Do I wait or move on?



  • I feel like he is my soulmate and God put him in my life to help pull me out of a really bad marriage. But is that all he was there for. There are all these signs that say it's more, and I just need to wait; that he has his own struggles to go thru. Read in a book that coincidences are messages from God, but I don't know if I'm creating these things because I'm fooling myself and don't want to let go. He's in a bad relationship too. Was he just a tool or my next life partner? Waiting is hard and lonely, especially when all my friends found someone to be with so quickly (some too quickly...). It's been three years and I'm facing the lonely holidays once again...



  • i say this too you that if you want to wait or think you should because your heart tell;s you too

    then you should wait from my opinion is this follow what your heart say;s and of what you think is right not about the other signs or reading stuff.

    if you love him you should but the other thing is...

    if he loved you he would of have come back to you!

    instead of you waiting..you see im going trough the same as you but we are not married

    its just my family doesn;t like him at all.

    but i say you dont move on and exactly everyone does have struggles to go through

    just like me and you.

    he just needs some time 🙂



  • I think this concept of soulmates is a dangerous thing. There are a lot of potential matches out there for you. If this person is in a relationship that is reason enough to stay away. It shouldn't matter the state or quality of the relationship, or if he himself told you that it was bad. If it was really that bad he wouldn't be in it. It's bad Karma to mess with it period. I think the soulmate defense is often used to justify behavior that was once considered immoral.

    Now before you start to think that I'm being too harsh or not understanding, let me assure you that I'm trying to point you in the direction of happiness. I see so many posts on here like this and it's getting depressing to even read them. It's like watching people beat their heads against the wall over and over and they keep asking why won't my head stop hurting. Now you are out of your bad marriage, don't put yourself in an unhappy situation by waiting for someone that's unavailable to you. If in the future he decides to leave on his own and wants to be with you you can see how you feel at that time. In the mean time there are over 3.3 billion males on this planet, many of which are available and would make a great companion. You don't have to spend the holidays feeling lonely, the prison of heartache that you've been in is self created. Start demanding better for yourself and you will find it. I wish you the best of luck and a happy holiday season.



  • From someone who has been there and done that........don't waste your life waiting for him. Get on with living and do what you need to do to get over this man. I fell for my old boss, what a connection.....it made me realise my marriage was over and had been for a long time. I left my husband, he stayed with his wife, in what I still know to be a loveless marriage. We had an intense emotional affair. But you know what, after waiting for 18 months I finally woke up and decided I deserved better. I deserved someone who wanted to be with me and chose me, not someone who chose to stay in an unhappy marriage......he chose his wife over me and I was silly to wait to see how/if things would progress.

    I am now much happier, getting on with my life, while he is stuck in his own situation and I think if he wants to stay in the marriage where he is desperately unhappy and choose that over me, well so be it. Even if he left his wife now, I would not consider it. I've done the hard yards working on myself and working through my own crap, I'm not prepared to wait another couple of years for him to sort his out. I now realise that he was my catalyst. His purpose was to make me realise I needed to get out of my marriage and start being ME, to find myself and my true life purpose. Perhaps that is what your man is, someone to wake you up and get you out of your rut. He is not available and as much as it hurts (and believe me it hurt so much when it was said to me, but it is so true), if he really wanted you and wanted to be with you, he would be. Don't let him make you doubt the beautiful smart intelligent woman that you are and someone who deserves so much more, you deserve someone who is there YOU and committed to YOU.

    I wish you all the best 🙂



  • Bluerose,

    After you decide for yourself that you deserve better than what he's offering right now, HE WILL MAKE A MOVE. Laying yourself at his feet in wait is intoxicating to him. He likes it like that and knows that HE HAS CHOICES. However, you do not. Its power over another.

    Go out, have fun, meet other people. He'll catch the clue and YOU will see him being concerned. You need to laugh and play the field. Put a date in your head and move towards it.

    In short, I agree with Manifest and Winchie. Life is too short not to live it. Go with your head and your gut. Your heart is worthless at this point.

    Blessings and Happiness to you. You are worth it!



  • life is meant to move forward. by simply waiting you are not helping your life move forward. you need to also be active looking for the solution of your life problems, not only in matters of love. you also need to be active to nurture your psyche the same way you would nurture your physical. balance is very important in moving forward, no car can get to destination if they only have 3 wheels working well instead of 4. they might, but only if it's short distance and nobody else is on the road, which is not true in life. for we are part of the universe, we always end up interacting with each other and there is nothing short or temporary about the universe itself.

    I can not tell you whether he is your soul mate or not. But even if he is, it doesn't mean you should wait until he is free for you.

    I used to think like you did. In my 20s many of my friends have been married. I didn't even have a bf instead was fooled by someone. I was scared and lonely but these feelings prompted me to be active and keep looking for the answers of all my life questions including love. At 25 I finally found the answer to love question. I married him, almost 9 years now and never regret it.

    There is time for everything. Since we are part of the universe, we bow to its law and timing. and timing of the universe is not like ours. For example you might ask the universe 'when will I find the right man to marry' the universe will not give you a number, it will say 'when the time comes' which basically means 'when you are ready'. when will you be ready, well only you can answer that. The universe throwns you life challenges to learn from and help when you need it. Are you going to be active, take the help and learn? or are you going to wait and ponder? make the right choice, for it will put you on the right path. Only when you get to the end of this path, the universe will see that you are ready and your prayer(s) will be answered.

    Don't worry about his life, take care of yours. If he is yours, he will be on the same path and you will meet and finally share your life together.



  • From my experience you will only sit and wait for so long before your mind and body force you to begin living again. My ex and I split and I missed him so much. I would have done anything to have him back. I was determined to wait it out, but my body and mind demanded action. If he ever comes back into my life and we can work things out that would be Amazing, but what if he doesn't? How many years of your life do you want to waste waiting for something you don't even know if it will ever happen?



  • leo scorpion I like your answer. i have been stuck at times myself. I go back and forth so much with a guy I feel is the one for me that I am starting to feel like a dam yo-yo. I am working on growing as an individual and trying to put my focus where it belongs..on loving my own life as it is and being a good mom and going back to school to finish something a started a few years ago to become an R.N. I feel that as I continue doing what im supposed to be doing everything else will fall into place. Dont get me wrong I have times where I cant get the guy off my brain and its really difficult and painful but I gotta keep trying no matter what. I am hoping to be married again someday because I like the stability of married life and I want someone to share a life with. But I have to think about what kinda life do I have to be shared? I still have some work to do. I no its not time for me to be with someone special in that way because I dont have my life in order. For example, right now my house is a mess, I still need to shower and get dressed, but I have chosen to escape for a moment to be on here. I believe in soulmates but I believe we dont always get to be with them and its all about timing and where we are in our lives. I am a mess therefore, not ready.



  • lovinmylife, exactly. to attract positive energy, happiness, joy, loyalty, life, we have to send out positive energy so that the universe will return the same energy to us. how can we attract love and happiness if we do not love and take care of ourselves? you have acknowledged your life is a mess. take your time and sort it out. refrain from sending negative energy, despair, anger, sadness etc. any energy that will attract only negativities towards you is best unsent. you will marry again, you will meet the right person. the universe never ignores our wish and prayer, if they are made from kind and selfless intention. but the universe will only send you the right man when you are ready, because if it sends you this man now, you won't be able to see him as he is, for you still have to sort out some things in your life.

    Do your best to nurture your physical and psyche. Go with what you feel and what you can afford. Healthy diet and yoga/zen are available for free online. If you are religious, by all means go according to your religion. If you are wicca or mystic, go whichever way you feel suitable. It is normal to miss someone and it is normal to feel pain, everyone has been through that at some point in their lives. there is nothing wrong with missing someone and feeling pain, in fact, all of these experiences are meant for you to experience them, so that when the universe sends you happiness and love, you know how to appreciate them and protect them.

    Live in your truth, always. Lies and denials are negativities, and sending out any negativities will only make the universe sends it back to you. Even if someone sends you negativities, do not send it back. Let the universe take care of that and keep moving forward. Protect yourself if necessary, a mere visualization of blue/white light around you will help. Visualize it any time you want, it will protect you from any negativities sent by any means like physical touch, phone calls, emails, online chat etc. This way the negative energy will bounce back to sender, without you even have to do anything. Stay positive, always. So that all the universe sends you is positive things. Positivity supports life, your life, life of your relationship with anyone - work, love, family etc. You may even find, that among the positive things the universe sends back to you, is who/what you have been looking for all this time. We get what we put into everything. I wish the universe will send you help and support to gain balance in your life.



  • Leoscorpion, you are so dead on. You must have done alot of work yourself to get to this place. This is exactly what i am striving for. Its been a long uphill battle. Getting better all teh time. If you had seen me a few years back wow I surely was a crazier mess then ever. I have always been a caring compassionate person but was raised in a very unhealthy negative environment. My mother was bipolar and father on teh weekends out of obligation. It was just a dark environment for a child. Have spent many many years undoing the damage. I am starting to finally get comfortable with myself and after a few years of practice find the good light inside again. Battled with depression for the good first half of my 20s. I thought that was normal!!! Out of some miracle I came to the realization that it wasnt any kind of life for me or my kids. Dont get me wrong I have always looked after my children and had deep deep love for friends and family but the depression and negativity was too too much. Thank you for encouraging me. I swear there are times I think I need a shock collar when I start getting lost inside the abyss of gloom and doom. Thanks again.



  • you are welcome lovinmylife

    and yes I have spent half my age learning spirituality, so 17 yrs to say. only 3 yrs ago the universe answered me, by sending a mentor. since then I have improved drastically, and it sent me more mentors and a spirit guide to constantly watch over my step.

    Clearly, the universe wants me to walk on this path and so I will.

    I understand your situation completely. I spent over 10 yrs of my life living with people that are critical, unforgiving and one of them was mentally ill and violent. I almost died due to this violence quite a few times. But when I looked back, I understand why the universe sent me this challenge when I was such a young age. It wanted me to recognize my strength. I never missed school or class, I was a class champ once, I went to university got a degree, got a job. Because of what I went through, I can see strength in me and in others and I know exactly what to say and do to encourage them when they are down.

    You have gone through a lot and yet you survived it so far. A few bumps on the road, everybody gets that, it's normal. You will be a good healer, because of what you have gone through and the strength that is built inside you over the years. RN is a healing profession, a very good path for you. The past belongs to the past. Only open the door to the past, to learn from it, and once you have, close it. Life has to move forward, you will make it. The universe knows us to the core, it sends us challenges but it will not refuse to help. When you feel confused or bogged down, ask the universe for help. It always answers, although you don't feel like it does. Take care now and hope for the best.



  • Thanks everyone! You all pretty much said the same thing, and that's exactly what I needed to hear!



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