Cancer men..... what do you mean??

  • SweetRaven>>When Cancer males think they have you "whipped", they treat you like **** and run the other direction. You have to use their own game against them to get them to do what you want, but that still won't make them grow up.

    Sandran712>>I've never been with a Cancer male.But, I dealt with one.They are too whiny for me.Too secretive.If it weren't for my intuition skills that save me.I be a basket case.I do not like Cancer men.They are

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  • i fell into the hands of a gorgeous cancer man who made me feel like i was the best thing since sliced bread and even made all of his friends think he was ready to jump straight into a relationship with me just by the was we interacted and felt so at ease in eachothers company. so the same thing happened - we hugged, we kissed, we cuddled, we promised to see eachother again the next week and...... NOTHING!!!... ehem... HOW RUDE!!! 😮

    I agree with Sandran712 in terms of 'Cancer's like to be alone and spend time alone.We sometimes are overwhelmed in places where there is alot of people.' just by my experience wih other cancerian friends, both male & female, but I am still confused, just like most of us, as to how someone can justify that ignoring someone else, after a promise is made and affection is shared - that is just cruel.

    To defend the better behaved cancerian males, I think that when they do find a person they care deeply for, they end up running away as a way to protect themselves from being too vulnrabe and getting hurt instead of throwing themselves in head-first & then being the one to be trampled - hence, taking comtrol of the situation by 'backing off'.

    I feel like i've gone on a bit now, but to all the ladies who have been in this boat, my heart goes out to you, and to him, and i really do feel we should get on with life, enjoy the good things, and maybe, when our crabby fellas feel they are ready, we will be able to move on.. but until then, life is too short! There are plenty of other fishes, lions, rams, bulls, etc in the sea - go out & have fun! 😄 xx

  • There are many reason why I back off sometimes. When I got into my first marriage, I had an idealized picture that the union would be built not only on love but trust and cooperation. Because I tend to trust, I don't ask many questions about where or what my mate has been doing. If it is something that she needs to tell me or I need to know the expectation again is my trust that she will. Well... this ended in divorce because dispite of her assurances, she was frivolus with our money. I saw my role as provider and protector , especially because of our daughter. I would worl all week and basically just hand over the check for bills, emergencies and savings. Because I thought that our getting married was a true expression of trust it was not in my nature to follow up and micro-manage our finances. The level of disrespect would incrementally increase until by the time I did explore our financial situation we were deeply in credit card debt. My wife also worked so our income was good. I would start dinner when I got home, did more household chores than she and also attempted to make repairs in the house as they arose. It was this effort which I hoped demonstrated not only that I wished to make my home and family comfortable but since I hadn't lied or cheated I wanted the same. My second marriage was shorter but more disruptive. It started as a damsel in distress need some help and becam living with someone who did not work and expressed displeasure at all the things she did not have. In response, I worked two jobs and went back to graduate school full time. There was never a dinner or clean house awaiting me after my long days and the financial deceipt was again rampent. In both cases, what triggered the end was when I we felt enough disrepect to feell angry. I reached apathy and left but only after many attempts to "fix" the problems, Usually this involved my working harder. So ladies please don't feel that the game playing is one sided and goes from male to female. Some of the most devistating hurt I felt was from the woman who took my effort and trust as weakness and an opportunity to exploit. and take advantage of situations in which others are being or will be hurt.

  • oh, cancerman29, i'm sooo sorry to hear your sad story. You have definately been at the receiving end of he line, and it's obviously not been an ideal situation for you, and I am surprised that you are still able to be so trusting. I can see why you would back off now, you need to protect yourself from being hurt!

    I agree with you there, women can be cruel and untrustworthy and can break many an honest man's heart! I just appreciate if people (friends & lovers) are honest with me about their past, present & future so that I can be there for them, instead of feeling like i'm talking to a brick wall.

    I know everyone is an individual, and I try not to judge people by stereotyping, but it can be hard to trust and remain positive when the same thing keeps happening time and time again.

    My heart goes out to everyone who is having relationship, compatibility and personal problems, it really does - I just hope we can all find that special someone, one day! 🙂 surely, they have to be out there!

  • Sandran712:

    ive been reading so much of what you've written on these boards...the awesome advice and the insights into the crazy inner workings of the cancer male. i was wondering if you could possibly shed some light on my situation with my cancer guy...i have a thread called "cancer man is the most confusing person ive met" it tells you everything in there. i would SO appreciate it if you could read that and let me know what you think 🙂

    since the last thing that happened in what i wrote on that thread, we've hung out late at night as a study break..talked for 3 hours and then i slept over but all we did was kiss..and he had an exam the next morning...

    but since then hes been really weird and when i see him in a group he gets shy and tries to show off and ive asked him to eat with me and both times hes been busy with stuff, which i know is not him lying cause i know the things he has to do. but i am SO CONFUSED about what to do.

  • Relationships are about communication, and figuring out how to communicate with a partner is the key. This is overlooked a lot, and expected just to happen, but it takes work.

    And any sign can live by the good aspects or the bad, Cancers included.

    The key is to keep an open line of communication open with a Cancer Male, and to let him know you will always be there, if he respects you, and keeps a open line of communication with you. That way if he needs to crawl into his shell, then you have established some form of communication with him, where he can let you know he is on his Cancer menstrual cycle. LOL

    Indeed, if he disappears, you need to know where he is, and what he is doing, for your own mental health, but you need to give him the space to do that every once in a while. That kind of needs to be established I guess, and will help weed out the Cancer Males who are players, because I guess it can be hard to tell sometimes. We wander sometimes, but it does not mean we are lost, or are "out looking for something else".

    The main thing is to be able to tell a good guy, from a bad guy, no matter what the sign. That is the most important thing. If he is a good guy, then you can deal with whatever idiosyncrasies you have to deal with.

  • Hey whats up people im a Cancer guy and yea we dont knoe how to deal with emotions and when it comes to trust its like we dont even knoe what it is let alone belive in it and i have never been good at remebering special dates i still forget my parents birthday i only rember cause there sign so i get a general time when it is besides all the flaws in out idoacracy if he told you all that and hes not drunk and or high he probaly kinda means it and just wants to see how you react and honestly i dont really go with girls unless the show they want me back we like the attetion picture cancer guys as female with a penis but is not really a female a real man i feel so much that feelings have there own thought and rule out what i think cause i trust my feelings over everything so unless you realy want him pursue if you dont just let it go he will find his way back

  • and im kinda drunk so rule out all the mistypes and spelling errors

  • BrianTristan: "keep an open line of communication with you"

    i have no idea how to approach this. ive been trying to think of ways i could say "what exactly are we, im really confused, i dont know what you want, but im not trying to pressure you into anything, i just need to know where you stand so i dont lose my mind with confusion and frustration"

    hes such a strange kid. he's told me he likes me and when we're together yes hes shy, but he always opens up and its obvious he feels the same way. but then we have these bouts of barely any contact and sometimes when i ask him to eat with me or something else, he says hes super busy with stuff (which i understand because i know his demanding schedule) but still. i really need to talk to him but i just have no idea how to approach it, and im really scared to bring anything up =/

  • Aquariangrl,

    Do you realize you answered your own question?

    You warm him up, get him comfortable, get him opened up, and then you have a talk with him.

    You say verbatim what you typed here, "what exactly are we, im really confused, i dont know what you want, but im not trying to pressure you into anything, i just need to know where you stand so i dont lose my mind with confusion and frustration". It is what you want to say, so say exactly that.

    The point is, this is not a game, not a card game, not a chess match. It is not. It is about getting the other person comfortable, so you can communicate with them. Then, you say what you have to say, and hopefully they will be forthright with you, and share their feelings and thoughts.

    This is hard stuff, people do not want to get hurt, but you can not grow a relationship when you hold back. You have to put yourself out there, and that requires risk, to move it forward. Shy people can be frustrating, but if that is who you want, then you will need to learn to deal with him effectively.

  • BrianTristan:

    Thank you! everything you said makes sense, and i know its the right thing to's just doing it that's gonna be the challenge. i do really like him, and im pretty certain he likes me, but i do think hes holding back (his ex girlfriend cheated on him, i can only imagine what hurt that would cause)

    im just having a difficult time understanding his intentions. but hopefully ill be able to tell him what i wanna tell him without it going to crap =/

  • Aquariangrl,

    His issues, although you will have to deal with them to an extent, are not your issues, realize that.

    Also, just like people make "date nights" or actually schedule "intimate time", you are going to need to schedule (at least on your schedule) time, once a week, twice a week, whatever, to have communication time with Cancer Boy. Just communication, no kissy face, no bump da bump. That means getting him comfortable, and easing into the stuff you want to talk about. Done right, and done consistently, it will be your mental health saver in this relationship.

  • BrianTristan:

    I understand what you mean, and know its the right thing for me to do. But i have no idea how to ask him. I wanted to ask him to take a walk with me today or something like that so I could talk to him, but he's probably gonna say he's busy again. I need to show him that I can hang out with him without hooking up with him, and we have done it before. But what does he expect me to do when he invites me down to his room to sleep over? Obviously we're going to kiss a little bit. I'm not sure if he thinks I only want to hook up with him, but I've definitely shown my interest is beyond that.

    So frustrating.

  • I don't think it's about you dong enough or being enough for him.. which is what I'm getting from you (the originator of this topic). You might teetering on the edge of self-pity because he's "disappeared." Don't despair. You are a water sign also... realize this: water signs often need time to themselves. Cancer men are prone to "disappear" from time to time, but if you look back, so do you..

    He will come back.

  • Aquariangrl,

    Well, you need to find a way to communicate with him. Sleeping over, or kissing, neither of them count. The physical gets in the way of the verbal, especially if there is a strong physical attraction. What you need is conversation for communications sake. If you do not get communication, you will slowly edge towards being mentally uncomfortable in this relationship. That can result in you becoming pushy or needed, which will repel him even further, or in you withdrawing and then him coming back from his hiatus, but you will not be interested anymore. And all of that will be much more emotionally draining than just saying, "hey, lets talk".

  • BrianTristan:

    I'm definitely going to ask him very soon whats up. I texted him today saying if he didnt have plans we could hang out if he wanted (texted him around 9pm) and he responded saying he would let me know, and that he might be going out with his floor friends but he wasnt sure. i said ok, and that he could just let me know and he said "will do."

    i havent heard from him, and its past 2 am. I dont know if this is him trying to shy away from me because he doesn't like me, when i asked my guy friend, he said that a normal guy would do this just to not hurt the girl's feelings. But since he is a cancer, i really dont know what this means. all i know if that im aggravated, and somewhat depressed because of his awful mood swings and just general frustration at what the heck he is trying to do or prove.

  • Aquariangrl,

    Well you may be concentrating too much on him being a Cancer. What kind of guy is he first of all? Is he interested in a relationship? You know what I mean.

    If he is moody, and has mood swings, then you may be giving to much of that over to being a Cancer Male. He may just be a moody guy, who has mood swings, and if that is the case, is that what you want to be hitched to?

    Secondly, you are waiting for him, and this is no good it makes things worse for you. You need to live your life. It looks to me like you are on a college campus, so there are things to do. Do something, anything, other than waiting for him.

  • BrianTristan:

    I guess I am. A couple months ago, when we first started "seeing" each other he sent me this text after i tried to hang out with him some more in his room, im pretty sure he thought i wanted to hook up with him: "just want to make sure im not giving you the wrong message, im not trying to blow you off or anything. i do like you, and youre really fun to chill with. i just dont hook up with ppl as a rule, last week was the first time i ever have (with me). i like spending time with you though and just want to make sure you dont feel like im leading you on or anything, because im really not trying to"

    at which point i responded with "you dont wanna see where this goes?" and he said "thats not what i meant, just that i wanted to be up front about how i am regarding hookups. youre the only person ive done anything with outside of a relationship. if things go that way at some point then we'll see what happens. im not saying anything against what happened, just it was very out of character for me."

    so i said "im all for getting to know you better and seeing where it goes" and he said "okay sounds good :)"

    i am entirely confused, and im scared to bring anything up because i dont want to seem like im needy, clingy, desperate, or anything of that nature. although ive given him so much space and have gone weeks without contacting him just to make sure he knows im not trying to pressure him into anything.

  • Aquariangrl,

    Awe honey, it is okay to feel that way. You have every right to want to know what is going on, that is not stupid or silly. You must understand something though, and this is an unfortunate development in our society. People between the ages of 19 and 22 (college years) have a desire to have a serious relationship, that is in most of our genetics, but we have this whole mind set that college is for fun, period. So fraternities, sororities, and things like that that are very superficial end up replacing relationships that have substance. People live a very surface existence anymore on college campuses, and if you throw in the binge drinking, you almost end up with a hollowed out existence of a musician on a world tour where substances are used to escape, and relationships are very superficial.

    You can draw back some, and see where this one will lead, that is an option, but you will need to occupy your time otherwise if you do this. Study more, and/or get involved in an extracurricular activity that really interests you and brings you satisfaction. You can not sit around and think about it, if you are going to wait and see where it goes. Furthermore, you are not bad for wanting something more, there is nothing wrong with that, you just have to decide if you are wasting your time or not. I really do not have anything for you wether this is worth your time or not, so you will have to kind of figure that one out on your own. He does like you, yes he does, but it goes back to the mindset that I mentioned above, "college is for fun", he buys into that for sure. You on the other hand, you like to have substantive relationships, not superficial, and that makes you a better person, so no need to beat yourself up about it.

    Best wishes,


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