Cancer man broke up with me

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  • @ScorpioEliza
    You’re right, he’s emotionally unavailable. It also explains why he had no problem starting up with you while you were in a relationship with someone else. He’s not thinking relationship. He doesn’t allow himself to bond and becomes distant if he starts to. It’s something more than just being unhappy with his job. It goes deeper than that.
    If he does come back and I think he will, it will still be casual.

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  • @ScorpioEliza
    He says he just wants casual, but are you willing to settle for that? It could be a long process for him to open up and truly let you in, so you need to decide whether you think it’s worth it. Have you spent time at his place? His behaviour bothers me, as I’m sure it does you too. This weirdness is him making sure he doesn’t get involved. I think he must have been hurt in his previous relationship. You could approach it in a couple of ways. 1) continue with casual and slowly draw him in closer 2) let him know what you want and let him decide whether he wants to take the chance.

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  • @ScorpioEliza
    He’ll be back.
    I have an aversion to labels also. A label implies an agenda in my mind. It sounds like you understand him pretty well already, even if you’re feeling confused. The naturalness will eventually come with trust, but it’ll be slow and each time he opens up about something big, he’ll check in to see if you’re still there. It’s one of those back and forth things Cancers are kind of famous for. Hope it all works out.

  • @OJ Thank you! Lets see... I guess what i dont get is why people make things so complicated when they can really be much much simpler. Thank you for taking the timebto advise.

  • To be fair, he saw you cheat on your current partner for him, so why would he think you were a commitment or forever girl?

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  • @ScorpioEliza you think he should be able to understand you but men don't always understand women and their feelings and behaviour. He may think you cannot be trusted since you cheated once. You must deal with what he is rather than what you think he should be. Is he mature enough for you?

  • @TheCaptain If he doesnt trust me then why would he reappear ringing the bell at my place? If he doesnt trust me, he should stop commumicating or attempting to see me. And if he doesnt trust me, he shouldnt have dragged this for six months.

  • He reappears hoping for sex with no commitment. Is he getting it?

  • @ScorpioEliza I think your doing the right thing by not being actively available the minute he decides to stop over and knock on your door. He sounds very emotionally closed off and sounds like he is taking steps to protect himself. Which is why he keeps going away for awhile and coming back. I would be careful with this guy. Its strange how he doesn't want to be in a relationship. But yet he thinks its ok to stop over unannounced, when he wants too.

  • @TulipLilly I agree. Sometimes I think he wants the best of both worlds. For instance, when we were together and he was claiming things were casual between us, it would feel as we were in a relationship. We would meet almost everyday, having walks etc. Or even he would come by my place, and we would just spend time together, without sex. So I think he wants that feeling of relationship, but not the obligations that come with it? I will not agree to see him, unless he approaches me in a more mature way. I understand of course he wants the sex part, i want it too a lot to be honest, but he has to realize that there are consequences when he decides to distance himself.

  • @ScorpioEliza
    Hi Eliza ! I’m sorry that your in this situation. It seems very apparent that you have deep feelings for this man and you want and need more from him than he’s willing to give to you at this point and time. You seem fearful and very unsure of his intentions and his behavior and that is bothersome. These look like red flags to me and you need to be very concerned.
    He does act like he’s been very hurt from one or maybe even more relationships. And he may have underlying painful family issues that can and will definitely affect him.
    If so then, these are things that he has to deal with and heal from if he is going to have a normal, happy, loving and caring relationship with someone. You won’t be able to give him the help that he needs . You can only be a support person that will just listen and maybe guide him to getting the help that he needs ( counseling).
    But just remember that some men are too prideful and won’t ask or get help until they are so far into that deep, deep place of darkness ( depression, hurt and pain) that they can’t get out of by themselves, then they have no choice but to get help.
    His only way of coping is to distance himself emotionally and physically from potential hurt and pain that he perceives.
    And don’t get me wrong you have done nothing to cause this. It’s his problems.
    But you need to continue to set YOUR boundaries in this relationship and not just let him use you whenever HE feels like it.
    And also always remember that having sex too soon will ALWAYS complicate things in a relationship. I know because I’ve been
    there !! I know that this is all hard for you because you care about him and I’m sure he does care about you but before he can have a normal relationship he has to get himself “Fixed” if not he’ll never be able to fully trust, love and care about you or anyone else.
    But this is your life and we all can speculate , advise and give you support but ultimately it’s up to you to decide what kind of man (strong or weak) and what kind of relationship you want ( happy, normal, loving and caring )
    You a very intelligent level headed strong woman and I believe that you already have the answers and have seen this and you know the outcome.
    Your in charge of your destiny ( ALWAYS )
    If he’s not the right man then I can guarantee you that the right one is out there for you . Also just one more bit of advise Please think twice before you ever live with a man first before marriage because statistics are that a man is much less likely to ever marry you if you live with him first. Because as the old saying goes
    “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk free “ and that’s true because if they are getting everything that they want and need then why commit to one person and get married. And also they can just up and leave you whenever they decide too. I’ve been there also and it sucks because you end up wasting all of that time of your life that you’ll never get back !!
    Sorry so long -
    I wish you the best of luck and much happiness in your life!! Take care !!

  • @Sweetnana16 Thank you for the advice. I couldnt agree more. As painful as it is, this is exactly what I should do. There is no black and white in these situations. I guess one way of going with this is being supportive but from a safe distance and without investing in this. I know he is into me and that he cares, but that is not enough. I am trying to take it easy myself and focus on my priorities. If he has something to say or express, he knows where to find me.

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  • @ScorpioEliza
    You did the right thing in letting him go. You know he’s not emotionally available, he never was. He wants freedom without obligations, in case something else comes along ? Sounds like he doesn’t know what he wants so it’s best to let him figure out his life without harming you along the way.

    I’m glad you opened up and told him how you feel and how his actions make you feel. Even though it hurts, I believe it’s better to be up front and know exactly where he’s coming from. It would have been an upward battle all the way, with him always pulling back and with you always feeling deprived of intimacy.

    Yes, protect yourself and live with no regrets.

    Edited to add: He does have feelings for you. He doesn’t know what it is, but he’s also resisting it. If you let him keep coming back into your life so easily, then his behaviour will never change.

  • @OJ Thank you for your advice. It is very difficult because I am in love. But it was really exhausting.

  • @ScorpioEliza
    I’m sorry that you’re going thru this. I know they can be emotionally exhausting.

    “I am harming you. I am sorry, I will not text you again.”,
    He acknowledges that he’s hurting you, but instead of trying to fix what’s wrong, he’ll just stop texting you? Although I’m sure he’s sorry for causing pain and he might not even realize it, but this is kind of manipulative. I don’t think this is only a Cancer trait and could apply to anyone to some degree.

    And, ‘his door is open just so you know’
    Understand, that if you do want to go back, that it will be on on his terms.
    One thing I’ve learned is that when you’re not afraid of losing someone, that’s when they want to hold on to you.

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