Help!!!!!! How to leave a selfish gemini man
I am 28 years old Aquarius woman. and I love my Gemini man to death. We have been together for 4 years. But I am tired and I don't have energy to stay in this vixous cycle anymore. I have loved him so much and give him myself for years of my life hoping that he will change oneday. But he is as he is leaving me with so much emotional pain and low self esteem. He always takes the decision that benefits him despite the hurt that lefts in me. every time I want to meet him or need his love he is not there but if he needs me am always there for him. Now after so much hurt and pain I am trying to love my self but he still drags me to the cycle that I have been used to. I really went to get ride of this cycle but I can't.... Please help me out here.
So what exactly do you love about him?
@Liyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Please take a stand for yourself and move out from this toxic relationship. Self love is above all.
We expect good from everyone, that they will do the right thing and treat others the same as how they want to be treated. Or that they will see how well they are being treated and want to do the same. Unfortunately, that’s just not reality. You are the only one that can determine what is acceptable to you.
When we give too much without setting boundaries, then we start losing ourselves. He has no fear of losing you because you put up with everything that he does, out of love. You can’t expect him to change when there are no consequences for him. Find your voice or find the door.
After reading your post I just felt that I had to do something. I hope you will find this reading useful.
These are the cards that I cast. It's called "The Him/Her spread" I've adapted this for these types of situations. You lay the cards from left to right, focus on the question or situation then let your intuition to do the rest.
It’s like I always say, “The cards never lie, only people do”, and these cards tell the absolute truth from start to finish.
Before I explain my reading, can I just say that I think you are one of the bravest people I have had the pleasure to meet in my whole life.
The (5 of CUPS) is exactly what you’re going through at the moment and have been for some time now. Reading what you have posted, some people might consider you foolish but you’re not, you’re strong and determined and are willing to stand up for what you want in your life. I can understand why you love this man but as the cards have come out they have slapped me right in the face and said, help this person, she is lost and wandering in the wilderness with nothing to hold onto except hope, (The Star). The (Queen of Swords) is you and your personality and the (STAR card) is the hope you are clinging to with both hands. You are strong and you are certainly very brave and so you have to think about the choices you have made in the past (the 7 of CUPS) and that now you are being Judged (JUDGEMENT) for them. You seem to have a positive and very powerful card regarding your future actions the (9 of WANDS). Everything about this card is all about your future and the actions to take, the answers are here. What may happen is the outcome card (9 of SWORDS) and what you will probably be shackled with for a long time to come. The outcome card has not and will not manifest itself until you make a final choice or decision on your future.
You don’t have very long, maybe several months to a year before a decision will be made for you and that is, your due, what’s called a (SATURN RETURN) and Saturn is our teacher. If we don’t learn from our mistakes then when Saturn returns it will teach us all a very big lesson. From the date we are all born till approximately 28-29 years Saturn takes that amount of time to complete its orbit and if you have made some really negative choices and decisions in your life and not tried to learn from them and change for the better, then Saturn will ask questions.
The reading is below with all the card keywords and meanings:-
5 of CUPS
Astrological Correspondence: Mars in Scorpio
Keywords: sorrow, disappointment, unhappy.
Description: Five of Cups is a melancholy card. The person in question has been disappointed in some way and is therefore a little depressed. The depression is not as great as that of The Moon, but he or she is nevertheless unhappy. Even though they feel let down, they will be able to learn to help build upon a better future. Loss of a relationship, sorrow, emotional hurt and feeling of worthlessness. However, although the card seems to be grim, the outlook is good and urges you to stop crying over spilt milk and look in another direction for happiness.
Upright Associations: Sorrow, loss, broken relationship, disillusionment, the need to start again. Angry, self-knowledge, inheritance, letting go, unused talents, sacrifice.
Reversed Associations: Reunion after a separation, lesser sacrifice, hope, regret, refusing to grieve or move beyond grief. A new beginning.
Astrological Correspondence: Mars in Scorpio
If you have Mars in Scorpio, you are extremely strong-willed and you pursue your goals and desires with passionate dedication and determination. You are capable of total concentration and tremendous discipline, and you are very difficult to influence once your mind is made up. When you want something, you can be very one-sided and almost obsessed with it. You tend to be secretive and you do not want others to know what your plans are. You tend to be instinctive, perceptive, determined, strong-willed, stubborn and magnetic. You have deep emotions and may occasionally show a primitive side. You need to learn self-discipline or your desired nature will rule your life, probably causing great sorrow in the end. You must learn to control your jealousy and possessiveness in matters of love. A certain amount of detachment in relationships would probably be good and this, of course, would include your tendency to treat loved ones as possessions. You are very forceful in a quiet and subtle way and others may have difficulty in seeing or understanding your motives. You can manipulate people in a way that is not obvious to them or others. Direct confrontation with others is not your preferred style. You like operating behind the scenes. In any case, you are a formidable opponent when riled. In matters of health, there may be a tendency towards hemorrhoids.
Astrological Correspondence: Pluto
Keywords: judgement, resurrection, healing, music, good news, revelation.
Description: The Judgement card represents the judgement day or awakening call heralding a rite of passage. As one cycle comes to an end we need to prepare for a new stage in our development, the future is waiting. Now is the time when past efforts yield positive results, when we can reap the rewards, when we realise that we are drawn in a new direction and recognise our true calling. In it's positive meaning the Judgement card reminds us that through honesty and true reflection we can realise where we have erred on our path and that we need to forgive ourselves to regain a feeling of self-worth and accomplishment.
Upright Associations: Awakening, revival, the good live, health, mental agility, accomplishment, perfection. Summing up, spiritual calling, transformation.
Placed in a negative situation Judgement symbolises indecision, a fear of letting go, remorse, and regret, and imbalance, imprisonment.
Reversed Associations: Hesitation, denying change, poor judgement. indecision. Stagnation, closing off spiritually, a need to evaluate your direction.
7 of CUPS
Astrological Correspondence: Venus in Scorpio
Description: The Seven of Cups indicates changes and choices will be forthcoming. There will be several paths to take, but there is no guarantee that the choice made will be the one that will bring about the desired result. Thorough research and analytical thinking needs to be done before making any decisions.
Upright Associations: Fantasy, illusion, quest, reflection, confusion, the inner life. The need to meditate on decisions &/or motives. Unrealistic expectations, dreams, choices, imagination.
Reversed Associations: Passion, determination, need for logical thinking. Maturity, discernment of reality vs illusions. This barren time will quickly pass.
Astrological Correspondence: Venus in Scorpio
If you have Venus in Scorpio, in matters of love, you desire and crave a deep, intense, and passionate relationship. In love, nothing short of a merging of souls will satisfy you. Venus in Scorpio yearns for the undying love of Romeo and Juliet or Heloise and Abelard. Individuals with this Venus sign are the most intense, passionate lovers of all. The bonds you form are strongly emotional and may be described as possessive. You can get very jealous regarding loved ones. Uncontrolled jealousy and possessiveness may help destroy the relationships you are most intense about. You have a tendency to "marry" whatever or whoever captures your heart and it is difficult to let go of it or them for any reason. You can hold on to one love for a lifetime. High demands are placed on your partners. You are somewhat suspicious of even platonic, friendly relationships your partner has. If you are ever betrayed, you are capable of hating with as much force and intensity as you once loved. You are attracted to people who have an aura of mystery about them. You have a sultry charm, a personal magnetism. Although your feelings run deep, you may have trouble expressing them. Once burned you never give another a second chance. It is all or nothing at all. There can be a deep religious devotion which can serve as an outlet for your overcharged emotions. You need to learn the value of self-control. Misuse of the creative force in previous lifetimes has forced you to again deal with issues surrounding passion, desire, and regeneration. This position stimulates your creative ability and brings infatuations, misalliances, and love affairs.
9 of WANDS
Astrological Correspondence: Moon in Sagittarius
Keywords: vigilance, protection and defense, nearly there.
Description: The Nine of Wands indicates success after a long struggle to get to the top. There appears to be a bit of weariness because many mistakes have been made and much has been learned the hard way. Additionally, a feeling of defense is in the air because after such a long struggle to achieve success, much vigilance will be necessary to maintain it. Don't let others undo what you've worked hard to achieve.
Upright Associations: Eventual victory, plans coming to fruition, resolve, good health. Determination, commitment to an issue or belief. Acknowledging past grief.
Reversed Associations: Rivalry, obstacles, time to move on in your life. Loss of rights, isolation. emerging from pain and isolation.
Astrological Correspondence: Moon in Sagittarius
If you have the Moon in Sagittarius, you are independent, outspoken, open, generous, enthusiastic, idealistic, inspired, and optimistic and these qualities attract many friends and acquaintances. You seem to thrive on travel, sociability, fellowship, and expressing your opinions to whomever will listen. In addition, you are adventurous, playful, freedom-loving, and always ready for a good time. You rarely allow difficulties to keep you down, for no matter how bleak the past or present, you always expect a better, brighter future. In fact, you are uncomfortable with your own or other people's problems and emotional pain. You often try to "cheer up" or offer philosophical advice to those who are hurting, but unwittingly you avoid or ignore the emotions involved. Friendship means a great deal to you, perhaps even more than love or romance. For you to be happy, your mate must be your best friend and encourage your aspirations and ideals. You also need a great deal of emotional freedom and mobility. On the negative side, you may be rather intolerant, closed-minded, dogmatic, arrogant, non-objective, risk-taking, or possess a holier-than-thou attitude.
QUEEN of SWORDS
Astrological Correspondence: (Aquarius)
Keywords: A mature woman, possibly a widow or divorcee.
Description: The Queen of Swords usually indicates a woman who is educated and intelligent, and can be quite a conversationalist when things are going her way. However, negatively she can become bitter and spiteful when she is unhappy with herself. She is rational and tends to be cool in a crisis. Graceful, possibly with a fondness for music and dancing. She is very alert to undercurrents and should not be underestimated.
Upright Associations: Courageous, intelligent, made wise through suffering and loss. Skillful in political affairs, playing off rival factions against each other. Independent, analytical, perceptive.
Reversed Associations: Conformity, hardened heart, overly critical. Bitterness, deceit, loneliness. Broken relationships, misinformation. Little regard for others.
Outside help or hindrance
Astrological Correspondence: Aquarius
Keywords: harmony, abundance, generosity, humility.
Description: The Star, being one of the very positive cards of the Tarot, reminds us of hope and inspiration. The Star is the symbol for our faith in the future, for feeling guided on our path by its calm and serene light. As we can feel confident to not lose our direction, we regain motivation and inner strength and can experience peace of mind. The Star protects the future and gathers the forces necessary to expand our knowledge and develop emotionally and spiritually. The sense of protection, promise, inspiration, and joy encourages us to develop our talents to achieve our ideals.
Upright Associations: Hope, faith, inspiration, intuition, optimism, insight, spiritual love, pleasure, harmony, conceiving a dream.
Even in an unfavourable situation the negative elements merely throw obstacles in our way, like pessimism, a lack of realism, or the inability to accept a helping hand, thus leading to possible failure.
Reversed Associations: Failure, lack of awareness, emotional isolation, inventiveness. Rethinking dreams, inability to accept help, unfailing hope.
9 of SWORDS
Astrological Correspondence: Mars in Gemini
Keywords: cruelty, anxiety, fear, guilt.
Description: The Nine of Swords indicates fear and anxiety as the person in question literally makes himself sick with worry. Sometimes it helps to seek outside assistance to help put the situation into perspective. Sleepless nights, spite and slander which undermine confidence. Suffering that is for eventual good such as putting up with painful treatment in order to get better. Female health problems and, possibly, self-punishment and guilt.
Upright Associations: Suffering, desolation, loss, self-sacrifice. Nightmares, stress, despair, hopelessness, isolation. Dreams, fear, insomnia.
Reversed Associations: Fear, doubt, prison, stresses or worries have intensified, anxiety and fear. Spiritual soul searching, faith, hope, ending of despair.
Astrological Correspondence: Mars in Gemini
If you have Mars in Gemini, mentally and physically you are the busy, little bee. You are constantly in motion with many and various activities, usually several at a time. You are happiest when busy and you hate boredom. Your mind is alert, active, and constantly seeking to learn more. You absorb knowledge like a sponge and you will debate and argue with anyone who wants a mental sparring match. A great deal of nervous tension or anxiety can exist with this position and it is important that you get regular exercise to relieve the stress. You talk with your hands and may be ambidextrous or have mechanical ability. There is a need to think before acting and to have patience so that you keep yourself out of trouble. Sometimes you just do things for the sake of doing something and this is not always a good idea. Look before you leap. Travel appeals to you because you never know what you might learn or who you might meet. Burns or accidents can occur to the shoulders or arms, probably due to haste. You can accomplish a lot in short bursts, but projects that require long-term commitment, stamina, and steady, persistent effort are not easy for you. You often scatter your energies into so many directions and activities at once that you cannot finish or follow through on some of them. You need variety, change, and mental challenges. Your mind is sharp and you enjoy mental challenges, games, or competitions. Matching wits with someone else really brings out the competitor in you. Your drive and energy is more mental than physical. You use your wit, intelligence, communication skills, social sophistication, and awareness to achieve your goals. Sarcasm and humor come easy to you. You need to learn how to conserve energy so you don't burn out and concentration so you will complete projects and carry through on promises.
@Cybee Hi, thankyou for sharing this. It is acknowledging.
Hiya @Saloni-Sharma and thank you for your lovely comment.
I am just one of the deck hands trying to stop our ship from sinking. I will always try to give my best to those who need it.
As it says on my label, "This is what I do".
55Degrees last edited by
Aw honey, it's hard. I'm not going to start going all spiritual on you, I just want to say, like you, I was in a toxic pattern with someone many years ago.
Birth signs have nothing to do with what you are going through, this man is emotionally abusive and, for your own mental health, you need to get out of this cycle.
All I can suggest is completely blocking him from your life. Change your phone number, block him on social media if you use it.
You need to tell him to not contact you ever again, preferably in some written form and keep a record of it. This can be used as evidence for a restraining order if needed.
The only way to break this cycle is to through no contact, none, at all.
It's hard when you feel you love this person, but ask yourself, if this was your best friend, sister or someone else you care about going through this, what would you say to them? Why are you not saying the same to yourself? You are the most important person in your life.
Love shouldn't be this hurtful. He's abusing your feelings for him and destroying your sense of self worth.
You are not the problem, he is. He is gaslighting you and manipulating you, this is not love, it is control. He is a bully and has found someone he feels he can project all his self hatred and issues on to.
Shut him out of your life. Do not answer his phone calls, block any texts, emails or any other form of contact from him and please reach out to helplines or charities.
I don't know, and you haven't said if he's been physically abusive, but emotional and psychological abuse are as serious as physical abuse, it's just harder for other people to see. There are places and people who can help you through this and let you recognise that you are worth so much better than this.
You need to stay strong though, which is hard when he has you feeling so low, but you deserve so much better than what he is giving you, you need to start believing that yourself.
Please try and find a support group/counselling. I don't know where you are located but I'm sure there is a help line you can contact.
@55Degrees Well said. I'm glad you have taken the opportunity to support. Thank you.
@Cybee Hey, You need to believe in yourself and you are past this situation now so relax. i understand you because I've also had a similar situation like yours. I would say chase your dreams rather than chasing people who do not deserve your love, affection and time. Work on your betterment.