Confused by a Cancer



  • So I met a Cancer man online about a month ago and we chated everday for about 3-4 and I got really close to him. Told him that I would like to get to know him in more than a friend way and than all hell broke loose. He started to ignore me and than every couple of day send me a message. Finally I confronted him and told him that I think he is ignorning me and he said if you say so but acted all innocent as if he didn't know what i was talking about. Finally I caught him ignoring me and he came back as I send you a message and you ignored me so I left you all alone. Tried to blame the whole thing on me and disappered on me. I sent him asking if our misunderstanding was cleared and if we were still friends and he still ignormed me, finally I sent a message saying i think he is ignoring me and i am sorry i bothered him and will not happen again and I wish him all the best in life. About 30 mins later he sent me a message saying we are kool. Don't know what to do or how to take this. Is he saying he still want to be in touch or is he saying he is cool with me not being part of his life. Please help!!!!!!!!!



  • My best guess is either

    1: Guy is hurting from past relationship, scared to go through that again so distance and time are better here

    2: Guy is in relationship with someone and sees your casual chats as platonic. Most cancers are fiercely loyal and cannot juggle people. Dating for us seems a waste of time and full of head games.

    Give it some time regardless, if he is interested he will come to you, and believe me, we are old fashioned when it comes to relationships, the court is half the fun for us.



  • Thanks for your reply. I have asked him and he has confirmed that he is not in a relationship with anyone and that he is not talking to any other girl other than me. He did say he take a long time getting to know people and sometimes people don't like that....



  • He probably also needs alone time. I think cancers like being alone. I dont think he is being complicated. I think you are just not understanding his behaviour, and just that. As he said, everything is allright. He is not thinking about this as much as you are. He is probably just enjoying alone time. And also: If you try to act as if you own him, even if you dont conciounsly mean to, I think he will feel that a bit strange. He is a man, too. Men are truly simple beings. Bless them. Us women have active minds and in a total different way. Unless we learn how to trust that everything is alright in any situation. Then we learn to become more content and relaxed and enjoy life more easily.



  • Back off a bit. If you appear too eager your taking away the challenge. And we Cancers do enjoy a great game of Cat & Mouse. Also...not recommended you disclose too much about yourself too soon. Leave something to mystery and too...you might know each other awhile. Why not pace your self.



  • totally agree, keep the mystery. Also, cancer men like feeling that they are the dominate one in the relationship, cancer women like to be submissive except in the bed. keep this in mind and let him come to you. we do take a while to get to know people and quite often observe someone for a time before getting involved, many times the person has no idea how long we have been observing but we do. I do this on a couple of different levels as I have high standards. you must be loyal, love your family, good with people but not flamboyant, and a hard worker. We do enjoy our alone time but don't be fooled, a happy cancer is sociable, otherwise our misery will lock us in at home. If your cancer is locking himself down he is unhappy with something in himself as we cancers are the harshest on ourselves. Don't take it personal, we snap back into reality quickly.



  • Thanks everyone for your support! So finally we spoke today but now i am getting the feeling he might be talking to another girl as well. What should I do??



  • I am having same experience with a cancer man. I meet him online and we started talking over phone as he said he is more comfortable talking rather than chatting. We continue to talk for three weeks and he use to send me text several times a day and we talked every night for three weeks. finally we met after three weeks it went good..and i was totally attracted to him. he told me he wants me to meet his mom and so and so..it was going fine suddenly he disappeard for 6 days and he send me a message after 6 days that how am i doing and blah blah...i called him and he told me he is having some problem with his best friend because she wants more and he wanted to be just friend. anyway we talk for few days and he disappeard agian. he send me a text after 5 days that" sorry i was not around hope you are not mad at me..." i said no i am not i was just wondering how have you been? and i hope i didnt do anything wrong. he text me back "blow me a kiss i will be better and you have did everything just right nothing to do with you" lol we talked the same night. next day he disappeard again and its been 6 days havent heard from him anything...i dont know what to do...i am a grad student and i have lot going on but i cant just stop thinking about him...i am so confused too...i am an aquarius i like things to be straight forward....i am not good at mind games. any suggestion for me...please..



  • Okay, if your cancer is speaking to someone else than don't get involved with him more than friends. He will disrespect you and will not come back. It's very simple, a cancer man will cheat but remains loyal to his family. Cheating would consist of mainly a one night stand but is rare as most cancers have a tendency to chose a lover very wisely. I was married to a cancer male and am a cancer myself. It was a bad combo. He was possessive, clingy, and unsociable. He cheated on me all the time and I finally confronted him on it. When I did he physically assaulted me and consistently abused me emotionally by telling me I was a whore, ugly, stupid... None of these things are true. I'm saying this because Cancer men if not emotionally stable can be very dark. They are emotional vampires. I know this is only one man but I have spoken with other women with cancer men who have had these experiences. Cancer women are completely different than the males. Most of us are very caring, loving, gentle, and occasionally when necessary or threatened will you see our sharp tongues.

    If your cancer man is with another woman, back off and let him decide who he wants. You will know when he tells you, and he will. We take time at these decisions and look over all the aspects of both individuals. Most the time we will choose who we have a soul connection with so don't take it personal if your not the one for them. If you are the one, get ready to have a man that will never leave you alone and check on you all the time like he is your mother. That's been my experience. Cancers are the best friends and lovers on the planet but you will have to put up with some things in the beginning. We will test you for months. Prepare for it and don't lose your temper over it, realize that these are necessary steps for a cancer to open up to you emotionally. Most of us are holding a lot in, have had hard roads, broken hearts, and we suffer with the world itself. Once the testing is done, you will have the best relationship you could ever want, a man that will trust you and be undying loyal to you.

    One other thing, you will see the worst of a cancer in the beginning. We won't hide it, we have to know you can deal with the emotions we experience. We can be rude, selfish, uncaring, almost disrespectful... If you pass your golden.

    Signs to watch for that show if your cancer is emotionally unstable.

    They are not sociable. Most cancers are consistently getting out. Home for us is our retreat and safe haven but it is mostly a resting and nurturing place. If he's not getting out, has hardly any friends, doesn't talk about his family, then watch out, there is something else going on there and I suggest any woman stay away from it.

    I hope this helps.



  • my ex was also a cancer , and what youve got 2 remember is they live in the past a lot (he never got over his ex wife ) they are needy and use people to their advantage and never take responsibility for wrongs that they do to you and make it look like yr fault !!! he knows perfectly well what he is doing and playing with yr feelings , my advice is dont let him let him pursue you and just see what happens , just keep yr cool dont send him messages first , take yr time to reply to his and always be the one to end chats , hope this helps



  • Well after our hide and seek show I did put a bit of distance and it seemed like he was showing up on the net at all the times when we use to chat. But yesterday when I did say hi and he chated he was chating but the old feeling was not there and I felt like he was being distant. Which confused me even more because I thougt he was missing me so that is why he was showing up at those times to see if i would be there and if I would say something to him but now I am wondering if he was waiting for someone else at those times. I am sooooooo confused not sure what to make of anything anymore.



  • next time you go into chat room or where ever you speak to him let him come to you first , if he wants you hell make all the moves , if he does click into chat just act like nothing has happened and be friendly towards him , if he doesnt chat you will know hes waiting or chatting to someone else , is there no chance of you meeting with him for real ?



  • He is in a differnt state and I did ask if wanted to vist and I can show him around. He said we will see... but nothing promising.



  • Hi all . my cancer b/f is just like this . At the beginning he was all lovey dovey , texting me all the time and phoning me daily . He is younger than me and when we first met it was great , this lasted for over a year. then in june this year he went to India and while there his parents arranged a marriage for him , he came back in july and thing have gone from bad to worse. he says its me he loves and everything is going to be alright . Although he still calls me our conversations are not the same as before. then out of the blue he tells me he's going to India ., so we had a massive row and i told him where to go . He dident even tell me when he was going and just called me from the airport , that was on a thursday, then on saturday he calls me from india , so i said to him Is it this week or next you are getting marrried and he said i am not getting engaged or married and not to worry and he would call me later in the week , alas nothing and that is over a week now so what happens now ? confused



  • My Cancer is younger than me as well. Do they generally go for older women?



  • Wow! Saranee & ConfusedbyaCancer, as I read your post it seems like we've all been involved with the same cancer man! Coincidence? Or just the basic characteristics of the cancer male? Lol! I also met my cancer man online, not something I had ever done before but he sent me a message & we started chatting then texting then talking on the phone for hours everyday. We talked everyday for 3 weeks,he text me all the time starting 1st thing in the morning with a "good morning" & wanted to meet. Since I never met anyone online I was a little concerned but figured since he had been a cop it was probably safe. What was going to be just a short 1st time meeting turned into an 8 hr evening of us talking & really hitting it off, and I also am a few years older then him. On his way home he text me that his intuition was right & that he was crazy about me. We had talked so much before we met that I felt very comfortable with him and even my concerns that he had married & divorced 3 times didn't matter because he was really wanting a committed relationship this time. In the 1st 3 months there were only a handful of days that we didn't see each other & then he started not showing up, a situation with one of his kids or a family issue & he was working 6 12 hour days which left him exhausted & drained. The next 3 months we got thru issues of insecurity, him thinking I was looking for someone else (I wasn't, I was very happy with him) when he didn't even talk to other women (he always got text but said it was 1 of his kids), him saying he wasn't being fair to me for not having as much time because of issues with his kids but our relationship was important to him & he didn't want to lose me in his life. Then 1 day, a year ago, a friend was on a singles website when she said this guy looked like the guy I was seeing...and it was! All the times he made me feel guilty for something I wasn't doing when it was him. Anyway, we broke up but remained friends, in fact over the past year we have ended up best friends. We are not in a relationship, although sometimes people think we seem like we are, lol, we do have this unexplainable bond & love for each other, spend the holidays together with his family and would do just about anything for each other. I have learned a lot about him, the fact that he cheated on each of his wives and probably has never been faithful to any woman (wish I would have known that before he pushed & rushed for a committed relationship) and although there are things I don't like about him as I'm sure he can say the same about me, we are very loyal to each other & have promised to always be part of each other's lives no matter what! Cancer's may not be faithful but are loyal to their friends!

    What I have observed about him in the past year, and I don't know if this is the case with all cancer men, is that at least with him, the thrill is in the chase. He has a need to feel wanted, cared about & loved but as soon as you do, as soon as he knows he's hooked you, he gets bored. He gets almost a "high" when he gets involved with someone new and then as time goes by which his pattern seems to be 1-2 mths he gets bored & starts looking again but will still keep the current one hanging on & may even make her feel a little guilty, (he tried that with me) or keep up the charming words till he is sure he's hooked the new one, then he's done with you. I can always tell by the daily text he still sends me (and he still sends the daily good morning text too, lol) when he's starting a new relationship (the text is casual) or bored & looking for a new one (then he feels the need to tell me he loves & miss me).

    I thought it was just him but in reading the posts & the similarities, I can't help but wonder if this isn't just a pattern with cancer men? Is it just about the chase, the player within them that has the need to feel wanted & cared about but then get scared & run, become distant, ignore you as soon as they get what they say it is they want? He has told me several times that he has good intentions but always seems to run off & hurt the people that care about him & that he cares about. He has a lot of issues with women because of his failed marriages but I knew from the start. If this is a basic characteristic of the cancer man, I think I'll find out their sign before getting involved with another one! Lol! And I hope ladies, that your cancer men don't have the initials MDB! Lol!



  • @danr...his innitial is JSB.....lol i just read ur post...wow !! thats scary but very informative..thanks...i can definately tell now that this is not my type of guy...its been 3 weeks we have not seen each other and probably talk couple times in between. it was difficult at the begining not to call him or talk to him...but i think i am lot better now. i am suppose to meet him tomorrow...thats what he said when we talk last time that was a week before...but if he does not show up i will send him a goodbye text and that will be the end. i hate drama...and people with drama are just not worth my time...



  • BTW he is 33 and older than me ..



  • Wow, mine is going invisiable on me again and started the ignoring again. God this is crazy. Looks like they are mad and anyone who get involved with them will go mad trying to figure them out. I decided to take everyones advise and starting today will be ignorning him. Thanks for all your wonderful and helpful posts.



  • So now he ignornes me most of the time but will talk to me some times. Does that mean he is not sure, or does that mean when he has nothing better to do he will talk to me otherwise I don't know you. Pleaseeeeeee help!


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