Can anyone see if I'll ever get over my current physical issues?
I've been suffering lower back and sciatica issues on and off for many years, however, last year I had to down tools with my cleaning job due to those issues getting so much worse, I couldn't do a cleaning job without sitting down every half hour.
I've been seeing a Chiropractor for over two months now, and am not seeing much improvement, even though I have put my trust in him as his reputation is very good, and he came highly recommended.
I'm really suffering here, and with it being winter also, the cold is making things that much worse.
I'd really appreciate any insight anyone has, as to whether I will beat this, and also if I should see another chiropractor or try another modality.
Thanks in advance! Nice to see you all again
I am feeling you need to move your body and back in different, more flexible ways. I feel rigidity is a problem here, both physically and mentally. Perhaps try yoga or stretching techniques - also check out the Japanese Towel Exercise. I am also 'seeing' an angry red dot on your lower spine almost at the tailbone. I feel it is connected to a past trauma or injury when you were young and because I sense that emotional trauma is connected to it and still unhealed and nagging, I feel this trauma or injury may have been caused by another person. At the time it happened, you were made to feel unsafe, alone and unsupported, reflecting adult feelings now possibly.
“The metaphor of sciatica is being frozen with fear around manifestation. Struggles with time and money and a fear around survival are significant contributors. A person is usually overburdened and feels like they’re carrying the weight of the world on their back and have nobody to help carry the load or to support them. There is deep-seated resentment, survival anxiety, loss of direction, and avoidance to do what they know they need to do. A person is hypercritical, overburdened, overwhelmed, overextended, and overly independent. They don’t ask for help or want help, but get disgusted when no one helps them. Another metaphor for sciatica is a dog chasing its tail, going in circles and not sure which way to go." Associated emotions: Resentment, frustration, anger, disappointment, and loneliness” Healing Happens with Your Help: ~ Carol Ritberger
“Nerves have to do with communication and sensitivity. Sciatica implies that there are emotional issues affecting the back and legs, and that these are deep, inner issues. These may be issues to do with being able to stand up for yourself. Perhaps something is happening that you cannot take anymore, and it is making you want to go in a different direction. Or perhaps you desperately need more support and cannot cope with everything on your own any longer. Sciatica may indicate doubt or fear about where you are going and your ability to cope with what lies ahead. Are you concerned about where you are going and what is going to happen? What inner emotional pain are you sitting on or holding back? Is someone or something restricting your freedom to move? Are there financial or emotional issues putting pressure on you or weighing you down.” YOUR BODY SPEAKS YOUR MIND ~ Deb Shapiro
Hi Captain, good to read you again, sorry for being tardy in replying
I've been feeling rigid and unbending to be honest, and agree that there's been a traumatic event somewhere in my past that I can't identify and can't put to rest because of not knowing what it was. Even my chiropractor says that, even though my nerve pathways are starting to open, there is still a long way to go. He did warn me at the start that I'd feel like giving up, and he has proved to be right.
I've tried various stretches, but given up, because the pain got worse than better. After reading your reply, I took a look at the Japanese towel method, and a Japanese breathing technique which I've been doing for the last three days (the breathing one). I tried the towel exercise yesterday for the first time, and will try again today. The pain is no worse and slightly better, so maybe this might be the thing for me.
Briefly, I have a twisted pelvis, scoliosis, and was diagnosed with a spinal spur in 2012, as well as a herniated disc (can't remember what part of the spine though). Those things came good after bed rest, then gentle exercise, and after two weeks, I was back at work.
This time though, I'm lucky to be able to walk to the front gate without walking like a bloody penguin!
I can feel resentment deep down though, and don't know if it's towards my family or my ex-husband, or both. There was a lot of emotional trauma that I experienced at my family's hands in 2005, and at my ex-husbands hands when I ended the marriage in 2009.
Boy, I feel like it's all coming back to roost, even though I thought I'd moved on from it all. But to be honest, when I really think about it, I wait for an apology from my parents that'll possibly never come. As for my sister who caused the whole thing in 2005, she passed away in 2017, God rest her soul. I was to blame for everything to do with the family rift, even though it wasn't all my fault.
Hopefully, with meditation and these new techniques I've found, I'll open up those channels properly and be able to rid myself of the deep-seated trauma for once and for all.
You did mention "when I was young" though. I can only remember copping a fair bit of nasty crap from my sister (she was 6 1/2 years older than me) which she did out of earshot of my parents. It was AWFUL.
Thank you for taking the time to read and answer my question. Your answer, and the information about sciatica, made a lot of sense, but of course, this blonde Aussie chick is still confused lol! Confused, but hopeful that I find out what it is that is keeping me so stuck in the past.
I hope you are well! As said above, it's good to read you again! Take care, cheers xoxoxo
@Moon50 have you forgiven your sister? I feel like she resented you a lot because she felt you did better than she did in many ways (instead of taking responsibility for her own mistakes) and she felt your family preferred you to her..
About this past trauma, I feel you were very let down by someone who should have been protecting and supporting you,. maybe your father? I feel you may have been wrongly punished and not believed for something your sister did. He may have shoved/smacked you and you hurt your back, or something like that - there may have even been (public) humiliation. Were you ever in the hospital when young? The injustice of the situation has certainly stuck with you physically and emotionally,. In general, the back is the foundation and support of the whole body so this trauma impacted you in a way that made you doubt the support and stable foundation that parents are supposed to provide for their children. But I also feel you may still be trying to regain your father's love and approval and tend to pick men who are like him in some way for your partners.
I do both the Japanese breathing and the towel method (though I am not double-jointed and cannot quite achieve the hand position) - it has certainly disappeared half of my belly fat, likely through better posture.
Hi again Captain,
It's encouraging to read what you've said about the towel and breathing exercises. I've been doing both since last Friday, but had started the breath exercise on the Wednesday. I missed yesterday for the towel method though, but so far have kept them up. I'm not known for sticking to things too well unless of course, I have no pain immediately after one visit/attempt lol. But I can feel a slight improvement in pain levels and flexibility. I have a chiropractor's appointment Friday, so will mention these to him to see what he thinks. Irrespective, I'll keep doing them because I do think they will help so long AS I STICK TO THEM. Aarrgggg....
I did visit my sister in 2015 and buried the hatchet, so to speak. At the time, she was dying from brain cancer, and I hadn't seen or spoken to her in 10 years up until then. I don't know if I ever fully forgave her though...it's hard to tell. When I think of her, I feel sadness coupled with a sense of resignation, for want of a better word.
The trauma you speak of, I am thinking it could have been when I fostered a 13 year old boy, and my family, including her, refused to acknowledge him. So much so, that an invitation was sent to my nephew's 21st to me, my ex husband and daughter, but not Peter. When I called to clarify the situation, I was curtly told by my brother in law that that was what they preferred. I got angry and told him to go live in their little square and hung up. I was so HURT that they could do that to a young boy they didn't even know, let alone me. Over the next few hours I had phone calls from my sister where she called me a selfish fcking btch, then from my father who accused me of abusing her, etc. There's more to that story, but one more thing I'll mention was when my mother sent a present to my daughter for her birthday. In the parcel was included a letter addressed to me, which I quickly saw and took before my daughter saw it. I read it, and it basically accused me of being the cause of my sister's deterioration in health (she had suffered Lupus for years as well as epilepsy). Yes, this hurt me a great deal, and yet, it was more of the same: anything to do with me was under-acknowledged or swept under the carpet or made more of if I'd behaved negatively. I think both my sister and me had the same impression: that our parents preferred the other sister.
So, that's what I can think of that would be the traumatic event you're talking about. My father was very nasty and hung up on me more than once when I tried to hold out the olive branch, during the 10 year period where we didn't speak.
I am on reasonably good terms with my parents now, but I still feel that I don't want to go out of my way too much, truth be told. I also feel like I wait for an apology that will never come. I still feel some anger about it when I tap into it, too.
Strangely, when I look back, when something has happened that has left me feeling let down and unsupported, my lower back has gone into spasm.
As an aside before I end, my current partner has some physical mannerisms that are like my father, ie, he stamps his foot up and down when he's making a point, just like Dad did. It's very amusing! But apart from that, he's not like my father at all. My ex husband was also nothing like him except for being very stubborn.
Thanks again. You have pointed out some things that are very accurate and got me thinking. Again. I overthink a lot lol! But that's okay; I've learned to live with it hahaha.
@Moon50 your sister's ill health was only due to all the venom and bile she had created inside her through her misunderstanding of how she alone created her own life and problems. She blamed everyone else for things she herself caused.
As much as I don't want to speak ill of the dead, my mother did say that she came out screaming and never stopped. She was a difficult baby, a difficult toddler and grew worse as she got older. She had a very sweet side to her though, so much so, it could be hard to imagine she was the howling banshee of the day or even the hour before. But boy, she knew how to dole it out! So I think you're right on point on this one, too. I remember growing up and feeling afraid of her and everything to be honest.
@Moon50 could she have been bi-polar?
That was never brought up, but could be a possibility. It's hard to say, and yet, there's merit to that idea. Interestingly, when I was a babe in arms, my mother became "unwell" quite often, and would spend time in hospital each time. The thought struck me only a couple of years ago, that mum "secretly" suffered depression. Secretly, because this was never discussed openly.
So, if not my sister, maybe my mother. I don't know, but mum was always very conservative, and yet could flare up pretty quick.
I keep having this nagging feeling that there was something fairly major - as you suggest - that involved me, and that it got swept under the carpet. Something other than what I remember. Unless I'm overthinking again lol.
My family has always been bloody strange...
@Moon50 no I think there is some incident involving your sister and father that hurt you deeply. I get an image of your sister prodding you in the lower back with a sharp stick when you were a toddler, making you go where she wanted and do what she wanted - this memory stays with you to represent manipulation and control which you hated.
That could've happened, though of course, I have no memory of it. But it could've occurred while mum was in hospital.
I can recall mum saying once, when I was about 17, that she was afraid to leave me alone with my sister when I was little.
So, you could be right. If so, I wish I could remember, so I can let it go somehow.