Captain, May I?
Hi Captain, I hope you are well and taking care of yourself during this interesting predicament the world has found itself in.
I took some time to read over my old posts over the years on here, and I couldn't help but cringe. It makes me admire the advice you gave to the very young and naive girl I was, and how unbelievably kind and patient you were with me as well.
What stands out the most? Is that you were right about everything. ESPECIALLY the men. I didn't see it at the time because I wasn't ready to hear it. Which is why I'm here again, and I'm hoping you'll be able to tell me some good things today, or level with me in a way I need to hear.
Here's some back story first: This man I'm asking about means a great deal to me, and has been a part of my life for almost 10 years now. I have to admit, I ran from him because I wanted that fantasy of a perfect family with my son's father. I had blinders on. I chased my son's father futilely for YEARS at the behest of everyone in my life (and yes, including you as well). But this other man was both patient AND consistent. Meeting him at this time scared me, I was not receptive to this OBVIOUS connection with someone I clicked perfectly with. I shut it out and ran away from it because I didn't want to acknowledge it. I was too caught up in wanting something that was not good for me but ego prevented me from seeing reason. Like how it was possible to be happy with anyone else other than my son's father. Because it wasn't hard with this other man, and riddled with problems/angst like my son's father - I thought it couldn't be a real connection then because that's what I was used to. Chaos, toxicity, and constantly trying to prove why you were worthy. This other man brought none of that to the table with his kind, steady belief in me, and in us. I made it incredibly difficult for him, I blocked him everywhere, and never picked up his calls/texts for YEARS. I saw other toxic, emotionally unavailable men during that time as well. But, he never gave up. Every few months he would try at the friendship again and I would continue to run. I never stopped thinking about him - you don't forget it when you feel something that real (only deny it), I was just too caught up in my own world. Around 2014 I realized I needed to work on myself, went to therapy, went back to school, and got a great job - just put a nice life together for my son and I. I needed to do that for myself after everything I had been through. I had to be on my own for that, and it took a few years. Building your self worth isn't a quick process, is it? Finally in late 2017 he reached out again, and this time I actually responded. It was like no time had gone by, as cliche as that sounds. He makes me feel beautiful, both inside and out. And we've slowly started to build something over the last 3 years that I feel ready to take further. Now I feel he has reservations, he's never been angry with me for keeping him away all of those years - we've had in depth conversations with him insisting that I didn't owe him anything - including an explanation. But he absolutely deserved one and that conversation brought us even closer. And complications in his own life hold him back too, I believe. Otherwise he and I would not still be where we are - stagnant. I know we love each other, that's not the issue.
I know our birth dates make an odd pairing that doesn't make sense on paper at all. But looking around I see a lot of other pairings with the same astrological background have the same kind of chemistry (so I know it's not unheard of). Please shed some wisdom on where his head is at, how I can maybe understand him better, and how to move forward. And maybe give me some good news? haha.
THANK YOU for reading all of this, ahead of time.
My birth date: April 15, 1986
His: March 13, 1986
If you need to know anything else just ask, I've obviously left a lot out because of the length of the post as is.
This will be difficult for love. This relationship can be a naive, even childlike one in which neither party really cares to understand the other at a deep level. A productive, lasting marriage or love affair between two such individuals as yourselves will be rare (even though you THINK other such chilidlike couples are doing well on the surface), since the two of you can lack emotional, spiritual or physical maturity. You can make objective and accurate psychological assessments, however, permitting you valuable insights. Like the child who saw the emperor naked in the fairy tale, you will maintain an atmosphere of honesty, although not always of comprehension or sympathy. Your ability to attract followers through teaching can arouse this man's jealousy, as he usually wants nothing more than to affect his environment in this kind of way, but has more difficulty doing so. Yet the two of you can form a fast friendship, with admiration for each other’s talents and abilities playing an important role. In emotional areas, however, frustrations may emerge over an inability to share feelings at a deep level. Although both of you have far-reaching ideas, you are more concerned with your fellow human beings and with society as a whole, while he is more caught up in philosophical and universal concerns.
Not the most compatible match, I'm afraid.
Wow, thank you! That's given me a great deal to mull over and think about.
I've ended this "situationship" (I only call it that because it never quite amounted to anything). Because a lot of what you said rang true. I'm really hurting at the moment, but it was the right thing to do - if you feel like something is right you don't normally ask if it is. He is still one of my very good friends, and I wish nothing but the best for him. Wishing someone well after a "break up" is also a first for me. I'm weirded out!
Do you ever see a man coming into my life that wants to get to know me on a deeper level and have that kind of connection with me?
You will find your soulmate once you learn to see and love your partner for who they are, and not for what you want them to be. You may be subconsciously choosing the wrong partner or self-sabotaging relationships because you cannot handle deep commitment. Your inner fears may be sabotaging your desire for a life partner. You need to find an equal relationship and not one where you want to lean on the other person - you can get very needy and possessive. Romance figures heavily into your life. It may however have gotten to the point where you never like to be on your own for very long, always going from one love affair to the next. This can create an insecurity about being single and alone. You may begin to increasingly doubt if you could ever go it by yourself. It’s good to always seek to treat people as you want to be treated, but you can eventually lose access to your true desires and yearnings as an individual in the process.
You will constantly hit a wall whenever you can’t seem to live for yourself. The approval, popularity, love, and harmony that you seek will just leave you feeling empty. You may have this nagging sense that something is missing. As I said, you may have a commitment problem and may even avoid commitment forever. Have you ever actually been in a serious, long-term commitment that you didn't self-sabotage? You may keep chasing after love and it keeps eluding you or else you’re so indecisive and uncertain about “the one” that you don’t get around to committing at all. This uncertainty is all due to the fact that you need to cultivate a self-reliant, self-starting spirit. All the years of hollow relationships or disappointments in dating are forcing you to respond with yearnings of independence.
This lifetime for you is about finding singularity and self-reliance. So you must discover the independence that you have within and your ability to blaze your own trail. In order to do this, you have to grapple with the side of yourself that is highly relationship-oriented and focused on pleasing others. The old part of you that is passing away makes you inherently geared toward bringing happiness and harmony to other people. By nature, you are very thoughtful, kind-hearted, and peaceful. But not rocking the boat can become a comfort zone for you. It’s all too easy for you to remain the nice person, instead of just doing what you really want or letting people know how you really feel. Your past has been about constantly keeping the peace, in some way or another. You have always been just a really sweet, likable individual, one of those types who is very difficult to dislike. You are also a real people person, bringing many close, personal relationships into your life. This is all due to your charm, kindness, and ability to work with others.
Deep down however, your soul just wants to break out and take action on its own accord; to just “do you.” It’s when you listen to this fiery, driven voice within that you will be able to access and develop your full potential. In order to realize this side of yourself, you have to be willing to not try to make everyone happy all the time. In any sort of conflict, you will seek to smooth it out as quickly and easily as possible. But this only leaves you dissatisfied in the end, with an inner rage that just begs to be heard and expressed. You must listen to your anger and get it out. Anger is a sign that something in a situation isn’t right. It’s a sign of discomfort or displeasure, on your part. So, instead of trying to avoid your anger, you have to embrace it. Of course, do it in healthy ways - don’t go around and punch people in the face. But you’ve got to get it off your chest!
It might sound like a contradiction but it’s a spiritual awakening for you to be able to argue, yell, be demanding, or get impatient. There is a warrior within you and that warrior is the key to your greatest potential. When you can put the sweetness or the easy-goingness to the side, sometimes, and just let it rip, then you will gain a more conscious awareness of your path as a fighter. You have to realize that being in disagreement is sometimes a good thing for a relationship. It’s not a sign of a crisis or that you’re an awful person or the other person is wrong. It just means that you’re two people with differing desires, feelings, thoughts, or directions. Therefore, you can actually co-exist better when this is honored, instead of avoided.
You don’t always have to get on the same page as others or force them to get on the same page as you. Sometimes, you can just exist on two different pages, still loving each other in spite of the conflict or tension. This sets you off on your own singular journey. You’ll find it quite remarkable what you can do when you’re not spending so much energy on other people, the amazing potential you have to achieve and conquer. Your higher self is truly fearless, kicking ass and taking names. The beauty of this new attitude is the ability to approach challenges and know that no one has to hold your hand during it. Instead of always needing to work in a team or always looking to another person for guidance or decision making, you have to develop the courage to make your own choices. The more you grow spiritually, the more you will be able to stand up to other people. In doing so, you will transcend into the force to be reckoned with that you were meant to be. You won’t flinch at the idea of being challenged because that’s what you’ll live for.
Basically if you want a good relationship with someone else, you have to establish a good honest and loving relationship with yourself first and really get to the truth of what you want and what you are hiding from.