Cancer men..... what do you mean??
Any Cancer men... or anyone with Cancer men experience......PLEASE HELP!!
Please help me to understand why cancer men go MIA?? Its one thing to hide but its another situation when you disappear? Why do they do this? Is this ALL cancer men or am i alone on this one?
My cancer man has been telling me that he wants to be with me and that he is willing to wait for me because i am "worth" the wait......He tells me that he loves me, and that he wants to be with me. He thinks that two of us would have a great relationship...so on and so on.....but where in the world is he???? its been a week since i last spoke to him!!
He made plans with me to hang out this past weekend and i have not heard from him since LAST MONDAY(10/12) and to this day...i still have not heard from him. No text, no email, no returned phone calls! What does this mean??
The last time we saw each other we had a great time....left on GREAT terms, hugged, kissed, and he even gave me a dozen roses when i first arrived....now hes gone!!
I just dont understand!! Please help me to understand why is he so emotionally unstable?
Taureengirl last edited by
You are not alone.... lots of us have gone through the very same thing.
Read the "Cancer man, and he is confusing " thread. You will find loads of information there.
He got scared because he is falling for you. He is scared period. Stop contacting him. He will apologize in his own way later. Probably wont actually say the words "Im sorry" but he will make it up in his own way. Back off for a sec and continue living your life. He will come around. Act like you dont need him that drives them crazy. IT will be okay.
Thanks lovinmylife and taureengirl!
I dont want to sit around and wait anymore.....we have been slow dancing to this never ending song...my feet are tired and i really dont care to play these kind of games anymore. I feel that he is un-reliable and i cant trust him with my heart!
I know that he will come back around AGAIN, as he has done this before.(several times, 7 and 1/2 years now) And Yes, his sweet charm is enticing along with his magical words of apology and I always give in.....but not this time! Im really going to put my foot down and take a stand! I feel like im always in limbo with him and it drives me to become emotionally un-stable myself. Im annoyed, irritated and un-sure of what to do. I dont like to live my life this way. I think i just need to move on and not look back.
As much as i will miss him and always have the "what if " in the back of my mind, i cant ping pong with my feelings anymore.....Time to go!!!!
Have a wonderful day!
Yes then you should ignore him and tell him to kiss your a s s! 7 1/2 yrs!! Oh my. gone through the same shite because of a cancer guy knew him for 17 yrs. when things didnt go his way he peaced out. It sucks to be left broken hearted and think they are moving along without a care in the world. Its all because of fear or not knowing what they want. Make up your mind about what you want and deserve and go for it!!! Best of luck I am tired of these stupid guys doing this too. We need to send a newsletter to dissapearing cancer men and say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. I feel you honey. best of luck to you.
You were right lovinmylife....he just texted me and says, "so what are we not talking anymore"??
Are you serious!! How can someone do that or even have the odacity to send a text like that?? After calling him and texting over the weekend because he ASKED to hang out this past weekend and then not even get 1 text or phone call from him....this is INSANE!! So immature, so un-manly, so rude, so PATHETIC!
Note to Cancer men: Dont hide and expect comfort when you return, dont play games with womens feelings, its not right, its not fair, and TOTALLY CHILDISH! Rather, if you need time alone, just say so, dont leave women hanging on a thread CLUELESS, then come back and act is if nothing happened!!
This is a perfect moment to say....."there are so many more fish in the sea....this one STINKS(literally)...you MUST throw him back in!
Have a wonderful day!!
Oh my no he didnt. So now you are supposed to feel guilty for not responding? Dont let him get you down. I would ignore that text too, or reply with when you are ready to be in real relationship and not one of convenience then we can talk. Lol good luck let me know what happens it should be intresting.
lol....i deleted the text within the first 30 seconds of receiving it and laughed my a s s off!
A part of me does want to reply, but i know if i do....im just giving him an opportunity to respond with his "magical" words of apology. He will woo me and I will feel sorry and guilty , then i will give in.... and back to square ONE we go!!! Nope not this time....this emotional roller coaster hes taken me on is, lame and im getting off cause its just irritatiting me hanging onto NOTHING! I've put more than enough effort on my part to show him how much i care for him, in return, all i get is guilt trip after guilt trip and lack of respect for my feelings.
Kick rocks - buh-bye!!!
Thanks again lovinmylife!
Btw...that post on "cancers arent complicating" is really good! Cris really did reveal the cancers secrets....but i still dont understand some of their motives for the things that they do. For instance, they say, they dont intend to play games, it just happens. ??? I dont get it! I can understand if playing games becomes a bad habit and they just naturally do it, but if they can take a step back to realize that they do this, why wouldnt they just admit to it and apologize for their behavior, rather than string the person along...and show no acknowledgemnt or even sympathy for what they just did..... instead they keep it bottled up just so they can stroke their own ego by not look like fools....but in reality they look like selfish, relentless, fools because they cant set their pride aside and be accountable for their actions!
Geez....im gonna stop now.
HaHaHa. Its okay scorpgal I understand your aggrivation. The reason they seem to play games is because they can feel into our emotional being and then they respond with things to gloss everything over and make us feel better. Its their motherly instincts to want to nurture us. Then when their well is dry they hide away to replenish themselves and are ready to give of themselves again. They are like sponges taking in everybodies stuff then they feel they have nothing left of themselves and have to be alone for awhile or be around people that they dont care about as much. Its really isnt meant to hurt you or anyone else its just the nature of the beast. I am not saying there arent selfish people out there dont get me wrong. Evryone has there "me" moments from time to time. But you need to let him know that the dissapearing act is hurtful and he can at least have the courtesy of calling you to tell you he has to break plans yada yada yada. He probably didnt want to tell you because he knew you would be mad at him. Hes being immature for sure. But you have the right to tell him how much that hurts you. Its okay for you to vent and be angry on here. God knows Ive done my fair share. I just hate to see you lose something that importatnt to you. Think about it.
hmmm....thank you for your insight. It does help me to understand him a little better. But wow...in my opinion....its just flat out silly the way they handle things!!
Btw....he called me this time and left a long voice mail basically telling me that he has tried SEVERAL times (it was only 2 times 1 text 1 call) to contact me and if i dont call or text him back today....this was going to be his last attempt to try and talk to me!! Oooh the nerve! How unfair of him to tell me something like that! I may just send him a text to let him know its best we not talk anymore and leave it at that.
I dont owe him anything or even an explanation for the way i feel or why i am ignoring him. Its apparent that he really doesnt care for my feelings, if he can just continue disappearing and not even give me the common courtesy to let him know he just needs some time. I wouldnt have been mad if he broke plans, as he has broke plans with me before and i understood. I have told him several times in the past that it hurts me when he does this, but it obviously holds no water to him.
Im not ignoring him because i am trying to make a point. I am ignoring him because, i cant do this anymore. I know who i am and what my heart is capable of when i have given my heart to someone i trust and someone that i love. I will be 27 years old this saturday and I've learned through the years that you have to love and respect yourself before you can love and respect anybody else. I've achieved that status and really learned to respect myself and my heart. But i also learned that once you trust someone with your hear and if that man cant even TRY to understand, respect or love my heart as i do, then he is waste of my time!
Im not saying i expect perfection or that im un-forgiving, im saying that i cant even get an ounce of gratification from him after 7 years of diligence on my part. Showing him how much i care by telling him that i love him, going out of my way SEVERAL times to satisfy his needs (which would mean driving almost 40 miles north just to lay next to him because he cant sleep and he misses me, only to get a few hours of sleep then waking up 1hr and 1/2 earlier than normal because my house and job is on the other side of town), sending gifts, sweet text messages, paying his phone bill (because of our phone conversations), paying his rent, cooking ALL of his favorite dinners for him, surprising him with things that i know he enjoys....etc....etc......all i ask is for some kind of gratification...some kind of common courtesy if he needs that "me" time....thats it!! Can i even get that....NADA! So i've come to conclusion that my efforts are now exhausted and i dont owe him anything, i gave it my all and it wasnt good enough for him to show me an inclination of appreciation.
oh well.....im done now!
I agree you are doing things for him that you should never have to do. I have very little sympathy for a young man not being able to pay for himself. Hes young and helthy he can work 3 jobs if he chooses. My ex could never get himself together either. He lives with his parents now because he no longer has me to clean up his mess. I have 3 kids work 2 jobs and have been going to school on and off. No sympathy for a guy who cant manage his own life. that in itself got me mad now. Im mad at your boyfriend too! LOL. Tell him to get his shite together and take care of himself and quit playing immature games then you can be with him. Sigh.
WOW.. what a great woman you are! To be taking on 2 jobs, 3 kids and going to school?? Wow...thats alot! What is it with majority of men today? What happened to the traditional men that did whatever it took to provide for their family?? Where are those men?
Nowadays, it seems like men are more DEPENDANT on women for managing their life. It saddens me!
I realized that my cancer has a lot more growing up to do and needs to find himself before he and I can be together. I know there was alot that i left out in my relationship with him, but we "technically were NOT exclusive bf/gf". We are "friends"??(i guess you can call it that) with a serious attraction to one another for over seven years. We share a VERY deep connection together, one that both he and I never experienced before. We both feel like we "should" be together because we have been feeling this way for one another for 7 years. It just seemed like timing for both of us to ever having a chance together was always bad. But we stayed connected and then lost contact with one another for 2 years....when we re-connected (because I ran into his mother at the market) we both agreed and felt that the 2 years we lost contact, there was something missing in both of our lives. He was in a relationship and so was I. But once my cancer and his ex broke up, the two of us have been talking and texting everyday since May of 08. Up until recently, when we stopped talking....he kept telling me that he wants to be with me. Within 2 days after my break up with my ex, he basically told me RIGHT NOW is the perfect time for us to be together. I told him, that I needed time to cleanse myself of my previous relationship before we could be together. I told him that i dont want him to be a rebound or bring on bad habits from my past relationship, as if I was going to be with him, I wanted it to be right. He agreed and respected my decision, he then told me that he was willing to wait for me until i was ready.....as he says, " you are SOOO worth the wait"!
I guess my question now is.....am i the one in the wrong here? Should i even be mad at him for doing his disappearing act? idk....all of this is so confusing....I just want to let him go and not dwell on this DRAMA anymore....but he just keeps popping up in my head and i evaluate all the possibilities and trying to understand.
hmm. I am thinking about your situation, I think first of all you need to have the scary conversation of where you stand in each others lives. Can you come to an agreement on what your relationship actually is. If you have told him you are only friends but treating him as a boyfriend then you need to talk to him and figure out the basis of your relationship. A good layin the cards out on the table talk should clear up the confusion. Then you can talk about if he needs to disappear keeping you informed about what hes needs form you at the time. I bet if you talked to him about what the 2 of you are doing he will tell you naturally what hes been doing when he wasnt talking to you. But if it sounds like B.S. then it probably is and you need to tell him dishonesty has no place in your life. Oh let me know how it goes. I think you are not done yet. If anything hopefully you can use this problem as a way to get to the heart of your problem with each other.
I see what your saying about having laying the cards out. But a part of me wants to leave all of this alone. Basically, i've built my wall against him and Im "kind of" enjoying it being there. I still have not talked to him or called him and neither has he. Maybe it is best for things to be this way. Its becoming easier everyday as i find new things to do to keep me occupied.
Btw....I really appreciate all of your feedback!
bluecat123 last edited by
I'm a cancer, and I've yet to get along well with another cancer, especially if its a guy, don't know what it is.
Emotionalvampire last edited by
i'm a cancer. i just feel that he is not interested in you.. or he feels embarassed to take u out to public places.
i was in affair with a girl who was black so i used to feel embarassed 2 take her out or introduce her 2 my friends.
so watch his body language in public places. if he feel uneasy then he is not happy with ur looks..
although we fall in love easily, we never love anyone completely until we believe you r the one.. once we decide we wil never let you go. it takes times.
tiredofallthebullshit last edited by
I feel you there lady! I'm not sure what is wrong with them but I'm glad that I found this forum. Talk about being confused!! I have been dealing with one for about a year and yes there is a total lack of respect for my feelings. I'm really confused with mine because I recently have had to have a major operation and he took off from work to stick by me and he took off from work to take care of me. For me I thought this would surely bring us closer but that is not what I'm seeing. He has been there everytime I was sick and in the hospital, he took me to all my appointments, he spent most major holidays with me and his family, he has done some major things to make me think that he really cares about me! But asked him recently does he only care about me in strictly a friendship manor and if he is no longer interested in a romatic relationship with me or even if he sees himself being in a exclusive relationship with me. He looks me dead in my face and tells me yes I do want to be in a romantic relationship with you so I'm like ok do you mean you just want to fu** every now and again and he tells me no.
Then a few weeks ago during holiday weekend we went to the movies on the 1st of the month, then he dissapeared for the rest of the weekend and he didn't call to wish me a nice holiday or nothing nor did he ask if I wanted to hang out with him. I confront him about this and he tells me he was with this other woman. Now mind you he told me about this lady from the past and he also told me that when he is in a exclusive relationship he is faithful and monogamous, but when he is just dating then he feels free to do whatever.
So he tells me that they are not getting closer and I asked him did he plan on bringing her to meet his family he said no, but who knows with him. He tells me he wants to be with me, yet he now only calls during the weekdays and wants to spend time on the weekdays and then he dissapears on the weekend. He has no problem telling me if he is with this other lady or not. He is totally full of himself and feels ok at the fact that he is having his cake and eating it to because for my part I'm still dealing with him although he has told me that he is doing someone else.
I told him the only reason I'm here is because of how I feel about you and because of how I thought you felt about me. I mean I don't know to many men that would take off from work to care for someone that is not thier wife or girlfriend. I guess he was just being a good friend and I shouldn't read anything else into it although during this entire time we have been sleeping together. I don't know he has me so confused about how he feels or if even what he feels or ever felt was real.
SO I asked him directly do you love and care about me only in a friendship manner,if so let me know that you don't feel me romaticly anymore and I won't keep asking about how you feel about me or if you see yourself being exclusive with me anymore, because I will know that you only care in a friendship way. but yet you tell me that is not true, you want to be in a romantic relationship with me... but like I told him from now on I'm going by actions not words. For a while his actions showed me that he cared about me deeply. now he acts as if he can care less one way or another.
I guess when you have someone else there it is easier to be that way. I hate to even ask him to do anything because he acts like he has to check his damn schedule first before he can plan to do anything with me. I asked him did he want to go see the new nightmare on elm street movie and he tells me let me see what is going on during that time! we had just had this coversation where I'm asking him to be honest about how he feels and what he wants and he tells me I still want to be with you, but you can't just say yes we can plan to go to the movie baby.
like I said his actions for the last few weeks have shown me that someone else has him interested and I'm mearly here for convience because you cant want to be with someone and not want to spend weekends (not just weekdays) with them and you make every effort to let this person know that you really care about them. if you care just in a friendship manner than say that and we can stop all the other bullshit. but he seems to get off on my telling how I feel and sharing my feelings with him while he gives me these one word answers or some bullshit with no substance.
I'm frustrated and I feeling like I should just step away from the picture and let him figure out what the hell he wants or even if he missed me when I have gone away from his life for awhile, although he was scared that I might die during my surgery like I was scared to death to. but like I said maybe it was all friendship for him and more for me, although like I said we were still sleeping together and probably was spending more time together then. maybe he felt sorry for me and called himself doing me a favor.
I don't know but i"m confused, angry, hurt, and just about to flip the hell out. But I have reined myself back in, I'm not into chasing after men and not being where I'm not wanted. He acts like what we have is more than sex and I know that it is more than that, but it could just be he wants to be friends and just doesn't want to hurt my feelings but doesn't he know he is hurting me by insulting my intelligence first of all and second by playing all these damn mind games.
Although he feels like he doesn't play games because he tells you what is going on and what he wants and what he doesn't want. He is as old as I am (39) and he is still playing. I must admit that I truly thought he was different because he showed me in his actions, now his actions show me confusion and anger and he thinks because he throws a bone to me every now and again (spend a day here or there) that I'm supposed to be happy and I'm not supposed to want more or question anything because he told me where he is right now.
So he has finally made me grant him his wish, he wants me out of his life.. I'm out. Anyway folks, I know this was EXTREMELY LONG but I had some sh*t to get off my chest and I thank you guys and this forum for letting me vent. any opinions, advice, or thoughts from you would be appreciated.
SweetRavenNCincy last edited by
& all you other gals that are having Cancer male issues:
First of all, Cancers are known to be the adolescents of the Zodiac that never really grow up.
Personally, I think that only pertains to Cancer men, as most the Cancer women I have known are not like this....and the Cancer men drive them crazy, too.
Cancer males have the tendency to come off as being sensitive, caring, and loving...at first.
Later on, they show their true nature...it's really all about them and THEIR FEELINGS, not yours.
Now to be fair, there are a few out there that learn their lessons about these tactics and straighten up somewhat, but you'll never get one to totally "fly right" about being considerate of YOUR FEELINGS. Sorry, just being honest.
I've been in a lover-friendship relationship with a Cancer male for almost 18 years now. I used to live with him, and it was then that he showed his true colors about what kind of mate material he actually was. He treated me horribly, and I left him. THEN, I couldn't get rid of him! Cancer males HATE being left or cut off...they just want to keep you hanging on no matter what, just in case. Even though I have dealings with him, I would NEVER seriously consider a permanent relationship with him or live with him again. I used to be deeply in love with this guy, until he hurt me so bad that it killed what I felt for him...and I saw him for what he really was. Now I use his own game against him (that's hard to do when you love them, I know). I put limits on when he can see me, and don't always take his calls. If I try to eradicate him from my life, it drives him nuts and he'll harass me with text messages and phone calls trying to make me feel sorry for him....and I do, just not the way he thinks. Sometimes his whining just gets on my last nerve, and I can't stand to be around him anymore. Lately, I haven't even been attracted to him, and sex is a chore. When we're together, he does all the talking and won't let me get a word in edgewise...it's all about him, as usual. If I try t o call him on it, he totally denies doing it...then proceeds to do it some more. I WAS just continuing to see him because the sex was good, but now that isn't even the case...he's become more self-centered there, too. Lately, I find myself thinking that I really should just cut him loose, but I don't want to deal with all his whining when I do that. The truth is, if Mr. Right came my way tomorrow, I would dump my Cancer male friend in a heartbeat without a backward glance (which is why I really feel sorry for him, because he does not have a clue, or even know what's really going on in my life...he never listens long enough to find out.). On the other hand, this guy tells me he loves me all the time...which used to not be the case. I won't say it back, because I don't want to lie. When he asks me why I won't, I tell him that he killed that innocent pure romantic love I had for him when he betrayed me years ago (which he totally denies doing, by the way), and that I just don't feel that way about him any more. He just seems to ignore that, and act like everything is OK, and he's never apologized for hurting me, or acknowledged that he did anything wrong when we lived together. (He disappeared many times overnight with lame excuses about where he was...never calling me. He cheated on me with another woman in OUR HOME while I was still living there, and pregnant with his baby. He treated me like crap the whole time I was pregnant...saying it might not be his, etc. I left him when I was 5 months pregnant, and placed the baby for adoption. No WAY was I going to subject a child to a father like him. She has a wonderful NORMAL family, which was best for her, but almost killed me giving her up. Unlike HIM, I decided to NOT be selfish and give her a good life.) Somehow, he has deluded himself into thinking that I could forget all of that...can you imagine? He totally devastated me, and won't even acknowledge it!
Now, my Cancer guy lives with the woman he cheated on me with, and cheats on her with me. (Hey, she knew I was pregnant with his kid, and didn't care...she deserves whatever heartache she gets.) He had a baby with her, too, and won't leave because he's afraid of being cut out of this kid's life, too. Good father material he's not...he's the poster child for castration. He depends on me for sex, and doesn't sleep with her (or so he says, but most of the time he acts like a starved dog, so it must be true at least part of the time).
After all of this time, I've gotten all the revenge and payback a woman could want...and I have him totally whipped in the bedroom. Now I'm just tired of it all and want to be rid of him, which will be no easy task.
All you have to do is act like you could give a care less, and those Cancer guys dig a claw in and don't want to let go. Putting your heart on your sleeve and telling them how much you care is a BIG mistake. When Cancer males think they have you "whipped", they treat you like crap and run the other direction. You have to use their own game against them to get them to do what you want, but that still won't make them grow up.
Wouldn't you rather be spending your energy and love on a good man that appreciates you, instead of dealing with all that Crab BS? I know I would!
Gals, I wish you better men, and better days!
sunshine7959 last edited by
I am a Cancer woman, when I was 19 (many years ago) I was married to a Cancer man. (our birthdays were 5 days apart) It was a nightmare that I would never go back to. First of all, he was a Mama's boy, STILL tied to the apron strings, lived next door to his two sisters (the youngest was a real beeatch) Mama and sisters had furnished his house, and threatened me when I tried to change the curtains, etc. He actually allowed his mother and sisters to insult and humiliate me, and would jump me if I stood up to defend myself. When we were alone at home, he would talk about how much he loved me and we got on okay, when he wasn't being unstable and playing all these head games with me, (he was really good at making me think I had misread or misheard what he said) but let mom call or sisters come to the door (which they did often) and I was the scape goat for everything bad happening to them. I left after 2 1/2 years, and it took another 2 years to get a divorce (he didn't want me but didn't want me free to be with anyone else) I was 21 and scarred from all the terrible things he did and allowed his family to do. I have shied away from Cancer men ever since, but haven't had any really good relationships since then either. I would never deal with a Cancer man again, that one really made me miserable.
sandran712 last edited by
Scorpigal>>I just dont understand!! Please help me to understand why is he so emotionally unstable?
Sandran712>>Cancer men are not emotionally unstable just because they go AWOL.I only know a few Cancer men.I am Cancer female.Cancer's are more alone type people.We spend alot of time alone~to help others and are just busy.Most can't be helped.And it's not personal.We are not ignoring you on purpose.But,...if you keep after them and smother they may back off a little longer.