I’ve been thru the ringer the last few years. Extreme circumstances including a hurricane that destroyed my business taking over two years to rebuild only to lose what I did due to a the divorce I’m in the middle of, followed by a fire that destroyed our home… it was a total loss…. And all while surviving an physically and emotionally/mentally abusive marriage to a malignant narcissist whos goal is to ruin every aspect of my life…. which then turned into an ongoing nightmare of a divorce and custody battle fit for a lifetime drama movie for the last 2.5 years with zero signs of resolving anytime soon.
My career and life have been completely devastated and I’m all but at the edge of what I can possibly handle anymore. However I know there is a reason behind all the trauma and trials and challenges but I’m struggling to make sense of it currently…
I know I have a strong sense to help and help in a community and I I know I’m driven by human struggles but I’m not advanced enough in my knowledge yet to see any more details regarding my life’s path and how these struggles will be for the better and not actually be what destroys me (regardless of how it feels it might)….
I’m hoping maybe someone can see or pick up on what I’m missing… what my purpose is as I feel over the last five years as I’ve become very in touch with my more intuitive side that this is different than what I originally thought it might be….
Birth info if anyone wants to try to decipher what I’m clearly not picking up yet…
April 27, 1981
Virgo rising, Taurus sun, Aquarius moon…
Though you are a loner at heart who likes to withdraw or isolate herself when things get tough, you must remain emotionally open and live in the present and not some distant future or your fantasies. Between the ages of twenty-four and fifty-four, you will be experiencing an increased need to communicate and exchange ideas. This can be an extremely positive and productive time during which you can expand your ideas, learn new skills or take up new areas of study. In fact, you were born to study. As distracted or wacky as you may sometimes appear to be, underneath all your 'mad-professor' posturing is a brain that operates a bit faster than the norm. Thus, many people will listen to what you have to say. And as much as you like to be left alone to go your own way, you truly enjoy both holding court and holding forth. What is ironic is that in your early years, often what you have to say isn’t particularly brilliant, nor is it well thought out. This is because your stubborn adherence to your own ideas and methods and your need for freedom can keep you from doing the work of a real scholar. It may take being laughed out of the auditorium a few times before you begin to realize it is time to get serious. Unfortunately, such an experience may be the only thing that will help you shift your perspective to develop some goals. In your yearning for recognition, you will finally settle into the self-imposed discipline required to be a true lifelong student rather than a mere dilettante. You must devote yourself to an area of expertise and learn about it slowly, deliberately, and carefully. Applying a bit of determination will be necessary, since you are easily thrown off course. You are called to study the work of those who have gone before, understand the underlying principles or laws of your field, and immerse yourself in your subject so that you make it your own. You are not expected to simply memorize material or swallow it whole, but you must cultivate the patience to do the groundwork before you can launch your own theories or make your own contribution. It is only then that you will come to be viewed and respected as an authority on a given topic.
You are here to work through issues related to independence, emotional honesty, responsibility, and cooperation, finally experiencing freedom through discipline and depth of experience. You can have some deep issues around cooperation - you tend to give your all for someone, even letting go of your own multifaceted identity and adapting to the values, interests and desires of your partner. Then, somewhere down the line, to the degree that you have ignored your own needs, you may withdraw emotionally or become resentful. You are here to experience true freedom but a tendency to over-cooperate, combined with your dramatic energy, can generate a kind of 'martyr complex' where you want to save people, save the world and fight for freedom despite any risk to yourself. But true freedom doesn't involve doing whatever you want to do, whenever you want to do it. The freedom you seek the most manifests as a drive to experience and know; this freedom entails a sense of mobility in different arenas of life - physical, mental, emotional, social, sexual and financial. You seek to explore opportunities and find adventure where you can, whether in life, in books, or through TV, the movies or computer games. Sometimes the drive for experience is so strong that you may end up trying to juggle too many things to avoid missing an opportunity and end up scattered or depleted. You may burn your candle at both ends and may overreach your limits. But you are a quick learner, living by your wits, with varied abilities and experience, though you can sometimes focus obsessively on whatever you are doing and lose sight of the bigger picture. The ultimate freedom for you is internal - the freedom to be yourself, the freedom from self-doubt, the freedom from fear. Only by establishing this internal sense of expansiveness can you feel the fulfillment of your destiny in the external world. Adventures, whether large or small, will help you stretch your limits, take some emotional risks, and explore your capacities. You will eventually achieve your highest goals and aspirations by working through the issues that stand between you and success.
Life will teach you what you need to know about yourself. Your life lesson is to learn to avoid extremes of behaviour. Once you have learned to tread the middle way, your destiny is, by example, to encourage and inspire others to develop their full potential. Any career which allows you to motivate or encourage others, such as teaching, coaching, consultancy, management, or counseling, will suit you well.