Looking for direction



  • I'm in a relationship for the last 6 months... it is great and we love each other.. but... I am running into blocks that i know are from past relationships. I want to rid myself of these blockages, but i'm not sure how to go about it... I am afraid i will bring this relationship to the same conclusion as the others... one of nagging and misstrust on my part, all the while trying to control my partner passively...

    Can anyone give me some insight... into clearing these blockages and helping me move into this relationship without the baggage from the past?



  • A man who wishes to be trusted will act in a trustworthy manner. He will be dependable so that you need not nag. Passive control is really all about likes vs dislikes, as well as temperament.

    Try not to express opinions or tell him what to do. Trust can only be earned. It cannot be demanded. Remember, silence is golden.

    Relationships should be built on shared interests, values and goals. When one person goes too far in one direction or another, the relationship is no longer balanced. Seek to be open-minded to changing yourself and into the realization that accepting others for who they are does not mean they are perfect or will fit neatly into your life.

    Life is all about the choices we make and how we deal with them. In the end, we all reap what we sow. Sow healthy seeds of trust and willingness to be less controlling and enjoy your life.



  • I agree with firefly...

    I can tell you that I had similar relationship patterns as you are having...I am not sure I am totally out of that either, but I will tell you that after my last relationship, and the person I am seeing now...my way of thinking has changot ALOT.

    I realized that people should do what they want to do...because one of two things will happen:

    1. They dont do what they want to and they end up resenting you

    or..

    2. They do what they want anyway...with or without your knowledge

    I dont believe in doing this in a "negative" way, meaning with paranoia, but You do have to kinda give a person all the rope they want.... and let them hang their self with it if thats what they choose. When you try to control a person anyway they just learn how to go around you and hide things better.

    Without trust you have nothing. This was a big issue in my past relationships, but I also followed my gut feelings and ended up being right about my suspicions. I also wonder if my behavior prior to my findings led to that. We can easily manifest these things too.

    So...try to relax. Try to not control other people. Take that energy and try to turn it on your self to give you more self control over your ways.

    Give the person all the rope they want. That is how you will really find out who they are...and I am sure you want to know.

    Also...most people really enjoy their freedom. Being in a relationship should not take that away completely.

    Best of luck to you!


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