Is a love reading possible?
I'm new here and I don't really know if it is possible to ask for a reading in here but if so, here's what's troubling me:
I'm single, I've mostly always been my whole life and my own love readings are really dark and gloomy. I don't know if I can't seem to interpret them correctly or if my future in the love area is really "doomed".
My past very short-lived "relationships" have always been disappointing to say the least, the men I met weren't putting any efforts to it, which of course led to them leaving me pretty abruptly. I really don't know what's wrong with me and I'm heavily exhausted by my ever non-existent and disillusioning love life.
I'd like to know if I'll finally find both that emotional and physical connection I crave for, a true partner.
Thanks and sorry if I've made you feel in low spirits.
What is your date of birth?
Thanks TheCaptain. I was born in October 26th, 1984.
Maybe you don't realise it but you are deliberately choosing partners who will not try hard or put any commitment into the relationship - because you fear commitment yourself. These issues with commitment can stem from a difficult family history, perhaps involving physical or emotional abuse, neglect, abandonment, or a childhood of being moved around a lot, leading to feelings of instability and lack of security/safety. Maybe you didn't feel wanted, loved, nourished or safe early enough in life through some sort of ignorance. Even if you were raised in a relatively stable home, you still have this enormous yearning need to be loved and to have the security of a family. Your easy sociability can attract many friends and admirers and you tend to be gregarious, family-oriented and generally relaxed with people. But your air of confidence often hides an insecurity you would be wise to acknowledge to yourself and others in order to achieve a new level of authenticity. Since your issues lead you toward self-deception or denial, you may discover that ‘confession’ is indeed good for the soul. By confessing your sensitive or insecure qualities, you will have less to defend, less to prove, and fewer people you have to impress. This will lead to a greater sense of inner solidity. In your vulnerability, you can find new strength. You need to bring any issues with others (esp. family) into the open and express all your emotions to them, even anger and resentment, before you can express your love. However, through confusion, fear or lack of commitment, you may not allow others to get too close or yourself to stay too long in one place or with one person. Part of you wants stability and security more than anything, but another part resists that very goal by becoming a wandering gypsy.
Because of a tendency to be impatient and to bore easily, other people may view you as aloof and in some ways unapproachable, despite your considerable magnetism and charm. You tend to fly off on a moment’s notice or are often wrapped up in your own thoughts. Learning to release such elusiveness, and simply to slow down, will be essential to your social life. However, as you grow, you will become more patient with people, more “present,” and will put greater effort into harmonious relations with others. Deep down, you do yearn for a close, loving bond with someone and a safe secure home life that can take away all the pain of the past. When you see relationships as a process of ups and downs, entailing learning, maturation, and mutual support, you will come to appreciate them as challenging forms of spiritual training rather than ‘the same old thing’. If you can gain greater perspective, a calmer centre to control your tendency to emotional extremes, and the particular brand of philosophical humour and tolerance that only comes with the passage of time, you will achieve whatever you want.
Long message incoming, sorry!
I'm kind of... Yeah, I'll have to disagree on this, sorry. I mean, it could be unconscious (very, veryyy unconscious then) but i really do want commitment and I don't fear it. The thing is, I refuse to accept anybody as a partner. I don't think I ask for too much, that my standards are too high but it always have been difficult for me to be both physically and emotionnaly attracted by someone and yeah, when I am, it doesn't work out. This is also why I end up being very disappointed when it ends. The men I've met so far were truly looking for commitment, they were not unavailable (one of them got married a year after our breakup so I think he was pretty available) but between us, didn't work out.
Plus, I've never had any family difficulties nor have I suffer from abuse / trauma but I don't know, it just does not work out. Probably because of the way I communicate, I tend to close myself off when something goes wrong and when I'm ready to talk, it's already too late for the other person.
You said it could stem from chilhood and I've always been spoiled by my parents so maybe, if I don't get the things I want, the way I want them, I shut myself off, which leads to a breakup
I know I've never had any very long relationship but I do know what it takes to be in a serious commited relatioship: I do know there are ups and downs and I've always been ready to live them, I don't live in a fantasy world but I've also always been the only one putting in the effort.
So indeed, deep down I do really yearn for a close, loving bond with someone and a safe secure home life. And I already see relationships as a process of ups and downs, entailing learning, maturation, and [above all] mutual support. It has always been the way I see love and relationships. But still, it does not work. And I'm sorry to say that but I'm not looking for a challenge or a training. I don't want to lie to myself by making a deception a training or a way to improve myself. A deception remains a deception. A relationship that doesn't work out remains a failure. I mean, I can learn from it, keep good memories about it but still, it failed. I won't say it is always the "same old, same old" but in the end, I am still single. I've learned a lesson in the process, great but still, I'm single. And it is not what I'm aiming for.
It is the same thing when you have to play a game: you go to win hopefully, not only to participate, right? This is the way I view things on love: I might get a million lessons but if in the end, I haven't found my person, what's the point?
Now, you are absolutly right about the fact I do need a calmer centre to control [my] tendency to emotional extremes. I do tend to shut myself off when something doesn't work out the way I wanted it. It's always after I close myself off they run away. No discussion possible, no trying to understand why, they just don't want to talk things out. I think i was too much of an annoyance.
I guess my question should have been more about will I meet someone who will try to understand me, put in the effort, be patient as any normal true partner would. As I would actually.
You are also right about the fact that I sometimes am aloof, or seem to be more precisely. I'm pretty shy and people often tell me I seemed not interested or in my head when they first met me. So you're right, it is definitely an obstacle I have to work hard on.
Thanks for your help and I am sorry if my message sounded agressive. English isn't my native language and it sounded agressive to me whereas it was not at all my intention.
@tsunako have you ever asked your exes why they left you or found the relationship difficult? And do you think trust (or the lack of it) is an issue for you in relationships? Do you tick off a mental agenda or requirements for a love partner in your head rather than go with your gut instincts/intuition?
They never wanted to talk about the break up, they just wanted to end things quickly. I think I got too burdensome and they wanted to get rid of that feeling, but I can't be 100% sure.
Yes, the lack of trust is a huge problem in my relationships, I tend to ask myself a lot of questions about whether they were really serious and as they weren't showing any truly sign of interest (except from a physical one), I was less and less confident in myself and the relationship.
And yes again, I have mental requirements for a love partner but they only cover the basis, I think (someone nice, blablabla, polite, blablabla, faithful, blablabla... I don't have an exhaustive list such as: he must have blond hair, be 6 feet tall, be fit, have brown eyes, work in this or that industry... and love me forever and make myself a queen!).
I don't trust in my intuition at all. Actually, I have none. My gut feelings could tell me to trust a sociopath and to send a true angel in hell so... I try to look for facts or signs of affection (someone listening, remembering, trying to make me smile or laugh or... things like that) rather than listening to what I think is my intuition but could in fact only be my wishful thinking (I don't know how to make the difference).
@tsunako you said "I try to look for facts or signs of affection (someone listening, remembering, trying to make me smile or laugh or... things like that) rather than listening to what I think is my intuition but could in fact only be my wishful thinking (I don't know how to make the difference)." But that doesn't seem to be working for you so far. What you think is your intuition is really only what your heart wants to believe or your mind tells you is logical. Your intuition is the first (and correct) impression you get before your heart or mind kicks in with false information. You need to practise listening to it more to guide you in relationship matters.
Thank you @TheCaptain for answering.
I think my inner compass is really broken because the very first impression I have about someone is most of the time wrong.
When I think someone is truthworthy, I let my guard down and then I end up betrayed. When something - I don't know what - feels wrong about someone, I end up being wrong about them but I discover it too late.
I try to go with the flow, to not expect anything, to let things happen naturally... but I feel like I'm always the only one giving and when I dare saying I need to be reassured about the other person's intentions, it is as if I was asking for too much. Maybe I am. Maybe I shouldn't want for an equal give and take. I don't know, like you said, nothing works. This is why I was asking for a reading.
@tsunako you are just not aware of your very FIRST gut reaction to people. You are hearing the voice of your heart and mind which come after. You must practise listening to your intuition because it is very quiet and subtle.
But how can I do that if I'm not even aware of it?
Are there any tips or methods?
The Lovers Tarot card is the ultimate love card, representing a special tie and profound connection between two people. Its appearance in a reading denotes a genuine friendship based on mutual trust and respect.
Your intuition must be cultivated and grown through practice. Sit in silence and listen to it. You must have patience though. It is rare that it will come our roaring and ready to go. Do get out in nature. This is also a useful tool to quiet the mind and prepare to hear your intuition. A busy mind cannot get in touch with its gut feelings. Also, pay attention to your emotions and body sensations. Signs your intuition is telling you something can be a flash of clarity, tension or tightness in your body, goosebumps or prickling, stomach “butterflies” or sudden nausea, a sinking sensation in the pit of your stomach, sweaty palms or feet, thoughts that keep returning to a specific person or situation.