too and have noticed a lot of Kentucky people on here. I'm talking Bluegrass, Coalfields, ect....
Relax Rome was not built in a day!
If you don't hear from him the world will not stop, you will still wake up and go on.
Let it go seriously I don't mean forget about him.....let go of your energy in regards to the outcome. The more you wrap yourself up in guessing his motives and subliminally wanting him to speak to your timeline the more confused you will become.
Remember: Everything happens for a reason and that is just the way it is!
PP... Im in Owensboro. The man I love (there, I said it) is in Lexington. Where's your neck o' the woods? Good to hear from u. My son is a Pisces.
WOF...trying really hard. Never had these feelings for anyone. Usually when a relationship has ended in the past... I just walk away because all the clues have spoken to me that way. This time... not so much...he never said anything negative and the last words we spoke were him saying,"its not like we are not going to see each other or do things in the future." URGH!!!!
IT surely did not help that the people that fixed my watch that he gave me called yesterday to tell me that it was ready and in conversation said," this is the most unique watch we carry... whoever gave it to you obviously feels the same..." SHITE!!!!!!! THAT killed me. I wish I could just turn him OFF...nevr have I ever been this hung up on anyone... its not my style.