Cancer man broke up with me
I agree to a great extent. I never thought for once he was in love. But I am not exactly sure he has no feelings either. For example, exhibiting jealousy and trying really hard to conceal it, is not a sign that someone tries to simply keep me around without feelings. And he has showed jealousy many times.
Kissing me on my forehead, being strongly connected during sex, fixing stuff at my place, and taking me in his hug when I was once sad about a fight with my mum, i dont think all these could be coming from a person who has no feelings.
It doesnt mean he is in love, but it also shows some emotional bonding, which I never asked for (in the beginning, and before this mess).
Now, I dont think he would be cautious about cutting me off if he has decided to do so. His last messages were pretty rough, so I basically think he is cutting me off. He doesnt seem he wants to stay friends. I said lets go a for a friendly walk, and he lashed out.
Last time he cut me off entirely, I accepted it and moved on. And thats when he came back. Who knows.
I am more like for this scenario: he has some emotions, not sure what to do with them because he is emotionally unavailable for whatever reasons and doesnt want to commit, he kind of bonded in the process of participating in a relationship he himself shaped like that (I literally let him take all initiatives, I literally just followed), he freaked out, he left, he missed having the option, he came back, i cried, he freaked out, he decided its pointless.
I cant tell whether its a phase he is going through or whether, to put it simply, he would commit if he were to meet someone else and fell in love.
But yeah. He is not in love.
I am not even sure if I am trully in love, or whether obsessed and avoidant of the fact that i dont want to be alone.
That said, I am pretty sure that the version of him simply sticking around because he wants the confirmation is very very possible.
To be honest, I have done that myself with an ex. Just sticked around because i didnt want to hurt them. But i didnt want to hurt them because we were together for years, amd there was real love involved. So lingered. But I didnt even want the sex. I was not attracted anymore.
But hey, men are different!
I have given myself a few more days to discuss about it, just helps me in the process of getting over him.
Then its full stop.
@ScorpioEliza true and I do believe he has feelings but he’s just scared maybe, who knows. I’m dealing with a cancer at this moment and I can say that they are complicated and they are so slow. Hot then cold, it’s annoying as hell. But I don’t wanna give up cause I feel emotionally connected and when I ignore him, he always comes running back. Cancer and cancer it’s a crazy ride. And when they ain’t happy with their life, they become very distant. He probably got annoyed because he wants to be left alone, I’m like that as well.
Keep ya head up. The future is in your hands ️
@Jubisay35 Thank you and good luck to you too, I hope everything will work out!
It’s easy enough for him to keep the door open. He’s not the one that is feeling hurt and he’s not the one making compromises. He might feel something for you that he is holding back, but he is thinking only about himself right now.
What @Jubisay35 said is so true.
“As a cancer I can tell you, it’s hard to let go of the past but not the person.” I think it takes a lot for them to let go of the person. They would have to do something unforgivable.
You mentioned that this scenario has happened before a few times(?), so I agree I don’t think it’s final. The pattern exists and will repeat itself until it’s broken.
I don’t think there’s a private message option. It’s more accurate to look at a chart with the birth time, but I haven’t analyzed a chart in a long time, so it’s just as well. I’m still curious though. I don’t believe it’s about him being insecure, or about not being able to work in his field, or about your success in your business. It’s something else.
It has happened twice before. First time was a light thing. I complained about smt which exposed my not-so-casual attitude on our relationship. He pulled back, i tried to reapproach him, didnt work, ignored him he came back in full force after a couple of days.
A month later, I repeated my not-so-casual attitude, only a bit stronger, he freaked out, pulled back again, asked me to break it off under the excuse I am blocking my emotions, its just casual, I am not well, jobwise, lifewise etc., then I freaked out, I pushed and pushed for more clarifications, then stopped, left him alone, he showed up after a couple of weeks (thats when we went out, we had sex, I cried).
Now, he is back in the shell. His words are harsher than these last two occasions. Although some phrases are repeated. But he seems stronger in his decision. It looks more definitive.
I agree he has less to lose by leaving his door open. But I also have a feeling that the crying affected him a lot. Not in terms of how it hurts me. More like a shocking event which showed him, reminded him what a mess HE is. Perhaps the anger communicated in his texts, is an "aggressive" attack against the object (me) which exposed his unability, unavaialability, his problem to connect and have a healthy relationship. Maybe he is angry with himself.
To be honest, how easy would it be for a man to deal with a crying coming right after an amazing sex? The more I think of it, not easy at all. He must have felt like he "abused" me, somehow.
And I am not sure how easy it is to let go off that, and the reaponsibility that goes with that. At least in my texts, I tried to tell him that he doesnt need to feel bad, its ok. I tried to take away some of that guilt he admitted himself he is feeling. Not sure it will work.
He might be having other girls he is playing with. And I was like a more serious situation for him. Maybe he freaked out when he felt threatened, that he is loosing all these other options, then felt guilty, and thats why he decided to break it off the first time. Then maybe he realized he missed me, and came back to try and keep me under his terms. To keep me without taking the responsibility so that he doesnt feel guilty about keeping other options too (that may or may not exist, just the option of being able to do it could be enough). Then that didnt work, because I exposed my feelings and I cried.
So now maybe he feels he cant go on by keeping all the options. He has to make decisions with me, and that freaks him out.
Perhaps the source is a trauma, a previous relationship, a family issue (he has opened up about his father who when he was 15 he left them, and that there was violence at home, not sure if it was physical, i suspect non-physical and more like between the parents, he stays in touch with his dad now, but the terms are scarce).
PS: All the times he has come back, he has displayed indirect jealousy: indirect questions to get information on whether there is something else going on, to find out if I am seing my ex, if I am going out, with whom etc.
Just an indication of how he might be thinking during the shell period.
TulipLilly last edited by
@ScorpioEliza I am feeling so sad that this is happening to you with this man. I can understand what your going through. My bf is a cancer and I know how they can come around and then go back into their shell to retreat. Not quite to the same extent but I get it. You have to ask yourself, how many times can he come and go, hot vs. cold. Its gotta be really tough to deal with on a emotional level. I would certainly set up some boundaries where you should tell him. It's not acceptable for him to send you upsetting messages, like he is coming off like he is angry or upset at you. My. ex husband used to send me mean text messages and we would wind up arguing. Its just not a good thing. I think, no I know you deserve much better than this.
You probably feel like you have invested so much time into this man. Who may or may not turn into a possible relationship. It may make it harder for you to walk away from him. But imagine opening yourself up to someone else, and finding a man that will make you happy and who wants to date you and commit. I spent so much time trying to help my ex husband become a better person and to help him realize he needed help with his problems. That I felt like I lost a piece of myself in the process. That I'm trying to get back even now,(and Im finally learning to be happy again)I pray that you will be ok and that you will find resolution in your situation. I hope you don't take offense to my forward post. It comes from my and with positive intentions. I wish you the best of luck! Please keep me posted
cancers are emotional, relationships are hard since they expect more. but if works well, they are so caring.
There are 3 important planetary points that define a person in everyday life; the sun, moon and the ascendant. Since we don’t know his birth time we don't know his moon and ascendant. His moon could either be Aries or Pisces, they are very different moons. Without these placements, his natal and your synastry or composite charts would be incomplete and inaccurate.
Im rusty, but quick look. You both have a Stellium.
His sun, Venus and mercury are in Cancer, but we don’t know what house these are in. This can be very vulnerable for a man because of the increased sensitivity of all those planets in Cancer. It would be hard for him with all this emotional energy. He would have to trust completely before allowing himself to open up.
Your sun, Venus, mercury, Pluto and AC are in Scorpio in the 12th house. In Scorpio, you are controlled and deliberate in your decisions, mysterious but hidden in the 12th. 12th house has always been hard for me to understand and describe.
Your suns are trine, but the aspect is wide. Neither of your suns are aspected by the other’s planets. This is important in a relationship as neither of you are seeing or acknowledging the others’ core essence as individuals.
Your moon is in cancer, but is not aspected by any of his planets. Are you sure you’re in love with him and not just infatuated? We’re not sure where his moon is and we don’t know what his ascendant is.
You have mutual Venus/mercury trines. You do enjoy each other’s company and have a mutual interest in the arts, music, culture.
His venus/mercury trines your AC. There is a mutual attraction here.
His Mars in Leo squares your Scorpio Venus. Double whammy. Mutual sexual attraction.
Btw, your 28.32 deg sun is conjunct my 28.1 deg AC in Scorpio, only 31 minutes apart. No wonder I understand and can relate to you so well.
Sorry, have been crazy busy. Hope you are well.
@OJ Thank you so much for taking the time to do this while busy...I am still having no signs from him. I am trying to process its over for good and figure out how to level up my self esteem and move on..Its very hard!
It feels like I am in love, maybe I am not who knows. Time is important here...
@ScorpioEliza Hey I am really new to this board and I am so happy to find it.
Not to jump in on your thread (it took me so long to read it! but I got alot out of it).
I had a question from a scorpio perspective I posted in another thread of it's own (Scorpio Break up). I would really appreciate it. I didn't want to comment here and hijack it!