Is this something worth pursuing?



  • A few months ago I started talking to a pen pal, and there was an easy flow of conversation right away. We both noted shared interests and some similar tastes or humor. We've both commented on how there feels like a strong connection there, that it's easy to talk to each other, and there's a mutual attraction. I tend to be a bit guarded with people, but I felt comfortable with him pretty quickly.

    The obvious problem is that it's long distance and all of our communication has been online in some form. Realistically, these things don't often have great long term results, but there are success stories as well. I don't really have a lot of dating experience, so I'm trying to be cautious so I don't get caught up in a fantasy. Based on the things we've talked about, how he has said things and the tone of his voice, I feel like he is genuine. I have not been actively dating or seeking a relationship, so this was kind of a surprising development.

    Would someone be willing to give me some insight?

    For reference:
    Me- 10/15/1985
    Him- 12/30/1988



  • Although your pen pal tends toward the conservative, he will appreciate the relationship for giving him the space to voice some of his more far-out thoughts, because he can have trouble expressing himself. He doesn’t tend to be demonstrative when it comes to affairs of the heart. You, for your part, will enjoy having a strong partner on whom to lean occasionally, as well as the grand drama created by the relationship’s general rebelliousness. A love affair or even marriage between you will usually be of the responsible rather than the romantic type. Yet the two of you will not hesitate to fly in the face of tradition rather than compromise your belief in the relationship, or knuckle under to society’s demands. If the relationship is a love affair, then, it can easily be a secret or illicit one (make sure he is not already married or otherwise engaged as this can be a distinct possibility - try looking at the photos or texts on his Facebook page, for instance), although both of you will usually treat any third party involved with as much consideration as possible. Should you marry, you will be apt to work out your own special arrangement, which, although not always easily comprehensible to the outside world, will work well enough for you. Such a marriage will generally work for the common good rather than following its own selfish interests. This guy however will want to be the boss of the relationship so you had better be comfortable with that if you want to go further. Should either of you feel dominated or controlled by the other, you may fall into frequent disagreements.



  • @TheCaptain
    Thank you for giving your time and energy to my concern. I appreciate the detailed insight and you've given me a lot to consider. I am also glad because it felt like it confirmed some of my own impressions about the matter. (I tend to over think and my mind wins out over my intuition).

    The possibility of him having another attachment is definitely in the back of my mind when we talk. I sometimes worry that I'm too naive or optimistic about people, and here I worry about being manipulated. I've done what research I can with what information I have and haven't found anything yet, but will keep an eye out for it. At this point, he feels genuine in his tone and his words, and hasn't given me reason to doubt him, so I am enjoying what we have. I would be happy to at least have him as a friend, as I really value the connection we have, and look forward to seeing how this develops.

    Thank you again.


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