I need help please :(
Ok so I have this ex boyfriend that I fell head over heals for but I broke up with him because he lied repeatidly and cheated. The thing is I'm still in love with him. I see him every day and I just miss it. He has a new girlfriend but right before he got her, and a little after, he said he still loved me and I said I loved him to but I wasnt sure. ALL of my friends hate him and some of them would even stop talking to me if I dated him again. What do I do?
I don't know how old you are I am 39 and my advice to you is this. If someone is going to lie and cheat you have no foundation of trust to build a good relationship on. My son's father was a habitual liar (never caught him cheating) caught him a million times lying even over stupid little things and even after I threw him out so there was no need to lie to me. I would do anything for my son but I would never stay with a liar. Make yourself a list of what you fell so head over heels about him and see if any of that is even real then balance that against the fact you can never trust him. In your heart you know what's right. You miss being with someone and being able to give the love that you have. Not necessarily missing him but that feeling. Seeing him with someone else and him telling you he loves you, what do you think he is telling her? I am sure you can't miss the lying and cheating and the way that made you feel or your friends watching you hurting. It sounds as though you have good friends and a support system and if your friends don't like him it is because they can see what you can't because your vision is clouded by love. I wish you lots of luck and love and happiness but not with that one. Have one of your friends set you up with a nice honest person. Sometimes love just stinks. Love yourself first you are worth it
@Rikku226 good advice i completely agree with you.
@Dipsy1800 I am in a similar situation broke up with my ex 6 months ago and i still have feelings for him. He lied to me about very important things 'and treated me very disrespectfully towards the end of our relationship and i can't forgive him although i want to (probably doesn't make much sense). Some days tho i miss him so much that i'm ready to get back with him as i know he still wants me too.
However every time i start fantasizing about getting back together i start thinking how are things between us going to be after all that's been said and done. And in my heart i know i wouldn't trust him not even when he says "i love u" that mistrust will set off jealousy and fights and etc. That's why i tell myself that yeah i miss him and yeah i still have feelings for him but i don't see it working out so what's the point going back. Ask yourself whether you can forgive him about all these things and trust him again and whether you believe in your heart that he will make you happy. And then make a decision.
Don't worry about your friends that's why they are your friends although they disagree with you they'll stand by at the end (btw my friends say the same to me if i get back with my ex!)
thank you redgemini, I am sorry that you have been through this too. It really stinks when you want to be with someone but no matter how much you love them or give of yourself it just doesn't work out or give you the fulfillment you should get out of a loving relationship with another. I think you gave great advice about thinking forward as to how the mistrust flares up into other things and also about forgiveness & friends sticking by you.
I wish for you too love, luck, happiness and beauty in your life.
Rikku226- Thank you so much for your advice. I think your right because I already have trust issues so I know I cant forgive even though I really do want to. I know he tells her he loves her and he actually tried to cheat on one of his last girlfriend (not the one he's with now) with me. We actually first had a relationship after he cheated on one of his girlfriends with me. Yes I was the other women. I wish it was that simple with my friends but actually most arent supportive and they do look out for me, but the ones who would stop talking to me would only do that because of the simple fact they hate him. Mainly for the fact that he's annoying. They actually told me this. The things we have been through just arent enough for me to try again.
Redgemini- Thank you to. I feel the same. I have thought and vidualized me and him back together multiple times and everytime I see the same thing playing out. Most of my friends wont stand by me. Thats why when we talked about getting together again I said it couldnt happen because of how much my friends disapprove. I am surpised how much our situations are similar.
Thank you both emensally for the advice. (sorry cant spell) You really have helped me.
Its not him. Its me. I realized today that my ex has changed and it wasn't him it was me. I am the reason all of it happened. With her he doesnt lie, doesnt cheat, he's a better person in general and more people like him. Even one of my friends that wanted to kill him before. I see them kiss, hold hands, hug. And every time I wish I didnt feel the way I do and wish that it was me. I must be going crazy. Theres no point so I might as well move on and stop looking back.
You deserve so much better then this. SO MUCH BETTER.
He's not worth it if he hurt you like that. It's ok to still love him and miss him, but please know that there is some else out there that is so much better then him.
That will love you, treat you well, and not lie to you.
And don't blame yourself, guys can be something... hurt then crawl back then hurt again... it's not worth it. I had it like that to me sometime ago. My ex cheated on me so I broke it off, but I was so depress and couldn't concentrate on school, he crawled back to me and I was stupid of accepting him back. Then later I broke it off for good. And that event I put in my past.
There are so many good, great guys out there for you. Don't think this is the end of it, it's not lol, even though it feels like it, you just have to wait and move on [:
I agree, the foundation you set now will help you climb the ladder later. Let him go, trust your instincts. If he isn't loyal he is not worth it.
You have to let go..and you already know that. You know what he has to offer. It is not anything that you really want. Do you really miss him? Or do you just hate to admit defeat? It should help you to know that you are not the one who failed here. He took the opportunity for something wonderful and threw it away. You are going to take the lessons you learned and move on to something better...almost magical in how much better it is going to be. Do not look back !!!
while it may be true it's you, not him, because he doesn't lie/cheat to others. it may also be true that he is a liar/cheater and if he doesn't lie now, he will later.
close the door to the past and move on. if you do want to look back, do so just to learn the lesson. there is no need to dwell in the past, certainly not for your own sake.
start living your life, love yourself is a good start. don't let anyone take that from you, for if you can't love yourself you can't love another. you haven't loved yourself, you might think you have but not really. I could tell because even after all these lies and cheats he did, you still wish it was you he was kissing. nobody that loves themselves, will allow a cheater makes them feel this way. start paying attention to your needs, your life, your career etc. all that is you. live your life in the truth and positivity, so that you will never attract such a liar or negative experience anymore.
cappylady- Thank you lol I know I do but its just hard and I have to move on but I dont know any "good" guys that I could be with. I'll just wait it out thanks.
cancercutie- You sound so...wise ha! Thanks.
dodiek- I know I need to move on, but I actually miss him and love him. Yea I think your right and it will be magical Thank you.
leoscorpion- I have at times loved myself but I will never love myself always because of everything that has happened to me in my life. I wish it was me for many reasons including how he made me feel so amazing about myself and I did the same for him. I mostly always have attracted this kinda except for a few but that was my early years when I did love myself, things and people change. Thank you.
you mean when you loved yourself, you attracted positive things? then you should keep on loving yourself. I've never heard someone that loves herself is not happy or attracts negative things, because it doesn't mean you are selfish and it doesn't mean you are a door mat that people step on all the time. positive only attracts postive. if they do encounter negatives, that's what people send out to them to hurt them. but all these negative experiences will be balanced by positive ones and in the end they will find whatever whoever they desire.
things and people change, but the universe law doesn't. what we put into it, is what we get out of it. anyway it's your decision, it's your life. good luck.
You know he's a liar and a cheater, so what's to love.
No, no, no...it's not your fault! You can not make anyone lie or cheat. Unfortunately you can not make anyone treat you like they should either. What you can do is refuse to be a victim and not let this guy disrespect you any more. But first, you have to respect yourself. I know it's SO much easier said than done though. I've had my share of losers that I had trouble letting go of and I know it is especially hard when they move on to someone else first. It hurts and you're lonely.
Maybe you could try this though. Be your own best friend. What if this guy was dating or had been dating your best friend and cheated on her and lied to her? What would you suggest she do? Would you want her to try again with him or would you be afraid he would just hurt her again? Would you tell her it was her fault he lied to her and cheated....even if he doesn't lie and cheat with his new girlfriend? Of course you wouldn't. I'm sure you would be supportive and tell her to stay strong. Then you would probably tell her all of the things that you love about her and why this guy doesn't deserve her. Try to live by what ever advice you would give your best friend if this was her problem and love yourself like you would love her.
It will all take time to work through and there are no easy answers. Just be a friend to yourself, stay strong, try to stay busy with things you enjoy doing, and have faith that things will work out.
Good luck and good fortune to you!
leoscorpio- Wow I've never heard anyone say something like that before haha. Thanks.
weirdoibegin- I loved everything else. Even his weird little habits haha those 2 things were the only bad thing about him.
dvslittle1- No offense to anyone else. But that was the best advice I have gotten on this from anyone. Thank you tremendesley. I will definetly try cause your right that is what I would do to my best friend and I guess I could do it for myself.
lol I say it as it is. no sugar coating. that's just what I learned from my mentors and spirit guide
doesn't mean it to sound self righteous but I suppose some people may view it as so
anyway again it's your life. take care
leoscorpio- What is a sprrit guide? I heard of it but dont know much. Yea thanks
I wrote a bit here
hope it clarifies some things
and just found an old thread http://www.tarot.com/forum/topic.php?id=3050
I'm just sharing my story and what I have learned
other people may not experience the same
I think that guys like that are insecure and not ready to commit or anything like that. He is obviously looking for lots of women. He says he loves you, then gets another gf. Then says it again once hes with her. He is either making you jealous or just wants you as a friend w/benefits.
hope i helped. my conclusion always is: Men are sick things