Confused by a Cancer

  • That's what is confusing me, mine talked to me so much for the last 2 months. In fact he went to visit his parents for thanks giving and still kept in touch via phone and messanger during that time and than boom good bye. I didn't even see it coming.. and that is what makes me unsure...I mean a harmless joke made him so mad that he would say good bye.. not even a I didn't like what you did...or that I don't like things of such nature..just a good nothing... makes no sense....

  • confusedbyacancer>> mean a harmless joke made him so mad that he would say good bye.. not even a I didn't like what you did...or that I don't like things of such nature..just a good nothing... makes no sense.

    Sandran712>>He is not gone for good...It takes more than a harmess joke to keep us away for good..It just seems that way because of how things were left unsaid.But, that is a normal Cancer..He may have been mad.But, we bounce back after thinking things over..It is lying deceit lack of trust that would keep us away.Not something we said.I wouldn't worry.Give him some time.He'll be back....

  • Ok... Sandran, please, don't apologise it's ok. I read your posties 😃

    Keldjoran was spot on about my cancer man, every thing he said was to the dot. Re-cap, I'm in a semi long distance relationship with my cancer. He works on a ship and is away every week and a half. So email, skype text is how we communicate. This is how he is with me and this may help ConfusedbyaCancer regarding what a Cancer man says, does if he's into you...

    But first, let me clarify, my cancer man, showed me those texts to gain my trust and to be completely honest. He values my thoughts and asked me for my opinion on what he can do about the situation with her. He didn't want her to think he was an a**hole.

    Now, ConfusedbyaCancer, before I continue, each person is different, including our cancers eventhough they have the same sun. But basically my cancer man does all the work. He starts and I finish. He emails me twice a day, he plans to talk to me on skype. He always plans ahead telling me when he wants to see me or talk to me. I never initiate. If he can't email he will text me. He will send me messages on Facebook. He was the one who posted on facebook he's in a relationship with me. He told me he loved me, and wants to be with me, he's making plans for the future. He's buying gifts for me because he knows I'll like it. He tells me he thinks of me often. He tells me his fears, his joys, his plans. He asks me how I want my wedding to be, where I would want it. He doesn't get scared when I tell him I want kids by 35. He asked how many. He doesn't play games. He's honest with me. He logged on to facebook and left it there for me to look into, it was all emails from me, him talking to his family and friends about me, pictures of me he's sending them telling them he's happy and in love. He's affectionate with me and he will feed me (now as a virgo, so don't like that, but man oh man, I gotta get use to it!!!). He loves taking my picture. He tells me how I make him feel. Man, I could go on...

    But that's basically it and most important, I know he loves me and he's really into me. Because the relationship is 60-40 and yupp, 60% of it is him working hard to keep me 😃

    That's what I told him. I said just because he now has me doesn't mean he can slack off and not date me anymore just because we're together, stuff that! I told him he now has to work to keep me!

  • I am in the same space so cant really feel the anxiety and tension this creates. What I believe is to pray and let go. Internet relationships in particular are freewheeling and can make people behave in irresponsible ways. So pray for the best possible outcome and let go. I am doing the same and feeling a lot lot better.

  • Oh and he tells me he loves me and misses me often. And most important when I get my moods and have my doubts and worries he puts me at ease and never like/want me to be unhappy, worried or doubtful...

  • Sandran712>>I have an UPDATE on the Cancer dumbass...He emailed me last night under the email I knew for sure he would get.He told me he received my emails.And replied to them.I never received not a one.Not only I feel like I am the Dumbass!lol.Matched set<<

    Yippeee!!! OMG. Finally. We have lift off! Progress =D

  • @VirgoCookie, So after finding out my cancer was still we agreed to talk if he had the time.i know he works 2 jobs, and since i text first i thought it would be good for him to call, he never did... the next day i put a congrads card and chocolate covered cookies in the inter office mail remembering that it was his 1st year at the job. I thought since we had this distance it would be a kind gesture. you know, to let him know i'm proud of him and that im here inspite of the communication issues. he never called that evening, nor did he call after getting the gift, actually don't know if he got it?? to even say thank you. he thought i was mad at him since we never talked, and being the gemini that iam i text and said ( since you don't have the time, I'm not mad at you, I value you more than you will ever know. My feelings are hurt but that's my problem ) he didn't text back.. I will not text anymore to see if he is still breathing. i broke the silence and showed kindness and now again I feel like crap, like a stupid azz, im to grown for this. what happened to a simple thank you???? please forgive me VirgoCookie, i feel more comfortable expressing myself on here than to share with others. i know you, and keldjordan and many others will be like, not again!!!!! i'm going to keep to myself, if he calls i will not answer the phone, i will not text back only if he leaves a message and say's it's an emerg.. if he don't call i know it's over and he's not into me. but why tell me you care deeply and im such a blessing in your life, share private hurts from the past and the present then act like you don't care?? i don't like to play games, i'm an honest person, even if i feel like your wrong i will apologize 1st to clear and free my own heart, and to play with a person's feelings is so wrong.

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  • keldjoran>>Youre doing the right thing, you made the effort, now its his turn

    Sandran712>>I agree..Skittles......Maybe this guy has some issues bothering him right now.I will act like this when I am distracted with a problem.It can totally be nothing about you .Some signs dealing with Cancer needs to quit fretting over themselves.We are caring people.Our memory is sharp as a pin.If we are quiet means we are listening to your words.In tune with what you are saying.As for the not saying thank you.That is a Cancer.We appreciate the gesture.We do not like to take credit for anything.What's the right word..Help keldjoran,..LOL,,,Afraid to acknowledge some thing nice.

  • MySkittles. Please pop over to" Have I lost my cancer b/f for good ". I have been going through the same thing as you , I have had great advice fron Keldjoran and sandran712 and I have acted on it . See what I've done about it ...Its easy when you have the backing of such wonderful friends on here. Good luck and plz comment if u so wish on my forum . Take care xoxoxo

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  • keldjoran>>Haha sorry Sandran, don't know the word you're looking for

    Sandran712>>.Well..lets just say...Cancer's have a hard time accepting gifts.Not that we don't appreciate the gesture.We sometimes feel that there is an emotional attachment from you if we accept it.We do nice things for people and we just do not want the attention that comes with the good deed...Is any of this making sense..???Having a hard time explaining this one.My Skittles was wondering why her Cancer would not say thank you for a gift she presented to him.Cancer's do not accept gifts in a manner that other signs show.

  • Sandran -Cancer's have a hard time accepting gifts<<

    That is true, especially when they cannot return the kind gesture. My cancer man said that, he told me to stop buying things for hime especially because he can't return the favour and he feels bad about it. Apparently, people have different ways of expressing their love. There's this book about it called 'The five languages of love" one of these is giving gifts, other through gestures, affirmations, like telling someone you love them and so forth. People have a primary love language and the rest secondary. Mine is gift giving, like you MySkittles, to show we care and we appreciate.

    I feel and think you have done the right thing. You made the effort it is now up to him. That's the only way we can know if he cares. He has to walk the talk. He's told you he cared for you and your special and now he can follow through with some action. And you my dear need to give him that chance. Let's wait and see. Let him start always. The beauty of being a woman is the fact that we are the ones being chased, let them chase YOU. All you have to do is remain strong, active, busy, enjoy your life, think of you and your family and the rest will follow...

  • virgo cookie that sounds like very good advice, you cannot lead a horse to water when it doesnt want to drink, patience, and while you still have it

  • Hi all! Glad I found this forum. So, my cancer man started sending me mixed signals recently. From seeing each other regularly for about 6 months, he suddenly decides to be just friends. I think he just freaked out cause he's getting too close to me and this raised his fear of rejection. What do you think? But...he's still contacting me every day, sends me morning messages and still calls me "babe", "sweetie". It's already a month since we're just friends. The other day I met a man at my friends house and he's asking me to go a date with him. I just told my Cancer man and he was kinda calm about this, but said not to go cause I don't know him well....well, kinda weird stuff...who knows well each other when they start dating. Anyway, do you think he's still jealous? Why would he care if he broke up in the first place? I see some people here have good advise so I would gladly here some.

  • Thought I'd add some more info...recently at one of our discussion already after the breakup, he mentioned that I might not see the bad things in him and that lovers often idealize each other. I said I do see good and bad things in him and if I'm not pointing his bad part doesn't mean I don't notice that..all that, and so I don't see him as perfect. I was always nice with him and never nagged or at least mention when he's not behaving the way he should. He probably picked up on that and thought that I think of him as perfect and is afraid that I might get disappointed when I find out his drawbacks. So, anyway, are cancers like that? I read that they usually want to charm me by disclosing only their good part at the beginnning, but this man has this fear of sounding too good. Why is that? Go figure them ...crabby crabs...the most clueless man I'm ever met!

  • Thank you, my dearest VirgoCookie, Sandra712, & of course you keldjoran'') I knew you would respond.heheh!! I have put cards and snacks in the mail for him in the past and he would call or text thank you. He would tell me to stop spoiling him. He has made me a couple of playlist and was insecure about the title he put on it and blacked it out. It was all love songs. I just feel the response of him texting after I broke the ice ( I seen you at work a couple of times and you looked like you didn't want to bothered ) is bull bobo!! Whatever!! I will stay active, love myself, take care of my family and stay busy. I do that anyway. I just need to stop questioning myself and know I have done all that I can do and now it's up to him. You know I will keep you all updated. Thank you again. For your time, post 's and encouragement.

  • KittyMousse>>think he just freaked out cause he's getting too close to me and this raised his fear of rejection. What do you think?

    Sandran712>>You answered your own question.And Cancer's have high intuition.What you think he is feeling.

    KittyMousse>>I read that they usually want to charm me by disclosing only their good part at the beginnning, but this man has this fear of sounding too good. Why is that?

    Sandran712>>This isn't a Cancer trait ..This is a man trait.

  • Virgocookie>>he told me to stop buying things for hime especially because he can't return the favour and he feels bad about it

    Sandran712>>If buying for a Cancer and they fret over outdoing you.Change the subject to something else.Cancer's love comfort food.No pasta like dishes unless they mention them.But, Cancers are meat and potatoes person.Lasangne is big with Cancer.We love Candy mostly chocolate...Dark Chocolate.Gooey centers.Peanut butter...It's not chocolate But we miss Candies from a long time ago.Ribbon Candy.Remember the penny candy??The Ice Cubes Mary Janes,Good n plenty,the red Black Jack taffy....

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