Love really have to be that complicated?
Long story short we had a wonderful 6 months together, perfect chemistry and understanding. We laughed a lot, could talk over even nights.
After a while she started to feel confused (for those who it matters, she is a libra) about her piece of mind, she missed the harmony, however nothing happened. She initiated breaking up in february, however She was still in love with me. We stayed kinda together 4 more months and it was still great. Turned out her main reason for the breaking up was that I needed some time to let her closer and be super cute and lovely with her, and also She felt I don't have enough time for her. I twisted my whole life, changed my job and of course let her closer by the Time, but She says it's late and can't turn off her mind.. But we were still together without any issues or fight, just sometimes we talked about that we don't understand whats happening. She said She is happy with me, but when She is alone She is overthinking everything.
Slowly we started to break up for her piece of mind, but She kept contacted me and were crying about how she misses and love me.. And loves to make love with me.. She watched and liked my stories etc and we bounced back to each other for days or weeks and enjoyed the present. The last Time we met was in May, we haven't saig goodbye just we were strong enough not to meet, but still tested about She loves and misses me.
A month later I could not move on so I started to read back old conversation and pics and I realized She lied to me in a lot of nonsense things such us nails She had or drinks She made. All of these pics were from the internet. I got really angry and could not stop writing her. We argued 2 days in a row and She were keeep lying… After I got calm I realized She probably have mental issues and told her if She feels like that, please ask for professional help. Had no reply but we still stayed in touch for a few days in a peaceful Way, but of course she stepped back AF. And we started no contact.
On the 23rd of July was a party. I thought She won't be there (as she saw 'im interested in the party and said 2 months before she is fortunately going to be on Holidays), but ofc she was there. I saw her with a girl, who is not just the opposite of her type but she said so many times that She could be with only with girly girls, even said months ago that this woman is just too boy-like for her, don't understand why keeps writing and pushing the button. Aaaand I knew this girl as well, as I was with her ex a long long time ago for a couple of weeks, and was really into her and my ex knews that too. She also knew it would piss me off. Anyway I saw no chemistry between them at all, but who knows..
Could not calm down so unfortunately I sent a text message at 5am about she is not just not being on holidays but I have to see them together.. Ooops. BUT she replied within 3 minutes and we had a kinda small arguement, but was not heated. I asked her to pack my stuff so I can get them back. Next day she called me, was soooo nice and cute and asked about what day is good for me. I said monday and tuesday I'm off. She said she is busy, would be better in the middle of the week. I said I have to see my scedule but writing her asap. I sent a message asking wednesday or thursday is better? She asnwered doesn't matter it's just a few mins anyway.... Women.. I stayed calm and cute and said I made my wednesday free, so let me know..
We could meet on wednesday, she invited to her place. We spent more then one and a half hour together. She told me was funny when I said she should ask for professional help, as she sees a therapist years ago. She doesn't know why she is lying, but can't stop.. She said when I busted her, she was crying and laying in bed for 2 days and was sad I'm thinking our love wasn't real. I apologized because I was harsh with her and let her know I still love and like her. Was a calm meeting and we laughed a lot, however she kept the physical distance almost in a funny way. If I stepped one in the room, she stepped back two.. The chemistry was so strong. I felt her hot and cold. I saw how she looks at me.. She kept calling me on petnames (in our language its "my heart" and "bunny") aaaand in her bed were the 2 personal pillows got from me, and every important gifs were still around. But she said she is with THAT girl, she isn't in love but knows it's not just seeing each other. I accepted almost with a smile. Then asked her to tell me if she loves me or not. But as always she got angry and wanted to run away from me. I convinced her for almost 5 minutes to tell me if she feels like that or no. She was about to bring down the trash (whenever else), but I said I'm not leaving the flat until she is not answering. "please it's help me to know to move on!! do you feeel like that??" then i got a fast "no". I accepted calmly and we brought down the trash and talk downstairs like nothing happened. She talked a lot about her insecurities abput her new realtionship but in the indirect way. Such as "I know she is not short and girly and tooo lesbian, but.." And "my friends said I should move out of my comfort zone" and "my friends said omg this girl is kissing her dog on her mouth, are you going to ask her to brush teeth all the time?" (she is not really into dog persons, however likes dogs as pets but not like that :D) Why she told me these? Her insecurities? I haven't really replied, wasn't even showed anger or jealousy. Then she brought up at the party she also met the girl I was with for a couple of weeks (her gf's ex) and was almost furious like "ahh this woman is not even like on photos, can see she is a bitch". I was like ok, calm down. I don't even remember how she was. Idk if this jealousy drama was for me or her new relationship, but I have no idea why told me these..
Anyway, the short story got long. I thought I'm going to have my closure so I can move on, but I feel like I got mixed signals and she might be in a rebound relationship. I'm not even sure what she said about her feelings about me, are true. Anyways, probably noone can help to understand but feels better to write out everything. Thank you for reading.
ps.: I still in love with her