lshtd last edited by
I hope someone could help me with this situation I'm trying to understand, but I can't.
I was dating this cancer man for nearly 6 months. Was, because things ended all of a sudden a week ago.
We always had fun when we were together and we had a deep connection, we were so in love. The closer we got, the more he pulled away, that was a bit difficult at times for me but I accepted it and him. He's very indirect, but when it comes to showing (actions) I know this man cares about me and loves me. The last 2 months have been difficult. I knew this cancer man was going through a tough time, so I offered my support. We didn't talk for like a month (he didn't reply). He doesn’t talk about what he goes through, he keeps it all to himself which makes it very difficult to know what is going on sometimes. Plus you can say that this man is a “typical” cancer with all those moodswings, which im ok with.
Anyways during that month of no communication (which I think is long) i stayed by his side and offered my support and understanding. Out of nowhere he texted me and asked to meet up. So we did.
We had such a lovely and wonderful evening together, drank some wine and had lovely conversations. He is very VERY indirect when he talks about his feelings and said: “I’m sorry, life just gets in the way sometimes. I appreciate your patience so much. I know it can be difficult sometimes. I will talk and texts more from now on okay?” He looked a bit stressed and upset but seemed genuine about everything. He was very very affectionate towards me. Even in public. He said we should meet up soon again before he goes on this trip with his best friend in two weeks.
After the meeting he only texted me once when he got home. After that a week of silence. I tried reaching out but to no avail.
So I wanted to be honest and I said “I want to be honest, it seems as if you don't really want this anymore. I'm understanding of everything and you know that.. I care about you and I can’t lie about the fact that i have feelings for you (this probably pushed him away even more but i thought ef it). You told me you would speak to me more, and I'm not angry about the fact that you haven’t. It only feels like to me that you just don't feel like doing this anymore. I hope you understand my point of view, because I have no idea what is going on and I would like to understand, but its a bit difficult for me at the moment. I would appreciate it if you would be honest with me and tell me what’s on your mind. I care about you and I will not get angry whatever it may be”.
I got a reply two days later, I know he needs to take his time sometimes. But all of a sudden he said “you're right. We should end this. I can't be serious at the moment and it's not fair to you. Good luck and maybe someday we will run into each other again”.
I appreciated his honesty but I was a bit confused as well because i only asked about where his head is at. I'm not the type of person to beg.. I'd rather accept things as they come.. So I said to him “Okay, thank you for your honesty either way, I understand and I do think you need some time for yourself. Even though this is hard on me, if this is what’s better for you i want to give it to you. It wasn't my intention to put things to an end. Thank you and I’m thankful I've got to know you. Good luck and I will miss you (insert his name). “
He never replied. He hasn't been very sociable lately.
To me it felt like he made a decision in the heat of the moment. Or not. I don’t know. All kinds of scenarios are playing through my mind. Maybe he’s too stressed, or maybe there is someone else. I don’t know. He isn't direct. Either way, if he told me what was going on i would try and understand and be there for him still. But now it’s like things have ended so abruptly and there’s no communication at all. So I decided to let it all go..
To be honest we both felt like we were meant to be for each other, which makes this even more difficult and confusing. I just miss this man so much. I have no idea what to do besides just leaving him alone and moving on with my life, which hurts at the moment.
Does any of you have any experience with Cancers? Or do you have any idea what i could do?
This is fairly typical unevolved Cancer male behaviour. The trouble is every Cancer guy has a 'perfect mummy' image in their head (whether they actually had a good mum or not) and they are forever looking for that image in a potential partner. They run when the person they are seeing doesn't measure up to this ideal mummy image - they are looking for someone to baby them and cater to their every whim. Many look forever for this mythical impossibility, but some do wake up to reality and realize that perfection in any human being is impossible. It's not your fault at all but something about you wasn't the 'cardboard cut-out' this Cancerian is seeking. Unless he realizes how unrealistic he is being, he will end up alone.
lshtd last edited by
@thecaptain thank you Captain. What you're saying makes completely sense. Even though it is hard, I have decided to move on. I could never understand his behaviour and his indirect ways, but regardless I tried my hardest and being understanding. And knowing I tried my best with this men gives me peace at the same time.
Thanks once again.