Fallen out with family, especially brother can you see any end to it all properl

  • Hi there

    I'm back again. I've recently fallen out with my family, over a comment I sent to my brother on facebook. It was an innocent enough question but got taken completely the wrong way. Parents sided with my brother, and still do. I really don't want anything more to do with him and want to cut my ties to him completely. It feels good getting this down. He isn't a particularly nice person and wants things his way or not at all. He's got diabetes type 1 which he developed when his marriage was failing. He's never been in contact particularly, any news always through my parents. He's constantly whingeing yet I'm not allowed to. I feel it's one way, all for him. My Mum in particular sticks up for him no matter what. She says I need to wait a few weeks and then send him an e- mail. Yeah right!! Right now I can't stand him. My husband is amazed at how little they stick up for me. It would break my parents hearts if I lost all contact with him and yet my Dad doesn't want anything more to do with his sister. I'm sick of my brothers lies, it's just gone on for far too many years and quite frankly I've had enough. I have troubles of my own, I want a peaceful life but all my problems are ignored or brushed aside. Even if nobody replies to this it has been cathartic to get it down!! thank you!!

  • Just live the life you want to live. It's that simple, don't take this the wrong way but, I have always's believed that people complicate thier own lives, it's almost like an addiction, there must be something they get out of it because it makes no sense to me why they would allow all the drama in if they truly did not get anything out of it. Like I said don't take this the wrong way but I really believe and I can't say it enough, simply remove yourself from this situation with your parents and your brother. The Bible says, we must honor our parents, all this means is we must make sure they have food, clothing and a roof over thier head. Beyond that parents are just regular people and surely don't have to like or interact with them. As far as your brother goes, you already know what I am going to say.

    Lastley, you mentioned your husband and it sounds like you have a really good relationship with him. Focus on that, that is the gift you have been given, cherish, love, and nurture that relationship and allow the drama to drift away from the you and your husband.

  • Hi there myviewpoint!

    I love your advice, thank you so much for taking the time and trouble to reply. I will do as you say and live my life, the way I want to, much easier when I'm in Holland. People do complicate their own lives. I agree with you, drama seems the fuel to some peoples lives. I can't be doing with it. I've moved about too often, and I just want to settle and have a quiet life.

    My husband is really good, and yes we have a fab relationship. I will focus on that and cherish what I do have. Many thanks again!

  • It seems you have allready gotten the good advice, intrigued. I couldnt have said it in a better way. Leave your family and they will come to you. Dont be angry with them, but dont follow them either. Go your own way. They have their lives, and you have your life. They are them, and you are you. Follow this advice to lead your own life and not let others ruin how you feel about yourself and about your life. Dont let people take away your power over your own life. Let yourself relax and know that you are loved by yourself, your higher self and by God. This is what the Father, Holy Ghost and Christ symbolises. It symbolises the true human being, that we should trust the Allmighty, and trust that we are taken care of. Yes, we must leave those who are making life hard for us. Leave them, and they will come to you and show you the respect you deserve.

  • Thank you Hanged Woman for also taking the time and effort to reply. It's much appreciated as is myviewpoint's. You are right, leave my family and they will come to me. I like that, and not to be angry with them, not to follow them either and go my own way. I will let myself relax and know that I am loved. I have taken on board all of your good advice and I wholeheartedly will use it. We should trust more in the Universe. Everything does have a tendency of working out. I've always believed that. I have to say it is true, I need to leave the people who are making my life hard. We all have our own lives to lead. Space and distance will win out, although I am due to return to the UK for a week at half term which I'm realising is fast approaching. I would have left it, had it not been for the hypnotherapy I'm going back for. I'll be staying with my parents, it will probably be a good thing to be face to face with them, but I imagine they've still got a lot to say. I could easily fall out if there's any more mention of me having to be on friendly terms with my brother. My husband doesn't really want anything more to do with my Mum or brother. I understand where he's coming from, but it makes the situation difficult. I would still like to 'make it up' with my Mum in a way. I don't want anymore to do with my brother though. Life is never easy. I will remain strong and in touch with who I am. I'm not making any sense. If I was reading this message I would recommend to them that they don't go home at half term, but the hypnotherapy is important to me. I don't have anyone else I could stay with. My husband is heading straight up to Scotland to be with his Dad who lives alone now. Our children are terrified of his dog and don't want to go! He lives in a little cottage in the back of beyond and it always rains, so they really aren't keen to visit! The twists and turns of life, never dull and boring! Thank you both so much.

  • intrigued Oh this is familiar to many of us. I started putting distance between my parents and myself when I was 19, married and had a 5 month old. I never did things the way they thought I should and anything I did wasn't good enough. You know it took me until I was almost 40 to have the light bulb moment to realize that I would never be able to please them and get what I needed from them. When I did that it stopped hurting. What I wanted so much from my father I got from others but the one I really wanted to acknowledge that I could do something well or good. Would never come from him. At that moment I grew 10 fold. I have said I would never like my parents or brother and they weren't people I would pick as friends. I love them but I don't have to like them. I still keep a health hundreds of miles between us all. Your doing fine and don't worry about what they think.

  • Hi LibrasLair, thank you very much for your message. Sorry to hear that you've gone through a similar experience. Those light bulb moments are so illuminating! It's good to hear you have good people surrounding you, who have helped you. I think I can take from your message and grow myself. It's so true that we can't pick our parents and siblings, which is a shame! I can love them too, but I don't have to like them and to keep a healthy distance! Thank you again and you sound as though you're doing fine too.

  • One thing I also think I can add: To leave your parents and brother does not necessarily mean that you leave them physically. It is an advice to your emotions and thoughts. That you dont think about them and dont let bad feelings about them lead you to how you feel and what you do in your life. That your inner does not follow them, that you inside of yourself dont let them touch you. Then to meet them could be a blessing for them and for you aswell. Because then you are not attached to those feelings and thoughts that come from them. It is an advice to your inner approach, not necessarily that you must leave them physically in order to be free from their negative impact. Just like the non-action we agreed about. To leave those thoughts and feelings about them. Then when they approach you and you them, the feeling is different.

    Althought this is really difficult to do. Since it is about not doing, to stop to let these conflicts influence you. That is difficult because of how our mind continues to remind us again and again. So we must learn how to surrender our mind, our thoughts. And that is in fact impossible to do WITH the mind, since that is what we must NOT use in doing this. That is why psychosynthesis and religious paths are so understandable to me. Instead of solving the problem in the mind, rather to surrender the mind to the Light, so that the mind does not have such a negative influence on us.

    The mind cannot understand the soul or even God. So we must learn how to surrender our mind to God, so that it does not have such a strong influence on us. Just my experience.

  • Hi TheHangedWoman, I understood exactly where you're coming from, on this. I think with the approach you are suggesting I can come in with a feeling of empowerment. I won't be bound by my emotions, I already feel a sense of freedom from your suggestions. This will obviously change my approach and the feelings will be different. As with The Secret hopefully with a different perspective and a positive one I can improve my relations with my parents. I'm sorry I'm not so good at putting my thoughts and feeling in a message. I hope you understand!!

    I do indeed need to learn to surrender my mind and I have some good meditations on my ipod which I do need to practise. I'm looking forward to a more spiritual element in my life. I love your advice TheHangedWoman and yet again I thank you lots!!

  • You are welcome.

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