My first spread I read had the death card in the "future"position
A very close friend had given me my first deck, so naturally I gave him the first reading with them. I used the three card "past, present, future" spread and in the future place was the Death card, which when I turned it, I quickly hid it from my friend, afraid to let him know, ( I actually didn't fully know the meaning of the card, but I still was horrified by the card in this reading). He laughed a bit and guessed correctly about which card it was. As our relationship continued he encouraged me with my tarot card readings and always commented on how insightful each reading I gave had been. About two months later I began a meditation as I did many times a week, and I became overwhelmed with a terrible feeling that there was something wrong. My friend had epilepsy, which was a topic that had become a factor in the breakdown of our relationship. He didn't like being told what to do and I worried too much about how he was living a little too wild. So that night when I called him and asked how he felt he just took it like I was acting like a jilted lover instead of an insightful, caring friend. Sadly, three days later my friend had a grand mal seizure and passed away. I feel so much guilt because I knew that my emotions were out of whack leading up to these events and if I had been a true friend I would have never let the situation get so out of hand emotionally speaking and maybe my friend, who had so much faith in my insight before the love part of our relationship started, would have taken me more seriously and could possibly still be alive today. I realize that he made his own choices but I still can't forgive myself for my lack of control of my emotions. I loved him very much. Please, someone, can you give me some serious insight on my situation. I am not looking for simpathy, I need real insight and advice.
MariaRia last edited by
Girl, you cannot blame yourself for anyone's death unless you actually, physically murdered them. When guys want to live a certain way, it's very hard to stop them. TRUST me. I have two brothers who are bouncing around like lunatics, getting into serious trouble and not going anywhere solid in their lives. Numerous people have tried to talk to them, including me, and everyone keeps telling me how much my brothers respect me and blah blah....but they don't seem to respect me enough to listen to my advice anymore.
The point is, you obviously cared and showed him you cared. If he was willing to change for you, he would have done it. But he must have been enjoying his lifestyle and his decisions were his own. He was obviously meant to go, and you can't possibly blame yourself for that.
I know your hurting, but you have to lay the guilt aside. Do you really think he would want you to feel bad? How would he want you to feel?
thanks, in my mind I know these things, but it helps to hear from someone else. I know how he would want me to feel. He was the first person that ever encourage me with developing my intuition. You see, I am a Pisces and I would love to some day have people come to me for my insight and empathetic intuition. well maybe someday, lol. again thanks for the advice.
MariaRia last edited by
No problem hun, feel better and keep strong
Universalharmony last edited by
Death and guilt go hand in hand. As Mariaria said, it is not your fault or caused by your hand. You did your best to reach out. You loved and cared for him and still do. The most you can do now is to continue to work on your intuition and work towards helping others with that how he would not allow you to. I think that may be part of the lesson here. It will take some time, but with effort you will succeed =). I know it is hard now, but smile for the time you two hand.
pfree last edited by
I'm so so sorry for your loss. I too have had similar experiences, but you can talk to him still in your prayers and meditations, send him your love. It's never easy to let go of loved ones. Maybe this will help you to have faith in your intuition once you've moved thru the guilt.
Thanks so much for all of the comments and advice, somehow I had a feeling that the tarot forum was where I needed to go at this time in my life. You all are so empathetic and I am so comfortable in with the insight expressed here. This is the last picture I took of my sweet friend taken at the Huntington Beach Pier. I miss him so much.
David at the Pier...