Do you still talk to your friend? I dont think you are paranoid I think you should trust your instincts. You have stated evidence tha your current bf heart is not completly in the relationship. You deserve to have a relationship that the feelings are mutual. SO do your children. I suggest finding your friend and maybe its possible your supposed to be with him. I have had dreams about an old friend that I was in love with, while I was in a bad marraige. I still dream of him and hes usually there to comfort me or I am helping him with a problem. I feel we have a strong connection. I think we will be together someday. We were in a relationship a year ago and it didnt work but I feel it will be the right time for us soon. Most people will tell me its an illusion but I listen to my heart because its always been right in the end. Things arent always what they appear in the moment but retrospect is 20/20.