Ca n anyone tell me if my ex will get paid back or what he did to me andmy sons?

  • God is a definite part of my everyday. I was taught in my church that you can still love someone and be forgiving without allowing them to treat you like a doormat. I am concerned that you are being taken advantage of for your kindness and generous spirit. Just be careful is what I am trying to say because even Jesus had moments where he told people NO! And you are saying that you are lmaf everyday having your ex have to face you who he caused so much pain. Its just my opinion that doesnt seem very healthy for you because you are having to face the people that cause you so much pain too. just dont see it being very healthy for anyone. If thats what helps you to heal though then so be it. Personally I just wouldnt allow my ex to live with me and my children I forgave him and moved on but he made his bed so he can lay in it. i wouldnt rescue him hes a big boy and needs to figure out his life for himself. I have very clear boundries when it comes to how much I will let people take from me its to protect myself and set an example to my daughter because I would be very angry if I saw people use her and her say it was to prove how caring and forgiving she is. Maybe you dont feel used and I am not in your shoes but thats how it appears to me. I am not trying to be harsh I am just telling you the truth about what I see is all. If you are truly doing this becasue you feel its what God wants you to do then I can never disagree with that, I cant pretend to know whats its like to be you because I have had my own issues to deal with as you have probably seen all over this forum. I hope you dont take offense to what I am saying to you.

  • There is a well known saying, " What goes around comes around ",twice in my life my Exs have used our children to get back at me, the 1st was the one who cheated & it took up to 25 years to establish full contact with all my children. I did'nt actually wish harm or revenge on her, I did tell her she would regret what she did, not so much to me personally, but by using the children to hurt me, Her marriage to the so called best friend of ours, only lasted 3 yrs & he was with any & every female he could lay, giving her a taste as how it feels to be cheated on 100 times over & her life has never been a happy one, Her health has also been very poor & the person she is with now has lifted his hands to her on several occassions & actualy scarred her with a corkscrew, I don't get any satifaction knowing this, but reckon its just Karma,My 2nd Ex-Wife just wanted to hurt me & she knew the only way to do that was use the children,this took 5yr to fix out, simply because the Judge thought the Access had dragged on long enough & spoke to the Children themselves, thankfully i brought them up to tell the Truth at all times & the Court case went my way & of course the childrens, as they obviously wanted to see me whenever they could. Her life has'nt been a happy one either,never met anyone & her health also was never that great & still is'nt. Mines has fared far better than both of theirs, I guess one of the biggest reasons,was that I never spent any time wishing or waiting around to see all the ails & tribulations happening to them or seeking revenge, Cast a Spell wrongly & it will come back 10 fold to haunt you, I guess it did to them, The Karma will always work & least when they expect it, things will flow smoothly & greatly & then wham they will suffer for all the hurt & pain they have caused. So why waste your Life worrying & seeking revenge, Love & enjoy your freedom & your Children, Life is too short as it is, don't let bad memories ruin your New Life, I'm not saying to forget them, but use the experience to move on in a better & positive way. Good Luck to You & the Children. & May Your God Bless & Protect You.

  • Tartanjock: Wisdom words from experience that was. God bless you. Good that you know about that law of attraction. I myself think people complain too much in this forum. As if that helps. And all that romance seeking. Bores me to death that too. I just like to encourage people. So I love it when people are encouraged by what I am saying. Only that. The rest is just boring, seeing all the complains and cry about romance. Well, that was not what you were talking about, so being a bit out of the subject now. Good to see that you know how to protect yourself against bad experiences.

    Hanged woman

  • TheHangedWoman, you know I respect a lot of your posts, but to say that all the posts on love and romace are boring or all just complaining is a little harsh. To not be able to appreciate the simple, everyday happenings of life and not just the spiritual side of life, is to be well rounded and have many perspectives. You can find much entertainment and many good times in questioning a relationship or trying to help it grow. Many of the people on here are just confused and looking for direction in their love life and many of these people are inexperienced in love as well. Is it so wrong to seek out help? Is it right to say that a large issue in someone's life is "boring". I admit that doing love readings like will he call me or does he like me are not my favorite, but you have to guide the person in finding the answers in a new way. Communication is a huge factor that should be advocated in relationships. Instead, too many people encourage going with the flow and not taking an active stance in their love life. If it seems mundane to you, alright, but it is slightly amazing to me. You have a husband and a child and to say at one point you never wanted guidance in that area, is hard to believe. And how would you feel if when you were seeking guidance because you were not asking for spiritual guidance, someone told you it is boring? You have a post about not complaining but it is starting to sound like you are complaining about these posts. Everyone has issues, they may seem small to us but they are big to them. We all need to do our part and offer advice, in many areas of life. Romance can make someone see that life is worth living again, it can make them want to stop and smell the roses again, it can make them want to better themselves, to grow individually, spiritually, sensually, and educationally. Romance and love can do all those things. It is a vital part to life, living, and growing.

  • God showed me that I should marry my husband, so then I did it. I never got any advice from anybody wether it was right or not. God showed me that it was right.

  • Well, that is you, one person out of many. Not everybody is as blessed to have such a clear path and you should feel compassion towards them, not boredom.

  • I do feel compassion, it is just that many are not even receptive for help. Many ask for help, but are not ready for the change that must come for improvement. So the help is just short time, because they still have not gotten the help they need. An answer to a question about wether a person will get her desires satisfied or not is not helpful for the person. Because the person does still not understand how to help herself with the real problem. So the relationships that they get, will still be with many problems. Because the change many want, is just to get their desires satisfied. Many think that that will give them healing, that they will be healed from all their troubles if they marry the right person. This is true if that person is a pure and perfect soul who is at all times filled with the power that heals the soul. But who is it that is like that?

    In order to find the right one, one must be the right one. So the focus must be on improving ourselves, our souls, our awareness, to wake up spiritually. Then the perfect guy comes. Because he too wants a perfect soul to share with.

    That is why I think it is boring when people ask wether this one or that one is the right one. Because if all she wants it to have another person, then her real problem is still there. And the guy is just a reflexion of what realms in herself. So if she is not aware, then she attracts a man who is not aware either. And they blame each other.

  • No comment.

  • I understand everything that you have said. I can not disagree. But as another woman who understands how misguided relationships can make you feel, it is our duty to bless that knowledge on to others. And we also have to mix that knowledge with advice and how to direct the person. Of course, there are people who ask for help and do not listen and do not accept it. It is out of our hands and in that person alones hands. I am a sociology student and I believe that education is the key to solving most of life's problems. These women and men need to be educated about loving themselves and not finding happiness until they find it within themselves. If we are going to say learn to love God and yourself, be willing to answer the question, how, or why is it so hard, or how did you do it? People need that additional support sometimes to get what they need done. There are a great many people on these boards who give great relationship advice and it isn't all to do with spirituality, it has to do with practicality as well. And to reduce everyone's issues and questions down to simple complaining and non love of oneself is to reduce everyone's issues down to nothing. Some people on this board have legitimate issues that they need advice on. They may already be spiritual people, working towards a better self, and this may be why they are asking these questions. I also feel that even if most people on this board asking these questions were just lacking spiritual knowledge, self love, and an inability to guide themselves in relationships, who are we to judge? It is what it is. We say our piece and move on, not talk about them with others like they are nags. I just think that instead of just telling people what they need to do, many people need to hear how to do it, or receive a nudge in the right direction and we can't sit here and be mad if they do not take it. We all walk our own path and can't push anyone down their own, just show them the entrance. Some people need spirituality, to learn self love, and some people just need someone willing to be a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, and a non-judgemental heart. That means even when they talk about "boring" or "desires just of self". Sometimes listening can be it's own solution, yet how will we get the message if we do not think their concerns are worthy?

  • Universalharmony: Good to see that you care. Everybody need help once in a while, or even all the time sometimes. Everybody need a shoulder to cry on sometimes. I am glad to see that you are willing to do that for people. Hope you also take care of your boundaries and your own spiritual need.

    I know that my approach sounds somewhat sterile, and that is excactly what it is. I need to take care of my boundaries in order to not live with other peoples feelings inside of me - instead of my own.

    Too much helping people, too much empathy, too much listening to people about their problems and knowing that they anyway are not going to be receptive for any help because all they really need to do is to cry their tears out until it is enough. As long as I know that the person is not receptive for change, then the help will not be help.

    I understand it sounds judgemental, rude and harsh. But I understand it has rather more to do with that I need to build my own inner and outer life. And I must protect myself from delving into other peoples inner turmoils where I anyway can not help. Or even if I can help, the help I am giving is becoming an obstacle for me so that I can not achieve my inner and outer goal in life. I have helped people, and even healed someone by the grace of God. So I know I can help. But I know when I can help and when the help is useless.

    Because all in all we are truly alone in this world and must go through everything alone. Noone can save us. Only ourselves and the invisible power that envelops everything. And how to teach people to believe in that force?

    It is like talking to a wall, and that is why I dont preach. Even if it does very much seem like it. Or perhaps I do preach, haha. I truly do not believe that there is only one true religion. I truly believe that what is in the taoism, buddhism and christianity are all true. I am absolutely not a fanatic (as one person in this forum implied). I just dont see why it is so wrong to explain the truth about that bible that I happen to know. That does not mean that I am saying all other scriptures are wrong. No. They in fact preach about the same: That in order to be free from turmoil, we must let go and follow that inner light that is in all of us.

    I am finished talking, my life has changed. I have become healed and will act. I have allready started to act. And when a healed soul acts, it is wonderful. I will find an even greater peace than I already have found. Just you continue what you are doing, and I will continue doing what I am doing. We are both doing good. I know at least that I do good, and I believe that what you are doing is right aswell.

  • See this is why I even attempt to talk to you. Everything you are saying makes sense. And I am not asking you to give too much of yourself, your boundaries are your own and I am not asking anyone to cross them. I guess the point I was simply trying to make is the one you already have acknowledged, that it sometimes comes off as judgemental. I have my own boundaries as well and I do not see the point in overextending to someone who will not reciprocate, I just get touchy when it comes to generalizations or minimizations, which is really my own thing. But you do have your own reasons and I understand that. I guess we all have different approaches to communicating as well. On a slightly different note, some may say what you say is preachy but others agree with a lot of it. I see no fault in the messages deliver from the Bible or other sources, while they may not fit for some, many others find great comfort and knowledge in them. And I want you to know that I in no way wanted to come off as the political correctness police or anything, so if I did or I offended you, I apologize for that. You are right, we are both doing very well, on the right paths, regardless of how similar or different they are I can appreciate that. Thanks for always having great dialogue with me THW 😃

  • WOW!

  • I agree with your answer on this awful divorce!

    Karma will be done!

    What goes around, comes around.

    It may take time, but God is sweet, and he will answer to Him someday.

  • Religion and politics are a touchy subject in any venue of discussion. While we each believe in our own way agreed or not, it is something that shouldn't be imposed on anyone as a solution or fix, even though meant in kindness.

    I personally believe in a HIGHER POWER, something that is more powerful then me. It has no label or denomination and I don't suggest or push that idea on anyone.

    I don't want someone coming to my door trying to save me or draw me in to there beliefs, and I certainly don't want to come here to hear the same when all I need is input from others experiences..period.

    If I need this sort of guidance, I know where to turn in order to find it.

    I am a kind and loving individual and work very hard to make my life as peaceful and content in a demanding world full of hate, discontent, and violence by doing what I can to be a positive force in others lives.

    Many people find it easier to blame others for there fate or demise, when in fact, they often bring misery upon themselves for choices or decisions they've made along the way. If you don't learn from those mistakes, the cycle is repeated over and over again until you do and quite frankly, some just never figure it out because they are not listening and learning.

    Keep in mind when reading the details of the posts on this forum..there are two sides to every story and more often then not, you're only hearing one.

    Opinions are a dime a dozen, take what you need and disregard the rest and remember it's ok to agree to disagree.

    Good evening to all....

  • THW and universal

    Just want to say I understand where you two are coming from. I myself used to belong to a certain religion and was baptized since I was a baby. But as I grew up I spent many years reading and researching spiritual matters and it was in the year 2006 the universe sent me a mentor. Since then, slowly but certainly, I moved away from religion and started to dwell in a different path. What I found is that, many religious people only believe their religion is right. Whereas the many people I found walking on spiritual path (not religious or belong to any religion) are more open to differences.

    I have no clue why this phenomena and I am not saying religions are wrong. I left my religion for a different spiritual path that I am still learning right now, because I feel I don't belong to this religion. I was baptized in it when I was a baby, not an adult with clear conscious of what I was doing. I will not say what was my religion for that might provoke some people.

    I just need to say this, that whatever name you call the one you worship, it exists. It speaks to all of us in the way easier for us to understand what it is trying to say. Some will go with religion, others will go another way. There is no right or wrong way to understand the Divine, or I call it the Universe. To each our own. We just have to listen to the guidance and we will not be lost. The Divine knows you to the core, it is your choice how to respond and what your response is.

    You both have an interesting word exchange, but it ends well due to your great compassion and selflessness to each other. A sign of spiritual maturity. Not many have it, even if they call themselves 'spiritual' and probably have gone through certain schooling or training in it. Humans make mistakes, unfortunately not all of us learn from them and reach the awareness no matter how much they claimed they have learned.

    I wish the universe shares you its abundance in return of all the positive energies you have sent out. Any kind and selfless intention will not go unnoticed and unrewarded. Take care!

  • Leoscorpion, It is amazing how much we have to go through or experience to realize where we should be heading. You always have such insightful things to say. It seems the path that you have found has suited you well since you always write with such clarity. I too call the Divine the Universe :). Thank for your kind words and wisdom.

  • you're welcome Univharmony

  • Well this thread took it's own course. I'm curious if joy2ja felt supported by it.

  • I have to say I too have been in your situation, There are many ways to go about this, you can stay in the situation your in or you can learn, prepare and fight back. There's nothing wrong with being on welfare or aid, God looks upon the lowly, he is here for us we just have to do the work.

    Think about it, did his son hang around rich people, no he was among the slaves and freed us. You are free from these clutches now. Having money is not the only thing that makes this world turn, it's what you yourself make of it while your here. I have been on aid, I have been where you have been, there is a way out. Check and see if there is a facilitator in your area, they give help to those that need to file forms and can give advise, you don't need a fancy lawyer. I had to learn how to defend myself, I either called the courts or went to the courts found out what forms were for what and filed them myself. As long as you tell the truth about all of this, you will win. If you have witnessess to the abuse, subpoenia them to the hearing. Or you can do the latter, stay right where you are and not do a thing. But if your going to stand up for yourself and the kids, you have to learn to take up your sword and fight.

    I just myself go out of a situation of abuse toards myself and my kids. I filed a Restraining Order and he skipped town, now I am getting heat from his other family members like his mom, dad, neice, brother and sister. Well I looked up online criminal records on all of them apparently there is a pattern of behavior in his family violence, theft, sexual abuse, and drugs. I have been harassed by them for the last 2 1/2 months since I filed. I have documented every detail each day, I collected statements they made against me and my children verbalizing there abuse and they signed them, I have friends, family and agencies of people I know that can testify to this abuse. I am being patient and collecting every piece of evidence I have to file a Civil Harassment suit against them, the more they open their mouths or drive by or write nasty things about me and my kids I keep and savor for the day I can slam it back to them in court. Sometimes people don't realize what they are doing because they don't tend to keep track of things.

    My suggestion, get any evidence that you can to prove him wrong, learn how to defend yourself and you children legally and get help from the agencies around you. Do research and get therapy, there are free agencies or places that accept medical for therapy sessions and keep everything documented to show what you have gone through while you were with him and how it is afffecting you and your children today. Even though you may go through a hard time, you have to perservere and hang in there.

    Not matter what you decide to do we make or own destinies, we have choices the good or the bad, He will have to face his maker sooner or later and believe me you cannot give excuses to him, he is all seeing and all knowing. Know that whatever comes around goes around. Maybe not in the time you expect it, but it wil happen. Good luck to you and your children and I hope I have helped you to see there is light at the end of the tunnel.

  • when we are hurting so badly all we want is to see the other person get hurt back, thats a human reaction, however i beleive that what goes around comes around, and you may not see your ex get his justdeserts but he will come to bloes somewhere along the line, meanwhile dont waste your energy on him as you will drive yourself crazy and it will make you sick in the end, focus on your dear lovely children, get yourself into education or a nice income, you will be the winner, he is on his journey and if he has taken the wrong turn, he will pay for it in due time, you look after you so you can look after your children, you are their he is not and in years to come you will reap the benefits of the new seeds you will sow, call out to god and beleive that he is their supporting you thru this, god protects the poor, you will grow in strength and you will be so strong, stay positive, and may 100,000s angels be by your side always, bless you

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