Missing my Cancer Woman, How can I win her back?

  • Hi everyone,
    I recently joined (today).

    Looking for any guidance, tips, advice... or even just a response.

    So this one is a bit different.

    I'm a Scorpio Male (Oct 28) and she is a Cancer female (June 25). We've been together for a year, we started off as friends and instantly began talking from the early morning 8am until 2/3am almost daily. We worked together, and we'd spend breaks and lunches together. She began bringing me lunches, and I'd pick up her favorite coffee. We would always look out for one another, going the extra mile to even bring in a small treat/gift. Our tastes were similar yet different, it was a perfect balance. Always something exciting, we'd joke around until we'd pee in our pants and have tears. When we'd get into our intellectual zone, we'd talk about extremely deep and political topics and always see eye to eye and understand where each of us are coming from. The attraction was far beyond physical even though that was also a part of our best friendship/turned relationship. Date nights, we looked good together. Co workers would openly tell us that we are each others "love of life".

    Everything seemed perfect, too good to be true and it was just that.

    The issue was never in between us, it was our culture. Though we share the exact same culture/faith, the issue was that was was 'promised' to marry someone and that had been in the works for 5 years before she met me. She had stated this multiple times towards the end of our relationship that she wishes things were different so she could leave and be with me, but then she would always hesitate because if she was to do this, she'd technically go against her parents and siblings and of course distant family. I reassured her, parents and family will eventually come along and be by your side when you are happy but she was still very hesitant and fearful of that. She simply thought, she'd be picking me over her family, which I would not support her doing because I know how much her family means to her.

    So what did we do? we chose a date to "cut each other off" as per her wishes so she can focus solely on her family and her future marriage (to someone she does not love). It's been 8 days since we said our goodbyes, it was peaceful, tearful, lots of "i love you for ever" and crying. We haven't talked since Sept 2nd. We did not block each other on social media, not on messenger and nor phone. So the gateway to talk is still open. She did say "we will see what happens, who knows what the future holds". She also did say "if you ever need to reach out and talk, I am still here"... likewise I joked and said "if you ever land a higher position at work, hire me under you, I'd love to report for you professionally and she said yes to that".

    Its been 8 days, I am respecting her wishes of cutting off.. but as a Scorpio... it is killing me inside and I know for a fact it is killing her too. But she... the cancer... acts so brave infront of mutual friends that it bothers me because to the same mutual friends, I show how sad and hurt I am.

    Should I reach out? When should I reach out? this can't be it. We've all in other relationships, this one in particular felt SO DEEP and SO PERFECT. We felt DEJA VU between us... we felt like soulmates and twin flames.. mutually.

  • Be careful not to be too pushy here - there is a danger of your frightening off your lover because she may see you as an intense and overly moral control freak. This relationship is apt to be pretty complex emotionally. Its great challenge is to build bridges of verbal communication and to set parameters within which meaningful contact can take place. Your partner favours unplanned interactions, wanting as much breathing space as possible, while you can push for rules and regulations that will guarantee you control. Power struggles are almost certain here, then, and will threaten the relationship’s security if allowed to get out of hand. Patient diplomacy, compromise and discussion will be essential if this is to be forestalled. Your love affair can go deep. Sexual bonds are likely to be passionate and long-lasting, and your emotional encounters will stir you both profoundly. Negative as well as positive feelings will emerge. Before this affair proceeds on to marriage, it would behoove the two of you to outline the role and responsibilities expected of each person, establishing general guidelines to guarantee the relationship a structural basis. Beware of hazy attitudes and expectations. Get everything clear and straight between you. At the moment, though, you need to give this woman the space to think and clear her head.

  • Thank you TheCaptain.

    I wanted to give you an update, so exactly a day after I posted my original post. I had this weird, sinking and heavy feeling inside of my chest and gut. Something did not feel right, I felt as if she is isn't well. I waited and waited until I could not any more, I messaged her at 1:30am (I know I Know) and she was in the hospital. She had become very ill. I spoke to her immediately and we became instantly close. Picked up exactly where we left off, two days after when she was dispatched, we spent time together. I was there to support her, I waited and stayed up with her every night to ensure that she is well and recovering.

    It's been a week since then and we've had our discussion again, she will be again stepping away and following her path that her family has laid out for her. I respect it, as I did before. I am glad that she is well now, her recent health scared the life out of me.

    I will follow what you said, diplomacy and space. I do not want to gain control, nor be pushy. I would ideally want her to always look back at our relationship in positivity... and maybe over time she will have the courage to stray away and be with me.

  • Excellent!

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