Long term relationship struggles - Spirit's advice?

  • Hello,

    Does Spirit have anything to say about my long term relationship, please? We are struggling.

    Thank you,


  • Your spirit message is that when you truly know yourself, you will know what you want and what makes you happy. Reflect on how well you know what you want from life. You must put aside all that you think other people want you to be or do, or what you feel you SHOULD be doing. If you do not properly know what you want from life, you will not get it. Learn to distinguish between your thoughts and those of others - your parents, partner, family, colleagues, friends or authority figures, etc. Let go of the need to be loved by all. Accept that some people will think poorly of you no matter what you do. It's important to forget about what everyone else thinks because you cannot please everyone. And while you might not want to disappoint the people close to you, they should want you to be happy.

    As long as you continue to exist just to fulfil other people's ideas of who you should be, you'll never know who you really are or get what you really want. You must look into your heart and focus on only your own needs, passions, and desires now, on what you really want to do with your life. When you know what you want to achieve and become, your direction in life becomes clear. Knowing yourself means there is only one right path you can take. If you feel uncertain, indecisive, or directionless, then you don’t know what you really want deep down inside. Knowing yourself goes beyond figuring out your favourite colour, your ideal mate, your favourite pet or everything about your best friend. You are no longer in high school – thank heavens – where being “yourself” meant being just like everyone else, acting stupid, and defying your parents and teachers!

    Knowing yourself is a deeper, greater and slower process. It is a road that is long and winding and you must be ready to travel it. It brings you face-to-face with your self-doubts and you need your inner confidence to push through it. But it is a journey that pays in abundance, in the magnificence of this ‘rose’ blossoming before you. Knowing yourself means respecting your values in life, your beliefs, your personality, your priorities, your moods, your habits, your body, and your relationships. Knowing yourself means understanding your strengths and weaknesses, your passions and fears. It means being aware of your eccentricities and idiosyncrasies, your likes and dislikes, your tolerances and limits, your insecurities and your fears.

    Knowing yourself means knowing your purpose in life. You are not born knowing yourself. You do not get to know yourself simply by growing up and growing old. Knowing yourself is a conscious effort; you do it with intention and purpose. Not knowing yourself becomes obvious sooner or later in the failures of your dreams and goals. A quiet frustration lives in your heart when you do not know yourself. You may choose to live with it and ignore it – or you may choose to start getting to know yourself. Get to know your personality inside out - who are you behind your name? What are your characteristic traits? What image do you portray to the outside world? What is your true nature as a person on a happy day, on a sad day, in the face of a challenge or a great reward? How do you react to the world around you? What are your values? In your work, in your home, in love, in all aspects of your life, which values can you not compromise on? Is it honesty, integrity, security or flexibility perhaps? Is it dedication to others, wisdom and learning, financial comfort or fun? Do you value loyalty above excellence, responsibility above ambition, or innovation above improvement?

    Get to know your body too. Have you taken enough time to become truly intimate with the loveliest temple on earth, your own body? How well do you know it - your breathing, your limits of balance and flexibility? Or have you wrongly decided that you “can’t do this” and that your body type or age won’t do that already and thus closed the door to wonderful possibilities? Get to know your moods too - your moods can be good and bad, harmful and delightful; don’t underestimate their subtle power. Get to know what frustrates you and what brings you peace. Understand what makes you react a certain way and how can you manage a poor mood at critical times in your life. Learn your best and worst moods and find ways to manage the poor ones and ways to enhance the good ones. Learn to release your bad moods through disciplines like exercise, meditation, being in nature or simply working through to their true cause.

    Get to know your strengths and weaknesses - ask your friends what you are good at and you might be surprised when they tell you something you hadn’t considered about yourself. Work out how to apply your strengths in your career and life. Come up with ideas to compensate for or lessen your weaknesses. Get to know your likes and dislikes - have you taken the time to define them just for you and not in a peer group with your partner, friends and family? Defining your own likes and especially dislikes takes some courage. It is not considered “nice” to talk about our dislikes, but it is far less nice to deny our true desires so choose wisely. If you do not like camping or travelling or visiting your friends in another state, don’t do it. If you love eating out or shopping online or learning Japanese or eating a raw food diet, stop making excuses to please others about your “guilty pleasures”. Stay true to your likes and dislikes. Don't just do what is expected of you. And start relying on yourself. Confidence and reliance are at the heart of finding yourself. If you don't have a solid sense of self-worth, you'll listen to what others have to say all the time and be swayed by their insistence on what is wrong, right, and appropriate.

    Learn to believe in yourself and trust your own feelings. Then, you'll come up with a structure to base your new sense of self on. Start trusting your own judgment and decision-making processes. Sure, you're going to make mistakes from time to time, but so does everyone else. It's through mistakes that you'll find yourself growing, learning, and reaching into your real sense of self. Finding the real you is an enlightening experience. You become self-sufficient and do things for yourself, for once. It's a hard feeling to put into words, but when you don't know who you are, it's hard to ignore. Finding yourself is not easy, but it's worth it. When you’re sure of yourself, you can be sure about your life and love, the world, and everything in it.

  • @TheCaptain Thank you so much! This is a wonderful and important message. The day I posted my request, I had decided to try to identify and value what I desire. To get to know myself better. The message from spirit goes much deeper than this, of course. I have read it and re-read it…and will read it again. I will take steps to follow this advice. I am so grateful to you and your generosity in sharing your gifts. Many blessings to you.

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