A toxic or misunderstood Pisces man?
Taurus here with a Sag moon and Venus + Mercury in Aries!
I met a 37-year-old man online who I know has a Pisces sun (and possibly Venus + Mercury in Aquarius and a Scorpio Mars, if relevant).
I was ready to move on from him after 2 very revealing phone conversations, but several contradicting statements from him has him on my mind still.
This will be long but I'll keep this as concise as I can.
Context: I am 29 and the longest relationship I've had was 6 months. This is because I simply haven't found the right person, and am able to recognize red flags early on in all the relationships I've had. I started dating fairly late at 22 and was focused on enriching my own hobbies, supporting my single mom, paying off all my student loans and buying a home for the both of us. But I've reached a point now where I'm fully ready to share my life with someone.
This man has had 4 consecutive long-term relationships, all of which have failed. He is good-looking, successful in his career, and quite witty. I believe he has gone through his whole life having women fawn and flirt over him, having no end of options.
However, he has a repeating pattern of emotionally abusive or unavailable women. He was in a 5-year relationship with a woman who was a 9 on the attractiveness scale; this woman was dominant in the relationship and cheated on him multiple times, yet the cheating "bothered him less" than her unwillingness to compromise her job for him. He admitted to being suicidal after their engagement breakup.
YET he believes he's some kind of relationship expert and said that I'm "too inexperienced" for him. His ideal woman is experienced, emotionally generous, can tell a great story, flirty, can be his best friend, and has "depth". A LOT, right? And yet, the only questions he's asked me are highly superficial such as my waist measurements and whether or not I have nice t&a (I did find this banter to be amusing at first and humored him through it).
Whenever I ask him what his job entails, what his hobbies are, or what shows he's watching, what kind of work he does, he says these are topics are dry and tells me to talk about me and my feelings. He was quite rude and said that I need to figure out how to be more of a giver while having conversations, which no man has ever told me before in my life. A normal conversation flows with both people asking questions and answering, but he has asked me none aside from superficial questions and then just expecting me to talk feelings.
The only subject that we have talked about at length is sex. He says he's attracted to me and interested in being FWB, but I shouldn't get my hopes up because I will most likely get hurt as he has "piles of Tinder resumes to sort out". I thought this was him bragging and playing those little mind games men like to play, but then he said it again on the second phone call and repeated that I should take his words at face value.
What I see here is a very damaged man with lots of emotional baggage and a certain darkness inside. He possibly needs to self-heal before attempting a 5th failed relationship.
I was holding out hope that I could try to chase him because I am very affectionate and loving, certainly emotionally generous. However, I am a bit of a wallflower and not at all the kind of brash, outgoing flirtatious woman he wants. I think I am quite a catch, but he has made me feel insecure with the two phone conversations. I should have asserted myself better over the phone but the disappointment from his remarks made me hold back.
What are your insights on this type of man? I have dated a Pisces man before and the similarities I see is that these men are highly emotional and needy. I know it sounds like he's incredibly toxic, but I also see a man who is craving emotional support. It's just that he's too shallow and wants the whole package in a woman, which is highly impossible. He will probably be single well into his 40's, or married and cheating. I want to call him out on his BS and give him a piece of his mind, recommend he go to a therapist to sort out why he seeks out women who are wrong for him.
@tauriesgal I forgot to add that I find him to be contradictory because I was ready to dismiss him as a fckboy, but his ability to commit and self-sacrifice in these toxic relationships of his tells me that kind of viewpoint is too black and white
Have you met this man in person, face-to-face?
No but we both admitted to being attracted to each other, and there was great chemistry on the phone. We will be meeting in person eventually
You cannot know a person nor make a decision about your future without meeting face-to-face.