From the bottom of my heart!!!

  • someone plz plz hear me out. I have been through alot, as I know others have also. I'm no different from other's. I'm just saying for me personally. My heart is broken on so many levels.right now and I'm beyond lost!!! From the time I can remember as a child till now I honestly don't think I've ever been loved by anyone. Maybe one person. My own mother walked away when I was a baby. left me outside a building in a car seat and never turned back. I was in and out of foster care ALOT! My father would get clean for bits at a time and he granted custody until he messed up again. That's how I lived my life over and over until age 18. But my father did some pretty bad thighs to me,that I would rather not write here. But my whole life as a child and on I always questioned my existence/purpose. I couldn't understand why I was here to never be loved and always hurting. It never made sense. ever! I felt I was this huge inconvenience to everyone I crossed. It was a sad,helpless feeling I don't wish on my worst enemy. I acted alot to make people think I was happy bc I didn't like questions. But with all the things I've been through I know God has a purpose for me. There is so many reasons why I shouldn't be here but here I stand. I have faith and a m so strong. so much happened and my story goes way deeper than this but I don't want to waste anymore of anyone time. The only love I have ever felt from a soul was from my ex who hurt me pretty bad but he was dealing with the death of losing his mom and drugs and alcohol became his life. We were together many years and went through so much. since we split I can't seem to feel right in life he was my life and the one one to ever loved me. he went his way and I went mine and am with someone and have a daughter \family thing going on. He's with a girl who's he's been with pretty much since we split years ago. The problem is we both can't seem to let go and he will do anything for me and he supports me mentally and and financially. We have no type of physical activity together bc I don't believe in cheating. he knows my life and knows I have no body to turn too, and and EVERYTHING I have went through. sometimes I think he only does things and talks to me bc he feels sorry for me. I can't help how I feel. But I thought I was over him, I know I was but lately I have felt feelings I never felt before about him. I thought I loved him before omg it's way worse like I can physically feel these feelings in my chest heart,ect. The crazy part is I feel like he has the same feelings I do when this happens. It's something I can't really put into the right words. Before I met this man I had no reason to be here, I actually prayed for God to not allow me to wake up. everyday I was so tired of.the pain. And always fighting and suffering through life. But when he cam e into my life I had a reason to be happy and want to wake up. He was my everything, it was Littertly like an angel had walked into my life. Out the blue after finally being over him all these emoticons are coming and very deep feelings I've never felt before. Basically if anyone came bless my with a real reading I would from the bottom of my heart be for ever greatful! I have no words to describe how thankful I would be. I have tried one other time and was scammed I jus want some real, honest answers. I not only want I truly need I want to know where I stand with my life and my true purpose bc I know in my heart I there is a good plan for me it's just a matter of when and what, and where. And will any one ever actually truly love me and not leave me? anything you can pick up on me I would greatly be blessed!!! Plz I need peace m or than ever before. I want to feel what happiness feels like. Thank you all and sorry so long. I look forward to hearing from you all and wish everyone on this site the best!!! Help me find my direction.
    Sincerely a lost broken soul!!! My bdate is 07/21/1987, time of birth is 230 am. Columbus Ohio is where I was born.

  • Essentially, what you really want is to experience happiness, harmony, fairness, and support with one partner whom you love. To achieve this, you need to be your own partner first. By getting to know yourself, you begin to do the things that bring you joy and increase your level of self-nurturing so you feel strong, confident, and supported. As you treat yourself more fairly, you will feel the sense of balance and justice you seek. Only at this point can you establish a healthy partnership wherein two individuals share equally with each other without feeling debilitated.

    Your Achilles' Heel is a preoccupation with justice ("My survival depends on everyone playing fair with me") This thought should signal that you are on shaky ground. You are very giving by nature, yet your need for justice and absolute fairness is a bottomless pit. You can start 'playing fair' with yourself by not giving beyond a point that feels comfortable, even if you know that nothing will be reciprocated. The trap that you need to avoid is an unending search for an ideal committed partnership ("If only I can find the perfect partner, I'll feel complete within myself"). The feeling of completeness you seek can only be achieved individually; it will not be the by-product of a relationship, no matter how wonderful the partner. The bottom line is that you'll never gain enough approval from others to have permission to be yourself. At some point, you must take the risk and pursue activities that are meaningful to you. Once you go in your own direction, the appropriate people will be drawn into your life to support you.

    But you may have difficulty sustaining long-term relationships until you are thirty or forty years old - before then, you can fall into power struggles. If your passive-aggressive tendencies don't find a balance, you may experience subtle or not-so-subtle control issues and issues of dependence and independence in all types of relationships. You are attracted to creative, hard-working people who know their own mind and who are not afraid to open their hearts and express their inner feelings. The biggest downside is that you don’t thrive in relationships where there is constant harmony; if things are going too well, you are not above stirring up trouble to keep the adrenaline pumping. On the plus side, you can be exceptionally attentive and enjoyable to be with and, as you begin working your powerful combination of energies in the positive and applying more self-discipline to your emotions and moodiness, you will become able to sustain happy, passionate and mutually supportive relationships. However, although you can be a dedicated parent and a loving partner, your work will almost always be the centre of your life, and it helps if you find a self-sufficient partner who understands your dedication to your career at the outset. You can often feel that life is not moving fast enough, so try to focus more on the spiritual aspects of your life; this will help you move into the deeper, more profound aspects of yourself. You must also struggle against your need to escape into a fantasy world and instead deal with the reality of your life.

    You are here to use your powerful mind, which borders on genius, to create wealth through service and you can step forward in a position of benevolent leadership and authority in your family, community or in the arenas of industry or politics. You would make an excellent inventor, innovator or writer, or excel in any field in which a brilliant and curious mind can have free rein.

    In 2020, all sorts of big changes and opportunities will be coming your way. But you will have to be open to them and flexible and expansive enough to take advantage of them. This is your year to change anything that hasn't been working for you.

  • @TheCaptain wow I can't find the right words just to say how thankful I truly am for your time you decaded to me. You have a wonderful bright soul who deserves an award. Honestly no joke. You have for ever touched my heart. I won't ever forget you thank you beyond word's!!! May you forever be blessed!!! Thank you!!!

  • @Beth1987 you are very welcome. Good luck to you!