Cancer for cancer. Missed connection or wasting my time.

  • So I have known this cancerian man for 1 year now and it has been (like connections with cancer men) a rollercoaster.
    When we first met I had no idea he liked me. He came to my department to talk to me daily. When his birthday came around(4 days before mine) i bought him cupcakes. This led to him asking for my phone number. Long story short. We dated for two weeks and things ended because he tried to sleep with me. In his defense we had both been drinking but at the time i was upset( i had already expressed my disinterest in anything sexual to soon). I did stay the night but left coldly.
    We ended up being friends for awhile. I met someone, and 3 months after he began showing interest in dating again. We went out to lunch at work a few times and for drinks once.. All platonic. I was in a long distance relationship but always faithful. Anyways, it didnt work out so pulled my interest back to cancer guy. By this time it was almost valentines day and i knew he would ask me out.. Nope!
    I was hurt by this and it showed, as i to am a cancer.
    Following valentines day i told him that i liked him via text. He never responded. He talked tp about work stuff but never spoke on my comment. Two days later i texted and told him if he just wanted to be friends that's fine but there was no need to be dramatic. He then said " we've always been friends". The next day he came to me and said " you over think to much and you get mad at me alot. Why?"
    I told him " you're the same way and always moody"
    He then said " only on Thursday (his busy days at work)" then said" i thought we agreed to just be friends?"
    I said " okay then we're just friends"

    I few days later he started back up flirting and giving me lots of attention. He has hinted at waiting to take me out for tge past 2 months! But hasn't. We made plans last weekend and cancelled due to having to take his family member out. It's been a year now and at this point I'm ready to give up. Is there hope for us? Should i be patient awhile longer or move on?

  • This guy cannot make up his mind whether you are his perfect partner or not. Do you really want such an indecisive moody guy in your life? Don't wait around for him to decide - that is giving him all the power. Go do your own thing and he will either be intrigued or move further away.

  • @TheCaptain
    Thank you! I have decided to start dating because its so stressful. We got into a flight the other night and haven't spoken since. At work he is always to himself but since our fight he has been super friendly with everyone in front of me and avoiding me but putting himself in my way at the same time. Like he wants me to see him and see him talking with others(he is not social like that) but is to upset to talk to me. I really feel deeply for him and believe he is scared of love but i can't wait on him forever.

  • @TheCaptain

    Also, not sure if this changes things but he never walks away. If we have a disagreement we just take a few hours or a day (2 days at the most) then just go back to talking. This was our first real argument. We are both Cancers so we hate conflict. If he comes back how should I proceed? Ive always naturally just let him back in but now I'm thinking of going about it a different way.

    Also, we've never had sex. We have deep conversations and love joking around together. He is very serious and dry with others, so I feel he trust me and enjoys my company but never takes the necessary steps to start a relationship 😭

  • Even two hours is walking away. He just sees you as a friend.

  • Cancer men advance and retreat, then change directions and do it again. They approach indirectly and with caution and are very intuitive and protective of their emotions. I don’t know about the women, but have seen this in the men. You dated briefly a while back and it didn’t work out and then you moved on. I would think he would have seen this as a failure or rejection, so even if he might want, he won’t jump in again head first. You agreed to be friends and as he said, don’t overthink it. Cancer is a cardinal sign and if he wants to pursue something, he will lead but it might not be in a straight line and it might not be where you want to go. It can be emotionally exhausting, but it is what it is.

  • @OJ
    Thank you for your insight! It is very true. Cancer men are very different from the women. Cancer woman will give into their feelings much easier than the men. He has told me the issue is I overthink and assume things. I believe this is the one thing keeping us apart because i get overworked with my feelings and it cause tension between us.
    Up until a few weeks ago i was going to give him up but after a talk with my sister she suggested i look into our compatibility signs. Low and behold everything that I'm going through was right there in our signs. We are truly the perfect match but my emotions and his inability to settle quickly enough for me(due to fear of heartbreak) has been our downfall.
    I have given him his space(a week now) as i heard this is good for them. I believe with them distance truly makes the heart grow fonder. I will let him take his time and come to me. I feel it will be soon and I don't know how I want to respond?? I don't want to seem to desperate but also don't want him to think ive completely moved on..

  • @TheCaptain
    I respect your opinion, and to some extent you are right. He has put me in the friend zone because that is what is "safe" to him. He can keep me close but not commit until or if things seem 100% right between us. I just don't know how to get to that point 😣
    But I know his feelings for me are deeper.

  • Other than friendship, I’m not sure where the two of you stand. Are you dating or co-workers spending time together? If you are pressing for a relationship and he is resisting, that’s not a good sign. Something is holding him back, whether it’s past hurts or if he has doubts. If this is it, then imo, don’t wait for too much longer. If he knows this is what you want and he wants it too, then he wouldn’t take that long to initiate.