The Captain is this girl a good friend?

  • Hi Captain,

    I’m in the process of changing all aspects of my life and trying to re-wire “old programming”. This journey has been a rollercoaster of ups and downs, especially since I am coming out of a 4 year relationship that was very toxic. By the end of this relationship when I left him, back in May of this year, I was reconnecting with old friends because I had been very isolated. In the meantime I started a new friendship with this girl that’s my neighbor. Her and I got pretty close over the past few months.

    But I can’t help noticing that she’s become really clingy and has been invading my personal life and space. Is this maybe because she’s going through her own life changes and just wants to be close, or maybe there’s something else? I get the feeling there’s a hidden agenda but it’s hard to trust my feelings right now while I’m rebuilding my own self esteem and finding myself. Any insight you have would be most helpful. I’m seriously considering walking away from her right now. Thank you

  • You are right to be worried - this girl can cling like a limpet because she is looking for someone to unburden herself to and to help her out whenever she needs it. Beware!

  • You are still in an all or nothing habit and this situation is just presenting you with opportunities to exercise new habits that go with your intention to re-wire old programing. BOUNDARIES are where change will grow enough to give you that faith in your ability to protect yourself. Intentions for change are the foundation but then there is the WORK part. The work part is continual and will have ups and downs as you learn to spot a small boundary breaker and learn skills that keep you safe from energy leaks. Situations AND people that diminish you. Others who cling to your energy, often do not have insight into their behavior but are just following their needs. Empathetic, giving people attract the most hungry of souls. their dark places cling to your light energy. Most people by your age have developed habits from childhood to avoid all that intrusion. The irony is that by shutting down intrusions also comes at the cost of not being an open line to "SPIRIT" which just plants a seed of self doubt in your ability to protect yourself. Your goal is to enjoy others with the skills to weather the occasional boundary invaders in a healthy way that does not suck up your life. We all do better when we check in on our energy everyday. Like a checking account. It is that important to know how much is in the bank. Often nice people fear not being nice or helpful but mostly their issue is with entitlement. No one here needs to validate your boundary needs. If you FEEL you are giving too much and losing control of your needs than BELIEVE IT. Also make note what that feels like because those coming from abusive relationships have numbed a lot of body red flags and intuition warnings that have been silenced. Use this situation to self reflect, lovingly of yourself, without regret or failure, but to work on your new goals. Usually, boundaries are crossed in little bits that grow and often one is not aware of the small gestures they gave out that gave others the idea they could count on you to oblige. During this phase of your path stay out of ANY guilt gathering thoughts or regrets or self doubt. Believe in your ability to be safe. Do not see mistakes but lessons and opportunities to build your sense of TRUTH. You are recovering from blurred energy lines of what is you and what belongs to others. You are going in the right direction but accept the work and habit part. You can draw lines as needed when you truly feel entitled to that. Abusers hit hard on that aspect of one's abilities to feel, without guilt. Their needs must be included or they cannot serve to give to those who deserve their gifts. Often , empaths lack the faith that if they say no, not today, another helper will step in. God does not expect self sacrifice. Good luck with your new journey. Be kind to yourself! BLESSINGS!

  • Hey Blmoon, good to hear from you! How you been?

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