Is it Love or insanity???
Twenty + years ago I met what I believe to be the love of my life (I will just use the letter T to refer to him). We were very young I was fifteen. I became pregnant and my family threatened to kill him and two of my brothers even tried. He had to leave because of my families actions so he joined the service. We kept in touch talking and writing. His letters were what kept me going and wanting to get out of bed in the mornings. He and I got to spend time together each time he came home on leave because I had left home and wasn't being controlled my my mother anymore. We were both so young and neither was ready to be parents much less life partners and I saw that at the time. I made a choice to take my life in a different directon for the sake of my child, so I married a man who wanted to take care of me and my child. There hasn't been a day that has passed in twenty years that I have not thought about T and where he was and what he was doing.
Recently my marriage took a turn for the worse and I was very unhappy. I decided to contact T. I searched and found him and sent a letter never really expecting a reply. To my surprise I got an e-mail shortly after. I couldn't believe that he responded. Just hearing a few simple words from him made me feel alive again. He called a few days later and we have talked many times since. I still have the same feelings for him after all these years.
My delimma should I throw caution to the wind and pursue the love I have wanted for so many years? My current husband knows the whole situation and has known for the 16 years we have been married that this man has will always be my greatest love. He knew that before we were married and accepted that. I am now torn because I so desperately want the love from T that I would do just about anything yet I respect and care about the man I am married to and do not want to hurt him. Is it wrong to be selfish and want the love I walked away from so long ago? I put my life on hold for the sake of my child and what he needed is wrong to now do what I feel is right for me or shuld I continue to bury my feelings and do what is best for the people around me?
I don't know what the answer is for you. Can only give you things to think about. Only you know what is going on in your marriage. By the way, Congratulations on 16. T might feel insecure about you leaving and being married. You know, things could escalate very fast. Are you prepared for a new relationship and any baggage that T may have. I don't have any personal experience to share. I try to steer clear of this type of situation. I'm not trying to be judgmental, just too many what ifs for me. A lot of people jump into situations. This is just my thoughts. Good luck.
Some times as we are young we make choices that are for the time. To be in love with a person all those years and then having them pop back into your life by your choice is something that you decided to do. Are you being fair to both men, are you being fair to you? I know in my heart that if I was in your situation I would do some deep soul searching and really think about what you need in your life, no one else. Get rid of the out side voices and listen to your inside. You only have this life to live right now, don't live in the past that is gone, don't live in the future there is no control of that, and live in the now. The now is always perfect. You need to find out why you are unhappy, why have you held on to this Mr. T all these years, realize that after all these years things change, people change, situations change, do you really want to spend the rest of your life living unhappily. Again its not about everyone else but about your self and where you want to be in the next 5 years. Set goals because they will help you, the first one is to be happy for next year I need to do what? Remember that if you live your life in this state that your body will tell you that it is not happy. I truly believe that you have to be in balance physically, mentally, spiritually and then you will be able to make any decisions in your life. I hope that you will find this in your journey, Love, Light and Hope.