Cancer man broke up with me

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  • @ScorpioEliza
    Oh, I don’t think he’s gone, but I don’t think the situation will change either. If he does mature, it will take time and if he’s searching, he needs to know what he’s searching for.

  • @OJ Well...I dont know. I think with people like that, once you show them emotions, they are pushed further away. They have the mechanism to supress their feelings, if any, and move on to the next girl.

    In any case, I agree, even if he shows up, it will mean absolutely nothing.

    It is over, that is for sure.

    Thanks for the support!

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  • @ScorpioEliza
    Oh no.

    First, let me ask you, what was your motive when you told him not to get in touch with you again? Did you really mean it? Second, dealing with a cancer man when he’s upset or emotional is next to impossible. Drama is the right word. Impossible to reason with and highly illogical in this state. It’s not an act, even if he is an actor.

    You would rather he have left you because then you wouldn’t have a choice? While I think you are giving away your power, I actually do understand what you’re saying. There’s nothing wrong with taking the responsibility for a break up because it tells him that his actions are not acceptable to you. You don’t need to feel guilty about that.

    “Now, i am not sure what to get out of this. These things have happened before. The pattern is, he freaks out, i approach him with persuasion, he feels threatened, he shuts down, he says drama stuff like that, he gets angry, i leave him alone, i am going silent, he gets back.”

    — You know the pattern ... he draws you back in and it’s always on his terms. He IS being selfish. I understand that you are in love with him but he keeps pulling you back into a situation you are not happy with. Are you hoping that it will change?

    “The things is, both him and me, we keep communicating reversed messages. Our words dont match our thoughts, our thoughts our emotions, our emotions our words. Thats both on me. I play it cool when i am not. He is clearly emotionally connected (that i can totally assume through sex) but says he is not, i ask him to leave then i text him, he says he doesnt have the sexual drive anymore then comes back and we have the best sex ever.”

    — You both want different things; you’re not on the same page. You say you don’t need a label but you want emotional intimacy. Whether you put a label on it or not, the bottom line is you want something he’s either unwilling or incapable of giving. He says he wants casual, but Cancers are highly emotional and he resists any emotional bond. There is conflict within yourselves and the messages you are sending to each other are a reflection of that conflict.

    The only way to change this is to break the pattern.

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  • @ScorpioEliza
    I said “Oh no” because even after I mentioned that if you go back, that the situation won’t change, that it will still be casual and you said that you wouldn’t go back because it would ruin your credibility. Oh no, you re-engaged, is what I meant.

    Cancer is a cardinal water sign in astrology. Water signs are emotional; cardinal are instigators. They will use emotion forcefully to either push things forward or to manipulate. They don’t like rejection and are easily offended. Cancers can be mean and nasty when angry or hurt. It doesn’t matter whether they love you or not, they’ll take a bite out of you and it will hurt. They won’t apologize for it either, at least not directly. I’ve been on the receiving end of this. Sorry Cancers, this has been my experience and observations.

    A man that does everything to remain emotionally uninvolved in a relationship won’t tell you that he misses you and that he wants you back. Dash that romantic notion. You need to keep asking yourself if his unavailability is what you want. Is this weird behaviour what you want? Are you hoping he returns even though he will continue to treat you this way? It’s not for him to decide this for you.

    I’m assuming you are a Scorpio Sun; you are also a water sign, but with a fixed quality. You use your emotions to control and strengthen, to make things permanent and final. I understand you (I’m a Scorpio rising) and what you are going through but you need to look for the answer within yourself. Someone else’s advice on what to do is based on their circumstances and can cause you more regret, even if the advice is good for them. Whatever path you choose is what helps you to grow. You are a Scorpio, the natural ruler of the 8th house. The house of personal growth and transformation. I’m here if you want to talk things out.

    Your sun signs are are only a small indicator. The whole natal chart needs to be looked at as a whole to understand more.

  • @ScorpioEliza I agree with @OJ. I’m a cancer woman born on july 8th and some things she said about Cancers I can see it in myself. I almost never feel sorry for anything. It’s because I think things through before I react. But I’m also honest and when people try to make something out of nothing I become very mean, so you’ll back off. And I can be indirect about it and be distant so you will get the hint, to just leave me alone. This guy obviously doesn’t want any commitment and because you like him and he knows, he keeps coming back. Also the way he acts had nothing to do with his sign, but that’s just how some people are. They will keep coming back if they can gain something from it. Just move on and stop wasting your time. If he really wanted you, you wouldn’t been in such a situation. Sorry

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  • @ScorpioEliza he wants you to be there when he wants or needs you. Very selfish and harsh towards you. Not worth your time. The chemistry is or was there and it’s hard to let it go or give on it. But guess what you’ll find someone way better that doesn’t put you in this situation just for their own good. Let it go mamacita. He ain’t for you. Your ideal man is waiting for you, so close this unhealthy book and go get him.
    Good luck ❤️And always love yourself first 🥰

  • @Jubisay35 True! oh thank you so much!! 🥰🥰🥰

  • @ScorpioEliza you’re welcome 🥰🥰

  • @ScorpioEliza
    Regarding your previous relationship, if you were with him for 4 years and living together, essentially you were a married couple. That is the type of relationship you are familiar with and even if you want something less conventional then at least let it be healthy. Maybe it is best to take some time to yourself to heal and take care of yourself. You won’t be alone forever, but with this man you are already alone.

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  • @ScorpioEliza
    It’s uncanny how alike we think. I studied astrology for a few years because I felt like I needed to understand my Cancer. That was many years ago though.

    Well, here are some thoughts. If he was truly unwilling to forgive you, he would not respond to your texts, period. You would be written out of his life. Look at it from this perspective. If someone said to you, don’t get in touch with me again, I’m cutting you out of my life, would you be upset? I think I would be. Multiply that emotion by at least 2 times. He’s letting you know he is upset and he could also be trying to figure out your motive since you told him not to contact you, but then you text him. Why is she reaching out to me ? What is she expecting from me? However, if you want back in his life, it will be on his terms again.

    So what if he’s angry or upset? He shouldn’t be able to get a free pass when he treats someone badly. You are a human being and deserve to be treated with respect.

    If I may ask, what were his words during the drama ?

    You mentioned putting him up on a pedestal. Have you?

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  • @ScorpioEliza
    Sorry, I thought he said something more when he was angry, you said there was more “drama”. After repeating all that he has told you before and after the crying incident, what is it that you are holding on to? You told him not to contact you, but then you contact him. He said he feels you want something. You want him to change his mind, to say that he cares, to say that he misses you, that he wants you back, that he wants to make a commitment to you. You want everything that is your right to want, but it is the opposite of what he is willing to give to you, to give to anyone. Is it possible that this is what his anger and frustration is about? That you are pushing for something he can’t or won’t give you ?

    He could have feelings for you, but he doesn’t want it and he knows that this is hurting you. He won’t change his mind because this is who he is at this stage in his life and it has nothing to do with you.

    I’m curious to see his natal chart, but you probably don’t want to post those details.

  • @OJ That night before he left, he said if you want to get in touch, the door is open.

    So I got in touch. He must have expected that I would. Even if he had changed his mind, which obviously he did, he must still have expected that there is a chance I would get in touch despite what I said.

    When I got in touch, i didnt ask for anything. I simply asked how he is, and his response was bitter. Then I proposed to have a relaxing walk, as friends. I even said its alright, you dont need to feel bad, lets just have a walk.

    What I mean by drama, is the dramatic tone, the anger behind these texts. Even before I started pushing, the attitude was aggressive.

    I am not trying to get something out of nothing. It is very clear that he has chosen to not continue things.

    I am certain that this story is over for the time being, but I am sensing that it is not over forever. And the reason I am sensing that, is that behind these texts, i am reading mixed emotions. In a few words: he doesnt look like a person who has made a solid decision. He looks like a person who has made a decision, who will try to stick to it, but doesnt want to close the door entirely (hence that "we will talk at another moment", "leave me alone for a while" which contradict the "farewell" he said before).

    I am also sensing that, because if you really have made a solid decision you do not behave like that. I would have clearly said something like "I am sorry. I dont have feelings, we had a good time, its not your fault, but its over. Move on and there is no reason to talk anymore. By"

    One concise text and done.

    His last messages create an atmosphere that its not really like we are never meeting again.

    His answers have a dramatic and manipulative tone (not "i dont want to see you again", instead "you told me i am harming you so I will not bother you just like u asked").

    I dont believe that he wants to continue things either, of course, but I cant believe that he never wans to meet again.

    Besides, it is not the first time he says things like that. Last time I had told him that I am deleting him from social because I have a crash on him and by. Then I showed up again, i started "pushing", he responded angrily, and then said leave me alove, we will talk another time. Same things. And then he reappeared.

    I think now its more solid in his head. But still, Its a sense, that somehow, he is going to show up again at some point. Perhaps as a friend, perhaps just to check things out at first - certainly not to give me what I want. I am not expecting at all that he is coming back to say that he misses me and that he is ready. Not in a million.

    All I am saying is that I sense a possibility for another show up. I am not sure how clingy to their past Cancers are, or how solid in their relationship decisions.

    I would be happy to give you a date of birth and a place of birth too. I dont know the time of birth though.

    I am not sure if there is a private message option in here and perhaps its better not post these details publicly!

  • @ScorpioEliza As a cancer I can tell you, it’s hard to let go of the past but not the person. Sometimes we keep coming back because we just need someone we trust to talk too or just because we know that person for a longtime. Also we may stay around just because we know it will hurt that person if we would cut them out entirely. A cancer in love will go for it, a cancer not in love will act exactly how he’s acting. I think he’s trying to be nice and that makes things confusing and maybe that behavior makes you think that there could be more then just being friends or in the near future.

    I hope I’m wrong

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