Hi I need help. I was dating my Scorpio bf for 1.5 year. I am an Aries-Taurus cusp. We love each other so much and spend ALL of our times together and he was so in tune and attentive to me. I loved this man so much, and I really know he does too. 3 weeks ago he told me that right now he can't be in the relationship because he has some issues happening to him and it is not me, he just can't focus on the problem and us right now. But he feels the problem is too much for both.
I don't know the problem he said he just can't tell me but that I deserve better. I have been crying for 3 weeks straight. We are still talking as friends but we haven't seen each other yet. One minute I feel he is down and he really misses me. He is not going out much just seeing a couple close friends who don't know. He has a really hard time opening up usually and has always kept people safe distance if they get close. We have been pretty serious lately.
If it is that he is feeling too emotional or vulnerable, or questioning if he can trust to do that or not w me, is it normal that they turn around?
I don't know how to deal with this. Do I back off? I am pretty sure it is not another person. Anyone been through this ? I would especially love to hear a Scorpio perspective.
@VeronicaLavender I am so sorry you are going through this. I am not an expert on starsigns, I have only been doing some Cancer men research lately because of my own love troubles...I am a Scorpio myself so I am going to give you my own perspective based on my own set of mind and however that is driven by my starsign.
Myself, I only pull away from a partner, when I am not into them anymore. And if I have problems, or stress, or work related issues, I see my partner as a source of support. If the problems I am dealing with are major, it is possible that I distance myself slightly, although I would still want to make sure he is involved in the problem solving process.
That said, I am a woman. And men process things very differently from us. Some men are in need of full isolation and they dont want any distractions - regardless of their starsign.
So it is very possible that this has nothing to do with you, or perhaps it does, and he has not realized it yet, or perhaps he needs time to figure things out. Who knows, maybe he doesnt know either.
As a Scorpio I find myself suffocating, very often without even knowing why. Then I get into a very self destructive temper, I am isolating, or sometimes I turn against my close circle of people. When something, anything, does not work for me, then I get very selfish and I hate people telling me what to do or putting pressure on me.
Definitely the best option here for you, is to give him space. His mind and emotions are out of your control area.
As a Scorpio I would feel very comfortable being pulled away while also having the opporrunity to still talk to my partner. It would work as a safety net for me, hence delaying any decision on whether I am getting back with him or not. Because I would know they are still waiting for me. But if they are fed up with me, and stop waiting, then I freak out and then I am forced to make a decision.
In other words, if it bothers you and if it is exruciating for you to talk to him while he is isolated and cant make any decisions, then consider cutting him out completely.
He cant have everything. If he has decided to leave you, he must see the full consequences of that decision. If you are available all the time, then you are prolonging his indecisiveness.
But this all is very random advice. I dont know the particulars of your realtionship or the nature of his issues.
If he is having a hard time and he is openly commumicating about it, then you can be there for him and provide support. After all this is what love is about.
I would ask him exactly what he wants. What would help him? Let him give you instructions on how he would prefer you to behave. And if you are comfortable with it, go ahead and do it.
If he wants daily support give it to him and be patient. If he wants full isolation, give it to him and be patient. If he is confused about your relationship, give yourself some time and wait and be patient.
Just be patient for a while. And if you end up suffering too much and you are getting no amswers, be ready to walk away. He will come back if he wants.
I hope that helps..
Yes it definitely helps. Thank you! I am like that too..I like a little quiet time alone but I like to keep a couple close people during a hardship. And I am just learning about all of the other signs part of it, like moon, etc. So I do know all of that I just didn't put it in here.
I should say he is a closed-type period. He does not let people know him or simple things about him, that he doesn't want to. I am supposedly closest to him.. Just keeps saying I am not the problem so I can't fix anything and how happy I have made him and is with me. But hates acting everything is perfect-yet happy he has been with me. I only assume he means w himself the pretend act. And its about what he can't give me right now but this has nothing to do with how he feels. He keeps saying the timing isn't good for the issue and the issue with himself. I asked if he didn't have this happening to him would have done this and he said no and he still feels the same towards me, he said none of this changing that. It's just has alot right now. If this didn't come up suddenly he would never have done this, but he can't do this and the relationship now. He has said being his friend right now will help him. I never maybe realized how sensitive he truly is because he makes it seem he is always ok.
He is not talking about the problem. I dont know what it is. It seems he is working through it. So I don't know how I am helping him.
So...yes here it he dilemma. Is it his guilt to not hurt me more? Is it a crisis? I noticed he is purging his fb page, oddly enough. One person I noticed gone he had a past with, very short. But still. I wondered the thinking behind that.
Do I stay and be the friend to prolong whatever he is going through or do I just exit. . And see what happens. We are good friends before this. But this has been tough.
But he can't tell me the problem (he is like this it is not unusual for him to clam up). I hear about this maniupulation tactic but he never appeared to be a user in his life. Part of my gut told me he has really gotten heavy w us, and it is scaring him. And he is purging some of his past and the whole thing is scary for him and he is getting nervous getting closer to me. Maybe I am wrong.I dont know. I really really love him even in whatever he thinks is not perfect about himself. I always will.
I am not waiting for him or that is not my plan. That wasn't my plan. But I am not running out or anything like that. I am miserable.
@VeronicaLavender Every situation is different. I think it is very difficult to stay and be supporrive while not even knowing what the problem is. Perhaps you can communicate this to him. That if he wants to stay friends and if he wants support, he needs to share his problem with you, or at least part of it.
I feel you. It is very difficult.
You will "burn" your brain if you keep making a million scenarios...
If he is not commumicating properly, give him space, leave him alone, and take your time. Feel miserable for some time then try to do things you enjoy, and time will show what is going on.
Thank you! This is rough! But I am going to try to distance myself. It is hard. But right wants me there but for what I don't know.