Is my tarot deck picking up on my fears?
So basically I have pure o, which is a form of ocd where u experience intrusive thoughts that are hard to control. I’ve always refrained from asking questions for reassurance from my deck out of fear, but today I felt confident since I received my pendulum in the mail ,and when I asked my pendulum if these thoughts were a reflection of my character I kept getting a no. So I tried asking my deck and I got the 7 of swords reversed, indicating imposter syndrome which is exactly textbook definition of pure o. I didn’t think much of it till I read some more on the card being abt deception within and holding secrets. I decided to pull for more cards. My worst fear happened. I got the devil and 2 of pentacles card. So I shuffled and tried to pull more but I repetitively saw these two cards again amongst others, but these 2 were the repetitive cards. I interpret the 2 of pentacles as a sarcastic maybe and the devil card as confirmation of my character. At one point I asked the universe to show me a solid sign that this is in fact the truth abt my character and I got the devil card once again. And then I asked to show me the devil card again if they actually meant this interpretation and I got it again even after thoroughly shuffling. I am now experiencing utter doom and feel sick. I know there’s a phenomenon where cards reflect what ur thinking instead of the truth which is sometimes ur worst fear but I just need more clarity on this situation. What do you guys think this means?
I have a rule, I don't read for myself. This is because the energy can get so scattered when reading. What you put into the deck comes out of the deck. Which is exactly why when reading for others i don't want to hear any detail about them or the situation until after the reading is done. Your beliefs fears and projections absolutely affect the deck as it is the matrix that makes this all work.
I wont do readings for myself because its too confusing, and dangerous. Really it is. Some people may have no problem but as some one who also deals with intrusive thoughts, and paranoia, I just wont do it.