Am i wasting my time? Sagg Female- Scorpio male-PLEASE HELP!
I really appreciate any advice or insight being offered...including blunt honesty.
So, I am trying to figure out if I am wasting my time with someone. Him and I have a MAJOR communication problem. I am a Sagg and he's a Scorpio. When it comes to love matters (I have venus in scorpio) I tend to behave much like a scorpio...hiding my feelings, acting like I don't care, being unavailable or ignoring him...I dated him a few months ago for about 2-3 months straight and this method seemed to work because he is a Scorpio....but then he just totally disappeared on me. Things were amazing...we would stay at eachothers house a lot, talk about everything in the universe and we just have this crazy mental & physical attraction...we tend to stare at eachother alot and its all NONVERBAL communication.
When we were seeing eachother for that long I was surprised because I know he has only had one relationship and that was 5 years ago! We are both in our late 20's. I never gave him any indication that I wanted a relationship...we just spent a decent amount of time together because we felt like being around eachother. Seems like things were becoming too much like a relationship so he bailed.
So we saw eachother again recently (after months of nothing) and we hung one night and it was really sweet, we spent the night on his friends couch, but then a couple days later I text him to see what he was doing and no response????
So we see eachother out again, we met up with mutual friends, and this time I felt weird around him after he ignored my call so I didnt give him much attention..but i remained nice and friendly (weird vibe after being so intimate at one time)...so he worked all night to get close to me and I finally let him hold my hand...we were at his friends house and he just acted like we were a couple..then he is staring into my eyes...there is so much tension between us...as he was staring I smiled at him and he shot back a sort of "sad" smile....what does this all mean???!!! Seems like he tried to talk to me through his eyes....too bad I can't read minds!
I want him to know how I feel...but I don't want to get hurt or rejected. I wonder if I played too many games...He is also friends with my ex and seems to think him and I are constantly involved...thats one issue...and the fact he is not very experienced with relationships.
I have a hard time revealing what I truly feel and I am so caught up in playing games now that I dont know where to stop. It seems like we both hide our true feelings (good or bad)...dissecting and analyzing every little detail.....without really knowing the truth because neither of us will talk ....or act like we care about that stuff.
How do I approach this? I really dont want rejection from him. I am pretty much determined to make him mine....but this method is not working!.
Your Venus is Scorpio is "I devour" :). I don't care what sign a guy is or how steadfast he is that scares the crap out of them.
As for your Scorpio...remember, he is all about control. And he is controlling you by having you obsess and not being your true self around him. If you cannot be yourself by being honest and up front about how you feel, that is no basis of a relationship. He will take whatever you offer, hookup, brief companionship, whatever but as soon as he feels you getting needy he is going to disappear.
Wow...13thmuse....you are so right! I think when things ended before I might have shown some weakness with him....it was so subtle...i thought. I guess he could see it.
Yeah....my venus scorpio has always been an issue for me in relationships...I have gotten alot more in control of my emotions as I get older though. A couple of my friends said that he needs to take me in small doses, one said she could feel the tension between us by just being in the room...Im a little intense. I dont try to be though....I always thought I was light & friendly? Maybe not.
He has chased me a couple of times, and I don't see him doing that at all now...how to I reverse this?
Should I tell him whats up? Thats what i have been avoiding.
My advice would be to simply stop the games (that is not healthy and it never works) and straight forward tell him how you feel. See how he responds. Give him a day or two to think on it even. If he doesn't give you an honest and straight reply, I would move on and find someone who you can communicate with. You know that saying...a watched pot never boils? Maybe this guy needs time to just think and then if he decides a few weeks/months down the road that he wants to give things a go and work to communicate with you, then it is YOUR turn to decide if you want to try again at that time. You don't want to give away your personal power and let your happiness completely hinge on the actions of another person so don't let his thoughts or actions or feelings about you rule your life. Easier said than done I know....but.... first, that is not healthy for you and second, the other person gets nervous as they don't want to feel totally responsible for your emotional well being. I hope that doesn't sound blunt or not sympathetic. Trust me, I've had my share of relationship issues! Through those hard times, I have learned that a relationship is not worth much if you can not trust, be open, honest and truly communicate your true feelings with your partner...and they need to be willing to try and do the same.
All you can do is be honest and up front in your desire to make things work. If they don't, I'm pretty sure there will be someone else (even more amazing than this guy) around the corner waiting for you. xx
Stonyeye...THANK YOU....Iappreciate your bluntness...and what you are saying is so very true. I was thinking about it today...and yes its time for the games to end...2 of our friends are now dating suddenly and I was told how they even have a koke about the games him & I play with eachother....(not a good sign)....I am going to do that..I know I just need to bring it out in the right way & at the right time so it doesnt seem off.
Once again, thank you, your advice comes in handy.
Hi Silana: OMG... I was in your situation for 8 years. I am a sag w/ venus in Scorpio (by the way that is where the attraction comes in) seeing a scorpio at one point in my life. I had to write you, and bluntness i want to give you... GET RID OF HIM. There will NEVER be communication! Things will go great for a while and then you have the down cycle. Alot of down cycles. Your situation sounds like my life at one time. When things were good, they were good. The reason why you have come to a cross roads is because you KNOW he could do relationships. Its just that its when they want to. Everything is on their terms. The games will NEVER end. Do yourself a favor and dump him. I am saving you years and years of heartache. Trust me.
And the sad part about all of that wasted time is i cannot even be friends with him anymore because i cannot STAND him. Such a shame. He destroyed our relationship and quite honestly, im too good for him anyway. Please Please before you have a nervous breakdown, take my advice, before you too at some point will have a breakdown as well.
I appreciate your frankness.....and I see that you could understandmy position having those 2 planets as well.....Its not easy.
I don't really feel I should give up on him yet....just because I have never even tried to communicate with him...........so I am as much to blame for that barrier. All he can do is assume things....just as I do....and I already know through others a few things he assumes...and he is wrong.
I think I am just going to try and give him a better understanding of me....and he can do what he wants with it........good or bad.....
I totally agree with SagGirl.
I'm another Sag, that had a "relationship" with a Scorpio. Talk about toxic.
I was like a love slave, struck with the awe of him. He was beautiful and mysteriously sexy, and had a very strong psycic connection with me. Physically we were beyond perfectly sexually compatable. When we sat in a room it hummed...
We never could talk. About anything. ESPECIALLY FEELINGS. Being a brutley honest Sag it was bound to happen that I tried to do just that. He just sat and stared at me blankly.
He went cold... disappeared like you had mentioned. When he did "casually" run into me (I'm thinking back now on purpose, because of the intence sex), he was still ellusive, and non-verbal, and started acting slightly resentful of the fact that I had "defined our relationship", and ultimately "ruined everything".
So, go ahead and try... and my girl, I hope it works for you. But be aware that because of your likenesses as well as unique traits it is almost like watching a greek tragity play out.
After you walk away, it will take sometime to regroup, re-evaluate what it is that you want and need in a relationship. And take sometime to work on yourself.
That's exactly what I did, and within 3 months of walking away, I meet and fell heart and soul in love with my now husband. He is very hard work as well as he's a Gemini (another large challenge), but if you love children they make a good match!
Best of luck, and my heart goes out to you.
Thank you Missy110.............Too bad these Scorps have to be so in control of everything...in a behind the scenes type of way.
I def like a challenge from a lover...but not games. He could be any sign....for me its really not even the sex...its good...but what attracts me to him is how similar our interests, moods, desires out of life are....and just our personalities together....We use to laugh alot together and talk about alot of things...also teach eachother things....he is the type of man I could be with forever...if only the games would stop.
I think he needs to understand that I am not in any rush for anything serious...and that I enjoy his company.....Once i get that off my chest (I cant be too direct with him, but I can tell him in my own way).......I can move on ....either with or without him around....I think what bothers me most is knowing that his assumptions are wrong....I hope he doesnt give me a blank stare....like the one you got.........I don't think he will....based on our past interactions......but whatever happens...it will be easier to know that I did what I could so I can nver blame myself or have regrets.
Silana, I too am a Sag. I have been married to a Scorpio man for almost 20 years and we were together for 5 years prior to that. We have four kids and two dogs together. So, you can work at it to make it work, but it takes a lot of communication or manipulation (which ever you choose). We've just started openly communicating with one another a little over a year ago...before that we played the "hide your feelings" game.
I have a few questions for you:
- Do you enjoy your Freedom?
If you answered "Yes", and you choose to pursue this relationship...kiss it good-bye. Once you are committed to a Scorpion, they own you. They want you to ask permission to out with friends, family, and the like. Basically, you will become his possession, his arm candy, his beer-go-getter...whatever he wants, you are there to service him.
- Do you like making your own mind up about things?
Forget it, whatever you decide it is wrong or could be improved upon by following his advice.
He know what is best for you and will make sure you don't forget that fact.
3)Do you ever feel like just snuggling?
Scorpios are the most lustful of all signs, so if you have nights that you just want to snuggle...well he'll want more. And if you don't put out, he will get angry then ask why? Scorpios are insecure, aggressive, and demanding.
If you ever break his trust...he will never let you forget it, he will accuse you and go through your things every time you tick him off....it is called passive-aggressive.
Silana, if you feel this guy is worth it, go for it. The choice is ultimately yours. You must do what is right for you. Here is my advise: Figure out what you want out of this relationship, write it down. What does he offer you? Set some boundries for your dream relationship. Stop playing games, start talking. Stop reading his eyes, as a Sag you are so romantic...his eyes are beautiful and wonderous to you, thus they become is way into your heart even when he has done you wrong. We Sags can be all too forgiving and romantic. If this Scorpio can't communicate with you now, you may just have to wait 20 years or more for him to start.
Best of luck to you!
Candle goddess.......Thank you dearly! Your post also made me laugh.......Can you tell me anything else about your experience with the "games" before he committed to you and vice versa?
This particular Scorp seems to really like his freedom as well......but having my Scorpio in Venus allows me to deal with possessiveness as long as i can possess the person too......I REALLY dont want a relationship like that, but Im sure he could never compare to my ex Virgo.....I mean....jealous?....Possessive...controlling, suspicious....are understatements....My ex Virgo would inspect me when i got home...it was ridiculous...but I learned alot.
I also know about the part of having to give in sexually everytime...My scorpio would snuggle but it always...ALWAYS leads to the next step with him.....and my mother is with a Scorpio...they just had a huge fight because 1 night they didnt have intercourse!......That is all fine with me.
I can deal with him I am sure after everything i have been through in past relationships....As long as the other things are there.........
My main concern is "getting" him in the first place!.....I mean things were great, we were taking it slow (my definition of slow at least)....and then...nothing?........I have been learning some information from his good friend who is now dating my good friend....apparently they talk about us.....and it just seems like he is scared to be in a relationship.....and he has this idea that I have had something going on with my ex (who he knows).......
So....i dunno anymore...I just need to stop the games so things can move forward...either with or without him around.
Hey Silana: The best of luck to you! You could not PAY me enough money to ever go back to that place with a scorpio. Just keep in mind you will NEVER have communication, do not EVER blame yourself dealing with these guys! While the sex is AWESOME, there is NO challange. They are always up for it AND they will use, use, use you until they are done with you. They will disappear for 3 weeks, i mean NOT A PEEP... and they will sniff your way when they want some. My advice to you is do not lose your self respect! Once you lose that, its a long road back! Once again, good luck!
I get the feeling that this guy really cares for you, but like my Scorpio, he is a bit insecure. Maybe he has never felt for you the way he has anyone else and so he his trying to hide from his feelings (Scorpios are great at this) by staying away from you. My Scorpio is constantly worried that I am going to leave him...so much in fact, that he has often followed me to the bathroom for my 2am pee! Scorpios like to look on the dark side of every situation, unlike us ever optomistic Sags. So as a defense (they are ever so defensive), maybe he is refusing to let you in completely so you can not hurt him. Or maybe he is just afraid that once you get to know him completely, you will not like him (his insecurity).
As for the games I used to play, well use your imagination here...but once we broke-up for a short spell and well I seduced him back. I would do anything or forgive him anything if it would get me what I want.
How I successfully landed my Scorpio? I broke it off with him for a few months and dated some other guys...just for fun. Of course none of them could compare. I called him one day and let him know I needed to share something with him and asked him if I could be completely honest without him interrupting me. He agreed. I let him know how much he meant to me and why I had left and why I wanted to be with him again. This was the first time I had been upfront with him about my true feelings for him. We agreed to see each other to talk things through. Once I opened up the open-honest communication, we talked for ever and got back together...this time for good...no more games. (Well at least not until we had been married a year...then the cycle started all over.)
If after all you have read, you still feel like you want this guy, go for it! But do it honestly. Be honest with him about how you feel and how his avoidance of you makes you feel. Ask him specific questions, and don't stop until he can be up front with you...he will most likely try to make light of everything..."Oh, I wasn't avoiding you..." Just reply, "Ok, but that is how that made me feel." Ask him if you are wasting your time with him? Or what he would like to see happen between the two of you. If your ex is an issue, reassure him he is not and then let him know what is so special about him and why you want to be with him.
Once you have him...he is yours. Since you have Scorpio in your chart, you will be able to see his side, too. This is definately a plus...my moon is in Scorpio...which is why I have not killed mine yet
Do yourself a favor...give it some time to simmer. Your absence will make him long for you. This will give you some time to do some things to get your mind off the situation. Do some nice things for yourself. "Absence makes the heart grow stronger!" If it is meant to be, it will be. He will give himself to you willingly, no games needed. And with this new found honesty and communication, you can build a strong and solid future with this man. Look inside your heart to see if you have room enough for him and all his quirks, if not, ask your head to let you move on to your next exciting adventure. But if you find that he is already occupying your heart, ask your head to give you the wisdom to what is best for the both of you. Ask for strength and guidance...because often what is meant to be takes patience and faith. And we both know that what a Sag wants they want NOW! If you are willing to wait this one out...it is real!
I will be thinking of you and sending blessings your way.
Candlegoddess......YOU ARE THE BEST!
I really appreciate your help with this. You have been through all the Scorpio storms apparently...and I hope you are right about his feelings for me....I will be finding out very soon. I am going to bring my Sag honesty back so I can have some answers and move forward with my life.
What you said about us Sags and wanting things NOW is soooooo 100% true! I wish I had more patience, especially with things like this. Scorpio seem to think they have all the time in the world sometimes.
Thanks again for helping me and helping me get my mind thinking more positively again!
Very best wishes to you!
Hi, I was wondering if you could help me, please give me insight on what this scorpio of mine is thinking and doing please tell me.
Well here it goes.... i have know this scorpio guy for many years but he was married and has two little boys but knew him through family and hi hello and that and we know all his family, well lest year his wife died which was very upsetting... this year end of August we were at two weddings we were both attending he was being very friendly with me and started to get close but i didnt think anything of it i didnt realise what he was doing to be honest and then he started texing me and after that we got involved how it happened i dont know we also see each other every week at this congregation we go to, well he was on text to me 24/7 on my case asking everything where im going, who with, why and all that and even asking me if i ve ad breakfast lunch and dinner every day and said he wanted to get to know me i said fine as i started to like him..... he then asked me if down the line we wanted to get married would it bother me as he has two kids I said NO and then he said what about my parents (by the way i am an indian and our parents have to agree to marriage aswell) I told him they would never accept. Even after that we still continued as i couldnt back off and he was still on my case and when he wouldnt see me he would be missing me and saying this on his texts he would also say to me " you will end up falling in love with so be carefull lol" also what was strange when he was swimming lessons with his kids for few hours and i wouldn text he would say "did you not miss me"and things like that then he wanted to meet up and we decided a day, day before we were going to meet up he cancelled it saying that " i dont think we should meet as if down that line we want to get married we cant coz of my parents and we would both end up hurt" so he broke it off I said fine, he didnt text me and i didnt text him after a week we saw each other at the congregation that we go to and he then sent me a text afterwards saying " it was nice to see me today and that he didnt realise how much he missed me" we started off again with texting and that and getting close we then finally met up and were trying to find the solution of what to do with my parents and the situation but werent able to solve it after that on the 31st october it was his wife's first death anniversary and i saw him that congration i was feeling abit embarrased because day before i went out with my friends and drink and that i texted him sayin " I love him" but he was responding very well on that day as i wasnt to sure how he would react as he hasnt told me he loves me. The next day he didnt text and i didnt as he was grieving coz of his wife and taht i though not good to text plus i dont think he wanted to either .... eveentually taht nite i texted himto ask if he was ok, he started to ask me if i was drunk when i sent him that text of i love you and i told him i wasnt he said okay, i then changed the subject after that for few days we werent in touch he wasnt in the mood to text then he texted it was baiscally on and off last week aswell, he had told me he was going away on holiday for 4 weeks so he said would be nice ot meet up before going he were suppose to meet me this monday as he was flying on wednesday this week, well just before that on text he started asking me that he wants a mother to his kids who treat them as there own and someone he can relate to as i asked what he wants......... to which i told him i will and he can judge for himself he then said " he knows i will" I then said to him as what situation hes goign thorugh my dad went through the same I also lost my mum and he knows that, i can understand very well what the kids are going through and him. well just for my reassurance and said to him end of the day i need to have a place in his heart he said " YES I DO" which i was very happy about, but i had to ask him he then just said that " I have to get your parents to agree and thats it". In his texts it always seems as he is aksing me qusetions to see how i feel and think about him WHY? cant he see it in my actions?. he als came around my house on saturday for tea with his cousins, generally as my family and his family know each other, but the reason he came over was just to start getting close to them if you know what i mean coz its my parents that will have the issue, which was very nice of him...... next day on sunday he cancelled the meet up for monday sayin hes busy and has alot of things on his mind, i was upset as you can imagine. I didnt text him on monday and tuesday, late on tuesday nite i texted him as he was going away next morning saying wish him safe journey and all that he responded to that, the next morning i didnt text at all and he texted me saying " Hey u okay, we about to take off, will see you when im back, you take care" and then another texted message saying " be good lol, bye " what did he mean by be good lol?????????. he has gone away now for 4 weeks.
Could you please tell me what his going on thorugh his mind, what his feelings are and what he is doing exactly? i cant understand???
I know it is bad phase at mo as its his wifes first death anniversay and probably having flash backs and that but still woudl be good to know what his going throught this Scorpion males mind and heart, as I have fallen in love with him.
Oh also my parents and his family basically no one knows we seeing each other but if we wanted to get married his family would have no issues just my parents that is the problem.
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