Is this Typical Cancer Man Behavior? Help!
Just wanted to get yall's opinion on my relationship drama. I am a Virgo woman (Aries Moon) and was in an amazing 5-month relationship with a Cancer man (Leo Moon). He's been overworked and exhausted for the past few months but our emotional and cuddle quotient has stayed incredibly high. However due to his demanding and stressful work schedule, other physical things have suffered.
Then, out of nowhere, he drops the "I think our relationship has changed... the spark is gone" conversation. While I am taking him at his word, for the most part, he also said he had no issues with the actual relationship and commented that he is aware that this could be a byproduct of him being overworked and stressed. But then said when he compared the way he felt with other relationships around this time, he was in a deeper place emotionally. But this sounds like a cop out to me... every relationship is different and we are heading out of the honeymoon stage while also dealing with his insanely stressful work schedule.
While he mentioned he has been questioning this for the past 2 weeks, he just decided that we should talk about it... but then made another snap decision to break up within the span of the extremely confusing conversation. During the conversation, he insited that I must feel the same way, even though I was vocal about not agreeing with his assesment. When asked to clarify what he said later that day he mentioned that he hadn't talked it over with anyone before deciding to have the conversation in that very moment and admitted that he wasn't really sure what he was or wasn't feeling. Then I got hit with a: "maybe you are more like a friend that I have a great time with and want to see all the time".
All of this after a normal cuddly, octopus-like sleepover. Are cancer men usually this impulsive? It's so out of character compared to what has been happening. This is the same guy who wanted to meet my father. The same guy who continually talked about "us" and "we" and "our" (his) freinds.
Do these guys normally just kiss your shoulders while you sleep then shake you awake and break your heart?
((Right now I have decided on a cold turkey, cool off period while I get my feelings in check and prepare for a formal rebuttal. IE: Virgo emotional lock down.))
From my experience, yes, they can cuddle with you one moment and utter harsh words in the next. When did the “us”, “we”, “our”, “meet father” comments take place?
My first thought, is that he is back peddling on these statements. Maybe it’s too early in the relationship.
I don’t know anyone with a Leo moon, but Leo energy needs attention, so basically, a moon in Leo needs attention and adulation emotionally. A Leo moon would be romantic and demonstrative. Also, he would have a hard time letting go, even if he is the one that ends it.
Cancer sun can demonstrate affections freely, but they are protective of their emotions and don’t give away their hearts easily. When he gets caught up in a discussion, he does speak impulsively. Its a reflexive expression of his emotion at the time, but it might not be what he really wants logically. And they don’t always speak directly when they’re talking about their emotions; you can find yourself talking in circles trying to find the real answer
When they talk in circles, they’re avoiding the real answer.
@ToriDori - When I dated my cancer man, about 7 years ago, it was totally hot and cold. He would want to talk all night, cuddle, and go on dates. Then suddenly it would be silence for days, no communication at all - forget cuddling too. It got to be too much for me, so I walked away. It was definitely difficult, because I'm the kind of person who likes to try and work things out as much as possible before giving up. But it was too hard with him. He didn't try much to win me back, and then decided to move to another city so we never reconnected.
I do have a question for you, since you're a Virgo. Wondering if you could possibly give me some insight? I met this Virgo guy through one of my group projects for school. I honestly didn't think of him as a potential romantic partner until the last 2 weeks of our class together. I gave him my number and we text a little (both school and personal) but I have had a harder time trying to shift dialogue from school to ONLY personal. I've also not heard back from him, even though I text him a couple of times this past week. Do you have insight into how I should pursue, or even if I should? I don't want to waste time if he's not interested. I'm just unsure if this is typical Virgo behavior.
Thanks so much for the in-depth insight! He had never been this "hot and cold" with me before. Though I can say, he did wake up in a bit of a mood that morning.
We were always in constant contact: we saw each other twice a week and consistently texted each other throughout every day. (These last few days have been the only time in our relationship that we haven't talked to each other since we've met.) Even the night before I went over, he had accidently fallen asleep after dinner, but still woke up at 1am and called me to say "goodnight".
He requested to, and met, my father and friends back in September during a small birthday celebration. The "we", "us", and "our" talk has been happening since... maybe the second month and hadn't stopped until the day of the conversation. We were only awake for like an hour or so... but he did ask if "we should get breakfast" like he usually does but ... that plan fell apart.
During the conversation he just seemed like he was all over the place. He jumped around from topic to topic and gave vague reasonings but could not verbalize his feelings at all. Even after I got home and texted him a question so he could narrow down what the problem was, he insisted that I should call him back so he could explain it. Where at least managed to narrow it down, kinda?
At this point I feel like he's pushing me away, for whatever reason. I just wish he had approached this in a more adult manner and just honestly said "oh hey, I don't know what I am doing right now". Like, I would have respected that. Instead I am just annoyed.
He also wants us to have a conversation about this conversation in person. This is something he expressed during the initial "let's break up" talk and the two minute follow up call. He has been adamant that he wants to “stay friends”.
In preperation, I have prepared a 6-page, single spaced document, which he will be required to read in advance. He's not going catch me with this verbal diarrhea crap again.
Hi ya Scorp! Thanks so much for sharing your experiences with these Cancer men enigmas! I've noticed there are quite a few "Cancer Men..." posts on here. They are running rampant!
The one I was with didn't leave any room for uncertainty. He was always there, without fail. I once butt dialed him while he was working. He found a spare moment to call me back and apologized to me for missing my call! Meanwhile I was trying to explain that I would never interrupt him at work and the call was a mistake. If people run hot and cold, he was like a brilliant flame that never went out... until he just decided to douse it in ice cold water.
As for Virgo men, I think it really depends. My father is a Virgo and he's very self confident and suave. He has no problems playfully flirting or chatting ladies up, no matter the situation. More methodical Virgo men, would probably feel you out first to see what kind of person you are. They might invite you out in a group setting outside of classes to see how you act in different environments. Either way, a virgo is always plotting and observing. If he likes you, he'll keep tabs on what you're doing. He'll casually recall something that you shared with him... because us Virgo's are low-key creepy. We like to observe the people we like and take meticulous notes. We notice everything. For example: My ex has an oddly long, lighter colored eyebrow hair. Every once and in a while it shifts down and tickles the crest of his left eyelid. He wears dark transitional glasses because he is blind as a bat. But I spotted that bad boy on our second date.
While Virgos, myself included, can be TERRIBLE at getting back to people... we usually make the effort if it's someone we are interested in/ really care about. However Virgos don't usually like it when people come off as over-eager or overly familiar. Most of us hate having our "personal space" invaded, that includes our digital space as well.
If he hasn't responded, the best course of action is to literally pretend like he never existed. Respond to him only after he reaches out to you... and take your time. He might be taking the fact that you are so receptive for granted. Still be your cool and vibrant self whenever you do speak with him. Take your time and show him that you don't really need his attention. Be engaging and be yourself. You're a Scopio so I'm sure you know this game X'D.
Virgo's love having an interesting puzzle to solve... it taps into our need to analyze (which is linked to our near chronic anxiety ). If he's into you, he'll make his way over in his own time. Besides, the man has your number. Even if us Virgos move pretty slowly, we know how to hit people up.
Good luck hon
@ToriDori - Yeah, your guy sounds very much like a Cancer. Mine literally decided not to talk to me and cut communication completely, without even wanting to talk about the breakup. He literally pretended it never happened and just walked away. It was so tough, but I just dealt with it and moved on. Looking back, I am so grateful I walked away – it was a toxic relationship that was controlled by how he wanted it. My feelings literally never came into consideration. He did contact me a few times like a year or two later, but I had WAY moved on and didn’t even bother contacting him back – I guess that was the Scorp in me LOL!
This new Virgo guy I met seems quiet, determined, and introverted. He likes to talk about his interests (running, camping, travel, etc) but I feel I am unfamiliar with him still. It’s just been so hard to shift from talking about just school, to talking about personal stuff. I have no idea how to transition to only personal! I’m unsure on if he even sees me as potentially romantic either – does he like me, or is he just being super nice?
BY THE WAY, he did reply to me yesterday evening finally. He apparently has been out camping with some buddies this week. I will take your advice to heart, and make sure I do NOT communicate too much with him. Seems like you guys like to keep things casual for some time before diving into anything. And yes, as a Scorp, I definitely have a lot of stuff on my plate also (life, work, and my own schoolwork) so I’ll make sure to keep myself occupied and not make myself too available or receptive to his communication (if and when he does). My moon is in Libra, and Venus is in Virgo. I tend to overanalyze and overthink most everything – the anxiety is real!
Ok, so he started thinking around the same time or after meeting your father and friends at the birthday celebration ? He is also stressed and overworked and he could be overwhelmed with all that’s going on. You said that it has also affected him physically. Maybe he feels like he can’t handle his work situation and also building his relationship with you? Being friends relieves some of the pressure and expectations. At least he’s willing to talk to you about it. This is a good sign.
With my Cancer friend, stress overwhelms his emotions and it’s hard for him to turn it off. It can keep him up at night with worry, and he doesn’t always talk it out. At times he has created drama in our relationship because of his emotional state. This is the pushing away. When this happens and I react as expected (also Aries moon) then his emotions get out of control and he won’t make any logical sense at all.
I’m not trying to make excuses, but I’m also reluctant to judge an astrological sign because I don’t understand their behaviour. Everyone has flaws that they might not even be aware of, but that discussion can happen later on when emotions aren’t so high. From what you’ve described, his actions haven’t been consistently inconsistent. If you’re willing to be just friends, then accept it and let it be. If you aren’t, then make it clear what you want without placing blame. If he can’t do it, then you know.
My brithday very early in September, so it'd say about 2/3 weeks after that. But I agree with practically everything you're saying. After re-reading my last post, it made me sound a bit more bitter than I actually am. He's very stressed out and I think that is coloring his perception of everything around him. But he hurt me and sometimes that colors my words more than I intend it to.
We are supposed to have a conversation, whenever I am ready. While he insists on "talking everything over", I express my emotions better through written words. So I am left with about 6 pages full of how he handled things was shitty, how I thought the relationship was going, and why I would have gladly given him space to process and balance his life if he hadn't completely blindsided me/ even thought to ask my opinion.
I'm pretty much trying to put everything out in the open to avoid being dumped on (excuse the pun) and railroaded again. Honestly, he's a great guy and if this had been handled differently, I would have taken the step back and shifted into being friends without an outside fuss. But now, I have to do all this extra work because I won't be able to have a healthy friendship with him if he doesn't take my emotions as seriously as I do his.
Since I'm going to be introducing a lot of raw information from my side, I want to give him the letter first (but I am debating giving him a choice) and let him have a few days to process it. This way he'll be prepared and everything will be out in the open. I'm trying to lead by example and I really don't want to heap more stress onto his plate, especially if he is doing all of this because he's completely burnt out.
I think I wanted to know if this was a sort of emotional flip-flopping was something that cancer men/ water signs were known for. Since it is a completely alien thing for me. I'm a bit out of my depth with this...
Oh my gosh! That's terrible!! I can't believe that guy treated you like that. Then to have the nerve to pop back into your life a year later like you wouldn't remember that slight! I'm glad you are free of that toxic person.
While I tend to cut off communications with people, since I isolate myself to deal with negative emotions, the person at fault is always made very aware of what they have done to be banished from my life.
Oh my gosh! I'm glad he replied!! Seriously, just keep it light and you'll be fine. Virgos don't get too deep into their personal life... we usually hang out on the surface level of a conversation until we know we can really really really really trust you. But you can dig in a little by asking the reason he's drawn to the places he travels to, what the best part of camping is for him and stuff like that. It's a safe way to get him to open up and build report with you.
Also, I have my Virgo in Venus tooooo!! Don't we just make ourselves suffer? X'D You're like my Scorp twin! X'D
Good luck with your studies!!
@ToriDori - thanks, love. It was definitely hard after breaking up with my Cancer, but I'm WAY over it now lol. Thanks for the extra advice on the Virgo boy. I still haven't replied to him, taking your advice. Plus, I've had to concentrate on some other work related, and schoolwork related, stuff. I will reply to him today, and definitely ask about the best part of camping. He did mention that he loves running along the shore of the lake.
Any update on your Cancer man?
I'm glad you are focusing on getting all your ducks in a row! It does sound like that guy is giving you some really great topics to jump off too! You have to let me know how your next actual conversation goes.
As for me, I have a minor update. Just broke the silence with the cancer. He was quick to respond as always and agreed to read my letter first. I made it pretty clear that I was not open to talking about anything in there until we met in person (because I don't want to hear his knee-jerk reaction; I want him to actually consider my feelings and what I have to say). He gave me a few days of availability, but I told him to give me a shout after he reads everything, and to pick a date that.
I'll update you with any major update dates... but if he's smart, he'll respect my bounderies and will only talk to me when he's ready to meet up. So it might be 5-12 more days.
@ToriDori - man this Cancer dude has really dug his claws into your heart huh? I'm so glad you're standing your ground, and making him come to YOU if he wants to talk through this in person!
My Virgo and I have text a few more times since my last update. However, it seems like it's a little one sided when it comes to questions. I will typically ask him something, and then he'll reply and we'll keep the conversation going. He has yet to ask me ANYTHING. Is this normal? He sent me photos from his camping trip, which I thought was sweet. But again, is he just trying to be nice or does he like me? lol this sounds like high school, but I just don't want to scare him off.
Cancer is ruled by the moon and they are known to be moody. Their moods can shift based on the moon’s phases, but do their deeper emotions flip flop? I don’t think so. Their surface emotions might, or if they are unsure of a situation. They are highly intuitive, sensitive and protective of their loved ones. They can however be nasty if they’re in a cranky mood or if you intrude into their shell.
Depending on the tone of your letter, hopefully your Cancer won’t crawl into his shell after reading it. Have you heard from him yet?
Hello again! Ya know, until that situation, I had never experienced any of the famous "cancer moods". I had seen him be uncharacteristically crabby once. A close friend was asking for a little assistance but he was so exhausted, he started being cagey about lending a hand even though it was a very minor ask. His friend and I just brushed it off because he'd been so overworked and was practically sinking into the couch at the time.
So, he's actually been in contact while respecting the very strict boundaries I set up. He's been quick to respond when I reach out and has acknowledged that I "deserve a full response".
While I have expressed a lot of feelings here (mostly venting), I wrote (and rewrote) my letter several times. No matter how much he hurt me, I would never want to make someone else feel attacked by my words. Sure, there were a lot of hard truths in there, but I worded them in the same way I would to a friend that I cared for and was worried about. I mean, boyfriend has the word friend in it. But some things needed to be laid out in the open and addressed if we are to actually have a healthy friendship after this.
Thankfully he is respecting my feelings now, even if he missed the chance to do so earlier. He couldn't get through all of his response by this weekend, so we'll meet after Halloween. Where I'll be able to get a bit of closure and a real update.
Glad all is working out well for you. Keep well!
@ToriDori Glad he's able to accept your feelings and give you space as needed. I hope you're able to connect with him again and be able to reconcile, even if it's just to clear the air.
As for my Virgo, no new updates. He text me back last Tuesday, but it was just a statement. He never asks me anything about me, so I just don't know how he may feel about me. Unsure on how to initiate conversation again, without being nosy or anything. I do think about him a lot these days.
I hope you don’t mind me asking ? Are you sure he doesn’t have a girlfriend or isn’t in a relationship already?
@OJ - Honestly, I have no clue. Since our friendship started out in class, and I haven't flat out asked him if he's single, I have no idea if he is available or not. However, the conversations we have point to yes. I have no idea how to just come out and ask him since we have future classes together, and have already formed our project groups. In my mind, If I ask and things get awkward (like he rejects me, or already has a girlfriend), it will become super messy. So I sit here and wish, I guess, lol.
Ya, I get it. It’s hard asking if the answer matters. Have you asked him who he travels with? It might reveal if he has a partner or not? My opinion only, don’t try so hard and just let things unfold naturally. I would think he knows you’re interested already, just as you would know if someone was trying to engage you in conversation and showing interest in you. I know a lot of Virgo men, some close, but I don’t really know how they act romantically. They only confided once they worked it out in their heads.
@ToriDori, sorry, don’t mean to sidetrack your thread.